# Guys--never say this **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 24, 2006, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665 "2006-03-24T02:07:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Seren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@Seren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seren)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/21 "2006-03-24T21:21:47Z")
> [@The Chao Goes Mu](#): > > I personally am honest with my partner, so yeah if the pants make her ass look big, I tell her. She’s upset for a minute while she frantically searches for more “slimming” pants but when it looks good at least she knows I’m being honest when I tell her so. > > I’d rather be an asshole than a liar. But then again, this is a lesbian relationship so maybe it’s different for you guys having to deal with female assfat sensitivity. My SO does the same thing for me. I know I’ll get an honest answer when I ask him which is actually what I want. It’s nice knowing that when he says an outfit looks fine on me, it really does. It’s not so nice knowing that he thinks some of my clothes look funny on me, but I’d rather be told that before I leave the apartment. He knows I have no fashion sense. He has no fashion sense either 😛 so it really has an effect when he says my outfit looks bad. Personally, I love that frumpy dress comment. What a great way to say your clothes look funny, but you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/22 "2006-03-24T21:22:37Z")
> [@The Chao Goes Mu](#): > > I’d rather be an asshole than a liar. False dichotomy. It is perfectly possible to say “I like the green pants better.” or “You looked great in \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_.” which would be both truthful _and_ non-assholish. Even “Those pants are hideous” moves the focus away from the person to the item of clothing. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/23 "2006-03-24T21:38:21Z")
I have just the opposite problem. My husband can’t seem to say anything negative. When I’m looking for a direct honest answer, I get “I love you, so you’re always beautiful to me.” I know, it sounds so sweet. He is so sweet. But, It would be nice to find out _before_ I leave for the grocery store that there’s a huge stain on the back of my pants that I missed while folding them. ---
**Author:** ![Seren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@Seren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seren)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/24 "2006-03-24T21:41:21Z")
Oh, I forgot to include this. 😛 This is what honesty leads to: **Seren** : _\_ Those are nice. **SO** : Yeah, those would be good… _\_ if you looked like that. … ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/25 "2006-03-24T21:50:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Wait, never? So if you genuinely like the outfit or the hair, you lie? 😉 The answer must always come out sounding the same. It’s like voice training. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/26 "2006-03-24T23:30:17Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > I’ve made bongs out of a lot of unlikely items in my time, but _this_ one sounds like just the kind of challenge I’m up for. 😃 I have “a friend” who tried this once. Not nearly as cool as you’d think. There is a fine line between “too think to pull through” and “softserve in your bong” and “rancid chocolate milk.” That line occurs some point between about 2-3 hits. Or so I’ve been told. ---
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/27 "2006-03-25T00:13:14Z")
And I thought my friend was bad. He was about sixteen at the time, and a mutual friend of ours fourteen. This conversation did transpire: **Her** : Do you think I’m fat? Now, any sane teenage male would know what sort of danger that question is, and in some way avoid it. But not my friend. Oh no. What does he respond? **Him** : You could stand to lose some weight. …Boy’s about as blunt as a blow to the head. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/28 "2006-03-25T01:55:56Z")
I’ve never understood why some women would get mad for answering a question honestly. My thinking on it is, if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. Now, if you didn’t ask my opinion then it would be assholish of me to say it’s an ugly dress or whatever. But if you asked me, it’s all on you. ---
**Author:** ![rubymermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@rubymermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rubymermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/29 "2006-03-25T02:15:57Z")
> [@The Chao Goes Mu](#): > > **Mr Bus Guy** , you are killing me! Can you get a hernia from laughing too hard? > > I personally am honest with my partner, so yeah if the pants make her ass look big, I tell her. She’s upset for a minute while she frantically searches for more “slimming” pants but when it looks good at least she knows I’m being honest when I tell her so. > > I’d rather be an asshole than a liar. But then again, this is a lesbian relationship so maybe it’s different for you guys having to deal with female assfat sensitivity. I think you’ve got it right, even in a straight relationship. When I’m shopping with my husband, I know he’ll tell me what looks good and what doesn’t. He’s usually careful how he says it (e.g. “I don’t like the way those pants drape on your hips - they’re not flattering.”), so I don’t feel fat, just in the wrong pair of pants. HOWEVER… he’s not always quite so diplomatic! He’s always had a thing for blonds. I’m a brunette. One night, I brought home a long, blond wig that we were using for a sales video at the office. It was the old 60’s look, a part down the middle, straight down and long and very platinum. If you ever saw the “Mod Squad,” it was Peggy hair. Unlike Peggy, though, I’ve got a long face and very pale skin. Anyway, I put on a very sexy nightie, put on the wig, got into bed, and called my husband to come into the bedroom. He walked into the room, stopped dead in his tracks, said, “Not your colour, not your style,” burst out laughing and went back to what he had been doing. He claims he never noticed the nightie. I claim he’s damned lucky I have a good sense of humour! ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/30 "2006-03-25T02:16:32Z")
My boyfriend doesn’t tell me when something looks bad on me, but when he thinks something looks good on me, he’ll let me know. He’ll let me know every time I wear that particular pair of pants/shirt/underwear/whatever. If something looks bad, usually he’ll just say it looks “weird”. Which is fine by me, I do have a few articles of clothing that just don’t fit me right but hey, sometimes all the other stuff is dirty, you know? But he would never say something hurtful to me about an outfit. ---
**Author:** ![Whifton\_Polekitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/97f17d/32.png) [@Whifton\_Polekitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whifton_Polekitty)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/31 "2006-03-25T07:26:27Z")
When the Mrs and I go shopping, she’ll ask for my opinion on things and I give honest, carefully considered answers. Thankfully, we have the same tastes in most things clothes-y, so it’s kinda easy on me. Ferinstance, a few months ago she wanted to check out some odd boutique nearby. The clothing was “inspired by the shapes and styles of Morocco” or some such, and as such, was blousy, flowing, and suprisingly versatile. Anyway, she pulls a few things off racks and hides in the dressing rooms while I wait outside and peruse a copy of Vogue. The first one just Didn’t Work, she said “I don’t think this works,” and I agreed. The second one I rather liked but she didn’t, and we said as much. I made gentle defense of my views; “Look at it from behind, it’s kinda got a nice effect there…”, but in the end agreed that from the side it wasn’t her. The third we both got excited about. I briefly channeled my mother and got very giddy and helped her find interesting ways of wearing it. It’s in the closet right now, and I’m not. Apparently I’m an oddity, though, 'cause I have a friend who is patently NOT ALLOWED to go shopping with his wife, simply because he has as much tact and taste as a shit-smeared brick. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/32 "2006-03-25T09:02:52Z")
I have a new one from my husband – hot off the press. (After reading this thread): “I’ve never said anything stupid like these guys…” ---
**Author:** ![Praetor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@Praetor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Praetor)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/33 "2006-03-31T21:33:27Z")
> [@Seren](#): > > **Seren** : _\_ Those are nice. > > **SO** : Yeah, those would be good… _\_ if you looked like that. > > … In my defense, after realizing that I had just made a descriptive error, I did explain that I meant you’d look good if you were wearing the top that went with the pants. I did _not_ mean if you looked like the model. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/34 "2006-04-01T01:26:11Z")
I’ve never understood the “guys can never describe their SO as anything but a supermodel” thing either. Then again, I married a man who is utterly, transparently honest. Full disclosure: I am fat, and have been for several years (but am working on it, 25 pounds lost, yay). I still remember a while back, when I was still gaining weight, and I was trying on a little summery shorts thing. I came out of the dressing room, and Mr. S approved of it with this comment: “It doesn’t make you look fat.” Now that would have made some women go ballistic, but I knew that HE knew my concerns. If it made me look fat, I would want to know. Similarly, I used to make loose tops out of sarongs and sell them, mostly to oversize women, and Mr. S came up with a great way to describe them: “They’re very forgiving.” A nice way to say that they hide your rolls and other flaws while still looking pretty. I also know how to gently tease Mr. S about being short (5’6") in a way that says I love him exactly how he is. Like standing up on my tiptoes so he can slouch a bit and stick his face into my boobs. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/35 "2006-04-01T03:27:36Z")
Geez, **Scarlett** , and you say he’s too short? Sounds like he’s just tall enough to get at the goods. This reminds me of a wonderful thing my father once said: He was in high school and a bunch of friends were out in the park, drinking. So, this girl comes over and says “Bob, this girl really likes you. Go say something to her.” Well, my dad had a few. The girl that liked him was…um…bigger than most. So, he offers this gem up for her consumption: “Wow. For a fat girl, you sure don’t sweat that much.” Fat Girl cries and the other girl yelled “Bob, i said to say something NICE!” “I thought I did!” Ah, that’s my dad. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/36 "2006-04-01T12:38:19Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > “Wow. For a fat girl, you sure don’t sweat that much.”. I hate to burst your bubble about your dad, but that line has been around for a very long time. Don’t know the origin, possibly an old Little Rascals, but that story is as old as the hills and not your dad’s original thought. ---
**Author:** ![Hombre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecb155/32.png) [@Hombre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hombre)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/37 "2006-04-01T14:03:11Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > My thinking on it is, if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. > > Now, if you didn’t ask my opinion then it would be assholish of me to say it’s an ugly dress or whatever. But if you asked me, it’s all on you. So you’ve never dated earth women, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/38 "2006-04-01T15:32:28Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > I have just the opposite problem. My husband can’t seem to say anything negative. When I’m looking for a direct honest answer, I get “I love you, so you’re always beautiful to me.” > I know, it sounds so sweet. He is so sweet. But, It would be nice to find out _before_ I leave for the grocery store that there’s a huge stain on the back of my pants that I missed while folding them. My husband does the same thing. “You always look beautiful to me.” That’s great, but it would be nice to hear a difference between first thing in the morning and after spending an hour gettting dressed up for something! ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/39 "2006-04-01T15:35:46Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > That’s great, but it would be nice to hear a difference between first thing in the morning and after spending an hour gettting dressed up for something! You want a guy’s advice? Skip the hour. We can’t tell anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665/40 "2006-04-01T15:40:58Z")
Another fun and related question, although far, far less life-threatening, is the “this or this” question. “Should I wear this or this?” The best part about it is that I’m clearly being used as a rule-out kind of thing. Almost inevitably, the one I picked goes back in the closet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-never-say-this/349665.md?page=3)