# Guys: How Important Is It To You That Your Lady Tells You You're Good-Lookin'?...... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 31, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224 "2003-07-31T21:14:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/1 "2003-07-31T21:14:47Z")
… or even _handsome_? I really wanna know because during the relationship I just vacated, I **never** got that comment, even though I got lotsa comments on my abilities in the bed! While in that relationship, if we were out, I _never_ missed an opportunity to let my partner know I thought she was the prettiest lady in the room, and it was meant sincerely and received as it should have been: with a hug and a kiss. Yet I was _never_ told this, and I wanted so badly to hear it, because people considered my late father a very handsome man, and I am always told I look just like him! So that relationship lasted 5 years with me thinking “Damn! Is my ability to satisfy her in bed the _only_ thing that matters to her?” But being the chivalrous and courtly male that I am, I decided discretion was the better part of valor… etc. But then I went _the other way_ and decided that if _she_ didn’t compliment me on my looks, then I **must** be one ugly sumbitch, and I started playing on that with my female co-workers! If one complimented me on my haircut or a particular shirt I had on, I was likely to say something like, " Well, I can’t do much about the _ugly_, but I **can** dress nice and be clean." This was greeted with laughter and puzzled looks until the other night when one of my nurse colleagues got me in a corner and told me that if she weren’t already married, she would like to have a relationship with me, and that she was sick and tired of the self-effacing comments I was making. Well **damn!** I mean, I’ve never been one to let things go to my head, but that was unsolicited and it’s the whole point of this thread: Do you guys get told enough that you’re handsome or do you get told at **all**? Or is it just the male’s job to tell the female that she’s a beautiful lady and let the chips fall where they may? When I told my former lover that she was pretty, it was the truth: I didn’t see anyone but **her** in the room, and to me, she was the most beautiful lady there! Would it have killed her to tell me I was nice-lookin’ even if it was a lie? So… was in der Frigg? 😃 Sorry for the length! And no, I don’t spend a lot of time looking at my reflection in the mirror!!! 😉 Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/2 "2003-07-31T21:46:09Z")
Well, with a name like Quasimodem it’s hard to say 🙂 Nice to meet you BTW. I think it’s highly important to be complimented on your appearance if there is something your mate finds attractive about it/ you. I get several compliments from my wife on a daily basis, and it greatly strengthens my confidence and self esteem, as well as providing for the common male egoism that I live by, wherein I am ridiculously handsome. So, I think it’s a good thing. At least I can be Sean Connery at home. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/3 "2003-07-31T21:46:15Z")
Some people don’t know how to give a compliment. Others don’t know that they should. Sounds like your former lady is the latter. Good luck finding someone next time who will! ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/4 "2003-07-31T21:51:49Z")
**Copa** , it’s nice to meet you as well, and my real name is _Nigel Carruthers_ and I have lots of hair on my arms and a cleft chin! 😉 Yeah, right! :D:D:D Q ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/5 "2003-07-31T21:58:41Z")
Well… I certainly appreciate being told that yes, I am aesthetically pleasing. Not being a museum sculpture, I appreciate it even more if it’s backed up with some sort of indication that there is more than just aesthetic considerations involved. But I suppose that you have been a victim of sociocultural conditioning. We’re supposed to be praised for our muscular power, business acumen, intellectual depth, emotional sensitivity, strength of character, and sexual prowess. But “pretty boy” is considered to be a put-down. _just the male’s job to tell the female that she’s a beautiful lady and let the chips fall where they may_ sounds pretty much like what most people would have been raised to expect – that AND that praising your studsmanship was **the** highest possible praise she could provide as a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/6 "2003-07-31T22:13:11Z")
**JRD** : I wasn’t going for “pretty boy”, nah! Just the occasional “Hey, Good-Lookin’” would have sufficed. Damn. I don’t mean to come across as some kinda Narcissist (is that enough s’s and i’s?), but I didn’t wanna be known as just a dick, neither! 😃 Q ---
**Author:** ![October](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@October](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/October)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/7 "2003-07-31T22:38:51Z")
**Quasi** You don’t come off as a narcissist. Let’s face it: physical attraction is a must in a relationship. Everybody likes to be told they’re attractive by their significant other. I give lots of compliments, but they are often on things other than appearance. “Damn, you’re sexy when you cook,” (or is that appearance?) or “I love your sense of humor,” etc. Usually, even if I find a guy really attractive, I’m shy about complimenting his looks. I’m not sure why. I guess I figure that it’s obvious that I like the way he looks. That said, I always do tell my gentlemen friends that they look nice when they’re dressed up, because I appreciate being told the same. It’s just polite. Now, at the moment, I happen to be seeing a very, _very_ attractive man, and it’s a little hard NOT to tell him how sexy he is. This is a little off topic, but there’s also a difference between “sexy” and “pretty.” Women (and men) can be both, but they can also be one without the other. NOTE TO GUYS: If you’re always telling your woman she’s sexy, but never that she’s beautiful, she may get the idea that she’s the dreaded “butterface,” or that you like her body, but wouldn’t look twice at her if she wasn’t sleeping with you. It’s important to feel desirable and sexy, but we occasionally want to hear that we’re pretty, too. In conclusion, **Quasi** , it’s pretty weird that your girlfriend never told you that you were attractive. You’re perfectly justified in being baffled by this. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/8 "2003-07-31T22:39:55Z")
This is interesting. (I’m female, by the way) I say that because I’ve just come to notice that my partner NEVER says anything about my appearance, and it’s started to bother me. But then I realized that I generally don’t say anything about HIS appearance either. So maybe he doesn’t care, but then again maybe he’s just stewing like you were. And I guaran-damn-tee you, that if he was stewing over it, I probably would never know it. Gives me some food for thought that maybe I ought to say something nice about his appearance, and see if I can tell what kind of reaction there is. ---
**Author:** ![JayElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@JayElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JayElle)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/9 "2003-07-31T22:42:45Z")
Well, I tell my guy regularly that he’s “hot”, “handsome”, “fine”, “delicious”, “sexy”, “swoon-inducing”, and on and on. Nice to know that I’m doing something right in this relationship! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/10 "2003-07-31T23:32:55Z")
Well, I have to qualify some stuff by saying that in the new relationship I’m in, my partner absolutely **loves** the attention she gets from me and returns it in kind. She’s three years older than me but looks 10 years younger, and she **never** misses a chance to let me know how good I look. This is what has me so baffled about the previous relationship! I mean, to **me** , I’m not that much to look at, really! I look like God’s first effort at John Wayne! A kind of “Bizarro” version, if you will, but damn! Even given my nickname that I use here on SDMB, I ain’t that bad to look at. And **JayElle** , you keep telling your guy that stuff. He needs to hear that he appeals to you. And **October** , I totally agree: beauty needs to be acknowledged. God, I **know** other guys may not have found my prior love pretty, but dammit, **I** did. **Scout** , I also acknowledge that some folks aren’t as vocal as others with their opinions, and that’s fine, but it’s just important to tell your partner even _sometimes_ that they appeal to you. Else what’s the point? I’m reminded of **Eric Clapton’s** song. _Wonderful Tonight_ From what I know of him, he isn’t a very vocal guy, but damn, what a great way to immortalize the way you feel about your woman! In conclusion, if you ladies like the way we look, it’s my opinion that you should voice it. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/11 "2003-08-01T00:08:09Z")
Oh **Quasi** , I think you are the most handsome man I’ve never met! hehe Ok, so I’ve never actually seen you, but you’re definitely one of the sweetest and I have no qualms about telling you that! I agree that it’s important that you let your partner know that you find them appealing. Handsome, pretty, cute, sexy, adorable, hot…whatever fits. But I don’t believe in overcomplimenting or in doing so insincerely. That, to me, is almost worse than not complimenting. And I’ve told you before, I’m very glad you’re being appreciated now. You deserve it! ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/12 "2003-08-01T00:27:00Z")
Oh **Quasi** , I think you are the most handsome man I’ve never met! hehe Ok, so I’ve never actually seen you, but you’re definitely one of the sweetest and I have no qualms about telling you that! I agree that it’s important that you let your partner know that you find them appealing. Handsome, pretty, cute, sexy, adorable, hot…whatever fits. But I don’t believe in overcomplimenting or in doing so insincerely. That, to me, is almost worse than not complimenting. And I’ve told you before, I’m very glad you’re being appreciated now. You deserve it! ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/13 "2003-08-01T00:31:50Z")
Twice, even!😃 ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/14 "2003-08-01T01:35:35Z")
And **Salem** , you continue to be the mystery woman in **my** life too! Thanks for what you said, and I agree, I wouldn’t wanna be _inundated_ with compliments, but it sure is nice to hear it now and again! I can’t begin to tell y’all what it does to a guy’s ego who’s had a problem with low self-esteem to hear a woman tell him he’s nice-lookin’. It makes all the difference in the world. Also, those of us who **know** , know not to let it run away with us. Right now, I can’t type no more, 'cause I also have a problem with _self_- **steam**! I believe I may have just made a joke!😃 Q ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/15 "2003-08-01T01:44:19Z")
A long long time ago a female friend categorized me as one of the “pretty” boys, by which she did not mean that she herself found me cute and attractive, but rather that she recognized in me the sexual personality characteristics that are more commonly associated with heterosexual girlfolks, i.e., that I needed to be an object of the desire and appetite of another. She was one of the very first to describe me to myself in terms that made sense. She did seem to think that maybe I was gay or could be if I explored it, but she didn’t see that as the defining characteristic. It was more like “something I could do with it”, or “an option, maybe”. Yeah. I don’t want to be with a female who would want to have sex with me only because she thinks I’m a wonderful and lovable person. I want to be with a female who wants to have sex with me because she wants to consume me and push my buttons and own my skins, and feels all that with the most randy and sultry and smoky of carnal lusts. She can stay with me becasue she thinks I’m also a wonderful and lovable person 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Turbo\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@Turbo\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turbo_Dog)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/16 "2003-08-01T01:58:58Z")
I’ve been told by some women that I am cute, ruggedly handsome, hot, sexy, and that I “look like a man”. I’m instantly on guard with those comments because I know that while tastes differ, I am not any of the above. The best compliment I ever got was from my wife when we were dating after a woman out of the blue commented that she couldn’t understand why a woman so beautiful and exotic looking was with… him. When I asked her later about it she said “You may not be ‘follow around the mall material’ but you certainly are easy to rest the eyes upon, (and some other stuff)”. I loved it because it was honest. I know what a good looking man is, and I’m not him. I don’t want to hear her tell me that I am the most handsome guy who ever walked because we both know it’s a lie. But if we get dressed to go out, and she tells me that I look great or even that my butt looks good in my new pants, it makes me feel really good. I don’t need to hear it and never expect it. But I like it when it happens, because with her, I know that she’s telling me the truth. After an eternity of marriage, she isn’t shy about telling me when I look like shit, which I also appreciate. She’s the beauty, I’m just the guy with no fashion sense who is a reflection on her. I know she loves me and that is all that matters. But yeah, if she tells me that I look really good on a particular evening, it’s a nice rush. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/17 "2003-08-01T05:23:30Z")
_Disclaimer: I haven’t been in a lot or relationships, and I certainly haven’t had many people of any sort say I’m good looking. So I may be way out in left field on this one…_ On one hand, ‘attractive’ may not necessarily be ‘good looking’. On the other hand, if you like someone, they become beautiful to you. On the third hand, there’s a way in which ugly can be good looking on guys. It seems to me that, for many guys, the most important compliment would be action, not words. The act of choosing to be with the guy is in itself a compliment. Especially if the guy finds the woman very attractive. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/18 "2003-08-01T05:43:35Z")
I don’t enjoy over-the-top stuff, but then I also don’t completely enjoy being complimented in general. I just like knowing she doesn’t feel the need to hurl anytime she sees my skin (and, sometimes, slightly more positive things depending on a number of circumstances:)). I don’t think I’m anyone’s idea (well, apart from maybe **jayjay** and a few other guys:)) of a model, but I don’t think I’m utterly hideous…not all the time, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Verick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ea666f/32.png) [@Verick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verick)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/19 "2003-08-01T05:53:22Z")
As long as she’s pretty, and willing to sleep with me, I don’t care if she thinks I’m ugly or not. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224/20 "2003-08-01T06:25:31Z")
This thread is better suited for **IMHO**. I’ll move it for you. * * * **Cajun Man** ~ SDMB Moderator [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-important-is-it-to-you-that-your-lady-tells-you-youre-good-lookin/192224.md?page=2)