# Guys: Ever date a girl who was hard to get? What happened? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957 "2007-06-22T03:45:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/81 "2007-06-27T15:33:20Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Cajoled is probably a better word. Also, I was talking to him everyday. It’s not like he called and I screamed “Drop dead loser!” and slammed down the phone everyday. We would talk for hours and then he would say “When are you going to go out with me?” and I would say “Aw, you know I’m too old for you.” Lather, rinse, repeat. /hijack for real now. [/QUOTE] Just letting you know that while I hate persistent assholes, I think your story’s cute. Surely by the third call she would have gotten a restraining order or made it clear, icily, that she did not want him to phone. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/82 "2007-06-27T16:16:50Z")
[QUOTE=lowbrass] If I understand you correctly, this guy told you he would rather go out with you than the 19 year old he had a date with, at which point you concluded that he was “no longer into you”, and agreed to go out with him. [/QUOTE] No, you got it totally wrong. However, I’m done dissecting my relationship for you people. I’m much more interested in hearing about **Lizard’s** date! ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/83 "2007-06-27T18:07:10Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] No, you got it totally wrong. [/quote] Well I’m only reading exactly what you wrote. > [@](#): > > However, I’m done dissecting my relationship for you people. I’m much more interested in hearing about **Lizard’s** date! O.K., your choice. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/84 "2007-06-27T18:15:48Z")
[QUOTE=lowbrass] Well I’m only reading exactly what you wrote. [/QUOTE] Whatever. **Lizard** , details please. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/85 "2007-06-27T18:41:19Z")
There was this one girl---- funny story. I asked her fifty-nine times to go out with me and she kept saying no, so the sixtieth time I raped her. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/86 "2007-06-27T18:44:13Z")
[QUOTE=LunaV] This sounds to me like you aren’t confident enough to hold a woman’s interest without bringing sex into the equation. There can be plenty of attraction flying back and forth for a while…ever hear of anticipation? [/quote] I am plenty interesting, I’m not worried about that, I will have a pretty good feel for that well before date 3. The opposite could be said as well, why do you think you have to hold out unless you feel he wouldn’t want to be around you unless you dangle sex out as a carrot. > [@](#): > > Wondering..what? Whether they’re good in bed? What about knowng the person, and liking them, rather than “hey…sparks!” Wondering if this person likes you all that much, I played nice guy for a few years, didn’t get me much of anything except taken for a drag. > [@](#): > > And how do you think ‘bad experiences’ come about? Maybe everyone they’ve tried dating got bored with them not putting out on the third date and dropped them? I’m sure that does wonders for their confidence. Getting passed over by someone for not putting out on a third date is hardly a “bad experience” in the grand scheme of dating, how about getting very emotionally attached to someone who has dramatic differences in intimate behaviors or sexual dysfunctions of various types. Or better yet, I once spent 6 months and 20-30 dates pursuing a girl without having sex with her, who only after 6 months of stringing me along she got engaged to another guy who I did not know she had also been dating. > [@](#): > > So the topic of sex came up. Why does that have to lead to the bedroom? This doesn’t make sense. More than the topic came up. > [@](#): > > This attitude may be fine for dating sites and ads, but you’re spreading the idea that guys want nothing to do with a woman who won’t give it up right away. Nope, not saying that, I am saying if she is not interested in me enough to give it up by then, she does not find me as attractive as I want her to. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/87 "2007-06-27T18:53:13Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] There was this one girl---- funny story. I asked her fifty-nine times to go out with me and she kept saying no, so the sixtieth time I raped her. [/QUOTE] Through the phone? That **IS** impressive. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/88 "2007-06-27T18:56:10Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Through the phone? That **IS** impressive. [/QUOTE] Well, the new phones do have all those extra features, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/89 "2007-06-27T18:57:06Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] Well, the new phones do have all those extra features, after all. [/QUOTE] It’s an upgrade to the “flash” button. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/90 "2007-06-27T19:27:18Z")
[QUOTE=Tranquilis] It’s an upgrade to the “flash” button. [/QUOTE] I’m sure her ear was never the same! ---
**Author:** ![storyteller0910](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@storyteller0910](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyteller0910)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/91 "2007-06-27T20:07:03Z")
[QUOTE=drachillix] Nope, not saying that, I am saying if she is not interested in me enough to give it up by then, she does not find me as attractive as I want her to. [/QUOTE] I rather suspect that the folks in the world who do not use the phrase “give it up” to refer to the particular activity to which you are referring are never really going to understand the folks who do use that phrase. It might be best if we all just let this one be. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/92 "2007-06-27T21:54:48Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] **Lizard** , details please. 🙂 [/QUOTE] Patience dearie. Zero-hour is in 90 minutes. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/93 "2007-06-27T22:25:25Z")
Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/94 "2007-06-27T23:21:21Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] There was this one girl---- funny story. I asked her fifty-nine times to go out with me and she kept saying no, so the sixtieth time I raped her. [/QUOTE] Maybe I’m a humorless bastard, but I usually don’t find rape to be very funny. Maybe you can explain the humor to me. Or, barring that, you could maybe apologize. ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/95 "2007-06-28T01:13:44Z")
I think the explanation is that he didn’t _actually_ rape anyone. Personally, I think it’s inappropriate for a moderator to ask a member for an apology simply because he told a joke about a controversial subject. Yeah, it’s a hot-button issue, but Gallagher used to tell a rape joke on stage and actually got laughs. I notice many mods here tend to blur the distinction between moderating and simply participating in the thread. Demanding an apology is a little over the top, IMO. Just my 2 cents… ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/96 "2007-06-28T05:30:58Z")
Well, huh. After going to events where I knew this woman would be, and going to her house a few times to hang out, and basically putting in more effort and having more patience than I have in a long time, I wasn’t prepared for tonight. Basically, it was an anti-climax. I was a bit over-tired from not sleeping very well the last two nights. I told her this, and she indicated she could tell anyway. I just wasn’t very sharp, and I wasn’t in a talkative mood, which is never a good thing to be on a first date. The conversation didn’t totally die; she’s too smart and talkative herself for that, but it certainly lagged. It ended on a high note though. We sat on her couch and I rubbed her feet for a half hour before leaving. She mentioned what time she normally went to bed, but she didn’t kick me out. I left when the time approached. I didn’t try to kiss her, but she came to the door with me, and I probably could have. So . . . I was pretty discouraged when I left. I thought we probably wouldn’t go out again, because the chemistry wasn’t there. But the more I think about it, the more I think I may be overreacting. In the past with this woman I always saw two ways of interpreting her words/actions, and always overrode my urge to adopt the negative interpretation. Doing that is what got me this date with her to begin with, so why quit now? (She did mention in the course of the evening she didn’t like forward men.) Guess we’ll go out again. And this time i will probably kiss her. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/97 "2007-06-28T13:07:47Z")
[QUOTE=drachillix] I once spent 6 months and 20-30 dates pursuing a girl without having sex with her, who only after 6 months of stringing me along she got engaged to another guy who I did not know she had also been dating. [/QUOTE] Do you believe that having sex with her from the beginning and all through those 6 months would have made her choose differently? Would the relationship have been worth it cause you got sex out of it? Do you think you would have won out over the other guy? I guess we see things differently. I agree that sex is an important part of a relationship, and if you don’t mesh well in that area, it can kill it. I just don’t see how having sex so soon makes a difference. I mean, 3 dates? Are you comfortable enough to discuss diseases and previous partners by the third date? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/98 "2007-06-28T13:42:58Z")
[QUOTE=LunaV] I agree that sex is an important part of a relationship, and if you don’t mesh well in that area, it can kill it. I just don’t see how having sex so soon makes a difference. I mean, 3 dates? Are you comfortable enough to discuss diseases and previous partners by the third date? [/QUOTE] The older I get, the more I think having sex right away is overrated. I’m wanting more than to get laid these days, and jumping to the physical part obscures everything else. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/99 "2007-06-28T14:58:29Z")
[QUOTE=Czarcasm] Maybe I’m a humorless bastard, but I usually don’t find rape to be very funny. Maybe you can explain the humor to me. Or, barring that, you could maybe apologize. [/QUOTE] Certainly. To whom would you like me to apologize for your not finding it funny? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/100 "2007-06-28T16:25:16Z")
Of course, now the question is, what do we do for a second date? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957.md?page=6)