# Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Ted Haggard **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2006, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932 "2006-11-03T03:27:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/21 "2006-11-03T16:08:14Z")
This is one of those “oh shit” days for me & my religio-political ilk. Love to believe it’s mostly not true, but - dammit. That said, I commend the Pit thread on this for starting out on a higher tone than this. The messengers may fail & falter but the Word stands Eternal. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/22 "2006-11-03T16:17:41Z")
Ha! That it all. ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/23 "2006-11-03T16:30:06Z")
[QUOTE=Tomcat] Something this big requires that the leader step aside if it has any impact on the organization he is running. I think it is responsible. [/QUOTE] Paging Mr. Hastert… ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/24 "2006-11-03T16:34:33Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] The messengers may fail & falter but the Word stands Eternal. [/QUOTE] That’s an interesting statement, FT. It goes somewhat along with Stasheff’s line about having many doubts about the church but only questions about the faith. Mind you, I fall on the ‘it’s put together by men so I doubt in the first place’ stage. But I still think your approach is interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Sal\_Ammoniac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sal\_Ammoniac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sal_Ammoniac)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/25 "2006-11-03T17:45:28Z")
Does anyone here have a gaydar handy, so they can scan the man’s picture? My own gaydar is factory-defective. And I have to confess that I had never heard of this guy till yesterday, which is sort of ironic – outing trumps the Word, it seems. ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/26 "2006-11-03T18:39:05Z")
[QUOTE=Sal Ammoniac] Does anyone here have a gaydar handy, so they can scan the man’s picture? My own gaydar is factory-defective. And I have to confess that I had never heard of this guy till yesterday, which is sort of ironic – outing trumps the Word, it seems. [/QUOTE] Aw. This is a lot more fun when you’ve seen _Jesus Camp_ already and know what a big deal t his guy is. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/27 "2006-11-03T18:51:14Z")
This is what [Fox](http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,227159,00.html) has to say > [@](#): > > Church member E.J. Cox, 25, called the claims “ridiculous.” > > “People are always saying stuff about Pastor Ted,” she said. “ **You just sort of blow it off**. He’s just like anyone else in the public eye.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/28 "2006-11-03T19:53:07Z")
> **[Church forces out Haggard for 'sexually immoral conduct' - CNN.com](http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/03/haggard.allegations/index.html)** > > The Rev. Ted Haggard agreed Saturday to resign as leader of the megachurch he started in his basement more than 20 years ago after its independent investigative board said he was guilty of "sexually immoral conduct." Haggard has admitted to calling male prostitute Mike Jones for drugs and a massage. However, he threw away the drugs, and never had sex with him. Riiight. ---
**Author:** ![Sal\_Ammoniac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sal\_Ammoniac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sal_Ammoniac)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/29 "2006-11-03T20:44:19Z")
By the time you’ve admitted buying meth and soliciting a male prostitute for a “massage,” you might as well come clean, because you’ve basically bitten the bullet. Why hold out on the last few tidbits? These things always follow the same predictable course. ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/30 "2006-11-03T20:49:46Z")
I suppose we could go back to what the definition of what is is. Besides, does a happy ending = sex? For me at the Asian spa, no. For me talking with the college-aged daughter, **YES**! ---
**Author:** ![homeskillet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7ba0ec/32.png) [@homeskillet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/homeskillet)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/31 "2006-11-03T20:50:01Z")
[QUOTE=Absolute] > **[Church forces out Haggard for 'sexually immoral conduct' - CNN.com](https://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/03/haggard.allegations/index.html)** > > The Rev. Ted Haggard agreed Saturday to resign as leader of the megachurch he started in his basement more than 20 years ago after its independent investigative board said he was guilty of "sexually immoral conduct." Haggard has admitted to calling male prostitute Mike Jones for drugs and a massage. However, he threw away the drugs, and never had sex with him. Riiight. [/QUOTE] A massage? A deep, penetrating, massage? It was a prostate exam really, guys his age should be checked regularly, like once a month right? As for the meth, well I’m sure he just thought those were bath salts. That works. Right? ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/32 "2006-11-03T21:02:52Z")
[QUOTE=AngelicGemma] Ha! That it all. [/QUOTE] You mean… Haw haw haw! …right? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/33 "2006-11-03T21:15:36Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] **Shirley** , I think that diminishes you. Unless your BIL is also a hypocrite? [/QUOTE] Oh, I wouldn’t say anything, that would be rude. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/34 "2006-11-03T21:50:04Z")
Now there’s admission of a massage? Hahahahahaaaaaaa! Aaaaaah!!! Oh, my spleen!!! Haaaaaaaaaa!! Hahahahaaaaaaaaa!!! Just stop already!!! Heheh. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/35 "2006-11-03T23:19:54Z")
Any Little Britain fans here? Sir Norman Fry, anyone? “I have a statement I would like to read. Last week I purchased a new camera, and whilst in my office in the House of Commons, I accidentally took a picture of myself naked. That picture somehow - and I would love to know how - found its way onto Gaydar, which I later discovered to be a dating website for sodomites. Basically, you pay a flat fee, post your stats online… \… I was then invited to join a group of gentlemen at a party in Brighton where I was planning to give a talk about Education Reform. However, shortly after my arrival, my clothes accidentally fell off. At that moment, I slipped on a glacé cherry, and landed inside one of the men. As far as I’m concerned, that is the end of the matter.” ---
**Author:** ![the\_PC\_apeman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@the\_PC\_apeman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_PC_apeman)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2006, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/36 "2006-11-03T23:29:57Z")
[QUOTE=Onomatopoeia] Now there’s admission of a massage? Hahahahahaaaaaaa! Aaaaaah!!! Oh, my spleen!!! Haaaaaaaaaa!! Hahahahaaaaaaaaa!!! Just stop already!!! Heheh. 😃 [/QUOTE] I know. I’ve felt like this all day: ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/K-x1NfQRSSA/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/K-x1NfQRSSA?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque ---
**Author:** ![Sens\_Nehtion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@Sens\_Nehtion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sens_Nehtion)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/37 "2006-11-04T00:16:58Z")
Shouldn’t Haggard update his [news](http://www.tedhaggard.com/inTheNews.jsp) section? How about a new headline: Ted’s Faith as clear as crystal meth! ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/38 "2006-11-04T01:16:29Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] Any Little Britain fans here? Sir Norman Fry, anyone? “I have a statement I would like to read. Last week I purchased a new camera, and whilst in my office in the House of Commons, I accidentally took a picture of myself naked. That picture somehow - and I would love to know how - found its way onto Gaydar, which I later discovered to be a dating website for sodomites. Basically, you pay a flat fee, post your stats online… \… I was then invited to join a group of gentlemen at a party in Brighton where I was planning to give a talk about Education Reform. However, shortly after my arrival, my clothes accidentally fell off. At that moment, I slipped on a glacé cherry, and landed inside one of the men. As far as I’m concerned, that is the end of the matter.” [/QUOTE] This was great! 😃 I feel bad for the guy’s family (and the family of any similar closet case, hypocritical or not), but I’m sure that between this, Bob Ney’s resignation today, and the nuclear how-to’s on our government’s website, the Kerry high the GOP was enjoying has largely evaporated. ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/39 "2006-11-04T22:51:52Z")
[QUOTE=acsenray] :dubious: Hmm. So now all I have to do to get people I don’t like is to falsely accuse them of things. After all, regardless of whether it’s true, it’s their _responsibility_ to resign. :dubious: :dubious: [/QUOTE] No, not everyone. But a man in a position where damage to him is defacto damage to his organization. If the CEO of Ford gets caught in something like this, your opinion on Ford Trucks won’t be swayed too much. But a Church? IMHO, yes. As for the more complete information, now THAT is a bit more incriminating. The 'ol Clinton trick of not inhaling? Sheesh! So please let me offer up a BWAAAhhhhhaaaa! to the masses. -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/40 "2006-11-05T02:41:32Z")
Never even heard of this guy before today, and I used to live in Colorado Springs. I must be a really bad Christian! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932.md?page=3)