# Guys, Y U no listen? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 11, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424 "2013-04-11T17:32:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 20
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/382 "2013-04-13T01:25:19Z")
> [@Carl\_Corey](#): > > Because its all about her being at fault. No matter what. Jesus Christ. Why this fixation on fault? I’m just saying the reality is what it is. Complaining on a message board isn’t going to alter the makeup of the men out there that **MOL** and others are dating and co-mingling with. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/383 "2013-04-13T01:27:07Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > So we should behave as though all men lack self-control and will attempt to force themselves on us? Okay, but I bet you’re about to be stormed and attacked by the MRA brigade. **Der Trihs? blindboyard? solosam/lonecashew? Steophan?** Y’all cool with this, right? What’s your takeaway then? Keep having these sorts of incidents occurring, then be able to come here and dump on all the men? THAT sounds like a good plan. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/384 "2013-04-13T01:29:24Z")
Sorry, I should have been clearer. I meant her as in women in general. It was more a comment on some of the creepier posters. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/385 "2013-04-13T01:30:33Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > But, the fact that MOL said what she said acknowledges that guys like that exist. She acknowledges the “flimsy pretext” issue and shuts it down by saying, unequivocally, “this is not that situation”. So I think we are more than well aware of the fact that guys are out there who believe that an invite into the apartment means sexytime will be happening. > > What I do NOT understand, is why they perpetuate that mentality, after being told unequivocally that will not happen. Evidently we are to believe that women aren’t to be believed when they say no, because that is all a part of the game, or something. Can’t help ya there. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/386 "2013-04-13T01:31:46Z")
> [@treis](#): > > This is how it looks to a guy: Guess I’m not a guy, penis notwithstanding. If some female-type person went through all the disclaimers **MoL** threw out there and still expected me to make a move, I’d judge her as having a few more issues than I’d be willing to put up with. You know what they say about the perils of fucking the crazy… > [@Ambivalid](#): > > There are guys out there, as evidenced by this thread, who DO think the words are nothing but a flimsy pretext meant to save some face by the lady, or play hard to get, or whatever. The point is the guys exist. So be cognizant of that fact and behave accordingly. Well, she said she will from now on. More’s the pity - now normal, decent guys maybe are going to get wet waiting in the rain because of their asshole brethren. Kinda sucks, but there you go. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/387 "2013-04-13T01:33:59Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > What’s your takeaway then? Keep having these sorts of incidents occurring, then be able to come here and dump on all the men? THAT sounds like a good plan. Honestly? I’d have done exactly the same thing she did, because guys are mostly awesome, and I was pretty sure that the douchbag PUA devotees were limited to this message board. I actually would have reserved pepper spray for dogs and the occasional weirdo stranger at the park, and would have thought that my firm “not gonna happen, bucko, but you’re welcome to shelter till your cab gets here” would have been sufficient. But thanks to **ThinksWithDick** , **AllYourNoesMeanYessss** , and **ButWhatAboutMyBallz**? Ima rethink everything, since I can’t tell the dedicated predators from the actual cool guys just by spending several hours talking to them. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/388 "2013-04-13T01:34:35Z")
Aaaand, now we’re back to “women, it’s dangerous out there, so don’t do ANYTHING because otherwise you’re liable to get hurt”. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > This thread is so stupid. After I hit submit, I had a moment of “Oh shit. I just opened myself to the ‘You should have known better. Men are incapable of being rational and decent human beings because they have penii’ crowd.” I was not expecting the “Well in his defense, bitches be lyin” crowd, and I certainly didn’t expect the “If we orchestrated wider access to pussy, this wouldn’t happen” defense. I was going to say that I was surprised at the lack of “OMG what were you thinking? Don’t you know you could have been RAPED AND MURDERED??? You can’t just walk around like acting like a human being, you’ve got to be CAREFUL and avoid any situation that might possibly be misinterpreted! You know, like walking or breathing or living in a state of dicklessness!!!111!!!”. But I guess that’s been taken care of. And I’m sure that all the womens out there are grateful to be informed of these ideas that they’ve never ever thought of or heard before. :rolleyes: ETA: And y’all are still too fast for me. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/389 "2013-04-13T01:38:18Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > But thanks to **ThinksWithDick** , **AllYourNoesMeanYessss** , and **ButWhatAboutMyBallz**? Ima rethink everything, since I can’t tell the dedicated predators from the actual cool guys just by spending several hours talking to them. Very little on this board makes me actually laugh out loud, but these usernames are still making me giggle. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/390 "2013-04-13T01:46:22Z")
> [@redtail23](#): > > Aaaand, now we’re back to “women, it’s dangerous out there, so don’t do ANYTHING because otherwise you’re liable to get hurt”. > I was going to say that I was surprised at the lack of “OMG what were you thinking? Don’t you know you could have been RAPED AND MURDERED??? You can’t just walk around like acting like a human being, you’ve got to be CAREFUL and avoid any situation that might possibly be misinterpreted! You know, like walking or breathing or living in a state of dicklessness!!!111!!!”. > > But I guess that’s been taken care of. And I’m sure that all the womens out there are grateful to be informed of these ideas that they’ve never ever thought of or heard before. > > :rolleyes: > > ETA: And y’all are still too fast for me. Look, I don’t understand this thread then. What is the end game? I mean, _I_ would never in a million years behave like the guy in the OP. Just like I’m sure most of the men of this board wouldn’t and most men in general wouldn’t. I think it was generally kind and empathetic of MOL to let the guy in when it was raining and late so he could call a cab. I don’t _fault_ her for that. However, the fact remains that guys like this do exist. So what to do? Hope that all these sorts of men frequent the Dope and read this thread and have their minds changed? Or was this OP just a cathartic sort of release? Should we just have been supporting her? If so, I wouldn’t have hesitated. It was a awful thing to go through, I’m sure. But if she wants to **avoid** such incidents in the future, what is the best thing to do? Just hope this was a “one time deal”? Hope that enough guys read this thread and had their minds changed? Or treat all men as if they are like the one in the OP until they show otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/391 "2013-04-13T01:52:51Z")
There’s this strange thing called “venting”. It’s something people do when someone or something has annoyed them. There’s also this invention sometimes called “the internet”. It has certain mileux where people gather in a social manner. Sometimes, those two things come together and people bitch about something annoying to other people online. But I’m sure that MeanOldLady truly appreciates your advice, because she’s never heard anything like it before. Since she’s just a silly little woman and doesn’t know how to take care of herself and all. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/392 "2013-04-13T01:57:42Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Or was this OP just a cathartic sort of release? I’m not going to presume to speak for **MoL** , but 9 times out 10 when someone posts something like this in MPSIMS, that’s exactly what it is. She didn’t post this in IMHO asking for opinions. She didn’t ask for any real opinions at all in her OP, far as I can tell - just vented with a title that seems pretty rhetorical to me. _shrug_ My impression, take it for the half-penny it is worth. I find it surreal that this thread has meandered on the way it has, but it’s not the first time something mundane has caught the attention of some segment of the board ( drinking milk in a bar anyone? ) and taken on a strange life of its own. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/393 "2013-04-13T02:10:11Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > No, not _any_ man but with a man with whom you had just been on a non-platonic date it is going to be received as a ‘go ahead’ to _some_ asshole men. This is not debated, right? So the take away is to assume all men are this way until they show themselves to be otherwise. Please stop posting to this thread. Everything you say is stupid and makes God angry. > [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > But, the fact that MOL said what she said acknowledges that guys like that exist. She acknowledges the “flimsy pretext” issue and shuts it down by saying, unequivocally, “this is not that situation”. So I think we are more than well aware of the fact that guys are out there who believe that an invite into the apartment means sexytime will be happening. > > What I do NOT understand, is why they perpetuate that mentality, after being told unequivocally that will not happen. Evidently we are to believe that women aren’t to be believed when they say no, because that is all a part of the game, or something. Right. And like I said on page 5 or something (I have no idea what page it was; I’m just making a number up) once upon a time maybe a year ago, a date asked if he could come in because he had to pee. I gave him the same “Motherfuckers always are trying to worm their way into a woman’s apt to try some shit, but it’s not happening” spiel, he promised he’d just pee and leave, and guess what. He did! Holy fucking shit, I told a guy that it wasn’t going to happen and he accepted that no means no. What a crazy world! ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/394 "2013-04-13T02:33:25Z")
> [@Dave\_Hartwick](#): > > Do countries that have legal prostitution have fewer rapes? Maybe a better question: when prostitution is legalized in a country, do rapes grow rarer? > . Rape rates are notoriously both unreliable and disputed. Read any rape thread on this board and you’ll notice that depending on the source, between 96.7% and 0.3% of women are raped in the USA. good luck trying to compare between two countries. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/395 "2013-04-13T03:05:56Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > You are so fucking stupid that it’s not even funny. This is a warning for you since, by now, you should know very well where to take insults. Don’t do this again. To everyone else: Let’s back off the snarky posting and apparent outrage and take it back a few notches or the above won’t be the only warning in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/396 "2013-04-13T03:12:28Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Honestly? I’d have done exactly the same thing she did, because guys are mostly awesome, and I was pretty sure that the douchbag PUA devotees were limited to this message board. I actually would have reserved pepper spray for dogs and the occasional weirdo stranger at the park, and would have thought that my firm “not gonna happen, bucko, but you’re welcome to shelter till your cab gets here” would have been sufficient. > > But thanks to **ThinksWithDick** , **AllYourNoesMeanYessss** , and **ButWhatAboutMyBallz**? Ima rethink everything, since I can’t tell the dedicated predators from the actual cool guys just by spending several hours talking to them. This is a warning for you, as well. Cut out the insults and jabs in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Jungian\_Camisole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@Jungian\_Camisole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jungian_Camisole)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/397 "2013-04-13T03:13:03Z")
> [@LouLou7](#): > > God, this makes me glad I’m married and monogamous. Now the only questions before sex are if we both need to brush our teeth first, and if I haveta take my socks off and do it with cold feet. > > MOL, I think we just need to find you a husband and all your problems will be over. > > (well, it might create a new set of problems, but at least you can get regular sex with less stress) Heh. I was reading this thread wishing that I could clone my husband’s DNA with the hope that I could throw some Good Man genes into the pool. After reading some of these replies, I walked by him and gave him a smooch on the head while thanking him for being a decent human being. He replied, “Shut up, baby. I know it!”. MeanOldLady’s only mistake was kindness. It’s too bad that she now hates everyone, because I think she and I could have a lot of fun with a bottle of Jack Daniels and some healthy snark. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/398 "2013-04-13T03:28:28Z")
Is this thread some kind of SDMB record, 8 pages in a day? MOL, you’re not a) mean b) old, but you do sound like a lady. Sorry you had to put up with such a dickhead. I got nothing else to say except I read the whole thread and am glad that despite all the downsides in less than 12 months it will be the 20th anniversary with my wife… ---
**Author:** ![Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky_the_Wonder_Spirit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/399 "2013-04-13T03:58:51Z")
Of course, only the women are getting warned. I don’t know why I’m surprised. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/400 "2013-04-13T04:06:28Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > This is a warning for you, as well. Cut out the insults and jabs in this thread. SHE IS NOT EVEN REFERRING TO REAL POSTERS. What on earth was deserving of a warning there. Honestly. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/401 "2013-04-13T04:30:17Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > SHE IS NOT EVEN REFERRING TO REAL POSTERS. > > What on earth was deserving of a warning there. Honestly. Last I knew, douchbag was an insult. Secondly, the poster’s names she has listed refer to people who have posted in here, changed names or not. You can split hairs about it all you want, but the warning stands. Now lest this topic be hijack about the discussion of warnings, please feel free to make an ATMB thread if you have any further questions or discussion about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=19) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=21)