# Gwyneth gives birth to Apple **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 15, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270 "2004-05-15T13:35:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9dc877/32.png) [@Mr\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/1 "2004-05-15T13:35:35Z")
\*HOLLYWOOD A-lister Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth to her first child - a baby girl - at a London hospital, it was announced today. The Oscar-winning actress and her singer husband Chris Martin have named their daughter **Apple** Blythe Alison Martin.\* Oh my. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/2 "2004-05-15T13:43:49Z")
What? Did I miss something? Apple is ardly a common name, but I’ve heard much worse. Actually, its the _rest_ of her name that bothers me. A bit too fancy for my tastes. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/3 "2004-05-15T13:50:43Z")
Blythe is her mother’s name, and Alison is a pretty name, but Apple? Oh, yeah, they’re celebrities; it’s a requirement they name their kid something odd. Yeah, it could be worse, but if they have another one, are they going to name her Pear? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/4 "2004-05-15T14:31:56Z")
It’s a horse name. C’mere Apple! Here’s a sugar cube for my girl! ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/5 "2004-05-15T14:38:17Z")
Think of it this way, she could have been named [Uglyfruit](http://happy.net.ut.ee/lume/pics2002/7-july-ny/ugly_fruit.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/6 "2004-05-15T14:39:20Z")
it is good to see Mr.Martin’s first name is Chris, instead of Adam. ---
**Author:** ![janiejungletemptress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@janiejungletemptress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janiejungletemptress)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/7 "2004-05-15T15:30:51Z")
> [@astro](#): > > It’s a horse name. > > C’mere Apple! Here’s a sugar cube for my girl! f-in hilarious! lmao (hearing it in some southern, backwoods tone) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/8 "2004-05-15T17:20:56Z")
I’ve always been a strong proponent of freedom for the individual, but I’m starting to think we need federal legislation prohibiting celebrities from giving silly names to their children. “Hello, Ms Paltrow, I’m Special Agent Smith with the Federal Name Bureau.” “How can I help you?” “Well, first off Ms Paltrow I want to congratualate you on the upcoming birth of your child.” “Why thank you.” “Unfortunately Ms Paltrow, that’s not the reason I’m here. We’ve been reading some disturbing reports in People magazine and the National Enquirer. Specifically that you’re planning to name your child Apple.” “Well…we haven’t decided…” “Ms Paltrow, are you aware that Apple is a fruit not a name?” “We were only thinking about it…” “I’m sorry Ms Paltrow but with the welfare of a child in jeopardy, we can’t afford to wait. I’m afraid that I’m going to have to invoke Section 12, Paragraph A of the Celebrity Offspring Nomenclature Act. As of this moment your daughter will be issued the provisional name Mary. In the event that you give birth to a son, his provisional name will be John. You will be entitled to submit alternative names to our field office for a period of up to ninety days following the child’s birth. After that time, the names we have issued will be permanent. Do you understand these procedures?” “Yes, but I hardly think all this was necessary.” “Try telling that to Rumor Willis, Ms Paltrow.” ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/9 "2004-05-15T17:24:49Z")
Sounds like a porn star name. This poor child will be teased mercilessly (kind of like I’m doing) if she goes to the wrong schools. ---
**Author:** ![Helena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c68b51/32.png) [@Helena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/10 "2004-05-15T17:42:37Z")
I knew a girl named Apple once. (She was Asian–I’m not sure where from, as I was very young at the time and barely understood such things.) ---
**Author:** ![Halfpint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f0a364/32.png) [@Halfpint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Halfpint)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/11 "2004-05-15T18:28:15Z")
I don’t think it matters how famous her parents are, that kid is going to be teased so very badly. And it does make you wonder about the entire process of choosing the name. What on earth made them even think of ‘Apple’? A friend has just suggested that they call the next one Macintosh, so they can have an Apple Mac. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/12 "2004-05-15T19:39:26Z")
It always drives me nuts when new parents say, “We named her [idiotic, “creative” first name], but we’re going to CALL her [normal second name].” And I can only assume Paltrow and Martin are of the same ilk. God help us if their next child is Vodka … then we’d have an Apple Martin(i) and a Vodka Martin(i). ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/13 "2004-05-15T19:42:35Z")
No, no, no…the second one’s to be called Pip. ---
**Author:** ![Saturnine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Saturnine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saturnine)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/14 "2004-05-15T19:44:18Z")
I don’t have a problem with it, I’ve run into names that are _much_ worse. And it’s pretty in a weird sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/15 "2004-05-15T20:11:58Z")
Ugh. Nothing else to say- just _ugh_. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/16 "2004-05-15T20:21:39Z")
I like it. At least it’s a real word, not “LaKeySha3WahMaHona” (The “3” is silent.) > [@Halfpint](#): > > What on earth made them even think of ‘Apple’? She’s the apple of their eye(s)? (Do people still say that?) ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/17 "2004-05-15T20:25:14Z")
They can name the next kid Microsoft. ---
**Author:** ![Beauty\_Personified](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@Beauty\_Personified](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beauty_Personified)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/18 "2004-05-15T21:40:43Z")
That’s just rotten. 😉 If I ever have a son, and me and my wench are not married at the time, I’ll name him “Bastard”. I myself was born a bastard (that’s my excuse 😉 ) but was adopted by a wonderful married couple. Kids tend to get messy, so I’m sure we’ll have a dirty Bastard. I like “Ookla” for a girl. It has kind of a cavewoman ring to it. And cavewomen are cool. If we end up with twins, I’ll name the first one “Baby” and the second one “Afterbirth”. If the second is a girl, we can call her “Bertha”, for short. Maybe “Bert”, if it’s a boy. Anyhoo… ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/19 "2004-05-15T22:15:54Z")
Let’s just hope Little Apple never meets Dennis Rodman. Y’know, the _Worm_ Worm in the Apple. I’ll shut up now. Being the conspiracy theoriest that I am, I am starting to think that Celebrities name their kids these stupid names for a reason ( other than to prove they are flakes.) Maybe they release to the press that they named their baby " Apple" but really the child’s name is Slyvia or Janice or something equally bland and are in training to be a superspy. Being that they will presumably have looks, money and access to places that us mere mortals will never get into ( except in E! or Great Vacation Destinations on the Travel Channels Sweeps Week.) and they are keeping the World Safe and Secure from bombs and germ warfare and bad, icky things. It’s all so suspicious. :dubious: I mean, what if Brittany Spears, who really has zero talent and everyone agrees with this, is actually a Super Agent or a plant by the Government to Make A Spectacle In Front Of The World to detract the cameras and attention from Bigger Problems at hand. Exhibit A: Janet Jackson’s Wardrobe Malfunction. The next day or so after Tittygate some important bill that would have caused a big bruhaha on all the news networks was passed and was buried in the newspapers while society yammered on about the indecency of a boob. Exhibit B: Recently [Brittany &her engaged to another woman who is pregnant iwth his child lover](http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004220983,00.html) is caught on camera practically dry humping said guy. But [this](http://www.tri-cityherald.com/tch/business/story/5063012p-4990803c.html) story about a recent bill missing being passed by one vote, seems to have sank in the riptide of news stories. [Mulder] Something’s going on out there. [/mulder] ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270/20 "2004-05-15T22:42:48Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Blythe is her mother’s name, and Alison is a pretty name, but Apple? Chris Martin’s mother is named Alison. I think it would have been lovely had they just named her after the two grandmothers. Alison Blythe (Blythe Alison sounds too much like Blithe Spirit), _nicknamed_ Apple. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gwyneth-gives-birth-to-apple/245270.md?page=2)