# Half-Jokes You Have Heard **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 1999, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058 "1999-12-16T17:43:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058/1 "1999-12-16T17:43:00Z")
The last half of jokes never seem to occur in real life. I’ve never seen a man endowed by a Genie with a 12-inch pianist, for example. But I have seen with my own eyes some things that sound like the first half of a bad joke. I have seen: A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder… A rabbi and a priest are out on the golf course… Two hookers are standing outside of a Church… A blind man walks into a topless bar… ## What have you seen that ought to be the first half of a joke? Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058/2 "1999-12-16T17:48:00Z")
> [@](#): > > A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder… Are you sure you’ve never been to Toledo? I saw a guy with parrot at my local watering hole just a couple months ago. * * * “There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.” ~P.J. O’Rourke~ ---
**Author:** ![melanietarrant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@melanietarrant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melanietarrant)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058/3 "1999-12-17T06:02:00Z")
a preist a rabbi and an elephant walk into a bar the bartender says “what! is this a joke” ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058/4 "1999-12-17T06:16:00Z")
melanie, that joke, while funny, requires some nuance to be received properly. Remembering from my great joke-telling uncle… _ahem_ A bald nun, a midget lawyer, and a transsexual rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, “This has got to be the weirdest joke I’ve ever been in.” ---
**Author:** ![melanietarrant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@melanietarrant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melanietarrant)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058/5 "1999-12-17T06:33:00Z")
i bow and step aside ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058/6 "1999-12-16T19:01:00Z")
**True Story:** Several months back, during my morning drive to work, I found myself in the company of pick-up trucks. what I mean is, I was driving the only non-pick-up truck on the road (Four door car). This continued for at least ten minutes. Freakin’ pick-up trucks _everywhere_. If that isn’t a set up for a joke (or an episode of The Twilight Zone), then I don’t know what is. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Cap\_n\_Crude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Cap\_n\_Crude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Crude)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/half-jokes-you-have-heard/12058/7 "1999-12-16T19:03:00Z")
My favorite punchline: “Rectum? I damn near killed 'im!!” I can laugh at this without even hearing the joke that goes with it. * * * –Da Cap’n “Playin’ solitaire 'til dawn With a deck of fifty-one.”