# Guys who give courtesy at the elevator... to other guys: please provide your reasoning **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 17, 2010, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478 "2010-08-17T00:46:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/21 "2010-08-17T13:05:54Z")
My boyfriend (love ya dude, but this is annoying and you know it!) does the “No, after YOU!” thing all the time, to the extent of gesturing me forward into a space I don’t to go into for my own reasons. It drives me mad. It isn’t polite to try to get people to do things on your schedule and the motioning forward of others at elevators or four-way stops or (shudder) the square in my village strikes me more as “I’m in control here, bitches!” than anything. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/22 "2010-08-17T13:22:20Z")
The stop sign thing particularly aggravates me. I ride a bike and pass a lot of stop signs and lights. I always stop and wait my turn. Usually when I stop at the stop sign, people get that I am doing the right thing, and the first car will go, and when it’s my turn I’ll go. But every once in a while there’s some nervous woman - it’s always a woman - who’s arrived there first and waves me on, apparently anxious that she will run me over. Just go! It’s your turn! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/23 "2010-08-17T14:18:12Z")
> [@Moonchild](#): > > No, this does not mean we males hold the elevator for women because we think we’re better. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. > [@](#): > > I don’t look especially old or young (45, fairly youthful) I’m surprised. I would think the kind of people who say things like this .. > [@](#): > > It’s a social construct and seems fitting and appropriate. I like to think of it as a show of respect for the more evolved sex. … average around age 85. I’m 41 and I offer and accept door-holding courtesy regardless of gender. Please, join us in the 21st century. There’s plenty of room. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/24 "2010-08-17T14:25:31Z")
> [@Moonchild](#): > > No, this does not mean we males hold the elevator for women because we think we’re better. It’s a social construct and seems fitting and appropriate. I like to think of it as a show of respect for the more evolved sex. I missed this the first time. Please, stop holding the door for me just because I have a vagina. As Karen Lingel says, elevator courtesy should be all about efficiency. So should driving. Don’t be polite, be predictable. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/25 "2010-08-17T18:51:18Z")
It could be, I got here first, I should be able to chose my standing position, which they chose near the door, which means they have to let you go in first. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/26 "2010-08-17T18:59:10Z")
Old etiquette would dictate that the gentleman steps into an elevator first, thereby assuring her safety and the security of the mechanics of the apparatus before inviting the woman to join him inside the elevator. This came from the era of elevators being on rickety cables which could snap. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/27 "2010-08-17T19:03:24Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > Old etiquette would dictate that the gentleman steps into an elevator first, thereby assuring her safety and the security of the mechanics of the apparatus before inviting the woman to join him inside the elevator. This came from the era of elevators being on rickety cables which could snap. No, after _you_! ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/28 "2010-08-18T07:16:51Z")
For things like elevators, I’m kind of on autopilot. Wait for everyone to get out, then everyone gets on the elevator based on who is closest to the door. When a mini traffic jam develops at the door because of the “no, after you” Chip and Dale routine, my brain kind of kicks in and asks, “what the fuck is going on?” Just get on the machine and go to your floor, what could be easier? ---
**Author:** ![groo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecd19e/32.png) [@groo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groo)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/29 "2010-08-19T04:27:54Z")
Maybe you’re overthinking this. I just assume it’s polite to give someone the luxury of arranging their personal space in the elevator, particularly if they’re pushing some sort of cart or carrying packages. But I didn’t think that was the reason until I just typed it out. I’m usually on autopilot, with the mindset that I want to make any gesture, helpful or at least not very annoying, to show whatever ambulatory biomass I encounter that I recognize them to be living beings deserving of respect. It’s a small effort to push some positive energy out into the universe. Okay, maybe I’m overthinking it… (However, to my credit, when people pause, I immediately revert to doing whatever’s most efficient for me.) ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/30 "2010-08-19T18:21:24Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > It’s wrong to be polite if you are IN the elevator and wait to leave, indicating that the person OUTSIDE the elevator should step in first. This goes against the very efficient social norm and slows everyone down–it quite literally does no one any good, and is a sort of self-aggrandizing self-deprecation. I look at elevators the same way I look at public transportation: disembarking passengers get out/off first, and then embarking passengers get in/on. Sex has nothing to do with it. It’s purely a matter of it being much easier and more efficient to free up space and _then_ refill that space with new passengers, than to overstuff and then remove stuffing. At my job we have an employees-only service elevator that only travels between the building’s two floors. I never cease to be amazed at the way people who have worked there for _years_ still can’t seem to comprehend that somebody might be coming _out_ of the elevator, and will wait for the elevator with their fully-loaded cart jammed right up against the doors and start pushing it into the elevator before they even notice that there’s somebody with a fully-loaded cart trying to exit the elevator. > [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > Nothing makes me road-ragey like douchebags at a four way stop. Except maybe those idiot pedestrians who give you that retarded bovine look when you stop at a crosswalk for them and they stare at you dumbly for like a minute and a half and you just want to run them over and then back up so you can run them over again. WALK, DUMMY! I HAVE SHIT TO DO! Oh! And then they do that stupid dance off the curb where they step out with one foot and then step back like they’re testing the waters, just checking to make sure I’m not going to floor it as soon as they hit the pavement? > > RAWR! JUST GO! To be fair, I was a non-driver for many years, and as a pedestrian I was frequently frustrated by drivers trying to be “polite” by stopping to let me cross in situations like: • I\*\*'m just standing near the road and actually have no intention of crossing the street\*\* - My town’s main street has mid-block crosswalks in the downtown area, and one store I frequented had a front door that was almost perfectly aligned with one of these. More than once I stepped out of this store and was spotted by a driver who immediately stopped and waved me across, when I had no desire or reason to cross the street. On one occasion I ended up crossing the street anyway simply to get this woman to _go_ - she was ignoring my head-shaking and gestures indicating that I didn’t want to cross the street, and traffic was backing up behind her, and traffic from the other direction was stopping because nobody knew what was going on. • **I’m waiting to cross safely at an intersection where I have a “don’t walk” signal, or the traffic lights are such that crossing at this time would be “illegal”** - Seriously - I’m _not_ going to attempt to cross a busy, three-lane, one-way street just because the driver in the lane closest to me has stopped to let me. There are other cars flying past in the next two lanes. One time, this wasn’t a driver simply waiting for me to cross before he proceeded on a green - he was coming from the other side of the intersection, spotted me standing there, came to a full stop in the middle of the intersection, and waved for me to cross :rolleyes: • **It’s a single-lane bridge on-ramp, and there are 20 cars behind you**. Keep moving, please. I’ll wait. Re: four-way stops: Since I finally re-obtained a driver’s license 4 years ago, after about 15 years without, I’m continually astonished to discover that I’m still a better driver than a crapload of the drivers I encounter. The four-way-stop is one situation that really makes it obvious. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/31 "2010-08-19T19:04:54Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > > [@Moonchild](#): > > > > No, this does not mean we males hold the elevator for women because we think we’re better. It’s a social construct and seems fitting and appropriate. I like to think of it as a show of respect for the more evolved sex. > > I missed this the first time. Please, stop holding the door for me just because I have a vagina. As Karen Lingel says, elevator courtesy should be all about efficiency. So should driving. Don’t be polite, be predictable. I like when men hold the elevator door for me. It means I get to board the elevator now, rather than waiting for another one. Holding the door for people who aren’t me is just plain rude and slows me down. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478/32 "2010-08-19T20:42:26Z")
I’ve seen _Three Days of the Condor_ way too many times [Joubert](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r02sZOwMvqE&feature=related)! CMC fnord! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-who-give-courtesy-at-the-elevator-to-other-guys-please-provide-your-reasoning/550478.md?page=1)