# Guys: Y'all Ever Measure Your Penis? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 22, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169 "2011-02-22T00:59:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/1 "2011-02-22T00:59:55Z")
If so, what did you use, a wooden yardstick, a carpenter’s measuring tape or a **tailor’s** measuring tape? I myself have used a measuring tape, because it does stretch a bit. When you thought you’d gotten it all the way rigid, did you grunt a bit and lift your ass off the bed? An old friend of mine, who was way overweight, told me once he could never be a golfer. “Why not?”, I asked him. “Because if I put the ball where I could see it, I couldn’t hit it, and if put it where I could hit it, I couldn’t see it.” I’m willing to bet he’s never measured _his_. Unless he had a gastric. And then he’d have to move all that skin out of the way.:eek: And I’ll bet my friend **Johnny L A** has some previous threads about this he’s about to link us to? I thought mine might be a bit unique, however.🙂 Quasi ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/2 "2011-02-22T01:13:41Z")
What did I use? An odometer. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/3 "2011-02-22T01:15:16Z")
Parsecs. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/4 "2011-02-22T01:18:43Z")
Your penis made the Kessel Run? ---
**Author:** ![Heyoka13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Heyoka13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heyoka13)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/5 "2011-02-22T01:43:29Z")
Are we allowed to use 'Your mother . . ." type snappy come backs here? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Heyoka13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Heyoka13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heyoka13)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/6 "2011-02-22T01:44:31Z")
Response #2: I’ve never measured it, but I can tell you the water is cold and deep in the company urinal . . . ---
**Author:** ![Silophant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@Silophant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silophant)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/7 "2011-02-22T01:44:45Z")
Nope, my arms aren’t long enough to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/8 "2011-02-22T01:45:45Z")
Produce scale. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/9 "2011-02-22T01:48:06Z")
I love Richard Pryor! All these are hilarious, guys, thanks. I don’t know if I can do this legally here, but we all need to direct our attention to our Kiwi friends in New Zealand who are going through an earthquake… Thanks Q ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/10 "2011-02-22T02:07:35Z")
I used GPS. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/11 "2011-02-22T03:17:38Z")
‘I know what you’re thinking, baby; and if I told you, you’d think I was talking centimeters!’ ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Me](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mr.Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Me)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/12 "2011-02-22T03:25:30Z")
Any guy that says he’s never measured it is a liar, and a fool if he admits that he has. As long (heh) as it gets the job done, who cares? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/13 "2011-02-22T03:53:06Z")
I can confidently state that my penis is long enough to reach my body. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/14 "2011-02-22T04:49:39Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I can confidently state that my penis is long enough to reach my body. _I_ can confidently state that my penis is long enough to reach _her_\*, and _that’s_ all that matters. 🙂 - and then some. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/15 "2011-02-22T05:14:14Z")
Bongos. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/16 "2011-02-22T06:56:55Z")
My wife’s hands. Is four hands big or not? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/17 "2011-02-22T07:32:23Z")
> [@Heyoka13](#): > > Response #2: > I’ve never measured it, but I can tell you the water is cold and deep in the company urinal . . . And the bottom’s _sandy_. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/18 "2011-02-22T07:42:56Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > I myself have used a measuring tape, because it does stretch a bit. Okay, I have to asked: the measuring tape or your penis? ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/19 "2011-02-22T08:09:15Z")
**elf**! :):)🙂 Both! 🙂 OMG! I don’t _believe_ I made that mistake!!! ROTFLMAO!!! Q ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169/20 "2011-02-22T08:22:25Z")
I compare mine to a ruler that’s flying by at relativistic speed. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-yall-ever-measure-your-penis/572169.md?page=2)