# Guys, Y U no listen? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 11, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424 "2013-04-11T17:32:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/21 "2013-04-11T18:25:17Z")
Of course MOL did nothing wrong and the guy was a huge douche nozzle. Anyone who thinks otherwise has some serious hangups or issues. ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Pumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@Ms.Pumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Pumpkin)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/22 "2013-04-11T18:30:00Z")
What a jerk. Buuuut, I think you took the niceness thing a little too far by sitting on the couch with him for 10 mins. (I assume you were both on the couch since you said he was touching you). I agree with you, though. You _should_ have been able to expect (especially after spelling it out for him), that he would be respectful of your wishes and not pull that type of crap. I have the opposite problem - last time I invited a guy over, he declined. And I was not at all ambiguous about my intentions, either. :smack: Also slightly jealous that your admirers are 23 year old boys. I only seem to attract elderly men! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/23 "2013-04-11T18:31:38Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > You’d be surprised how quickly a perfectly good guy will turn into a scumbag if he thinks there’s an even remote chance of him touching a labia. Forsooth! Apparently in his mind it was well and good to be nice and respectful, but the moment he heard the word “apartment,” it was kosher to turn into a dumb, drooling dog. Everything I said after that sounded like the Charlie Brown “woh woh woh” voice, so he smiled and agreed to everything I said next because, you know, vagina! Fucking people, I swear. The worst part is he seemed so cool with the agreement, showed no skeeviness, and was like, “I totally understand, and I totally get it. I appreciate your being so nice. Thanks.” Terrific! [And then 5 minutes later…](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/001/582/picard-facepalm.jpg?1240934151) > [@](#): > > Yes, this is all her fault. Yup. Being nice to someone who’s given no signs of being an asshole makes me a screw up. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/24 "2013-04-11T18:34:00Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Apparently! I know what an invitation means, which is why I made with the couldn’t-be-clearer disclaimers, and he seemed nice, hadn’t been inappropriate earlier, the terrible downpour was a special circumstance, he insisted that he understood, so I thought he understood. Nope! Lesson learned: Everybody --no exceptions-- is terrible. So you admit you were coming on to him. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/25 "2013-04-11T18:34:46Z")
Wow! Has he never heard no means no? I am a very active guy and I think I need my action as much as the next guy…but I will NEVER understand this GRABBY attitude. Who raised this guy? Honestly? They should have raised him a gentleman. That doesn’t mean he can’t make the first move but…gee… I’ve always found if you give a woman her space she will want you all the more for respecting her. NEVER failed me. Do guys seriously not get that…? ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/26 "2013-04-11T18:35:42Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Right? WHY IS THIS?! It drives me completely nuts. It’s like there is literally nothing you can say to make some people go away. Yes means yes and no means try harder. Good Jesus. Maybe because of stuff like [this.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcIvIladNnQ) > [@](#): > > What would you do, to get to me? > What would you say, to have your way? > Would you give it up or try again? > If I hesitate to let you in? > Now would you be yourself, or play a role? > Tell all the boys, or keep it low? > If I say no, would you turn away, > Or play me off or would you stay? > Oh I’m totally on your side **MOL.** I’m just trying to make a point. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/27 "2013-04-11T18:38:35Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Everybody --no exceptions-- is terrible. That’s probably a good general rule to keep yourself safe when dealing with men. You really can’t be clear enough with guys. There was one time I met a nice guy at a bar when I was 19, we had a lot of common interests and interesting conversation, and I realized after a bit that he was hitting on me. That’s flattering, but I made it clear to him that I didn’t swing that way, but we kept having a conversation. You’d think that’d be the end of the story, no? I’m not hurting his feeling by not being interested in him, I’m just not interested in any men. (ETA: I’m male myself, in case it’s ambiguous.) At the end of the night, I walk back with him to my bus stop, which passes by his house. He asks me in. I say no. He asks again, I said, really, I don’t think that’s a good idea, I just met you, and, nothing against you, I don’t go home with people I just met. OK, let me call you a cab says he. I said, ok, that’s fine. He calls, and I’m waiting in the street. We make idle chit chat. I’m not even convinced he called a cab at this point, as I’m waiting outside for like fifteen minutes or so. I say, forget it, I’ll just grab the bus. So we say our goodbyes. He asks for a hug. At this point, I’m worn down and just want him off my back, so I agree. He hugs me and all of a sudden I feel a wet tongue going up my neck. I push him off me, and that’s just when the cab rounds the corner. He sticks ten dollars in my hand, and I’m off in the cab. Never saw him again. At that point I kind of realized, wow, I kinda sorta am getting a glimpse of what women must deal with all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/28 "2013-04-11T18:41:21Z")
I’m sorry he didn’t listen to you, **MOL**. I guess you learned your lesson - being nice just doesn’t pay off. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/29 "2013-04-11T18:42:05Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Maybe because of stuff like [this.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcIvIladNnQ) > > I’m totally on your side **MOL.** I’m just trying to make a point. Because…of Aaliyah? ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/30 "2013-04-11T18:43:06Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Because…of Aaliyah? It’s an example. I’m sure there’s countless others. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/31 "2013-04-11T18:43:32Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > I’ve always found if you give a woman her space she will want you all the more for respecting her. NEVER failed me. > > Do guys seriously not get that…? You know, this smells vaguely gamey, but I kind of agree with the premise. I love dogs and cats equally, but I’d rather pet the cat that sidles over, plays it cool and gives me some space than the embarrassingly overzealous dog which humps my leg with its tongue lolling out. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/32 "2013-04-11T18:44:09Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > You know, this smells vaguely gamey, but I kind of agree with the premise. I love dogs and cats equally, but I’d rather pet the cat that sidles over, plays it cool and gives me some space than the embarrassingly overzealous dog which humps my leg with its tongue lolling out. It’s not “gamey” at all. It’s human nature. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/33 "2013-04-11T18:44:32Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > It’s an example. I’m sure there’s countless others. Examples of what exactly? Music being a poor benchmark to use to judge social situations? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/34 "2013-04-11T18:45:03Z")
Eugh. Reminds me… several years back, I was very upfront with an okcupid dude that I didn’t kiss on first dates–I will now, but back then I was relatively inexperienced and preferred to take things slow. We had a decent dinner at TGIFriday’s (hah, I know) and went back to his place–I made it clear that I just wanted to hang out. We played guitar hero with his roommates while smoking hookah, and I was having a really good time. Then his roommates all left the room–whether on accident or whether he orchestrated it, I dunno. Suddenly, he started sucking on my face _and made a swipe for my crotch_. I made a beeline for the door and got the fuck out of there (fortunately, I’d driven there myself). Luckily for him, we were on his turf and I could get away. If he tried to pull that shit at my place, he would’ve had to surgically remove his nuts from his lower intestines. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/35 "2013-04-11T18:45:11Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > That’s probably a good general rule to keep yourself safe when dealing with men. You really can’t be clear enough with guys. There was one time I met a nice guy at a bar when I was 19, we had a lot of common interests and interesting conversation, and I realized after a bit that he was hitting on me. That’s flattering, but I made it clear to him that I didn’t swing that way, but we kept having a conversation. You’d think that’d be the end of the story, no? I’m not hurting his feeling by not being interested in him, I’m just not interested in any men. (ETA: I’m male myself, in case it’s ambiguous.) > > At the end of the night, I walk back with him to my bus stop, which passes by his house. He asks me in. I say no. He asks again, I said, really, I don’t think that’s a good idea, I just met you, and, nothing against you, I don’t go home with people I just met. OK, let me call you a cab says he. I said, ok, that’s fine. He calls, and I’m waiting in the street. We make idle chit chat. I’m not even convinced he called a cab at this point, as I’m waiting outside for like fifteen minutes or so. I say, forget it, I’ll just grab the bus. So we say our goodbyes. He asks for a hug. At this point, I’m worn down and just want him off my back, so I agree. He hugs me and all of a sudden I feel a wet tongue going up my neck. I push him off me, and that’s just when the cab rounds the corner. He sticks ten dollars in my hand, and I’m off in the cab. Never saw him again. > > At that point I kind of realized, wow, I kinda sorta am getting a glimpse of what women must deal with all the time. You sure you don’t like guys just a little bit? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/36 "2013-04-11T18:45:26Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > At that point I kind of realized, wow, I kinda sorta am getting a glimpse of what women must deal with all the time. All the time. It’s pretty freaking awful. Sorry you had to deal with that situation though, it’s gross no matter how many times it happens to you in life. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/37 "2013-04-11T18:45:49Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > It’s not “gamey” at all. It’s human nature. Yeah, and it works in both directions. I don’t know if everyone responds to it, but for a lot of us, the “forbidden fruit” or “thrill of the chase” heightens perceived attractiveness. I know some people hate it, but I like a little tension like that. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/38 "2013-04-11T18:49:06Z")
> [@robert\_columbia](#): > > Where do you find these guys? Picking up men at bars can tend to produce boyfriends with certain common qualities. Searching for dates at a church, on a college campus, the local probation office, an Army base, a country club, or an art museum are likely, on average, to yield different types of guys. It’s certainly not determinative but if you keep getting ones you don’t like then why not try someplace else? What are you looking for? If you’re looking for “no sex before marriage \<3” types, churches pretty much can’t be beat for this. Wait, so because she doesn’t want to fuck this particular guy on the first date, you’re assuming she’s looking for a “no sex until marriage” situation? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/39 "2013-04-11T18:50:16Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > All the time. It’s pretty freaking awful. Sorry you had to deal with that situation though, it’s gross no matter how many times it happens to you in life. It wasn’t traumatizing or anything, but it was creepy as fuck. Luckily, I didn’t feel physically threatened by the guy, so that made a big difference. I really should have been out of there much earlier, especially as he was buying me Long Islands, telling me I was a “handsome man” and offering to give me a massage (I made an off-hand remark about my legs being sore from running.) Yeah, shoulda picked up on those cues and made my exit earlier. Eh. I was 19. I just thought he was being harmless and playful. At any rate, I have a little more empathy for what women are talking about when they talk about this subject. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2013, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/40 "2013-04-11T18:53:04Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Examples of what exactly? Music being a poor benchmark to use to judge social situations? Well, it’s not like [playing](https://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=playing+hard+to+get&spell=1&sa=X&ei=6gRnUcHNN-nj4APziYCwDA&ved=0CCwQvwUoAA&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.45107431,d.dmg&fp=7ba18c8bee7ed8c8&biw=1792&bih=727) hard to [get](http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=playing+hard+to+get+dating+advice&oq=playing+hard+to+get+dating+advice&gs_l=youtube.12...10638.12750.0.15446.14.9.0.5.5.0.81.569.9.9.0...0.0...1ac.1.eXhNgqxjFQ4) is an alien concept. You’re right though. These are all probably poor benchmarks to judge social situations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=3)