# Guys: Would you be jealous about this? \[Adult Content\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 12, 2005, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877 "2005-10-12T11:56:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/61 "2005-10-12T18:53:27Z")
Not really equivalent, **FinnAgain** , and I think you know it. Tit-for-tat (sorry) would be to tell her about the one-night stand you had with a woman with EEE boobs. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/62 "2005-10-12T19:08:31Z")
For a second you whooshed me real durn good **cal** ~shakes fist~ I would, however, also like to add to my scenario. “Oh, and she didn’t have an ounce of fat on her! Man, everything on her was firm and perky and she was so damn tight it was almost impossible to actually get inside her. So, what’s on _your_ mind sweetheart?” ---
**Author:** ![Treviathan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@Treviathan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treviathan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/63 "2005-10-12T19:55:15Z")
> [@ReubenH](#): > > Though it’s not just the appalling details … it’s also the horrifically casual nature of it. Y’know, even though this armchair psychiatrist gig doesn’t pay very well, I’m going to suggest that this is less about the size of Hostelboy’s member and more about the OP and his signifigant other’s contrasting attitudes towards sex. The word choice in this particular sentence is setting off alarm bells in my head. **ReubenH** , what in your mind is so “horrifically casual” about your SO’s experience, with emphasis on the word “horrific”? Is it that she just met this guy? That it took place in a bathroom? Or is the fact that it was sex outside of a committed relationship the horrific part? Similarly, do the “appalling details” refer to the size of the guy’s genitalia, or the fact that she had no compuction in telling you about it? I’d think those questions through very carefully. (For the record, I’m a guy, and if my SO told me about a similar incident, I just can’t see myself getting upset. Sexual history is just that - history. Unless it ain’t, which would be a large problem.) ---
**Author:** ![phungi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phungi/32/395_2.png) [@phungi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phungi)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/64 "2005-10-12T20:08:33Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > You know **Rueben** , the movie _Eyes Wide Shut_ is about this exact issue. I think **Chasing Amy** is even more appropriate. My recommendation is to find a guy with a huge dong, take him to a public toilet, re-create the scenario, and then tell your SO about it. Either that, or start responding to those penis-enlarger e-mails. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/65 "2005-10-12T20:11:40Z")
> [@phungi](#): > > I think **Chasing Amy** is even more appropriate. > > My recommendation is to find a guy with a huge dong, take him to a public toilet, re-create the scenario, and then tell your SO about it. > > Either that, or start responding to those penis-enlarger e-mails. No. He needs to find somebody with an _even bigger_ penis than Cockzilla had; otherwise, his SO will think he is just copycatting. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/66 "2005-10-12T20:16:43Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Not really equivalent, **FinnAgain** , and I think you know it. > Tit-for-tat (sorry) would be to tell her about the one-night stand you had with a woman with EEE boobs. Is the world chock-full of women stupid and gullible enough to believe that most guys would rather they had disproportionately enormous boobage rather than the average (or small) version? (Each to their own and so forth, but EEE sounds as sexy as 400 gallons of milk at the Borden dairy) ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/67 "2005-10-12T20:19:19Z")
I have to admit, this would eat at me too, but not because of the anatomy comparison thing. (I don’t see much point in obsessing about things I cannot change.) It would make me wonder for a long time what possible point she could have had in mentioning it. Non-hostile possibilities include a) she likes talking about sex, b) she was trying to frighten you away by revealing what she felt was the worst part of her past, or c) she is talking through it to unburden herself of emotional baggage attached to the incident. But hey, if I were obsessing over why she felt I had to know such a thing, the obvious solution would be for me to ask her. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/68 "2005-10-12T20:47:14Z")
> [@archmichael](#): > > “I really slept with 9 guys and gave about 15 guys blowjobs” In a row? ---
**Author:** ![John\_F](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@John\_F](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_F)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/69 "2005-10-12T22:02:11Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > You think she’s sublty hinting, like John F seems to be thinking, that she wants you to go out a buy a dildo so big she can’t use it? I’m not on the size thing (for size itself), it’s what I’m thinking of as a mean spirited mental bitch slap. What I’m getting at is closer to this; > [@FinnAgain](#): > > What purpose does it serve most of the time other than possibly being insulting and/or sticking in someone’s head? > > “Oh, honey, you know that when I was in college there was this girl in one of my classes. Man, she was hot! She had the perkiest DD’s I’ve ever seen, and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. Hell, when we hooked up that first time we didn’t even know each other’s names, we just met in a club and I shoved her up against the wall and, good gods her pussy was perfect, she had muscle control like _you would not believe._” > [@FinnAgain](#): > > “Oh, and she didn’t have an ounce of fat on her! Man, everything on her was firm and perky and she was so damn tight it was almost impossible to actually get inside her.” Had it been this way around I wonder if there would be any way negate it as simply as the “giant dicks aren’t practical anyway so what’s the bid deal” opinions seem to view this OP? I think not! How about saying that normal women are not really shaped like that anyway so it’s no big deal . It was only media or Hollywood brainwashing that had me thanking my lucky starts for banging the hottest girl I had had ever seen in my life. Upon reflection I prefer a “softer” look like you honey. 😉 She was just a freak of nature you know with such low body fat yet giant natural breasts and that so called perfect ass…forget it, that was nothing but a strange fling. I’m with you now so you are obviously the winner here. Don’t give it another thought. Even if she does want a monster dildo, I don’t care. If she tells me it feels great I’d say cool. If she tells me it reminds her of Sancho way big dick she is a nasty bitch in my book. Call me paranoid but I don’t see anybody “innocently” throwing that big dick in your face over and over again. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![constantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@constantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constantine)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/70 "2005-10-12T22:17:24Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > I have to admit, this would eat at me too, but not because of the anatomy comparison thing. (I don’t see much point in obsessing about things I cannot change.) > > It would make me wonder for a long time what possible point she could have had in mentioning it. > > Non-hostile possibilities include a) she likes talking about sex, b) she was trying to frighten you away by revealing what she felt was the worst part of her past, or c) she is talking through it to unburden herself of emotional baggage attached to the incident. > > But hey, if I were obsessing over why she felt I had to know such a thing, the obvious solution would be for me to ask her. I completely agree with the first 3 paragraphs of this post. My first reaction to this story was–why the hell would she be telling you this, especially with this kind of detail? Of course you know that she had previous partners. So what, you’re not upset about that. But what is the point of this, did she think it was going to entertain you or something? Yes but you should be secure in your manhood, she picked you, blah blah blah. Yeah, I guess, but again, so what? It’s not like you were snooping in her diary and found out that she wrote this, she made a decision to tell you this story. I would let this one go, but next time she says something like this–“I used to go out with this fireman, and it was so fun, I would ride around on the truck, and one time I dressed up in a bikini and rode on the truck in a parade…” just withdraw from her. Don’t be sulky, don’t be whiny. Just stop dealing with her. If you can, get up and leave the room. If she wants to know what is wrong, just ask her point blank “why did you tell me that story.” Again, don’t be sad, don’t be whiny, just let your annoyance show through. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/71 "2005-10-12T22:41:14Z")
It would not bother me. Many men are more endowed than I am, there is nothing that I can do about it. What I can do is try to be the best and most considerate lover that a man can be. ---
**Author:** ![wasson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4da419/32.png) [@wasson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wasson)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/72 "2005-10-13T01:46:46Z")
In my last serious relationship, my girlfriend told me a charming story about how one time she was having sex with this guy, but they were running out of time because she had to go to class. To get it over with quickly, she stopped the sex and gave him head, because she could suck him off way faster than he got off when they were having sex. He tried to give her a pearl necklace but his aim was off, and he shot her right in the eye! She went to class with bright-red bloodshot eyes and dirt on her knees! Everyone knew what she was up to! Isn’t that story just a hoot! Hearing that story was absolute torture for me, during the story and after. Because of it, I will never ask about my partner’s sexual history, never listen if they want to tell me, and never tell them no matter how much they ask. Everyone is right… it doesn’t matter. That’s exactly why I didn’t need to hear it. All it did was make me imagine the girl I love get an eyeful of some other guy’s semen after fucking him, then going to class and telling people about it. I don’t need or want to hear that. I got over it eventually and we stayed together a number of years. At one point, and I knew I shouldn’t have, I told her a story about a girl at a party who tried to give me a handjob by shoving her hand down my pants. I got half a chub before the zipper dug into my member and I yanked her hand out, thanked her for her attempt, and got another beer. I never stopped getting shit about that story, and it was the same insecurities I had from her stories. Part of me did it for revenge, I reckon. Never again. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/73 "2005-10-13T03:31:30Z")
> [@ReubenH](#): > > Though it’s not just the appalling details … it’s also the horrifically casual nature of it. She had a number of serious long-term relationships before me, and none of them bother me in the least. Only Biggus Dickus in that damned toilet… :mad I think maybe this gets to the heart of what might be eating you up. Hearing it forces you to redefine who you thought she was, and that be two very different versions of her. I’d encourage you to talk to her about it, and perhaps you’ll find out something else about her that lets you be more at peace with this. I don’t know your ages, but at some point most people have done things that later make them ashamed. Sometimes these things are told in the form of bragging or entertainment, when in fact they cause pain. You’ll never know until you ask. Listen to your instincts. Were those the actions of someone she has grown beyond being any longer? Or is she showing you something about herself that you’ve sensed and has made you uneasy all along? I’m sorry this has hurt you so. I hope you’ll find a way to learn from the experience you’re going through. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/74 "2005-10-13T04:15:00Z")
> [@ReubenH](#): > > Everything points to me being not Mr Right, but Mr Best-I-Think-I-Can-Get-In-The-Circumstances. Sorry \*\*ReubenH[/]. I may be way off base here, and forgive me if I am, but you may want to consider the game-playing aspect. Is this driven by her insecurities? ---
**Author:** ![parthenokinesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/cc9497/32.png) [@parthenokinesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parthenokinesis)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/75 "2005-10-13T14:12:24Z")
> [@John F](#): > > Call me paranoid but I don’t see anybody “innocently” throwing that big dick in your face over and over again. :eek: I’m just tickled trying to imagine how one _can_ innocently throw that big dick in someones face over and over again. Re:OP, I had a similiar situation. I was seeing a woman whose previous Beau was Dixon Ormus, which she must’ve brought up a half a dozen times whilst we were “Dating”. She still worked with Schlongy McManwithhorsecock, and they remained friendly. No big whoop, I’m way too arrogant to have ego related jealousy issues. She first brought up what a huge guy he was and that he wanted to murder me, but that only made me laugh. The fact she tasted the cream of Sum Hung Guy didn’t phase me, especially with the hours long monkey love we were having. But the direct size comparisons with the mutant, captain XXX-man, got to be a bit annoying. There’s only so many times a bloke can hear “I’m so glad you aren’t too massive to fit in my wha-wha.” before he gets a little annoyed. Of course, luckily, she dumped me to go back to the Trojan Chief, hoo-hoo bruising monster phallus and all, and I have moved on to some good personal alone time. So very, very alone. Wow, that kind of turned sad at the end there, sorry about that. I’m sure your situation bears little resemblance. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/76 "2005-10-13T14:35:06Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that 98% of the time when this story comes up in relationships it’s because the man says some insecure thing wanting validation of his penis size, and the woman says something along the lines of “trust me, hon. Yours is perfect. There \*is \*such a thing as too big and it ain’t fun!” > > And penis, of course, ensues. Why does the story of “Goldie Locks and the Three Bears” Come to mind? “Oh! This one’s too BIG” “This one’s too small” “But THIS one’s juuuussst right.” ---
**Author:** ![ReubenH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a6a055/32.png) [@ReubenH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReubenH)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/77 "2005-10-13T14:43:16Z")
In real life I don’t have any friends that I’d be comfortable discussing this with. It’s refreshing to be able to do so here, so thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts. There are different reasons the story upset me, some of which I wasn’t even aware of until people here helped out, and it’s tricky to disentangle each one to examine and deal with in isolation. I’ll try and enumerate the most important ones now, in priority order: **1. She found a _different_ man so incredibly irresistable she just _had_ to drag him into the nearest private place to have him fuck her brains out there and then.** That’s the ugliest aspect of the whole sordid story… the sheer naked _lust_ she had (has), not just for other guys, but for guys that are _completely different from me_. She fancies me enough now, and she must have liked her other nerdy partners too… we’re safe, reliable, have steady jobs and are great foot-rubbers etc. But it seems self-evident that what _really_ gets her going is hot and sweaty dangerous sex with interesting strangers. Now obviously I never met this dude, but I don’t have to to know she would have found him a thousand times more interesting than she did me… no doubt he was funny and charming, danced well, and was basically everything I’m not. A guy I’d almost certainly hate. 1. **Dick size matters** , at least some of the time. I don’t know why I feel this way, and I know it’s shallow and stupid and wrong for any number of reasons, but if I’m totally honest, yeah, I really _don’t_ like the feeling of having been “outgunned in the business department” as someone here put it. I’m sure that must make me a prat to a lot of people, but I can’t help it. That’s how it feels. 2. **A sense of being had**. I find it basically impossible to reconcile the person she must have been with the person she [claims she] is now. 3. **Why tell me that?** What was she _really_ trying to do? I have no idea and I’m disinclined to raise the subject ever again… she’s already said, fortissimo, that she regrets ever telling me. **TokyoPlayer** : Good guess - she is _astonishingly insecure_, probably the most deep-down frightened and paranoid person I’ve ever met. This mostly manifests in insane accusations, verbal abuse, and even physical aggression… that’s something else that’s busily destroying our relationship, but that’s another story. What made you think of insecurity? I don’t see the connection… **Chasing Amy** and **Eyes Wide Shut** are now both on my list of films to see asap. The “men needing to feel like Marco Polo re sex” thing… perhaps these feelings are stupid and hard to justify, but its still how we feel, gaddammit, and shouldn’t our feelings get a little sensitivity and respect from our supposedly nearest and dearest? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/78 "2005-10-13T14:47:37Z")
I don’t have anything fsubstantive to add to the discussion right now, but I felt that I had to share some additional names for the OP’s nemesis: **Megadong** (wouldn’t Cockzilla vs. Megadong be a cool japanese porno monster movie?) **The Cock Star** **Mr. Fat Bat** (those of you who have kids old enough to play wiffle ball will get that one) **Triskele** (how few opportunities we get to combine Gene Wolfe and penis jokes. Treasure it, people, treasure it.) **Phallosaurus Rex** **Alfred Hugecock** ---
**Author:** ![Arwin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Arwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arwin)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/79 "2005-10-13T15:05:53Z")
> [@ReubenH](#): > > If your SO told you of a sexual encounter she’d had some years before you met, which took place in a toilet in a youth hostel, where the man whom she’d just met that evening and would never see again was so spectacularly well-endowed that not only could she not fit him inside her, she couldn’t fellate so much as the head of it… > > How would this make you feel? > > Because it makes me mad as hell, and terribly depressed, but I’m not sure why. I don’t think this is so much that you feel insecure about your anatomy, but about your past sex-life. You feel yours doesn’t match up to hers. Or, another possibility, you feel that what you thought was something special, she seems to hand out to perfect strangers on a whim. Possible? I was once with a girl that when she came, it came with a lot of water. Gushing. And I found that very exciting, especially as I never even had intercourse with her, a hand-job could do the trick. If I tell this story to my SO, then it may well make her feel she maybe doesn’t match up. But you could also see it as something exciting. It’s not something you can or have to top, it something you’ve now shared. > [@](#): > > I’d really appreciate knowing how other men react / handle stuff like this and any advice on what on earth I can do so I’m not angry any more. ☹ That guy isn’t there with your SO, you are. She is sharing this with you, and as somebody dear taught me, talking about sex is also sex. Try to enjoy it. This part of a relationship is like watching porn - if you get hung up on other guys in the picture, you’re missing out on a lot of good stuff. 😃 You know this already vis-a-vis the previous husband, and in this thread you’re doing the right thing by the way - finding out why this bothers you, so you can get over it. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877/80 "2005-10-13T16:14:13Z")
> [@ReubenH](#): > > **1. She found a _different_ man so incredibly irresistable she just _had_ to drag him into the nearest private place to have him fuck her brains out there and then.** That’s the ugliest aspect of the whole sordid story… the sheer naked _lust_ she had (has), not just for other guys, but for guys that are _completely different from me_. She fancies me enough now, and she must have liked her other nerdy partners too… we’re safe, reliable, have steady jobs and are great foot-rubbers etc. But it seems self-evident that what _really_ gets her going is hot and sweaty dangerous sex with interesting strangers. > Now obviously I never met this dude, but I don’t have to to know she would have found him a thousand times more interesting than she did me… no doubt he was funny and charming, danced well, and was basically everything I’m not. A guy I’d almost certainly hate. Are you jumping to conclusions here? How do you know he was all those things? Maybe he was just some guy who was in the right place at a time when she would settle for anyone, for whatever reason. > [@](#): > > …she is _astonishingly insecure_, probably the most deep-down frightened and paranoid person I’ve ever met. This mostly manifests in insane accusations, verbal abuse, and even physical aggression… that’s something else that’s busily destroying our relationship… **Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!** You mentioned before that she’s digging deep into the details of your past. That, plus what you’ve just said about her here, point pretty loudly to the reason this one thing is driving you nuts. Consider the possibility that maybe your instincts are shouting that this relationship has become a pretty bad situation for you. I don’t know enough to give advice except to be honest with yourself, Reuben. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-would-you-be-jealous-about-this-adult-content/325877.md?page=5)