# Happy New Bitchfest! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 1, 2014, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605 "2014-01-01T00:37:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/61 "2014-01-02T14:43:52Z")
Hey, HGTV: I watch your Rose Parade coverage because of the lack of commercials and because your announcers have traditionally been the least obnoxious parade announcers. This year, you sucked major ass. Those twins are painful to listen to and that woman was painfully worse. Is there a law that says that parade announcers have to tell jokes that second graders would find corny? If so, please lobby for its repeal. If not, please cut the lame attempts at comedy. Rose Parade People: Quit Macyfying your parade. Enough with the pauses in the parade to show people lip synching their way through a song. Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade sucks donkey dick. Why try to copy it? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/62 "2014-01-02T14:53:38Z")
> [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > Mom carries a baseball bat when she walks due to an aggressive dog problem in the neighborhood. This neighbor proceeded to tell Mom that she shouldn’t carry a bat for protection – all she needs is Jesus. Mom should choke up on the bat and snarl in the woman’s face “Start prayin’, bitch!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/63 "2014-01-02T16:07:47Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > I went to 3 different stores, and no one had eggnog. This annoys me, because I really like eggnog. Also, I’ve found that taking pills with eggnog is easier than anything you could imagine. > > Yes, I know it’s a seasonal drink, but it’s only 6 days past Christmas. It can’t ALL have disappeared all ready. Silk’s soymilk nog is also all gone. It’s hella sad. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/64 "2014-01-02T16:18:07Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > Dear society, > Stop dissing the clothes I wear. It’s fucking cold out and I’ll wear whatever’s warm. > Thanks. > Besides…it’s too cold to go outside. So people aren’t going to see me… 🙂 Hence the line _ande yo caliente y ríase la gente_ (so long as I’m warm, let people laugh), whose presence in el Quijote indicates that warm clothes were unfashionable as far back as the 16th century if not earlies. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/65 "2014-01-02T16:33:44Z")
Forecast; Sun Jan 5 Sunny -10° -28° Mon Jan 6 Partly Cloudy / Wind -11° -21° So a bit of wind chill on top of (below?) those temps. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/66 "2014-01-02T17:04:32Z")
Forecast is pretty much the same here. It’s currently -16° here. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/67 "2014-01-02T17:42:19Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Mom should choke up on the bat and snarl in the woman’s face “Start prayin’, bitch!” > > 😛 She should have pointed out that by the neighbor’s logic, no one needs to own guns. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/68 "2014-01-02T18:25:18Z")
> [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > Mom just called to tell me that a resident of the neighborhood stopped her while she was walking this morning. As I mentioned in a previous rant thread, Mom carries a baseball bat when she walks due to an aggressive dog problem in the neighborhood. This neighbor proceeded to tell Mom that she shouldn’t carry a bat for protection – all she needs is Jesus. > > For some reason, Mom didn’t find that as funny as I did (she hates being interrupted on her walks, unless a good friend wants to chat). “It’s my prayer stick. I always say ‘AMEN! Praise Jesus!’ when I swing it. Want to see?” ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/69 "2014-01-02T21:18:46Z")
Damn it. I was nearly out of dry cat food so I had to brave the local crazies in ShopRite terrified of some snow. One idiot parked in a tow away zone because he was too lazy to walk another five feet to the nearest open parking spot. Another idiot literally rammed my car and ran over my toe because she wasn’t watching where she was going. A third tried to grab some bananas from my cart. Really people it’s snow not a damned zombie apocalypse. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/70 "2014-01-02T21:45:25Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > … A third tried to grab some bananas from my cart. . . Shopping out of someone else’s cart? Wow. Just … wow. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/71 "2014-01-02T21:49:52Z")
Why do those old Trident commercials go “4 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommend Trident for their patients who _chew_ gum.” As opposed to _what_? Jam gum up my bunghole? “The other dentists recommend Trident for their patients who\* jam gum up their bunghole\*.” (All they had to do was stop stressing the word “chew.”) ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/72 "2014-01-02T21:57:44Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Shopping out of someone else’s cart? Wow. Just … wow. I gave her the death stare and she mumbled an apology. People are insane around here when they hear about snow. I have no idea why as we are in NJ and used to dealing with the stuff. I could understand if this was Texas or California but NJ? Sheesh. It snows at least twice a month during the winter. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/73 "2014-01-02T22:12:41Z")
I would much rather have to deal with plain snow rather than the high winds we’re going to get tomorrow. 30-35 mph with up to 60 mph gusts. And it’s only going to be 30 F for the high. I love living in the Appalachians, but fuck this wind! ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/74 "2014-01-02T23:10:39Z")
CBC Radio - it’s after Christmas. It’s after New Year’s Day. I think you can now stop running ads saying that your Christmas concert is now online. I think by now, people kind of don’t want to hear Christmas music anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/75 "2014-01-03T00:02:16Z")
I’d just like to reiterate my annoyance with people who believe they own the sidewalks. You don’t have the right to take up the entire walk just because: a) You’re a mommy with a brood and can’t control them. I WILL run over their asses if they don’t move over. b) You’re talking or texting or sexting or reading a novel. Either look up once in awhile or get plowed into. 3) You’re walking with two of your friends and you’re all, like, talking and whatever and like you might miss, like, a clever _bon mot_ uttered by the cretin next to you if you have to make room for someone coming towards you. I will NOT step off the walk for you. iv) You’re riding your bike on the fucking walk instead of in the fucking street where you fucking belong. And don’t you dare ring that goddamn bell to tell me to move, unless you’d like to visit a proctologist in the near future. e) You’re an asshole. I’m a far bigger asshole than you ever dreamed of being. [george costanza]WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY![/gc] ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/76 "2014-01-03T00:21:26Z")
> [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > As I mentioned in a previous rant thread, Mom carries a baseball bat when she walks due to an aggressive dog problem in the neighborhood. This neighbor proceeded to tell Mom that she shouldn’t carry a bat for protection – all she needs is Jesus.) Jesus brings His own bat? If so, is it a Nazareth Slugger? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/77 "2014-01-03T00:41:59Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Jesus brings His own bat? If so, is it a Nazareth Slugger? [Jesus has better ways of handling the situation.](http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=180) ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/78 "2014-01-03T01:11:05Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I’d just like to reiterate my annoyance with people who believe they own the sidewalks. You don’t have the right to take up the entire walk just because: > > a) You’re a mommy with a brood and can’t control them. I WILL run over their asses if they don’t move over. > b) You’re talking or texting or sexting or reading a novel. Either look up once in awhile or get plowed into. > 3) You’re walking with two of your friends and you’re all, like, talking and whatever and like you might miss, like, a clever _bon mot_ uttered by the cretin next to you if you have to make room for someone coming towards you. I will NOT step off the walk for you. > iv) You’re riding your bike on the fucking walk instead of in the fucking street where you fucking belong. And don’t you dare ring that goddamn bell to tell me to move, unless you’d like to visit a proctologist in the near future. > e) You’re an asshole. I’m a far bigger asshole than you ever dreamed of being. > > [george costanza]WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY![/gc] For whatever reason, I find it gets most people’s attention in situations like that if you stop and stand in place. Like if you’re walking, duh you’d better walk around them, but suddenly if you go still that makes it different somehow. Anyway, try that and see if you don’t get some measure of improvement. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/79 "2014-01-03T01:28:01Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > For whatever reason, I find it gets most people’s attention in situations like that if you stop and stand in place. Like if you’re walking, duh you’d better walk around them, but suddenly if you go still that makes it different somehow. Anyway, try that and see if you don’t get some measure of improvement. Despite my tough talk, that’s usually what I do. Stand and wait for the person to suddenly realize there’s another person on the planet other than him. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605/80 "2014-01-03T01:59:09Z")
> [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > Mom just called to tell me that a resident of the neighborhood stopped her while she was walking this morning. As I mentioned in a previous rant thread, Mom carries a baseball bat when she walks due to an aggressive dog problem in the neighborhood. This neighbor proceeded to tell Mom that she shouldn’t carry a bat for protection – all she needs is Jesus. > > For some reason, Mom didn’t find that as funny as I did (she hates being interrupted on her walks, unless a good friend wants to chat). That neighbour had a lot of guts - I don’t think I’d go bother someone walking with a baseball bat! Plus, that’s really fucking stupid - Jesus is not going to stop a dog from attacking you. > [@JKellyMap](#): > > Why do those old Trident commercials go “4 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommend Trident for their patients who _chew_ gum.” As opposed to _what_? Jam gum up my bunghole? “The other dentists recommend Trident for their patients who\* jam gum up their bunghole\*.” > > (All they had to do was stop stressing the word “chew.”) What, you _don’t_ jam gum up your bunghole? But(t)…minty fresh! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-new-bitchfest/677605.md?page=5)