# Ham, Bacon, Sausage, or Crispy Tofu Patties? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 25, 2017, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162 "2017-01-25T17:42:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/21 "2017-01-25T21:21:39Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > What, no option for scrapple? > > Ham varies widely in quality. Really good ham blow the others out of the water, and bad ham isn’t worth bothering with. So I’d first need to know how good the ham is. > > Assuming the ham is nothing special, then my preference is probably for a mix of sausage and bacon. Scrapple, yum! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/22 "2017-01-25T21:27:03Z")
Bacon, with ham a near second. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/23 "2017-01-25T22:02:01Z")
In preference order: Link sausage, as long as it has good natural casing. Air Force chow halls (and Open Mess facilities AKA Officer’s Club or NCO Club) are what I’m talking about. There’s probably a MIL SPEC someplace that mandates all the qualities I’m looking for. Bacon. Semi-crisp, or crisp but not burnt. I suppose limp cooked is OK too. Patty sausage. Sage and hot pepper flakes, thanks. Ham. Preferably, a classic ham steak with eyelet of bone and everything. “Crisp tofu”? What kind of abomination is that. Tofu is never supposed to be crisp. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/24 "2017-01-25T23:29:48Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > “Crisp tofu”? What kind of abomination is that. Tofu is never supposed to be crisp. I was trying to offer up a vegetarian option, and forgot about seitan. The tofu I was picturing was something similar to the tofu served up by Panda Express. It’s tofu stir fried with mushrooms and green peppers (I think, it’s been awhile). For this exercise, I’d leave off the mushrooms and green peppers, and just use the tofu patties, or chunks if you will. This tofu is crunchy on the outside, ricotta-textured on the inside. It’s actually quite nice, and I order it often at Panda Express. But like I said, it’s been awhile. Not sure how it would do as a breakfast item, though. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/25 "2017-01-26T00:33:55Z")
I can simplify that statement some: Tofu is never supposed to be. If you want a vegetarian meat-replacement, go with seitan or TVP. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/26 "2017-01-26T01:07:08Z")
Sausage. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/27 "2017-01-26T02:26:42Z")
Sausage. But these days, it’d have to be turkey sausage. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/28 "2017-01-26T02:32:29Z")
Bacon…unless you were talking about [Gwar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HTYWOncwcY). In that case: Can you hear the whispering wind Over the screams of your dying friends? Did you know your life is mine? [Chorus:] You know what I got Ham on the bone A little thing I just can’t leave alone Now I feel the purpose of my life defined Ham on the bone is mine Now you are called To the desperate scene at the throbbing ball And you’ll do it all, now you’ve become my geni-thrall [chorus] Ham on Ham, Ham on the ham on the ham on [x5] Now my hand grasp my throbbing root and shan’t unclasp Go to the head of the class as I madly stoke my flaccid shaft [chorus] Ham Ham Ham Ham - Ham on the Bone [x4] …but…you probably weren’t talking about Gwar. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/29 "2017-01-26T02:34:34Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Sausage. But these days, it’d have to be turkey sausage. Life is too short for turkey sausage. Yes, that’s what’s known as a vicious circle. ---
**Author:** ![plankter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ba0ec/32.png) [@plankter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plankter)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/30 "2017-01-26T04:47:11Z")
Tofu for me, thank you. I love the smoky flavor associated with bacon but it’s fairly easy to obtain without resorting to pig meat. ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/31 "2017-01-26T05:07:59Z")
Are tofu patties a real thing for breakfast? I haven’t seen them in southern California or when visiting Japan. I have seen firm tofu crispy tofu as a side in Pho restaurants. It is pretty good but not as good as spring rolls. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/32 "2017-01-26T11:59:04Z")
> [@gazpacho](#): > > Are tofu patties a real thing for breakfast? I haven’t seen them in southern California or when visiting Japan. I have seen firm tofu crispy tofu as a side in Pho restaurants. It is pretty good but not as good as spring rolls. In 1992 I worked at a vegetarian bakery/cafe. They had a tofu “sausage” patty that was freakin’ amazing, full of chile and fennel and sage, aromatic and spicy and greasy. It was awesome. Now that I eat pork sausage, I still miss that stuff, because it’s rare to find breakfast sausage that’s as deliciously spiced as that tofu stuff was. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/33 "2017-01-26T12:25:12Z")
Bacon, sausages, black pudding, fried eggs, fried tomatoes, baked beans, sautee potato slices, fried bread, mushrooms That’s a ‘full English’. Lots of people call lesser things ‘full English’, but they are wrong. ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/34 "2017-01-26T13:37:09Z")
Bacon. Ham is bacon that’s from the wrong part of the pig, isn’t fatty enough, and isn’t cooked right. Sausage is bacon that’s from all the wrong parts of the pig, still isn’t fatty enough, but at least is (usually) cooked the right way. Tofu is bacon that isn’t even FROM the pig, definitely isn’t fatty enough, and even if it’s cooked the right way, simply isn’t cooked, well, you know… Scrapple is very, very tasty. For something that’s not bacon. Turkey bacon is a very poor substitute for poor, unfortunate souls who are precluded (medically, religiously or through insanity) from eating real bacon. I feel sorry for them, then I eat my bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/35 "2017-01-26T21:49:32Z")
**Mangetout** , that is absolutely most certainly not a full English breakfast-- Where’s the tea? And if you take all of that, and then add white pudding, toast, brown soda bread, and ham, then you’ve got a full Irish breakfast. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/36 "2017-01-26T21:52:09Z")
1. Bacon. Always 2. Sausage, but only if it’s patties. Links don’t do it for me 3. Ham in a pinch 4. Tofu what? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/37 "2017-01-26T22:02:55Z")
Sausages, by far. Pork roll we would have for dinner, usually with scalloped potatoes. Thanks, Mom! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/38 "2017-01-26T22:24:58Z")
Sausage, followed very closely by bacon, followed at a bit of distance ham, and not completely out of the running, tofu. I really like tofu, and if I was eating meat every day of the week (which I never do), then I’d opt for a tofu day every now and again. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162/39 "2017-01-26T22:25:25Z")
Depends on what I’m in the mood for. Tofu can be delicious if it’s prepared correctly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ham-bacon-sausage-or-crispy-tofu-patties/778162.md?page=1)