# Guys, Y U no listen? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 11, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424 "2013-04-11T17:32:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 42
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/822 "2013-04-20T00:30:22Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > Geez there’s a lot of shit in here, some of it funny some of it sad. > > I stand by what I said before but please note the qualifiers. Ask any bloke if he’s made bad decisions when a combination of a stiff dick and a few personality tablets (aka alcohol) have been involved and most will say yes. > > In this case, IMO, the OP, Mean old Lady didn’t do much wrong. Maybe could have stopped before taking him into the apartment, calling the cab from outside and leaving him in the lobby to wait, but she had every right to think “hey, he’s a nice enough bloke (I’m just not into him) he’s accepted the ground rules, no need to be a bitch” Fair call. > > The bloke on the other hand, also didn’t do too much wrong if I read the OP properly. He didn’t try to force anything, just tried to see if he could turn the situation around a bit. When I read “Touching” I think maybe the hand on the leg or shoulder, not going the grope. No real harm in gently testing the boundaries to make 100% sure apart from pissing off a bit the person who thought they made it pretty clear. > > Yes, No means No but unfortunately not all women play by the same rules. Some like to push a blokes buttons a bit by playing hard to get because they want to see how keen the bloke is. Some are open to seduction (NB, Seduction does not equal force or rape) > > I’ve had first had experience of a woman who needed to be seduced. She was apparently ready to go home, we were both standing when I came up behind her, put my hands on her waist and kissed her gently on the neck. Her mouth said “No”, her actions by pushing back against my groin and grabbing my hands and sliding them up to her breasts said something quite different. Couple of minutes later, she grabbed me by the front of the pants, asked where the bedroom was and led me there. > > Provided I read the OP correctly, this bloke wore out his welcome quickly because he kept pushing his luck past the point where it should have been totally obvious that it wasn’t his night, but didn’t do much that a very large number of men wouldn’t do in similar circumstances. If I’m missing something that may change my opinion. Yep. MOL’s story reminds me of the time one summer when I was selling cars when a couple drove up and asked for a specific used car. I knew we didn’t have one, but I told them I think we might, and they should park and I would show it to them. The one I “thought” we had was JUST sold (oh no!) but we had a couple of very similar cars. Point being, if you drive on the lot, I’m going to try to sell you a car. And if I get in your apartment at the end of a date, I’m going to try to take you to poundtown. All of which was just to say: MOL, whatchou doin’ tonight, girl? ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/823 "2013-04-20T00:33:08Z")
Oh wow what a great insightful analogy! I have totally changed my mind as a result and all thanks to **Rand Rover**. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/824 "2013-04-20T00:39:09Z")
> [@colander](#): > > has it perhaps occurred to you that we don’t need those things explained to us because we have been over this shit literally billions and billions of times both on the internet and in our real lives. Sometimes people reason out loud; sometimes people are encountering ideas for the first time. What you’ve discussed over and over is new to them, and just like you had to discuss it and think about it for a first time, so do they. RR is repulsive as always. His dick=a used car. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/825 "2013-04-20T00:49:46Z")
> [@colander](#): > > has it perhaps occurred to you that we don’t need those things explained to us because we have been over this shit literally billions and billions of times both on the internet and in our real lives > > if not, please explain why not It’s a thread titled “Men y u no listen”. An explanation of why men don’t listen is the fucking point - or at least, _a_ fucking point - of the thread. When the answer to that question is, basically, this is the set of cultural expectations that leads to this happening, repeatedly saying that it isn’t, or it shouldn’t be, is a waste of time. You can either try to change the situation, which will involve both men and women listening to each other and changing their behaviour, or you can ignore what’s being said, insult and ridicule people (see most of the replies to my post for a cite), and leave things as they are. It’s clear from this thread and others that most of the people who are vocal about this issue here favour the latter. It won’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/826 "2013-04-20T00:50:24Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > RR is repulsive as always. Aw shucks. Thanks man. I’m just doin’ what I can do, you know? You’re making me all embarrassed and shit man, geeeeeez . . . > [@](#): > > His dick=a used car. Fine corinthian leather, bitch! ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/827 "2013-04-20T01:20:36Z")
Relevant song: [Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes - Don't Leave Me This Way - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2WKoN8K6nI) Especially relevant lyrics: You started this fire down in my soul Now can’t you see it’s burning out of control Come on (now) satisfy the need in me Only your good lovin’ can set me free ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/828 "2013-04-20T01:26:06Z")
Ah, Hell, another installment of “Everything I Know About Sex I Learned from the Male Cast of The Big Bang Theory”. Some of you drycods are a little late to the party, but you are probably hoping you’ll find one passed out on top of the coats. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/829 "2013-04-20T01:26:49Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > It’s a thread titled “Men y u no listen”. An explanation of why men don’t listen is the fucking point - or at least, _a_ fucking point - of the thread. When the answer to that question is, basically, this is the set of cultural expectations that leads to this happening, repeatedly saying that it isn’t, or it shouldn’t be, is a waste of time. Perhaps we have a failure of communication here. The internet meme that takes the form of “A y u no B” is not actually a request for information from A about the reasoning behind its refusal to do B. Rather, it is an expression of _impotent frustration_ at the unfortunate state of affairs depicted. [Click here](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/y-u-no-guy) for more details. > [@](#): > > You can either try to change the situation, which will involve both men and women listening to each other and changing their behaviour, or you can ignore what’s being said, insult and ridicule people (see most of the replies to my post for a cite), and leave things as they are. It’s clear from this thread and others that most of the people who are vocal about this issue here favour the latter. > > It won’t work. Of course you are right. The only way to end rape is to engage calmly and rationally with every comer who insists that it is totally understandable that the man in our story chose to interpret a _literal request for no sexual advances_ as a seductive wink. Gee, with your help, we might just solve this “rape” issue tonight! ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/830 "2013-04-20T01:40:44Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > It’s a thread titled “Men y u no listen”. An explanation of why men don’t listen is the fucking point - or at least, _a_ fucking point - of the thread. When the answer to that question is, basically, this is the set of cultural expectations that leads to this happening, repeatedly saying that it isn’t, or it shouldn’t be, is a waste of time. > > You can either try to change the situation, which will involve both men and women listening to each other and changing their behaviour, or you can ignore what’s being said, insult and ridicule people (see most of the replies to my post for a cite), and leave things as they are. It’s clear from this thread and others that most of the people who are vocal about this issue here favour the latter. > > It won’t work. Internet lovers don’t listen because they lack real life experience, are bitter and mistrustful of the women they can’t easily get, and are operating on TV tropes to direct their actions. Men with actual experience listen to the word “no” and either pack up and move on, or they have patience which is far more likely to pay off than attempted force. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/831 "2013-04-20T02:26:54Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Some of you drycods are a little late to the party, but you are probably hoping you’ll find one passed out on top of the coats. So . . . is she cute? Just kidding. I don’t really care if she’s cute. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a6a055/32.png) [@Tequila\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Party)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/832 "2013-04-20T02:44:07Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Oh wow what a great insightful analogy! I have totally changed my mind as a result and all thanks to **Rand Rover**. Seriously. Some of these so-called “men” undoubtedly need a helmet to get outside of their house. If they’ve even _seen_ a real woman beyond their mother, I’d be shocked. Cue cutting, sexist remark. I’ll brace myself for the stunning wit to be directed my way that’s already been on display. I’m sure I’ve signaled for it. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/833 "2013-04-20T02:50:08Z")
honestly what this message board needs is a good old-fashioned cull ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/834 "2013-04-20T02:55:11Z")
Y’know, if a male animal can’t restrain itself from having sex with random things/people, the usual solution is castration. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/835 "2013-04-20T02:57:19Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > His dick=a used car. Not just that, but a used car so bad he has to lie to people to get them to settle for it. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/836 "2013-04-20T03:21:57Z")
And the sea of shit gets bigger… And people wonder/act “amazed” that there is misogyny rampant on this board (and online in general). ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/837 "2013-04-20T03:47:25Z")
Wait . . . where’s the misogyny here? ---
**Author:** ![sidhechaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sidhechaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidhechaos)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/838 "2013-04-20T04:07:42Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Right? WHY IS THIS?! It drives me completely nuts. It’s like there is literally nothing you can say to make some people go away. Yes means yes and no means try harder. Good Jesus. “I’m being treated for syphilis” usually works really well. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/839 "2013-04-20T05:49:27Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Wait . . . where’s the misogyny here? I’ll buy you a mirror, since apparently you don’t have any available. Which is odd for such a narcissistic cock. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/840 "2013-04-20T10:29:15Z")
I think everyone here needs a little more thiamine in their diets. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2013, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/841 "2013-04-20T13:33:57Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > I’ll buy you a mirror, since apparently you don’t have any available. Which is odd for such a narcissistic cock. You are a rapist. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=41) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424.md?page=43)