# Guys – Want to Know What \*Really\* Turns Women On? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 13, 2005, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683 "2005-05-13T14:59:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/101 "2005-05-15T20:04:13Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > **Darwin** , if I remember correctly, you had a thread a little while ago about feeling depressed and completely unloved and unloveable (if that wasn’t you, oops. Somebody around here was feeling pretty low.) Can you admit the possibility that you actually _are_ feeling pretty low right now, and that’s colouring your optimism? Just because it’s never happened before doesn’t mean it never will happen. It just hasn’t happened _yet_. If the dating thing isn’t working out for you at the moment, let go of it, move on, and focus on the rest of your life. Yes, that was me. And I have pretty much given up on the dating thing. I am feeling somewhat low at the moment, but not for the same reasons as back in March. I am, however, frustrated with the whole “what women want” thing, since it has been made clear in my previous attempts that, despite high levels of compatiblity otherwise, a “lack of chemistry” was still claimed by women with whom I’ve come into contact. So it isn’t _just_ a matter of doing or being the things listed in this thread. It has, indeed, been my experience that if you are not physically attractive from the beginning (regardless of the individual parameters for “physical attractiveness”…I seem to not fit any of them), none of the rest matters. As I mentioned, those who actually do take the time to look past my looks see me as nothing more than a friend. Once, I can chalk up to dumb luck. Twice, a coincidence. Three or more, and it’s starting to look like a pattern. Thirty plus is fate. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/102 "2005-05-15T20:17:09Z")
I don’t get the idea of labeling all women as ‘women’ and saying they all like the same thing. ‘Women’ constitutes 3 billion individuals with various genetic, cultural, moral, personal and religious backgrounds. Does anyone know what turns people on who are north of the equator? ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/103 "2005-05-15T20:26:42Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > - Being clean around the house. Not neat and tidy, CLEAN. The difference between a tidy bedroom with month-old bed clothes, and a slightly messy bedroom with freshly laundered sheets. Or a bathroom with a scum ring and mildewed tiles, compared to one which is sparkly and smells of bleach. Clean is better. Aha. Now I know the reason why whenever she visits, my mom leaves me with yet another lifetime supply of shower mildew spray, clorox wipes, and antibacterial hand soap. She wants grandchildren. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/104 "2005-05-15T20:44:05Z")
> [@Wesley Clark](#): > > I don’t get the idea of labeling all women as ‘women’ and saying they all like the same thing. ‘Women’ constitutes 3 billion individuals with various genetic, cultural, moral, personal and religious backgrounds. Show me an individual woman, and yeah, it’s gonna be tough to say what’s a turn on for her. But show me 10,000 women, and I bet I can pick five things that will turn on at least 8,000 of them. The class of men also constitutes three billion individuals with various genetic, cultural, moral, personal and religious backgrounds, but the vast majority of them really like breasts. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/105 "2005-05-15T21:11:35Z")
I’m a leg and wing kinda guy myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/106 "2005-05-16T00:56:29Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > Show me an individual woman, and yeah, it’s gonna be tough to say what’s a turn on for her. But show me 10,000 women, and I bet I can pick five things that will turn on at least 8,000 of them. > > The class of men also constitutes three billion individuals with various genetic, cultural, moral, personal and religious backgrounds, but the vast majority of them really like breasts. I agree. But alot of these things are quirks like ‘glasses’ or ‘big hands’ or ‘reading’. These are individual quirks. I myself like women who are 20 lbs overweight and who have black hair, that doesn’t mean ‘men’ like that. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/107 "2005-05-16T02:43:22Z")
> [@Darwin's Finch](#): > > Except…not. I find plenty, if not most, women attractive. _None_, as in _not a single one, ever_, have found me physically attractive. Those who actually do take the time to get to know me…become friends. Sometimes very good friends. But the relationship never evolves into a romantic one because, on their own admission, there is a lack of “chemistry”, despite having much in common. > > Surely, my situation is not unique. Because if it is, then that makes this thread _truly_ depressing. Eh, not too unique. Back when I tried to meet women only about 10-20% would be willing to give me a shot with them. Of those 10-20%, about half were in relationships and most of the others led nowhere so you’re not alone. But women have liked me and desired me though. I also ‘gave up’ because my mental health is alot better now that I do not involve myself in this area of life. John Carter of Mars - Man, I admire your honesty. Its also pretty cool that you can get dates w/o problem, good for you. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/108 "2005-05-16T05:02:21Z")
{Heavy Sigh} Yes, I understand very well that women are all individuals (We’re all individuals!) This thread was simply intended as a small insight into the fact that women are not, in fact, completely as represented by the stereotypes many men might believe in, in the hopes that it might go a small way to increasing the understanding between the sexes. Take something from it if you want, or just ignore it if there’s nothing here for you. Or rant and rave about it, if that floats your boat. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/109 "2005-05-16T15:01:14Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > {Heavy Sigh} Yes, I understand very well that women are all individuals (We’re all individuals!) This thread was simply intended as a small insight into the fact that women are not, in fact, completely as represented by the stereotypes many men might believe in, in the hopes that it might go a small way to increasing the understanding between the sexes. Take something from it if you want, or just ignore it if there’s nothing here for you. Or rant and rave about it, if that floats your boat. Sorry about that. I didn’t want to ruin your thread or make it so everyone has to say “IMO” everytime they express an opinion or something like that. I merely wanted to point out that these are individual quirks. I remember in another thread where one woman said to find out if a woman likes you, touch her hand for a few seconds while another woman said that made her disgusted when men did that to her. So there is no telling at the end of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/110 "2005-05-16T19:03:21Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Y’all may proclaim a love for geekiness and “looks don’t matter” and such, but how many times do you brush a stranger off because he’s not attractive? How many times does a different stranger that’s physically attractive get a chance with you do entirely to his appearance? > It has been my observation that this happens a lot. I personally dislike the phrase “looks don’t matter,” but I think that when most people use it they mean “You don’t have to look like a movie star.” Of _course_ looks matter in a general sense, in just the way you state: if I don’t find you attractive, you don’t have a chance with me. But definitions of “attractive” vary widely, and are completely subjective – and often have as much to do with how a guy carries himself and interacts with others as his basic looks. > [@](#): > > If the coolest girl in the bar ain’t exactly pretty, her coolness is likely to go unrecognized while lesser personalities with greater “hotness” are chased all evening. Well, now you’re talking about _relative_ attractiveness, which is another thing entirely. It’s only natural for people (of both sexes) to try and “get” the person they find the most attractive – and of course, there are some people who are objectively more attractive than others. So if you put a cool girl who “ain’t exactly pretty” into a place where there are a lot of women around who are objectively hot, of _course_ Joe Horndog is going to go for the hotties! But in a different setting (at work, in a class, etc.), Joe Horndog might just find the cool girl attractive enough to talk to. It has nothing to do with how attractive she _actually_ is, but whether there are available, more attractive women around. Relative attractiveness. > [@Darwin's Finch](#): > > It has, indeed, been my experience that if you are not physically attractive from the beginning (regardless of the individual parameters for “physical attractiveness”…I seem to not fit any of them), none of the rest matters. You can’t simply discount “individual parameters for physical attractiveness,” because they’re the whole ballgame! There is _no way_ of knowing whether any given person will find another person attractive. Therefore, no matter what you look like, there is always a chance that the guy on the train – or the woman at the party – is going to find you attractive. Is it likely? Maybe not. But it is _possible_ … always possible. It strikes me as ridiculous to think that just because no one has found you attractive so far, no one ever will. For that matter, it’s ridiculous to think that no one has _ever_ found you attractive: have you polled every single person who has ever seen you? You just haven’t been found attractive by anyone that you’ve been in a position to ask – and hell, man, that almost never happens to _any_ of us! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/111 "2005-05-16T19:31:14Z")
> [@MagicEyes](#): > > Sounds good to me! Just one question–when you say your singing makes old women cry, is that crying because your singing is so lovely, or because it hurts their ears? Just askin’. 😉 I think I remind them of someone they dated in 1948. I have that kinda voice. [/quote] Do you sing to babies? That’s even sexier than cuddling babies. [/QUOTE] I don’t get the chance much. A guy can get some mighty funny looks singing to someone else’s baby. I make faces at them and make them laugh. I also sing to cats, most of whom could care less. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/112 "2005-05-17T03:23:41Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > - competence in just about anything I’m pretty good with a bowstaff. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/113 "2005-05-17T15:34:04Z")
> [@Wesley Clark](#): > > Sorry about that. I didn’t want to ruin your thread or make it so everyone has to say “IMO” everytime they express an opinion or something like that. I merely wanted to point out that these are individual quirks. I remember in another thread where one woman said to find out if a woman likes you, touch her hand for a few seconds while another woman said that made her disgusted when men did that to her. So there is no telling at the end of the day. 'S’alright. I like to think that people _do_ understand that a thread like this is just for entertainment purposes (and maybe a little perspective along the way), not some kind of user’s handbook on the opposite sex. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2005, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/114 "2005-05-18T04:57:07Z")
> [@Boscibo](#): > > Guys in not-so-manly cars. Guys driving typical man cars like big pick ups or those new Chrysler monstrosities really turn me off - it is like they are trying hard to prove something. When I see a guy driving something like a New Beetle or a Mini Cooper - swoon! If you can get your bod into a 18" corset, then I will get my 6’3" frame into a Mini Cooper. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/115 "2005-05-18T16:00:00Z")
> [@Darwin's Finch](#): > > Except…not. I find plenty, if not most, women attractive. _None_, as in _not a single one, ever_, have found me physically attractive. Those who actually do take the time to get to know me…become friends. Sometimes very good friends. But the relationship never evolves into a romantic one because, on their own admission, there is a lack of “chemistry”, despite having much in common. > > Surely, my situation is not unique. Because if it is, then that makes this thread _truly_ depressing. “Lack of Chemistry” does NOT equal “you’re so ugly you scare flies off shit” This could mean any number of things, and might well be as simple as the conversation was awkward, etc… Timing is everything in dating, especially early on. As a matter of fact, a lot of social awkwardness (at least for me) is just not keeping up with the evening’s rhythms. Imagine a point where the girl thinks you’re ok looking, and fun, and starts to think maybe there’s something here, and touches your arm, and/or stares into your eyes. Now’s the time to stare back, and possibly make your move, or at least notice it and pay attention. But, if you’re like me, you can get wrapped up in what you were talking about earlier, and go blithely on your way jabbering about something else entirely. She’ll snap out of it, and think you’re not interested, because you didn’t reciprocate when she put her hand on your arm or whatever. Then she begs off a second or third date citing “no chemistry” as the reason, because to her, when the spark started with her, she thinks it didn’t happen for you. Another thing to consider on this subject is, if you only have one kind of bait, you should damn well fish where that kind of bait will catch fish. I have a very close friend who is the nicest guy- he’s not the most handsome dude, but EVERY woman (friend or girlfriend ) that has met him thinks he’s the nicest, funniest, sweetest guy, and always wonders why he doesn’t have much luck with women. He’s also handy around the house, reasonably well dressed and groomed (when he’s not wearing geeky t-shirts), and pretty well off financially. I know the reason- he’s a geek. As in, he’s a UNIX systems guy for a living, plays with Solaris and MySQL for fun, has ALL the Babylon 5, Stargate SG1 and Andromeda episodes on DVD, has Star Wars and LOTR posters on his walls, and wears Enterprise and MST3K shirts out in public type of geek. What does he do when it comes to dating? He hangs out with a somewhat less geeky crowd- the rest of us are geeky, but not quite to the degree that he is. If he was serious about meeting women, he ought to hit the Sci-fi conventions and other events where he’ll meet women who consider his encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek as an asset, not something really nerdy and weird. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/116 "2005-05-18T16:40:38Z")
Uh, I’m a nerd… I like legs that look like he can start walking and keep going, and going, and… Just look around for pictures of 30+ year old footballers and you’ll see what I mean. I like it when he’s useful, not overpowering or posing - he helps because he likes to help, not because he thinks I will like it. For example, he opens the jar of pickles when I ask but waits for me to ask or offers, he does not grab it from my hands; he does NOT do that movie thing of picking me in his arms; when he opens the door for me he actually knows how to do it (and I see him open it for other people too). He’s not scared if I happen to be more competent at whatever. Inviting me to the kind of stuff women aren’t supposed to like is nice (I like RPGs, computers, action movies, and the latest weird thing I’ve done is sign up for Kendo). Being cool if at any point I chicken out is… heck, it’s cooler’n penguins. He’s willing to try new stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2005, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/117 "2005-05-18T16:42:52Z")
Dangit, Bump, how come I never meet guys like that who aren’t either a) married b) in high school c) living three countries away eeeeeeh? ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/118 "2005-05-18T17:47:16Z")
My mother always told me that washing the dishes _Really_ turns women on. Mom wouldn’t lie to me, would she? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2005, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/119 "2005-05-18T20:06:18Z")
> [@sewalk](#): > > My mother always told me that washing the dishes _Really_ turns women on. Mom wouldn’t lie to me, would she? 😕 Puts a new perspective on your chores as a kid, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683/120 "2005-05-19T05:18:12Z")
> [@sewalk](#): > > My mother always told me that washing the dishes _Really_ turns women on. Mom wouldn’t lie to me, would she? 😕 No, not at all. And you know what women really, really like? Vacuuming. And floor washing … {swoon} [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-want-to-know-what-really-turns-women-on/303683.md?page=7)