# Guys: how old a woman is too old ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385 "2011-08-11T22:31:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/61 "2011-08-15T17:13:12Z")
When I was 31, I had a brief but intense fling with a 44 year old woman. The 13 year difference meant nothing to me; she was a good looking lady and at times, she made me glad for the youth and stamina. ---
**Author:** ![Anamorphic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anamorphic/32/3057_2.png) [@Anamorphic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anamorphic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/62 "2011-08-15T17:18:28Z")
I’m 40, and almost never attracted to women older than me. I’ve dated women much younger than me, and I’ve dated women my age, but generally find I tend to be most interested in women 5-10 years younger than me, for whatever reason. Which made things awkward when I was 13. That was a joke. I hear people talk about how hot Helen Mirren still is, and I look at those photos, and I just don’t get it. I mean, don’t get me wrong; she’s aged VERY well, and is certainly a handsome older woman. But sex object? Not for this guy. ---
**Author:** ![gallan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ee59a6/32.png) [@gallan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallan)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/63 "2011-08-15T17:58:16Z")
For me personally, age means very little. The things that I find physically and mentally attractive can be found in women of all ages. However, when filling out an online dating profile where you have to specify an age range, my general rule is half your age plus seven. So as a 30-year-old, I usually look for no younger than 22 and no older than 46. Just a guideline, of course. If I met a 54-year-old I really liked, there would be no hesitation. But you know, it’s funny. As a 30-year-old male who is almost always attracted to older women, it seems exceedingly rare to find an older woman you would even consider dating a younger man. I’m talking about actual dating and not just a fling. The two times I’ve been in an actual relationship with an older woman (one was 38 and one was 41), both continually remarked that it was “weird” dating someone younger than them, and were hesitant to introduce me to friends and family as a boyfriend. So I guess I’d ask if you’re considering men who are younger than you are, or if you’re just looking for men your age. I also wonder how you \*know \*that the men you’ve met/dated were looking for someone 10+ years younger than them. Did they actually tell you that you were too old? Did they call you up a few months later to brag about the hot 21-year-old they just hooked up with? ---
**Author:** ![Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Romeo_and_Whatsherface)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/64 "2011-08-15T18:22:20Z")
> [@gallan](#): > > I also wonder how you \*know \*that the men you’ve met/dated were looking for someone 10+ years younger than them. Did they actually tell you that you were too old? Did they call you up a few months later to brag about the hot 21-year-old they just hooked up with? Some of it is in conversation with men I’ve dated, some of it is OLD experiences (my own and those of friends my age) where men post preferred ages, some of it from a number of women in their 30’s and 40’s who live around the country and e-mail me about men my age they’re dating. It’s interesting how some men have NO problem dating much younger, but most women do. I read in a novel once the line, “The difference between a middle-aged man dating a twenty-something and a middle-aged woman doing the same is that the woman _knows_ she looks ridiculous.” But I think it’s probably more complex than that. ---
**Author:** ![Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Romeo_and_Whatsherface)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/65 "2011-08-15T18:37:58Z")
Thanks, Peter1, for your forthright reply. I asked the question here in IMHO for the same reason other people post here: I thought I could learn something from responses from a diverse group of people. Of _course_ the responses are going to vary a lot; of _course_ not any one man or woman can speak for all others, of course attraction is a complex process involving many factors. There’s another thread here asking what unsexy things people find sexy. That’s pretty complex, too, but the bottom line is, someone just wanted to know. That’s what IMHO is for, right? I wasn’t looking for THE single answer (That would be a GQ question.). I’ve learned a lot from the responses to this post, and I appreciate all of them. The “that should do it” remark meant, in effect, here are some basics; you probably don’t need more to get what I’m asking. I actually deleted other stuff for the sake of brevity and clarity. Of COURSE there’s a lot more to me than those few brief sentences, and of COURSE other qualities besides those very brief, superficial ones would go into the mix. But I wasn’t asking, “Gee, what’s wrong with pathetic little me?” or asking people who have never seen me or met me to tell me if I’m worth dating. I was asking (I’d say polling, but I didn’t actually set up a poll.), “Hey, is there an age limit for you?” and adding a very little background. Perhaps it would have been clearer if I’d omitted ALL information about myself. At any rate, most respondents said what they consider too old or too young, and many explained their preferences. That’s all I was looking for. My username came from a student who for some reason could never remember the full name of the play. Sorry if you don’t care for it. It doesn’t have any deeper meaning for me. It’s interesting that you read it that way though. > [@peter1](#): > > Look Romeo, nothing stays the same,especially people. > Please don’t be hurt by my blunt response but your question,“at what approximate age, if any, do women stop being secret-ogle worthy?” is ridiculous. You can ask about the temperature at which water boils but human attraction? I can’t think of anything more varied, more complex, more vague, more illusive than that. You might as well have asked for an in-depth explanationof how the human brain works in a few simple words. You say you are trying to put things into perspective but your perspective is so narrow that it’s no wonder you’re confused. You’ve described your situation as being 54 and divorced, staying active, working out, and being in good shape. You don’t know if you’re attractive or not, but you take care of your appearance. That should do it, you think. THAT SHOULD DO IT? Well yeah, if all you’re interested in is keeping your body parts looking cute so people want to have sex with you, then that should do it. Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll always find men who’ll want to do you.( In fact, that’s true even if you stop doing what you’re doing, that’s just the nature of men.) But when you ask if men in general are actually attracted to women your age, that’s a more complicated question. Look, men can’t speak for other men but at the risk of contradicting myself I will tell you that plenty of men are attracted to women your age and older. The real question is what are they attracted to and for what? I’m not saying that some younger women are not physically attractive (notice that I said some because some are not. Conversely some older womwn are very attractive and some are not) of course they’re nice to look at. But that’s eye candy and after awhile everything wears thin. Look Romeo (God I hate calling you that) I’m older than you and I absolutely do not try to get into the pants of younger women. I much prefer to persue older women with their experience, maturity, intelligence, and more seasoned way of dealing with men. I always say that you are only limited by your imagination and I find the boundries with older women are limitless. What a turn-on. At the end of your comment you say you know that there’e a lot more that goes into the mix but do you? You almost seem to dismiss it in order to come back to your point about older versus younger. But you said one sentence that reveals your naivete: “given a chioce and ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL…” That’s the point–all things are not equal. That older women is far superior to that younger woman. If she’s intelligent, has a personality, a good sense of humor, is imaginative and not affraid to be a little daring, then she’ll seduce me and other men every time. If she’s also pleasant to look at, that’s a plus. But it’s amazing how attractive she becomes and continues to be if all that head stuff is there. Everything just falls into place. Do you get it? > You may think I’m off base with this one but I think even your chioce of a moniker: Romeo and Whatsherface is an indication of how you think of yourself–not even there! And if you don’t have a stronge sense of “self”, then all of your “Romeos” will only be looking at body parts. Think about it. I’ll bet you’ve got a lot more going than that. Or maybe we should talk about fear.. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/66 "2011-08-15T19:26:21Z")
> [@nashiitashii](#): > > [This would also be a sample of “mom hair”](http://www.stylelist.com/2010/05/17/mom-hair/)– it’s short, it’s “low maintenance”, and it’s generally unflattering on many women. Shorter cuts than that also tend to count as “mom hair” until they are closer to pixie length than a messy “I did it myself” shag. The modern version of “mom hair” is [the stacked bob.](http://www.eanext.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-o-matic/cache/dfae6_Inverted+Bob.jpg) Go to your local mall and check out how many middle-aged ladies have this hairdo. > [@gallan](#): > > \ > But you know, it’s funny. As a 30-year-old male who is almost always attracted to older women, it seems exceedingly rare to find an older woman {who} would even consider dating a younger man. I’m talking about actual dating and not just a fling. The two times I’ve been in an actual relationship with an older woman (one was 38 and one was 41), both continually remarked that it was “weird” dating someone younger than them, and were hesitant to introduce me to friends and family as a boyfriend. So I guess I’d ask if you’re considering men who are younger than you are, or if you’re just looking for men your age.\ \*Correction in brackets mine. I can’t speak for all middle-aged ladies, of course, but for me, I just wouldn’t believe that a 30 year old would be interested in me - I’d be very afraid of looking like a fool for chasing a hot young guy. Of course, I have never noticed anyone having a crush on me, either, so I may not be totally realistic when it comes to attractions. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![finejoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ba8739/32.png) [@finejoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/finejoy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/67 "2013-01-29T18:19:34Z")
Hi. I met a 34 year old guy and we hit it off. We have been dating for about 6 weeks and he considers me his girlfriend. So far he has introduced me that way to his mom and best friends. I keep myself in excellent shape and look about 12 years or so younger than I am. Most people think i am in my 30’s and tell me I am full of it when I tell my real age. He is ok with the age difference, as his is mom and friends. We talk daily when not together. I also still get my periods, so I guess that means I can still get pregnant. Nothing sags on my 36C,23,35 hard body. I work out every day for myself. We make each other very happy. Sex is great too. In fact I think I wear him out lol. It all depends on the two involved. ---
**Author:** ![finejoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ba8739/32.png) [@finejoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/finejoy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/68 "2013-01-29T18:59:33Z")
> [@gallan](#): > > For me personally, age means very little. The things that I find physically and mentally attractive can be found in women of all ages. However, when filling out an online dating profile where you have to specify an age range, my general rule is half your age plus seven. So as a 30-year-old, I usually look for no younger than 22 and no older than 46. Just a guideline, of course. If I met a 54-year-old I really liked, there would be no hesitation. > > But you know, it’s funny. As a 30-year-old male who is almost always attracted to older women, it seems exceedingly rare to find an older woman you would even consider dating a younger man. I’m talking about actual dating and not just a fling. The two times I’ve been in an actual relationship with an older woman (one was 38 and one was 41), both continually remarked that it was “weird” dating someone younger than them, and were hesitant to introduce me to friends and family as a boyfriend. So I guess I’d ask if you’re considering men who are younger than you are, or if you’re just looking for men your age. > > I also wonder how you \*know \*that the men you’ve met/dated were looking for someone 10+ years younger than them. Did they actually tell you that you were too old? Did they call you up a few months later to brag about the hot 21-year-old they just hooked up with? I am a hot 52 year old woman dating a 34 year old man for about 6 weeks now. We are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. His mom and whole family and friends know about me. I have already met his mom and two of his best friends and their girlfriends. He is already making plans for future things we will be doing together. We will be going camping with his mom, my son, his half-brother and his half-brother’s gf after his next off shore job. He is making plans for valenties days as well. I am proof it can happen. He treats me better than any other man any age has ever treated me. We are very affectionate around each other and kiss/cuddle a lot. Sex is amazing too and I tend to wear him out. lol We miss each other when not together and talk every day. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/69 "2013-01-29T20:45:15Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > The modern version of “mom hair” is [the stacked bob.](http://www.eanext.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-o-matic/cache/dfae6_Inverted+Bob.jpg) Go to your local mall and check out how many middle-aged ladies have this hairdo. > > \*Correction in brackets mine. > > I can’t speak for all middle-aged ladies, of course, but for me, I just wouldn’t believe that a 30 year old would be interested in me - I’d be very afraid of looking like a fool for chasing a hot young guy. Of course, I have never noticed anyone having a crush on me, either, so I may not be totally realistic when it comes to attractions. 🙂 I’ve grown to seriously hate the stacked bob. It’s not flattering on anyone and makes you look like you have puppy dog ears. ---
**Author:** ![finejoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ba8739/32.png) [@finejoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/finejoy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/70 "2013-01-29T21:31:58Z")
Hi. I am 52 with long hair, not stacked bob. Not all women my age have their hair short. But I am not most women lol. I am young for my age. I am very active, work out and look younger than I am. Wear out my 34 year old boyfriend lol. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/71 "2013-01-29T21:37:28Z")
For me up to almost forty five, but I am very strange for my age (26) and also a very tactile person (and older women are far better there on average, probably cause of more experience/less inhibition). For almost all men below say thirty five (above that I do not know so much but the men I have talked to above thirty five do at least tend towards this viewpoint if they arenot in stable relationships) then the younger the better (so long as actually a woman and not a girl) \*physically \*speaking - and really again very few would want more than three or four years older. One interesting thing I have found is that pornographically speaking and also just general pictures etc the young-ness thing matters far, far more. I can find forty year olds hot as fuck in real life, but in porn I think even my own age is pushing it, and in general images say 33 is enough. The moral of that is that the best way for an older woman to attract younger men is to meet them in real life, I think. Otherwise you will lose in, er, JPEG v JPEG. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/72 "2013-01-29T21:59:03Z")
Simple Linctus, I thought you were at least ten years older, and that’s a compliment on how you post. I know this is a zombie thread, but as a 48 year-old woman I have an interest in the subject. 😉 I have a BF (9.5 years together), but it never hurts to keep up with current dating thinking. It also keeps him on his toes to know that I do so. 🙂 My issue is my hair. I’ve always heard that women my age “should” have short hair, that long hair looks stupid. My BF violently disagrees. I have straight ash blonde hair down to about mid-back, but I’m always wondering if I look like an idiot. It’s in good shape and is pretty much my natural color except I color it to blend the gray better. Opinions? From guys and girls? Maybe this should be its own thread? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/73 "2013-01-29T22:25:06Z")
> [@Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](#): > > I’m 54… > Are men in general actually attracted to women my age? Generally? No. Of course not. “In general”, men of all ages are attracted to 20-something year old Meghan Fox (at least until she speaks). But if you want to get into “specifics”, specific men are attracted to specific women at any age. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/74 "2013-01-29T22:31:35Z")
So long as they’re not zombies, I’m fine with it. Really, anybody who picks a specific age past which they can’t get attracted is going to have to revise their opinion once they hit that age themselves, and really, I can’t be bothered. If they’re interested, I’m interested. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/75 "2013-01-29T22:41:01Z")
Right now, 48 is the perfect age, because that’s how old my wife is. 🙂 If I were single, my answer would be that if I’d be worried about her breaking a bone during hot monkey sex, she’s too old. If not, then she’s not. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/76 "2013-01-29T23:30:05Z")
Every woman is now a year and a half older than when this thread began. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/77 "2013-01-29T23:37:39Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > My issue is my hair. I’ve always heard that women my age “should” have short hair, that long hair looks stupid. My BF violently disagrees. I have straight ash blonde hair down to about mid-back, but I’m always wondering if I look like an idiot. It’s in good shape and is pretty much my natural color except I color it to blend the gray better. > > Opinions? From guys and girls? Maybe this should be its own thread? Eh, if it still flatters your face it’s fine. Caucasian women’s hair (can’t speak for other races) tends to get an odd texture and thin out post-menopause, and that’s much easier to manage when it’s shorter. But that’s more like a guideline than an actual rule. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/78 "2013-01-29T23:58:29Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > Simple Linctus, I thought you were at least ten years older, and that’s a compliment on how you post. Thanks ever so much Helena, I am actually astonished because I have the eloquence of a banana so you really made my day 🙂 > [@Helena330](#): > > My issue is my hair. I’ve always heard that women my age “should” have short hair, that long hair looks stupid. My BF violently disagrees. I have straight ash blonde hair down to about mid-back, but I’m always wondering if I look like an idiot. It’s in good shape and is pretty much my natural color except I color it to blend the gray better. > > Opinions? From guys and girls? Maybe this should be its own thread? Who on earth is telling you should have short hair? Long hair is \*always \*better (assuming you’re not tripping over it). Heck, I just googled “short hair makes me cry” and perhaps because google with its evil advertising web tracking munching supercomputers knows what forums I like it’s found me [this straight dope message board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=373410) thread - entitled “Men, do you cry inside when your woman cuts off her long hair?” I think that’s a fair way of putting it. If you are happy with your long hair you should never ever ever ever ever ever cut it. It’s basically a convenience thing when you are giving up on prioritising being attractive and if you \*like \*it you would be insane to get rid of it. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/79 "2013-01-30T00:08:10Z")
> [@finejoy](#): > > Hi. I am 52 with long hair, not stacked bob. Not all women my age have their hair short. But I am not most women lol. I am young for my age. I am very active, work out and look younger than I am. Wear out my 34 year old boyfriend lol. If I may: as someone in his 40s, a time when pretty much everyone thinks they “look 30s,” I’d suggest that you can pass for that outside your age group, but not in. You may look good for your age, but guys that age aren’t fooled. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385/80 "2013-01-30T00:14:32Z")
ZOMBIE! Braaaainnnnnsss… > [@finejoy](#): > > Hi. I am 52 with long hair, not stacked bob. Not all women my age have their hair short. But I am not most women lol. I am young for my age. I am very active, work out and look younger than I am. Wear out my 34 year old boyfriend lol. Why so desperate to convince total strangers on the internet? So much that you had to resurrect a 2-year-old thread, and then post thrice about how young-at-heart you are despite no one disputing it (or even responding)? _Including measurements!_ Okay, here: YAY YOU ARE YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE! I VALIDATE YOU. Feel better now? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-how-old-a-woman-is-too-old/592385.md?page=5)