# Guys, Y U no listen? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 11, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424 "2013-04-11T17:32:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 40
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/782 "2013-04-18T22:36:17Z")
jaynist fucking crutch on a pogostick. Have you actually read any of these threads? treis didn’t just give that impression, he flatly said it, repeatedly. What the holy fuck is your point? Here’s a few highlights for you, since you evidently can’t be bothered to read anything. > [@treis](#): > > No, clearly an invitation up to a girl’s apartment on a flimsy excuse + an explicit prohibition on sex = she wants to fool around a bit. Maybe she does want to have sex, but she doesn’t want it to be her idea. … You know that apartment = sexy time. Are you not aware that women often use “I don’t want to have sex” to establish a limit, and that this phrase doesn’t mean no hanky panky? Or that some women want to have sex but they don’t want it to be their idea? > [@treis](#): > > To paraphrase Robin from How I Met Your Mother: “A Lady invents a respectable excuse to invite a man over when she wants to get stuck real good. It’s called class”. > [@Treis, no means no.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/426): > > “Because some women don’t always mean no when they say no.” > [@Treis, no means no.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/415): > > My argument was more or less that no doesn’t always mean no. … In this case, her no meeant “Yes, but I don’t want **treis** to think I’m a slut”. According to treis, a man following a woman around her appartment for 15 or 20 minutes and making repeated attempts to coerce her into sex (after she has explicitly and clearly told him that was not happening, and he professed to understand) is perfectly OK and to be expected. > [@treis](#): > > The guy got mixed signals, came to the wrong conclusion, made his move, and apparently left without much of a fuss after he got shot down. He’s not exactly what I call a monster. > [@Treis, no means no.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/464): > > In MOL’s case, no I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to try something given the situation. … I don’t think there is much disagreement about what I mean. Just, apparently, what is an acceptable follow up. … ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/783 "2013-04-18T22:48:27Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > This is an example of why this thread is particularly sad to me. At least in terms of men’s reactions, what I saw was maybe four or five examples of head-shakingly stupid reactions to the incident in the OP - perhaps not actually endorsing the behavior of the guy in the OP, but close enough. Well, **Hentor** , all I can say is that I do not (despite it being the message board format to do so) compartmentalize my feelings according to thread topic alone. Recent events in Steubenville and Canada, and my own RL experiences, the sexism/misogyny I see here when I bother to read over here (and I see it on the Giraffe Boards, too) weighed with me when I posted. Unlike you, I didn’t bother to take a head count to check how many upstanding male chose to represent for their gender, but I did notice the patronizing attitudes of those who were/are “just trying to help”. If they truly want to help, perhaps they’d stop telling women how to conduct themselves while wringing their hands about the state of the world today and start actually exerting some pressure on their male peers. > [@](#): > > Then probably the same number of guys who clearly and unequivocally stated that the guy was an idiot and no means no, but their comments somehow got caught up in a blender and turned into an anger provoking hash. Not at all-you didn’t read my post closely. I praised the few men who did stand up. I think you’re also counting those like **Ambivalid** and **Steophan** , who condescended to us and really weren’t helping in the slightest, but want to claim “good guy” status. I don’t count them. YMMV. > [@](#): > > Finally, there were maybe two guys whose comments did not seem to generate a controversy. You really like to count things. I’m sure there are probably others, but **LHOD’s** posts stand out as being very supportive without the chauvinism. I’m not about to wade thru this monster thread to find every example of good guys or schmucks. I’m going to bold this next part, so it’s not missed: \*\*The lasting impression (for me) is that a few guys get it, most don’t and some are actively trying to prevent themselves from seeing women as people. This is news? \*\*It’s depressing as hell, if you’re a woman. I’d like to think it’s depressing as hell if you’re a man as well, but I can’t speak to that, not being one. > [@](#): > > FWIW, my own reaction was to have some trepidation about replying or chiming in, so the “sea of shit” may just be a particularly discolored tidepool that doesn’t represent the larger ocean. Discretion is the better part and all that. Word to wise… > [@](#): > > I thought of this thread while lecturing about co-rumination as a contributor to depression and anxiety. How superior of you, darling. And this remark of yours is not to be taken as an intellectual dismissal of a fundamental problem women face. Not at all. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/784 "2013-04-18T23:22:37Z")
**redtail23** , whatever you’re responding to, it isn’t anything I wrote, and it doesn’t seem to be much of what other people are writing. **eleanorigby** , yeah, it’s really dumb to actually describe how few men are saying dumb things. It is much more helpful to magnify the problem and further snowball it up with other depressing things going on in the world. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/785 "2013-04-18T23:42:29Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > **redtail23** , whatever you’re responding to, it isn’t anything I wrote, and it doesn’t seem to be much of what other people are writing. > > **eleanorigby** , yeah, it’s really dumb to actually describe how few men are saying dumb things. It is much more helpful to magnify the problem and further snowball it up with other depressing things going on in the world. you’re a sanctimonious, condescending pusbag who either can’t read or can’t fucking count ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/786 "2013-04-19T00:04:00Z")
Seriously, Hentor? This thread calms down and you just had to stir it back up? ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/787 "2013-04-19T00:41:49Z")
I’m not gonna wade through this trainwreck to see if this point’s already been made, but I’d just like to say that if you want to be with the type of person who says no when they really mean yes, you probably deserve what you get from that relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/788 "2013-04-19T00:45:10Z")
Hentor, you lack reading comprehension and you’re projecting like a motherfuck. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/789 "2013-04-19T01:01:23Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > **eleanorigby** , yeah, it’s really dumb to actually describe how few men are saying dumb things. It is much more helpful to magnify the problem and further snowball it up with other depressing things going on in the world. Yes, because deploring misogyny is magnifying “the problem” and “further snowball[ing] it up.” Why not just say you think I am catastrophizing? You like those therap-y labels… The irony is that my remark about the “vast sea of pure shit” referred not only to the misogynistic culture we find ourselves in, but also the internet and message boards in particular. Now, I’m not a man, so perhaps I don’t know, but it appears to me that the internet is fairly large, maybe even vast. And there’s lots of shit on it. But hey, feel free to correct me in my own opinion: it’s a female opinion and as such, doesn’t count for much. Since you know nothing about dealing with the effects of misogyny on anything like a personal basis, I advise you to STFU about the issue. That trepidation you felt prior to posting? We girls call that gut instinct. Heed it. You, of course, may choose not to take this advice. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/790 "2013-04-19T01:10:56Z")
> [@Carl\_Corey](#): > > Seriously, Hentor? This thread calms down and you just had to stir it back up? a pusbag’s gotta ooze. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/791 "2013-04-19T01:26:08Z")
Thank you for that lovely image. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/792 "2013-04-19T01:33:45Z")
could have been worse if he’d been called a pimple ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/793 "2013-04-19T02:24:09Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > **eleanorigby** , yeah, it’s really dumb to actually describe how few men are saying dumb things. It is much more helpful to magnify the problem and further snowball it up with other depressing things going on in the world. Happy faces, ladies! Ignore the problem, like you’ve been doing for the history of mankind, and it’ll eventually go away! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/794 "2013-04-19T03:25:52Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Can’t tell if serious. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I would like to point out that when I said you "_Played the dumbass"_ that this doesn’t mean that I think you are a dumbass. From all of your other posts, I must say that it is quite obvious that you are not. Just that you played same in this instance. We all do dumb stuff, even one as brilliant as I. Yes, I am/was serious. You yourself acknowledged that you pulled a dumb stunt. (If I interpreted your “I know, I know” properly.) My post just attempted to give light that you were sending mixed signals, and bear/bore some of the blame for the crap turn of events. Again, I NEVER meant to imply that you are even close to a bona fide dumbass, and I apologize, and hope that you didn’t even think for one instant that I meant to. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky_the_Wonder_Spirit)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/795 "2013-04-19T03:27:58Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Happy faces, ladies! Ignore the problem, like you’ve been doing for the history of mankind, and it’ll eventually go away! Well, it would be a lot easier for Hentor to ignore it! And really, isn’t that the important thing? ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/796 "2013-04-19T03:41:18Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > My post just attempted to give light that you were sending mixed signals, and bear/bore some of the blame for the crap turn of events. Sweet Jesus. For the last time, as she described events there were NO mixed signals and she deserved zero blame. Zero. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/797 "2013-04-19T03:52:47Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Happy faces, ladies! Ignore the problem, like you’ve been doing for the history of mankind, and it’ll eventually go away! Scuse me, honey, but you’re kinda making a mountain out of a molehill. “Problem” is a _pretty harsh word_ to describe something that has never personally impacted **Hentor**. I’m sure that if you just take a deep breath and try to be reasonable, you’ll understand how you’ve blown it out of proportion and owe an apology to **Hentor** and others for how curt you’ve been. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/798 "2013-04-19T03:57:20Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Or wait…maybe he’s negging or playing dumb. hh, are you sending us signullz? No. Which means yes. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/799 "2013-04-19T03:57:45Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > MOST IMPORTANTLY, I would like to point out that when I said you "_Played the dumbass"_ that this doesn’t mean that I think you are a dumbass. From all of your other posts, I must say that it is quite obvious that you are not. > Just that you played same in this instance. We all do dumb stuff, even one as brilliant as I. > Yes, I am/was serious. You yourself acknowledged that you pulled a dumb stunt. (If I interpreted your “I know, I know” properly.) My post just attempted to give light that you were sending mixed signals, and bear/bore some of the blame for the crap turn of events. > > Again, I NEVER meant to imply that you are even close to a bona fide dumbass, and I apologize, and hope that you didn’t even think for one instant that I meant to. you’ll die soon and alone ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/800 "2013-04-19T03:59:16Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > Sweet Jesus. For the last time, as she described events there were NO mixed signals and she deserved zero blame. Zero. Well, that covers it all then, doesn’t it? I wasn’t sure that you were here to straighten everything out. It is so clear, now, with this pronouncement. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/801 "2013-04-19T04:00:50Z")
> [@colander](#): > > you’ll die soon and alone 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=39) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=41)