# Hanssen the Spy--How to Punish the Bastard? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 4, 2001, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723 "2001-03-04T15:16:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/1 "2001-03-04T15:16:31Z")
First off, does anyone really believe the traitorous bastard will _really_ be executed? Ha! Not only did he sell out his country–and all those who sacrificed their lives for what we have today–but he did so with apparent relish, mocking everything we stand for. Also, he completely sold out his family (and family name). Can you imagine what his poor wife and kids are going through–and will continue to go through? How this bastard has destroyed their family name and whose deeds will cast a shadow on them every day of the remainder of their lives? (I love the part where he asked his KGB handlers for “an escape plan” should the FBI catch on to him–leaving his family to fend for themselves, of course.) Hanssen deserves death. Sadly, lethal injection would be too merciful and, naturally, he will trade what secrets he now has for sparing his life. How to punish the cretin? I would suggest building a poorly heated prison on the western tip of Alaska so that he can get a view of the country for which he worked. Of course, the other part of me says just through him into a vat of bubbling oil. What is your opinion regarding suitable punishment? ---
**Author:** ![berdollos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@berdollos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/berdollos)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/2 "2001-03-04T15:32:48Z")
He appears responsible for the deaths of many agents. He should be executed if found guilty. He has not yet been tried and found guilty so let’s not execute him yet. ---
**Author:** ![tsunamisurfer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@tsunamisurfer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tsunamisurfer)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/3 "2001-03-04T16:07:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by berdollos \* > \*\*He appears responsible for the deaths of many agents. > He should be executed if found guilty. > > He has not yet been tried and found guilty so let’s not execute him yet. \*\* Uh, yeah, Berdollos. I’m not arguing vigilante justice. I’m talking after the trial. So what’s your preferred method of execution should the _alleged_ bastard be found guilty? ---
**Author:** ![tsunamisurfer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@tsunamisurfer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tsunamisurfer)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/4 "2001-03-04T16:32:47Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by tsunamisurfer \* \*\* **Moderator’s note:** This post has been edited at the request of the _real_ **tsunamisurfer**. His password was used by someone else to post opinions that most decidely were NOT his, even though they mistakenly appeared under his name. The problem with his password has been addressed. TVeblen for IMHO [Edited by TVeblen on 03-06-2001 at 08:07 PM] ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/5 "2001-03-04T16:38:23Z")
Eh? **tsunamisurfer** , if it’s your OP, how come the name is **Country Squire**? ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/6 "2001-03-04T18:17:04Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Country Squire:_ > **Not only did he sell out his country–and all those who sacrificed their lives for what we have today–but he did so with apparent relish, mocking everything we stand for.** I wish that people who want to devise elaborate and gruesome executions for the traitor du jour would examine the tragic irony of their words. When you say his crime was selling out his country and everything it stands for, I presume you mean the rule of law that preserves the basic liberty that you enjoy. Yet, you want to suspend the rule of law and apply puniushments that are clearly cruel and unusual. The damage from the crimes Hansen committed will pass into history unremembered, but the damage to the Constitution that you are proposing will destroy the very same way of life you feign to defend. So who is the traitor? “Those who will not learn from history are doomed to repeat it” ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/7 "2001-03-04T21:00:45Z")
Just for those of us who are out of town, guys: 1. Who’s Hansson? 2. Is there a separate **Country Squire** opinion and a **tsunamisurfer** opinion? (Flatmates? Computer sharers? What) – This already posed by **mattk** 3. Hi Opal! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/8 "2001-03-04T21:37:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fear Itself \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally posted by Country Squire:_ > > **Not only did he sell out his country–and all those who sacrificed their lives for what we have today–but he did so with apparent relish, mocking everything we stand for.** > > I wish that people who want to devise elaborate and gruesome executions for the traitor du jour would examine the tragic irony of their words. When you say his crime was selling out his country and everything it stands for, I presume you mean the rule of law that preserves the basic liberty that you enjoy. Yet, you want to suspend the rule of law and apply puniushments that are clearly cruel and unusual. The damage from the crimes Hansen committed will pass into history unremembered, but the damage to the Constitution that you are proposing will destroy the very same way of life you feign to defend. So who is the traitor? > > “Those who will not learn from history are doomed to repeat it” \*\* A more appropriate quotation might be, “Those who wave the flag the hardest are often the ones quickest to waive what it stands for.” ---
**Author:** ![SpyderA48](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@SpyderA48](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpyderA48)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/9 "2001-03-05T03:57:36Z")
Well, I might suggest a few good modes of punishment. In olden times, they hung people upside down from a bracket, spread legged and nude. Then two burly guys with a two person tree cutting saw positioned the saw in their crotch and started cutting away. Not only does this cause intense agony to the victim, but by hanging him upside down, causing blood to flow to his brain, he probably got to experience everything until the saw cut into his heart. Not a nice thing to do. The Russians have a simple program. Once you are found guilty and sentenced to die, within an unknown period, you are simply placed into a cell with a drain in the floor. At any time, a guard will silently poke a rifle through a slit in the wall and blow your head off. You get the agony of wondering just when you’ll be killed. They drag the body out, sluice all of the gore down the drain with a fire hose and the place is ready for the next person. This guy, well I’d suggest a firing squad since he is a government employee within a high security organization. Other than that, lethal injection, real darn soon, and that’s that. I would prefer to have his body cremated and flushed down the prison toilets, but in empathy for his folks, it should be given to them to do as they please. For certain people, I don’t go for this stuff of burying them where others can visit the graves, like Charles Manson and his nest of followers. After they croak, incinerate the body, crush up the few remaining bones and flush it down into the prison toilets, to mingle with the rest of the shit from the bowels of the terminally evil and despised. Flush a bit of ridex down afterwards because even septic tanks can only eat just so much bad feces. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/10 "2001-03-05T05:26:42Z")
The punishment should fit the crime. If his willful actions cause other people to lose their lives, then it seems to me the death penalty would not be unreasonable. That is one possible sentence for trason, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![timothy98765](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@timothy98765](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/timothy98765)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/11 "2001-03-05T07:03:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SpyderA48 \* > \*\* > The Russians have a simple program. Once you are found guilty and sentenced to die, within an unknown period, you are simply placed into a cell with a drain in the floor. At any time, a guard will silently poke a rifle through a slit in the wall and blow your head off. You get the agony of wondering just when you’ll be killed. They drag the body out, sluice all of the gore down the drain with a fire hose and the place is ready for the next person. > > \*\* Not really, the Russians strap people who’re supposed to be executed to the top of space rockets and launch them to the space. They also place some prisoners on top of ant hill and hungry ants eat them alive. All jokes aside, do you really believe that the Russians do it the way you described? Or did you read it somewhere and posted it here without pausing for 30 seconds and giving it some thought? ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/12 "2001-03-05T08:23:18Z")
I know this isn’t the most reliable source, but I saw a special on A&E about the Russian prison system a few years back and that’s pretty much exactly how it was depicted, except I believe it was a pistol and not a rifle. Why such a strong reaction to SpyderA48s post? ---
**Author:** ![SpyderA48](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@SpyderA48](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpyderA48)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/13 "2001-03-05T08:42:57Z")
Probably because he’s on his period. That’s how they killed that famous child molester/serial killer some years ago. A movie was made out of it and, yes, I did read about the then popular method of Russian execution in some information concerning Russian prisons and Gulags. I recall it because I thought how simple it was in comparison to what we tend to do to execute a prisoner. Now, go find a Tampex or take midol or something. ---
**Author:** ![tclouie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tclouie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tclouie)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/14 "2001-03-05T09:00:49Z")
Who is this **tsunamisurfer** , and why are there two of him? And why does one of them claim to be identical with **CountrySquire**? And are any of them related to **SpyderA48** and **Badtz Maru** , or are they all just products of someone’s dissociative personality disorder? This I.D. confusion needs to be cleared up! Administrators? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Badtz Maru \* > \*\* Why such a strong reaction to SpyderA48s post? \*\* Well, because his post sounds sadistic. I mean, cutting people in half with a saw. Sounds like either an incompetent magician, or an old Mountie melodrama where the villain ties the victim to a conveyor belt in a sawmill – only this time, the villain claims to be executing a spy in the name of law and order and patriotism. **timothy98765** ’s post didn’t sound like a “strong reaction” – it was more humorous, like. Some people who might react more strongly are those who don’t believe in the death penalty, or those who don’t believe in execution without trial, or those who take seriously the “cruel and unusual” prohibition in the Bill of Rights. Shoot, if America ever starts slowly sawing conscious people in half, America deserves to get spied on. And invaded, and overthrown, by all the outraged people of the world. BTW, how could an FBI agent’s actions lead to people’s deaths at the hands of the Russians? Isn’t the FBI only supposed to operate domestically? Maybe it was the Russian-American mafia that whacked 'em. ---
**Author:** ![SpyderA48](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@SpyderA48](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpyderA48)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/15 "2001-03-05T09:08:00Z")
Why don’t you take a couple of Midol also? ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/16 "2001-03-05T10:20:09Z")
Heh, he didn’t make up that ‘sawn in half’ method of torture and execution. It was used quite a bit in the past. ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/17 "2001-03-05T11:00:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SpyderA48 \* > \*\*The Russians have a simple program. Once you are found guilty and sentenced to die, within an unknown period, you are simply placed into a cell with a drain in the floor. At any time, a guard will silently poke a rifle through a slit in the wall and blow your head off. You get the agony of wondering just when you’ll be killed. They drag the body out, sluice all of the gore down the drain with a fire hose and the place is ready for the next person. > \*\* I’ve read and seen on TV documentaries about the KGB, that the prisoner is shot behind the ear with a pistol. Sometimes, the prisoner was told he was being taken down the hall for review of his final appeal and was shot in the back of the head while walking down the hall. Of course, there are a vast number of legends of different impromptu KGB execution methods, particularly in the days under “Iron Keliks” and Beria. ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/18 "2001-03-05T11:02:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sewalk \* > **"Iron Keliks"** Make that “Iron Feliks”. Dzerinskiy, or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/19 "2001-03-05T17:32:37Z")
If the secrets he leaked (including identities of double agents, etc) led to deaths, it should be treated as high treason, and, if found guilty, IMO he should be executed. I’m in no rush. Give him a fair trial. If he is innocent, free him. If not, kill him. Sick method? Figure out how much money he took. Coin it in pennies. Put him in a box or cell, and just keep throwing those pennies into the box. Crush him. Or just shoot him. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723/20 "2001-03-05T17:38:18Z")
If the secrets he leaked (including identities of double agents, etc) led to deaths, it should be treated as high treason, and, if found guilty, IMO he should be executed. I’m in no rush. Give him a fair trial. If he is innocent, free him. If not, kill him. Sick method? Figure out how much money he took. Coin it in pennies. Put him in a box or cell, and just keep throwing those pennies into the box. Crush him. Or just shoot him. …and I won’t try Felik’s name. “The guy they named the square after” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hanssen-the-spy-how-to-punish-the-bastard/56723.md?page=2)