# Hamster Un-Dance **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 29, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087 "2002-08-29T14:09:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/1 "2002-08-29T14:09:43Z")
_(because they are so static)_ The hamsters are so fucking slow Are they dead or just asleep? I wish they had bought gerbils But hamsters are so cheap The lazy little fuckas Won’t get their ass in gear It takes ten minutes to load a page Let’s kick each furry rear ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/2 "2002-08-29T14:47:47Z")
Poor Straight Dope hamsters Just can’t get their rears in Gere Please forgive the pun ========================= The hamsters of SDMB Are happy to labor for thee; The poor little slackers Are run 'till they’re knackered And you get their labor for free. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/3 "2002-08-29T15:23:43Z")
The wheels are silent, the water’s untouched So too the hamster food, hamster lettuce, hamster brunch The cage is quite empty, Mr. S-D-M-B? Off in the Hamptons! He’s a ham-ster with “P” ---
**Author:** ![Truth\_Seeker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Truth\_Seeker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth_Seeker)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/4 "2002-08-29T17:39:12Z")
Blue sky, sun outside . . . Hamsters running on a wheel Why so much hard work? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/5 "2002-08-29T18:24:54Z")
You’re a little furry bastard, gerbil fucka! You’re a post-eating all-sleeping gerbil fucka! You’re a little furry bastard gerbil fucka! You like to fuck posters, yes you do! You shit, you submit when I click preview! You’re a little furry bastard gerbil fucka! You’re a little furry bastard gerbil fucka! You’re a slowwitted fourfooted hamster fucka! Gonna kick some furry tail, gerbil fucka! You like to fuck posters yes you do! I found you a sex aid it’s a cardboard tube! [Hand jive] You like to fuck posters yes it’s true! I won’t be curt. Ow fuck that hurts! One post! Two posts! Three posts! Four! Oh, you fucking gerbil bastard fucker, gerbil F-U-C-K-ARRR! [Fart jive] ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/6 "2002-08-29T18:27:07Z")
I’m usually hard to rile But, it upsets me the most When my message won’t compile And the hamsters devour my post. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/7 "2002-08-29T18:31:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by december \* > \*\*I’m usually hard to rile > But, it upsets me the most > When my message won’t compile > And the hamsters devour my post. \*\* Actually, that is just out of consideration for the rest of us. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/8 "2002-08-29T18:38:30Z")
Oh hamster, oh hamster, I’m prostrate for thee I beg that you shine down your glory on me. Let my page load, _zip zap_ it is done! Yes my kind master, er, hamster’s **The One**. Oh hamster, tired hamster–I beg of you this, Let my words post, I want a hit–not a miss! “Submit”, I hit you, I wait and I watch; My words they have vanished! My post I have lost! Oh hamster, cruel hamster–You bring me such pain. You make me go crazy, you make me insane. If you weren’t so wonderous those times when you work, I’d hunt you down gladly and jab you with forks. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/9 "2002-08-29T18:47:42Z")
You are the hamster Message-board hamster You make my post load Onto the page I’ll never know, though Whether it posted Because you won’t let me load the damn page. The other night, dear while I was posting You said my post did not go through So I reposted I was mistaken Double-posts make baby Jesus cry. You are the hamster Message-board hamster You make my post load Onto the page I’ll never know, though Whether it posted Because you won’t let me load the damn page. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/10 "2002-08-29T19:00:46Z")
Ode to thee! Scurry! Scurry! Toil ceasless for our bemusement. Oh, little ones, proud and saucy! Little noted, nor long remembered, the fruits of your efforts. Excoreated, never exonerated If posessed the fancy of vocalization, would bade us to take to chisel to stone and victualize on thy undergarments! * * * She told me she loved me like a brother. She’s from Arkansas, hence the Joy! ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/11 "2002-08-29T19:27:52Z")
THE LOST POST Seated one day at the keyboard, I was weary and ill at ease, And my fingers wandered idly Over the clicking keys. I do not know what I was writing, Or what I was dreaming then; But my post was so exciting It would startle the wisest of men It filled up the box, “Your Reply:” Like the words of immortal fate And it seemed that my message could vie With the wisdom of Cecil the great. It linked all perplexéd meanings With consequence, weighty with heft And vanquished all my critics Especially those on the left. But the message could not be delivered The program could not be compiled The monitor shook and it shivered And a hungry hamster smiled. I have sought, but I seek it in vain The long lost message divine, Which came from some higher plane, And somehow entered mine. After I go, Death’s bright angel May speak what I once spoke upon But, if not, I can think of some posters Who at last be glad that I’m gone. ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/12 "2002-08-29T19:29:23Z")
Last line should be “Who at last will be glad than I’m gone.” ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/13 "2002-08-29T22:49:21Z")
The Hamsters on SDMB are slower than we think they should be they’re slower than shit they give me a fit But as much as I don’t like december, I dont wish he was dead. I never finished poetry class. ---
**Author:** ![stockton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@stockton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stockton)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2002, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/14 "2002-08-29T23:39:30Z")
There once was a cute doper lass who visited an internet morass. The hamsters, it seems were lost in their dreams And were dancing as slow as molass. (Istara, I have no idea if you’re a bloke or a lass - it just rhymes well) Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress… ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/15 "2002-08-30T01:03:20Z")
Once upon a workplace luncheon, As I set bemoaning [Brunchin’ Shuttlecocks](http://www.brunching.com)’ lack of site updates, 'tis been at least week or more; In other windows I did browse [Fark](http://www.fark.com)’s stories of molested cows and Poe’s last ‘[Exploitation Now](http://www.exploitationnow.com)’ whose abrupt ending made me sore “Though the story might be good,” thought I, "that ending made me sore - “But mayhap there’s still more in store.” Presently, a notion struck me; “Self,” thought I, “I wonder what the Denizens of Doper-land are frothing over on the board?” To SDMB I then hastened; for nothing’s quite so fun as wastin’ Salaried afternoons amused to death at Pit-flames on the board; “To Cecil’s Kingdom!” cried I, “rodents, take me to the board!” Quoth the hamsters, “404”. “Drat,” thought I, “Those Telco bastards’ T1 lines must all be plastered maybe I’ll just wait a bit, and access soon might be assured;” Impatiently, I start to wear the letters off my poor F5 key Hoping that the hamsters’ smoke break soon would be no more Picturing the hamsters’ furry asses dragging on the floor; Smirked the hamsters, “Enter? Sure.” “Victory!” I loudly cried, “now let us see what’s up inside the twisted little minds of all the Dopers I adore!” And anon, a thread I loaded, smart reply from me had goaded A thing of beauty, this reply, “'Twill have them rolling on the floor!” Hastily I hit submit, expecting Dopers rolling on the floor Belched the hamsters, “404”. “You hairy little **FUCKS!** ” I cried, as error message I espied “‘Twas only three short lines! You choked on **THAT?** You fuzzy little whores! You never turn your rodent nose to Fenris’ tomes of Wagnerian prose But MY curt three-line message leaves you gasping on the floor?” The “go back” button I then clicked, to try ‘Submit’ some more; Mocked the hamsters, “404”. I like to think that Cecil knows the place to which the dead posts go Where now it may find peace with all the posts that died before For now that inspiration passed, there’s nothing of my post to last To be remembered later on, and praised in future Doper lore; That nameless graveyard where his evil rodents shat my lore; Funny here…well…nevermore. ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/16 "2002-08-30T02:38:55Z")
Well done, indeed, **apotheosis**. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/17 "2002-08-30T03:26:15Z")
Well thank you, of course…but given the inspiration provided by your both your offering and Edgar Allen Poe, there’s not much credit to claim for myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/18 "2002-08-30T04:53:30Z")
so much depends upon a little brown ro dent dappled with sweat water beside the white servers (Hey, it makes as much sense as the original) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/19 "2002-08-30T04:59:09Z")
so much depends upon a small brown ro dent dappled with sweat water beside the white servers (Hey, it makes as much sense as the original) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087/20 "2002-08-30T05:01:06Z")
Ah, crap. Stupid hamsters. Can’t take a joke, eh? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hamster-un-dance/126087.md?page=2)