# Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Ted Haggard **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2006, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932 "2006-11-03T03:27:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/41 "2006-11-05T03:06:33Z")
[QUOTE=Absolute] Haggard has admitted to calling male prostitute Mike Jones for drugs and a massage. However, he threw away the drugs, and never had sex with him. [/QUOTE] This explanation of his was hilarious. “I didn’t have sex with him. I just bought drugs from him” Well, that’s OK, then. And we’re supposed to believe he _threw away_ the meth without consuming it? Why buy it in the first place? And my understanding, based on what’s been said in the news, is that the primary appeal of this drug is that it heightens sexual experiences. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/42 "2006-11-05T05:33:58Z")
Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! it’s a plane! No, it’s the other shoe!! [Ted Haggard dismissed for “sexually immoral conduct”](http://http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/nation/4311076.html) Baaaaaaahahahahahahahahaaaa!!! You know what time it is now, don’t you? . . .it’s peanut-buttuh-jelly time, peanut-buttuh-jelly time, peanut-buttuh-jelly time, peanut-buttuh-jelly time. Peanut-buttuh jelly, Peanut-buttuh jelly, Peanut-buttuh jelly wit a baseball bat. _{imagine me dancing maniacally throughout my house}_ You struck out looking, Haggard, you loser. Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon. What is payback, Ted? Huh? Speak up. I can’t hear you. Bye-bye, Teddy. Now there’s one less man of God actively attempting to destroy the lives of Gay people. Good riddance, you hypocritical freak! ---
**Author:** ![50million](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/9fc348/32.png) [@50million](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/50million)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/43 "2006-11-05T06:26:43Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] **Shirley** , I think that diminishes you. Unless your BIL is also a hypocrite? [/QUOTE] He clearly stated that the BIL was an evangelical. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/44 "2006-11-05T09:36:59Z")
\>liberals and people who aren’t born-again Christians don’t support family values Well, this could certainly be true. I’m a devout athiest and am absolutely against family values. I believe women should have full medical access to doctors and hospitals and clinics, like men do. And I think children should learn science from scientists, who should be able to ask whatever questions they want. And since I didn’t choose my own sexuality and nobody I’ve asked says they chose theirs, I don’t think homosexuality is a choice - not that it matters, because I think gay people should be free to form whatever relationships they want, like straight people are, regardless of what causes being gay or being straight. If this isn’t an anti-values view, what is? ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/45 "2006-11-05T12:55:16Z")
[QUOTE=Napier] If this isn’t an anti-values view, what is? [/QUOTE] Exactly. Why do you hate America? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/46 "2006-11-05T15:47:55Z")
[QUOTE=ThePCapeman] I know. I’ve felt like this all day: ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/K-x1NfQRSSA/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/K-x1NfQRSSA?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque [/QUOTE] YEH YEH YEH YEH!!! Another one bites the dust! **GLOAT** ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/47 "2006-11-05T16:15:36Z")
[QUOTE=Onomatopoeia] Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! it’s a plane! No, it’s the other shoe!! [Ted Haggard dismissed for “sexually immoral conduct”](http://http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/nation/4311076.html) [/QUOTE] [Let the Healing Begin!](http://jesusoftheweek.com/jesii/427/index.html) ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/48 "2006-11-05T20:15:39Z")
So, now we come full circle. [Ousted Evangelist Confesses](http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/nation/4311828.html) Who didn’t see this coming? Oh yeah, some posters who wanted to give Haggard the benefit of the doubt. > [@](#): > > \*\*Ted Haggard: \*\* There’s a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life." What’s repulsive and dark is not that you’re Gay, Ted. What’s repulsive and dark is that you were so ashamed by your Gayness that you overcompensated by actively advocating against Gay rights. What’s repulsive and dark is that you tried to convince yourself and others that being Gay is somehow evil and worthy of derision. What’s repulsive and dark, Ted, is that you had 30,000 congregants who learned hatred of Gays from you, a closeted Gay man. What’s repulsive and dark is you just get to walk away. > [@](#): > > \*\*Ted Haggard: \*\*“the accusations made against me are not all true but enough of them are that I was appropriately removed from his church leadership position.” Ah, even in your confession there’s spin, manipulation and the attempted sewing of doubt in your former flock. Some responsibility-taking there, Teddy. Learned that from Hastert, did you? So, which accusations aren’t true, Ted? Tell us? Is it the sex? Oh, that’s right, you just admitted to that. Is it the drugs? Must be the drugs, right, Ted? You we so curious about methamphetamines that you bought them, had them in your hot little hands and threw them away. Yeah, okay. Maybe it’ll sell. Who knows? Christians believe in a sky god, so I guess this is just as believable. As someone stated in the Pit thread on this topic “Another one bites the dust.” Next! ---
**Author:** ![audiobottle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@audiobottle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audiobottle)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/49 "2006-11-05T20:23:50Z")
In the wikipedia article about [him](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Haggard), it says that he was against gay marriage, but not gay civil unions. Is this a common attitude among evangelicals? It seems like they’d be against any homosexual union, considering that they think the whole thing is a sin anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/50 "2006-11-05T20:46:34Z")
[QUOTE=audiobottle] In the wikipedia article about [him](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Haggard), it says that he was against gay marriage, but not gay civil unions. Is this a common attitude among evangelicals? It seems like they’d be against any homosexual union, considering that they think the whole thing is a sin anyway. [/QUOTE] Uh-huh. “We’re not against the Coloreds quenching their thirsts at a water fountain. We just think it would be best for all concerned if they didn’t use the same fountain as Whites.” The enactment of ‘Civil Unions’ as an alternative to marriage for Gay people is discrimination, no matter how you slice it. As far as I’m concerned, a Gay person accepting civil union status is the same as a Black person accepting that his rightful place is at the back of the bus. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/51 "2006-11-05T21:19:23Z")
I take it he won’t be getting his toaster? ---
**Author:** ![the\_PC\_apeman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@the\_PC\_apeman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_PC_apeman)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/52 "2006-11-05T21:20:26Z")
[QUOTE=Onomatopoeia] Uh-huh. “We’re not against the Coloreds quenching their thirsts at a water fountain. We just think it would be best for all concerned if they didn’t use the same fountain as Whites.” The enactment of ‘Civil Unions’ as an alternative to marriage for Gay people is discrimination, no matter how you slice it. As far as I’m concerned, a Gay person accepting civil union status is the same as a Black person accepting that his rightful place is at the back of the bus. [/QUOTE] I assume Ted’s outward beliefs were that sex outside of marriage was wrong. I wonder if he then preached that homosexual sex within civil unions was acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![the\_PC\_apeman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@the\_PC\_apeman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_PC_apeman)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2006, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932/53 "2006-11-05T21:29:52Z")
[QUOTE=ThePCapeman] I assume Ted’s outward beliefs were that sex outside of marriage was wrong. I wonder if he then preached that homosexual sex within civil unions was acceptable. [/QUOTE] Sorry, that should have been in response to **audiobottle** ’s post. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hahahahahahahahaha-ted-haggard/378932.md?page=2)