# Guys: How do you calm your boners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 29, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027 "2005-09-29T15:06:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/21 "2005-09-30T01:34:43Z")
**[Austin Powers]_Margaret Thatcher on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher on a cold day_[/Austin Powers]** ---
**Author:** ![Flipshod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f19dbf/32.png) [@Flipshod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipshod)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/22 "2005-09-30T02:10:53Z")
If it’s a girl doing this to you… that hot girl you’re imagining–or staring at–just think of her grunting, struggling, to squeeze out the oiliest nasty turd she’s had to expel in the last year… otherwise substitute your particular object of fantasy will work for 98% of the folks and will BACKFIRE for 2% 🙂 (pardon the pun) ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/23 "2005-09-30T02:24:16Z")
I tried threatening it with a gun, but that just riled it up and it made it want to fight. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/24 "2005-09-30T04:34:51Z")
Think of **Phyllis Diller** waiting for you in bed. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Pride\_of\_the\_Peaches](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Pride\_of\_the\_Peaches](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pride_of_the_Peaches)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/25 "2005-09-30T12:21:38Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I tried threatening it with a gun, but that just riled it up and it made it want to fight. This one makes for a very amusing mental image. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/26 "2005-09-30T12:27:57Z")
I just think of Liza Minelli. Diamond cutter? Blue veiner? Doesn’t matter. All I have to do is flash on Liza and it is flaccid city. ---
**Author:** ![Mdr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@Mdr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mdr)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/27 "2005-09-30T14:14:20Z")
> [@Flipshod](#): > > If it’s a girl doing this to you… > that hot girl you’re imagining–or staring at–just think of her grunting, struggling, to squeeze out the oiliest nasty turd she’s had to expel in the last year… > > otherwise substitute your particular object of fantasy > > will work for 98% of the folks and will BACKFIRE for 2% 🙂 (pardon the pun) what if i’m into scat or coprophagia? that would make it worse! ---
**Author:** ![Flipshod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f19dbf/32.png) [@Flipshod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipshod)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/28 "2005-09-30T18:07:55Z")
> [@Mdr](#): > > what if i’m into scat or coprophagia? that would make it worse! Makes you part of that 2% I mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/29 "2005-09-30T21:01:03Z")
Doesn’t one calm it by rubbing it? 😕😕😕 ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/30 "2005-09-30T21:49:09Z")
Oops, I posted in your other thread but I meant to post in this one. I’ll repeat myself. My advice for unboning a boner: clamp down hard on the pubococcygeus muscle for 5-10 seconds, then relax . Repeat as necessary. Eventually you’ll tire Pete out and he’ll go back to sleep. See below for more information on kegel exercises for men. (links possibly NSFW) > **[Dating](https://www.askmen.com/dating)** > > AskMen's Dating channel offers you all the advice you need to become a Better Man in romance and relationships. [http://www.4-men.org/kegelexercises.html](http://www.4-men.org/kegelexercises.html) ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027/31 "2005-09-30T22:23:53Z")
> [@William V.](#): > > Think of really unattractive women you know, or of a sad/scary movie. Or [combine the two](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100157/). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-do-you-calm-your-boners/324027.md?page=1)