# Halvsie, the two-legged dog **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 19, 2000, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396 "2000-12-19T19:10:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2000, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/81 "2000-12-23T00:57:55Z")
Inky=God A Halvsie Christmas Carol Halvsie: Bah Humbug! Marley: Halvsie, tonight you will be visited by three ghosts because you no longer know the true meaning of Christmas. Ghost of Christmas Past: Look Halvsie, see yourself as a small puppy. You still had all of your legs. You paddled in a straight line. Halvsie: Bah Humbug! Ghost of Christmas Present: Halvsie, look at the image of yourself created by Inky. Halvsie: Bah Humbug! Ghost of Christmas Future: Halvsie, there’s nothing to see. Immediatly after the Ghost of Christmas Present left, you fell into the river and paddled in circles for the next 90 minutes after which you were exhausted and drown. Halvsie: #&$^!%#(\* ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/82 "2000-12-27T13:59:55Z")
Channel 5 11:30 p.m. The Late Show The Maltese Halvsie (1941) Cast: Sam Spoon (Humphrey Bogart), Fridgid O’Herlihy (Mary Astor), Noel Luxor (Peter Lorre), Caspar Buttman (Sidney Greenstreet). Mystery, murder, and intrigue surround a gold and jewel-encrusted two-legged dog. Hardboiled detective Sam Spoon becomes entangled with a group of nefarious rogues all of whom will stop at nothing to possess the Maltese Halvsie. Memorable characters include Frigid O’Herlihy (Astor), the woman with a past; Noel Luxor (Lorre), whose fey manner hides the heart of a killer; and, Caspar Buttman, the notorious “Fatman.” Join the cast as they cross and double-cross each other in an effot to have “the dog that dreams are made of.” ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/83 "2000-12-27T15:59:11Z")
“Whatever Happened to Puppy Halvsie?” (UA, 1962) PROLOGUE: We see young film star Halvsie lose two legs in a car accident caused by his jealous bitch sister, Lassie. SCENE 14: Halvsie in wheelchair, watching reuns of his old movies. An overly made-up Lassie comes in with a covered tray. Lassie [turning off TV]: How can you watch that CRAP? Ya know I used to be a star, too! [slams down tray] Eatcha dinner—oh, by the way, we got LEGS in the cellar! Halvsie [lifts tray cover and sees his two legs cooked and served with a nice side-dish of risotto]. You couldn’t do these terrible things to me if I weren’t in this chair, Lassie. Lassie: But 'cha ARE, Halvsie! Ya ARE in that chair! [Halvsie spins around and around in his wheelchair in desperation] SCENE 27: Lassie has dragged dying Halvsie to the beach and Halvsie has confessed that HE actually caused the car accident. Lassie: You mean all this time we could have been friends? [Wanders off to get doggie treats] Halvsie paddles around in the sand like Curley while the credits roll. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/84 "2000-12-27T16:27:38Z")
Channel 5 11:30 p.m. The Late Show All About Halvsie (1950) Cast: Eve Harrington (Anne Baxter), Margo Channing (Bette Davis), Addison De Witt (George Sanders), Bill Simpson (Gary Merrill), Lloyd Richards (Hugh Marlow), Karen Richards (Celeste Holm), Halvsie, the Two-Legged Dog (himself). “Its going to be a bumpy night!” Woman-on-a-mission Eve Harrington (Baxter) uses her two-legged dog (Halvsie) to solicit sympathy and mentorship from Broadway star Margo Channing (Davis). On her way up, Eve maliciously uses her deformed pet to wreck havoc in the lives of those around her, including critic Addison De Witt (Sanders), theater director Bill Simpson (Gary Merrill), author Lloyd Richards (Marlow), and his wife, Karen (Holm). In one of her first roles, Marilyn Monroe appears on the arm of Sanders and delivers the immortal line, “What a cute little doggie. If you put him on the carpet does he tip over and crawl around in a circle like Curly?” Academy Award for Best Picture, Best Screenplay, Best Supporting Actor, and a special Oscar to Halvsie for Best Use of a Two-legged Dog in a Supporting Role. ---
**Author:** ![pdhenry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pdhenry/32/5561_2.png) [@pdhenry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pdhenry)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/85 "2001-04-21T17:17:52Z")
At the risk of committing reverse-thread-creep (where the offender posts a message pertaining to the _original_ topic of a long-since-wandered-off thread) I submit the following for your perusal: [http://www.superstation.com/tv/ripleys/html/episodes/21.htm](http://www.superstation.com/tv/ripleys/html/episodes/21.htm) Go about halfway down the page (no pictures - sorry). I saw this (or a similar story about the same dog) on TV about 3 weeks ago. Sure did fit Halvsie’s description… PDH ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/86 "2001-04-21T17:44:42Z")
PDH: “The loveable Dominic is a greyhound” CF clearly states in the OP that Halvsie is a Jack Russel Terrier. Amateur Newbies;) ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/87 "2001-04-22T02:01:22Z")
This is a _true_ story. When I lived in Jamaica there was a three legged dog on the corner in our neighborhood named “Trees.” I asked a little girl why he was named that and she said, “Because 'im 'ave tree legs, Miss.” I asked how he lost his leg, and she said, “‘Im mek too much noise an’ bidness the people dem too much an de bushaman, 'im chop off 'im leg wit a machete. Now 'im honly 'ave tree lef.” I asked what the dog’s name was before he lost the leg and the little girl thought for a minute and said, “Fours.” ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/88 "2001-04-22T21:32:31Z")
Halvsie made Threadspotting! Too bad **Inky’s** links don’t work anymore, those were freakin hilarious. For those of you just getting here, **Inky** had made a computer animated Halvsie spinning in circles like Curly. Thanks to Eve for the, um… I wouldn’t quite call it a hijack, but it was Eve’s posts that got the _real_ comedy going here. I’ll be back as soon as I can think of another TV show or film to put him in. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/89 "2001-04-22T21:33:11Z")
Silence of the Halvsie… (The sequel to Silence of the Lambs, as no one would get that “Havlsie” = “Hannibal”) Opening Credits… [Scene 1] Halvsie, looking sinister, reclines on a luxurious bed. “Dr. Lecter may have fed me some meth and persuaded me into cutting off my two left legs, and feeding them to Crunchy Frog and his mother, but I harbor no grudges.” Much cackling, and Halvsie leaps off the bed to put his plan into action. Homer Simpson-esque spinning results for the next two hours. A Streetcar Named Halvise Opening Credits… [Scene 1] Halvsie, clad in a colonel Sanders outfit and carrying a mint julep (please don’t ask how), walks around uncertainly. “My, oh, my…I have always depended on the kindness of-” Inevitably, he falls, and starts spinning around. “Crunchy!! Crruuuuunnnnchhhyy!!!” follows for the remainder. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/90 "2001-04-22T22:17:04Z")
**"Battlefield Halvsie"** Directed by Allan Smithee This, Halvsie’s first box office bomb, stars our favorite two-legged terrier as Terl, head of Psychlo security. Halvsie looks horrible with dreadlocks and braided nose hair as he and his alien race plunder Earth for its resources. Finally, the humans fight back, led by Barry Pepper (Saving Private Ryan, The Green Mile). As the humans retake their planet, Havlsie spins in circles on the floor like Curly for 46 minutes. (No, I did not actually pay money to see “Battelfied Earth” nor have I read the book. I got the synopses for the movie from the IMBD.) ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/91 "2001-04-23T07:03:54Z")
**Dude, Where’s my Halvsie?** Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott play two dudes looking for their 2-legged dog, **Halvsie**. As the boys wake up, they notice Halvsie missing. After frantic searching for 37 seconds they find Halvsie. In the fish tank. Swimming in circles. They two dudes stare dumbfounded at Halvsie, who swims in circles like Curly for the next 97 minutes. Cut to a scene of an Indian crying. Cut to a scene of an atomic blast. Cut to a scene of a rose blooming. All while the Italian Opereta “Girare giro per Girare” plays in the background. Cut back to Halvsie. In the fish tank. Spinning like Curly. For the next 43 minutes. _Fin._ ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/92 "2001-04-23T08:17:22Z")
[Dr. McCoy] “[Halvsie’s dead, Jim](http://www.onlineathens.com/stories/092399/new_twolegged.shtml).” [/Dr. McCoy] ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/93 "2001-04-23T11:28:16Z")
Coming soon to PC and PlayStation2…… The most intense crippled dog sim since **Tripod’s Big Adventure** …… **Halvsie - The Game** Featuring 25 gripping levels of spinning in circles on the ground like Curly **SEE** the incredibly detailed 3D world spin around you at up to 60 frames per second! **FEEL** Halvsie’s frustration at being unable to go in a straight line! **CONTEMPLATE** suicide as boredom gnaws away at your very soul! ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/94 "2001-04-23T13:13:27Z")
**Newsflash** 13 minutes of rare footage found in Romania of Halvsie performing in Vaudeville in 1906. Halvsie and his human partner together form the tap dancing duo “Milton and Halvsie.” A short discription follows. The film begins with both partners dressed in coat and tie with a white straw hat and a cane. Milton does a few steps on his finishing steps he points to Halvsie who promptly falls over and spins in circles for the duration of the film. In the foreground you can see the croud leap to their feet in appreciation. An interesting note to history, in the audience that night was a young Moses Horwitz, later known as Moe Howard of Three Stooges fame. This film has been graciously donated to the Halvsie Museum. Which is currently located in the back of a red VW microbus. Currently traveling from Salt Lake City to Durango. Also donated this month was Halvsie’s only appearance at the Apollo. This tragic incident occured in 1975. His agent’s assured him that the crowd would find his “Black-faced Halvsie” amusing. This turned out not to be true and after being hit by a particularly large pump Halvsie fell over and spun in slow circles before being rushed off to the hospital with a broken rear leg. Thus prompting many bad jokes. The Halvsie Museum is open Monday through Saturday, 8 to 5 and donations are appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/95 "2001-04-23T13:23:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lux Fiat \* > **Timmy slumps over into a snowdrift, and is immediately devoured by his loyal team of huskies.** [Dinosaurs]“We’re gonna need another Timmy…”[/Dinosaurs] ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/96 "2001-04-23T14:04:53Z")
[Halvsies back](http://www.fathom.org/inky/halvsie2.html) (jeepers, just when you thought it was safe to clean out your webpage…). ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/97 "2001-04-23T14:32:35Z")
New from K Tel Records! It’s… **Halvsie Sings!** That’s right – the world’s best-loved wobbly woof-woof has recorded a collection of duets with the brightest stars in pop music **just for you**! Hits include: _Legs_ with ZZ Top _Runaround_ with Blues Traveller _I Can’t Stand Up (for Falling Down)_ with Elvis Costello _Spinning Around_ with Kylie Minogue _Dizzy_ with Tommy Roe _Lift Me Up_ with Geri Halliwell and of course the classic novelty song _The Curly Shuffle_! But wait! If you order now, you also get the special Christmas bonus track, _Put One Foot In Front of the Other_ from the well-known TV special! That’s **Halvsie Sings!** Order now! [sub]This offer not available in stores. Operators are standing by…and then falling over on their sides and frantically paddling about in circles like Curly for a while.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/98 "2001-04-23T20:55:54Z")
From _Pudd’nhead Wilson_, by Mark Twain: > [@](#): > > He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an intelligent blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a covert twinkle of a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, he would no doubt have entered at once upon a successful career at Dawson’s Landing. But he made his fatal remark the first day he spent in the village, and it “gaged” him. He had just made the acquaintance of a group of citizens when an invisible dog began to yelp and snarl and howl and make himself very comprehensively disagreeable, whereupon young Wilson said, much as one who is thinking aloud: > > “I wish I owned half of that dog.” > > “Why?” somebody asked. > > “Because I would kill my half.” Coming Soon: _The Two-Legged Hound of the Baskervilles_, wherein a mysterious, ghostly, two-legged Jack Russel spreads terror across ten square feet of a dark English moor by frantically paddling around in circles like Curley for 30 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/99 "2001-04-23T21:27:15Z")
**The Matrix 2** Starring Keanu Reeves as Neo and Halvsie the two legged dog as himself. Neo: Halvsie, I have been sent here to tell you the truth. That the so-called ‘real’ world is in fact a computer simulation set up by aliens in order to harness the power of your brainwaves. You are the one who will free dog-kind from this slavery. Halvsie topples over in shock and spins around in circles on the ground like Curley for two hours. In ultra-slow motion. With motion blur. END ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396/100 "2001-04-24T00:06:11Z")
You’re all making fun of me. I just can tell. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/halvsie-the-two-legged-dog/46396.md?page=6)