# Happy Birthday, Groucho Marx! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 3, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260 "2004-10-03T00:27:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/1 "2004-10-03T00:27:54Z")
Given all the Dopers named after him, I’m surprised nobody did this for me. 114 years ago today, in Yorktown, New York, Julius Henry Marx was born. Working himself up from nothing into a state of extreme poverty with wisecracks and a minimum amount of singing talent, he managed to overcome the burdens of family and the Vaudeville life to become a famous, rich, maybe even successful comedian. Thanks to the Stock Market Crash of '29 [and there’s something I’ll bet Groucho never said], the Marxes went west to Hollywood, where their act was forever captured in some of the funniest pictures this country ever produced. And a few movies as well, I’m told. Later, he set sail for Africa and got some terrific picture of the native girls- but planned to go back because they weren’t developed. Their plane almost landed – maybe three feet – when guess what happens – they run out of gas and had to start over. 😉 I could go on, but you’ll enjoy it a lot more if you just watch one of their movies instead. I’ll probably save my cigar and greasepaint for Halloween, but here’s to you, Groucho- a personal hero for me for whatever that’s worth, an American icon, and one of the greatest comedians of any age. Let’s remember him with some quotes, shall we? "I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. " (from Duck Soup) ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/2 "2004-10-03T00:59:51Z")
A Day at the Races: ## Dr. Groucho: Hey, don’t drink that poison, it’s $4 an ounce. ## Woman: I’ve never been so insulted in all my life. Groucho: Well it’s early yet. ## Dr. Groucho: Why doesn’t a dame like that ever get sick? ## Dr. Groucho: Emily, I have a confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me and I swear I’ll never look at another horse. At the Circus: ## Groucho to Chico: Does anybody around here look suspicious besides you? ## Groucho: We’ve got to think. Chico: Ahh, we already tried that. ## Woman: You monster, you are responsible for this disgrace. Groucho: That’s gratitude for ya. Go West: ## Groucho: Let’s see, that’s 20 plus 1, that’s 21. Chico: We meet you half way, we give you 1. ## Man: I’ve never heard of your company. Groucho: Obviously you haven’t read the bankruptcy notices. ## Groucho: Lulu Belle, it’s you. I didn’t recognize you standing up. ## Groucho: If you can get your father’s consent, we will get married, if I can get my wife’s consent. ## Groucho: I give you my solemn word as an embezzler, I’ll be back in two minutes. ## Man to Groucho and Chico: I don’t like your faces. Groucho: I suppose you think we like them? ## Chico to Woman: Of course you don’t recognize me, you don’t know me. Groucho to Woman: The people that know him don’t recognize him either. The Big Store: ## Manager: The store is busy and a woman faints, what do you do? Groucho: How old is she? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/3 "2004-10-03T01:06:07Z")
Nice work- those movies haven’t been quoted to death, either. Maybe I’ll watch one of those, since I have the DVDs and haven’t gotten around to them yet. ---
**Author:** ![Chad\_C.Mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3be4f8/32.png) [@Chad\_C.Mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chad_C.Mulligan)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/4 "2004-10-03T01:23:19Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Given all the Dopers named after him, I’m surprised nobody did this for me. > > Let’s remember him with some quotes, shall we? > > "I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. " (from Duck Soup) An oft used sig: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/5 "2004-10-03T02:49:34Z")
Yorktown? Did Cornwallis surrender to Groucho in an outtake from the battle scenes in _Duck Soup_? Julius Henry Marx was born in the brownstone at 239 East 114th St. in the section of Manhattan known as York **ville** on October 2, 1890. Amateurs. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/6 "2004-10-03T02:59:15Z")
“Go – and never darken my towels again!” ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/7 "2004-10-03T03:45:53Z")
You’re only as old as the women you feel. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/8 "2004-10-03T04:08:13Z")
> [@Exapno Mapcase](#): > > Yorktown? Did Cornwallis surrender to Groucho in an outtake from the battle scenes in _Duck Soup_? You have to look closely for that bit, it wound up on the editing room floor. > [@](#): > > Julius Henry Marx was born in the brownstone at 239 East 114th St. in the section of Manhattan known as York **ville** on October 2, 1890. > > Amateurs. :rolleyes: This is what I get for not flipping through _Groucho and Me_ before I post. I forget there’s no A for Effort around here. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Revedge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecae2f/32.png) [@Revedge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revedge)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/9 "2004-10-03T06:06:02Z")
“I knew a hooker that commuted from Minniapolis to St. Paul. She was known as the tail of two cities.” Groucho at Carnegie Hall. ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/10 "2004-10-03T06:12:36Z")
Either I’m dead or my watch has stopped. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/11 "2004-10-03T06:55:51Z")
Fat lady: I didn’t come here to be insulted. Groucho: Oh? Where do you usually go? ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/12 "2004-10-03T06:57:57Z")
Sorry, just remembered another. Bystander (or some such): What do you think you’re doing? Groucho: I’m defending this woman’s honor…which is more than she ever did. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/13 "2004-10-03T07:39:59Z")
**Flywheel:** Just for that, Ravelli, you get no present from me. **Ravelli:** You got a present for me, boss? At’sa fine. What is it? **Flywheel:** I can’t tell you, ravelli. It’s a secret. **Ravelli:** Ah, I no smoka segrets. I smoka cigars. **Flywheel:** One more crack like that and you’ll get cigars. Scars all over your body. –Groucho and Chico, _Flywheel, Shyster, & Flywheel_ radio show, Episode 5 ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/14 "2004-10-03T08:42:26Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Nice work- those movies haven’t been quoted to death, either. Maybe I’ll watch one of those, since I have the DVDs and haven’t gotten around to them yet. I watched a Marx Bros. film marathon a few years ago and I thought I better write down some of these Groucho-isms, they might come in handy some day. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/15 "2004-10-03T10:29:01Z")
" we must defend this lady’s honour , which is more than she as ever done " " I never forget a face , but in your case I shall make an exception " " there is no such thing as sanity clause " ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/16 "2004-10-03T12:39:18Z")
To woman: “Come, let us lodge with my fleas in the hills - I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills!” ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/17 "2004-10-03T13:04:57Z")
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Whatever it is, I’m against it. ---
**Author:** ![Julius\_Henry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8797f3/32.png) [@Julius\_Henry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Julius_Henry)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/18 "2004-10-03T15:00:20Z")
Dr. Hackenbush : If I hold you any closer, I’ll be in back of you ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/19 "2004-10-03T16:42:18Z")
. . . Not that Groucho wasn’t funny (_onscreen_–offscreen, he was a real SOB), but how many of those lines were actually written by him, and how many by the “schmucks with Underwoods?” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260/20 "2004-10-03T16:45:28Z")
> [@Rayne Man](#): > > " there is no such thing as sanity clause " Save-a dat one for Chico’s boithday next week. 🆒 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-birthday-groucho-marx/267260.md?page=2)