# Guys: How Did You Manage to NOT Get the Multiple Obvious Clues that She Liked You? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346 "2010-02-17T16:25:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/101 "2010-02-18T21:34:32Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Actually, it is. Because you now know that she isn’t in to you - no more need to wonder. > > That’s the whole point - rather than hours torturing yourself either way - you ask - you find out - and either way you know. And in the words of NBC, the more you know . . . I’m not sure I consider rejection and the loss of a friend to be a win, but YMMV. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/102 "2010-02-19T14:37:01Z")
So many guys here are spot on in that a lot of us–especially those of us who were ugly ducklings, nerds, not in the in crowd, whatever–had experiences in our high school or college years where sometimes the majority of our interactions with the opposite sex consisted of them flirting and leading us on until they got some amusement or a favor out of us, and then stringing it along until we finally asked them out at which point it was “Ew, no” from them. It wasn’t until the middle of my sophomore year in college I finally threw up my hands and said “enough!” to doing some cute coed’s engineering dynamics homework for her over meals and hanging out, only to see her turn around and (literally two days after I’d asked her out on a date, and she said "I’m not interested in dating right now, I’m too busy) start dating some random frat guy. So for at least some men, those signals you’re sending have to make it past the filters we’ve set up to protect us from predators with boobs. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/103 "2010-02-19T14:54:07Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > predators with boobs. Band Name! Hell, that would make a great movie name! ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/104 "2010-02-19T15:25:31Z")
Probably already is a porno flick. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/105 "2010-02-19T15:30:04Z")
> [@Joey\_Tightlips](#): > > I can tell you exactly why I miss signals. Story time: Me, middle school, around age 12. I was known in school for being a nerd but for the most part the guys left me alone with my fellow nerd buddies. I never had a female friend and at the time couldn’t care less. One day the gym teacher is out so the whole class is goofing off. Naturally, boys on one side, girls on the other. My buddy tells me that the new French-exchange girl is totally starting at me. I glance over, sure enough, it’s undeniable. By nature, I quickly turn away. Over the next few minutes she continues making noises trying to get my attention. I make quick eye contact before turning away. Meanwhile I’m trying to rationalize what’s going on, maybe because she’s new here she doesn’t realize yet that I’m the class nerd and therefore not to be flirted with. The game continues until finally I decide to man up and look without turning away. This time she gives me a slow sultry wink. In the boldest move of my young life I grin, tilt my head and wink back. This is immediately followed by the entire pack of girls cackling like hyenas, pointing and laughing to murmers of “OMG that was SOOO MEAN!!!”. > > To sum up- why are some guys oblivious regardless of blatant signals? Because no matter how much you mature and try to look at things rationally, you NEVER get over shit like that. It’s a defense mechanism pure and simple. I sympathise, but (and this is _me_ saying it) by the time you hit adulthood it’s probably time to get over your puberty woes. Women aren’t twelve-year-old girls, when all’s said and done. Nothing to contribute to the thread, though, what with being quietly confident that I never _have_ missed multiple obvious clues. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![BrandonR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BrandonR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrandonR)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/106 "2010-02-19T15:33:57Z")
Several reasons: women aren’t direct enough, flirting isn’t an exact science, and most guys don’t want to be rejected. The last reason is why I never picked up on flirting from girls even when others said it was obvious. I just assumed they were being friendly and unless I was 100% sure the girl liked me, I’d never make a move. ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/107 "2010-02-19T15:47:13Z")
> [@BrandonR](#): > > Several reasons: women aren’t direct enough, flirting isn’t an exact science, and most guys don’t want to be rejected. The last reason is why I never picked up on flirting from girls even when others said it was obvious. I just assumed they were being friendly and unless I was 100% sure the girl liked me, I’d never make a move. A lot of the time (or at least in my experience) girls feel the same way. If I’m flirting with someone, even if I think they are flirting back, I’m still weary to ask them out for fear that they’re just being friendly and/or interested in the conversation and not necessarily in me. It seems like without someone being straightforward and/or blunt about their feelings, you’d never be 100% sure. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/108 "2010-02-19T16:03:31Z")
Sometimes women (and I suppose men) just give off very strange signals. Just last night a very cute girl was flirting with me hard. Like totally putting it out there. This is the same girl who, when I asked her out a couple of weeks ago, told me “no thanks, I’m a lesbian.” I just don’t trust signals anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/109 "2010-02-19T16:08:20Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > If you want to send us a message, use Western Union. I prefer heliograph. One woman’s flirting is another woman’s friendly and yet another’s “I’d like you to pay attention to me so I can humiliate or compromise you to boost my shaky self-esteem.” Having several close female friends and being the inside man on their discussions of interpretations of dating and flirting behavior, I can positively confirm that not only are women not as obvious as they think they are, the bulk of the time they don’t even know what they intend by various signals they put out. Despite insider access, my concept of what goes on inside the average woman’s head is best described as kind of a highly emotional Magic 8-Ball that rarely gives the same message twice in a row. As a guy, trying to react to this is like juggling blindfolded. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/110 "2010-02-19T16:14:10Z")
Discovered this thread too late, so apologies if ground has been covered already: When wife and I first started dating she once left a (clean) pair of her pants over at my place, hung in my closet. I phoned her when I discovered them. “Uhh, you left your pants over here, you might want to come and get them.” :smack: Ten years later, she still teases me about that one. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/111 "2010-02-19T16:22:32Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > Discovered this thread too late, so apologies if ground has been covered already: > > When wife and I first started dating she once left a (clean) pair of her pants over at my place, hung in my closet. > > I phoned her when I discovered them. “Uhh, you left your pants over here, you might want to come and get them.” :smack: > > Ten years later, she still teases me about that one. D’oh! Just read OP! Funny anecdote shared - check Demonstrated cluelesness for entire board (validating my credentials to post in this thread) - check But I’ll share anyways. In the case of my anecdote, my future wife was really my only long-term romantic relationship. (During my school days my best friend was a girl (later woman) who was my “default date” (and whom I once proposed to, long story), but I don’t know if we really had a “romantic relationship”, we never did anything wife and I did even when wife and I were just dating)) So, I had really no idea what “leaving your pants at his place” meant. Interestingly, my future wife’s dating background was similar to mine. I still have no idea how she knew that leaving your pants at a guy’s place meant that you liked them. (BTW, we weren’t physical in our relationship at that point.) Since I was always shy around girls, I probably missed a lot of obvious cues that they liked me, but since I missed them I can’t really say what they were. ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/112 "2010-02-19T16:40:24Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > Interestingly, my future wife’s dating background was similar to mine. I still have no idea how she knew that leaving your pants at a guy’s place meant that you liked them. (BTW, we weren’t physical in our relationship at that point.) > > Since I was always shy around girls, I probably missed a lot of obvious cues that they liked me, but since I missed them I can’t really say what they were. Honestly, I would have missed that one as being a cue, too, and I’m a girl. 😛 The only thing I can relate it to is having a designated ‘drawer’ at your significant others place. Although I am curious if you weren’t physical yet how a pair of clean pants made their way into your closet… This seems strategic on her part, and I am rarely ever strategic about such things. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/113 "2010-02-19T16:41:01Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > D’oh! Just read OP! > > Funny anecdote shared - check > > Demonstrated cluelesness for entire board (validating my credentials to post in this thread) - check > > But I’ll share anyways. > > In the case of my anecdote, my future wife was really my only long-term romantic relationship. (During my school days my best friend was a girl (later woman) who was my “default date” (and whom I once proposed to, long story), but I don’t know if we really had a “romantic relationship”, we never did anything wife and I did even when wife and I were just dating)) \*\*So, I had really no idea what “leaving your pants at his place” meant. \*\* > Interestingly, my future wife’s dating background was similar to mine. I still have no idea how she knew that leaving your pants at a guy’s place meant that you liked them. (BTW, we weren’t physical in our relationship at that point.) > > Since I was always shy around girls, I probably missed a lot of obvious cues that they liked me, but since I missed them I can’t really say what they were. _bolding mine_ Um - WHA?! I have never heard of this and it would never occur to me that it means “I like you”. I would not consider this an obvious cue. Clue me in - is this common? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/114 "2010-02-19T17:09:40Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > When wife and I first started dating she once left a (clean) pair of her pants over at my place, hung in my closet. > > I phoned her when I discovered them. “Uhh, you left your pants over here, you might want to come and get them.” :smack: > > Ten years later, she still teases me about that one. Huh? This should be Exhibit A in the “Women aren’t obvious!” trial as that makes no sense at all. Who would think that’s some kind of signal and not some really stupid prank that probably seemed hilarious when you’re high? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/115 "2010-02-19T17:21:16Z")
The pants in the closet thing seems totally blatent to me. Unless she was already a friend who was in the habit of changing clothes at his place, it so obviously says “I’m claiming part of your life and I fully plan on coming over again.” On a related note, I recently met a woman who not only left an article of clothing, but the article was a pair of soiled panties that I personally removed from her. Little by little. I THINK she may have been signalling interest. The thing is, we never did see each other again. So what do I do with her panties? Throw them out? Mail them back to her? (I don’t even know her address.) Invite her to come over and pick them up? Wash them and keep them? Not wash them and keep them? Every one of those choices seems really wrong. So far I’ve chosen the last option, not only because it’s the sexiest, but also requires zero action on my part. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/116 "2010-02-19T18:11:45Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > The pants in the closet thing seems totally blatent to me. Unless she was already a friend who was in the habit of changing clothes at his place, it so obviously says “I’m claiming part of your life and I fully plan on coming over again.” Yeah, that’s what I figured it out to be after she explained it. But, as I said, she was just as inexperienced as I, so maybe that explains it. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/117 "2010-02-19T18:26:03Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > The thing is, we never did see each other again. So what do I do with her panties? Throw them out? Mail them back to her? (I don’t even know her address.) Invite her to come over and pick them up? Wash them and keep them? Not wash them and keep them? Have them bronzed. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/118 "2010-02-19T18:33:36Z")
But I already have a huge collection of bronzed panties. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/119 "2010-02-19T19:56:40Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > well… > a) There _are_, surely, people who are never going to connect intimately with members of their desired sex. > b) Just by the law of averages, some of them are _not_ going to be obnoxious, gross, deformed, psychopathic, etc. > c) A smaller number yet might even make excellent soulmates, life companions, or even just sleeping partners. > d) Life is not fair. One can only conclude that it’s just not in the cards for them somehow - for whatever reason. I may not agree with everything you say, but I agree with this. “There’s someone for everyone” is a stupid bit of fantasy tripe thrown out to give false hope. Not everyone who deserves to meet someone who is great for them will or does. Sad, but true. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346/120 "2010-02-19T19:57:48Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I prefer heliograph. > > One woman’s flirting is another woman’s friendly and yet another’s “I’d like you to pay attention to me so I can humiliate or compromise you to boost my shaky self-esteem.” Having several close female friends and being the inside man on their discussions of interpretations of dating and flirting behavior, I can positively confirm that not only are women not as obvious as they think they are, the bulk of the time they don’t even know what they intend by various signals they put out. Despite insider access, my concept of what goes on inside the average woman’s head is best described as kind of a highly emotional Magic 8-Ball that rarely gives the same message twice in a row. As a guy, trying to react to this is like juggling blindfolded. > > Stranger That’s a bit harsh **Stranger** In getting back together with an old friend that I had a HUGE crush on 20 years ago, when we parted she told me she loved me. While in a bear hug that she grabbed me in. Again and again. Bwahh? Ummmm… we are both happy and very married to other people. I love her too I do. But really, she knows how big of a crush I had on her. And now she says ‘I love you’? Well. OK. Love as friends and such. But I never did figure out what was going on in her head back 20 years ago. I never got a strait clear signal on anything. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-did-you-manage-to-not-get-the-multiple-obvious-clues-that-she-liked-you/529346.md?page=7)