# Happy Valentine's Day, Your Kid is Sick **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 16, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481 "2004-02-16T13:45:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/61 "2004-02-19T19:42:32Z")
[quote] _Originally Posted By Kallessa:_ Mocha on the screen time. Very, very funny, but it makes me wonder what our Oh-so Precious Gay Decorator would think of my cute and quirky kitchen cabinet pulls and knobs. I’d hate to be too tacky for words, and being told I was into the “doublewide look” would devastate me! \*I did give my brother-in-law a Dogs Playing Poker shirt, but it was a joke gift, really it was! [quote] **Mocha** on the screen! How Ghastly! _Everybody_ knows that if one simply must have color on one’s screen only **mauve** will do! **Kallessa** dahling! I am sure your tastes are at very least “triplewide.” 😃 Now, a Dogs Playing Poker shirt is another thing all together! So chic! So fashionable! Perhaps I could find one in silk. **Rue** I trust injuries kept within acceptable limits means no more than three compound fractures. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/62 "2004-02-19T19:52:36Z")
Oh Dear! Oh Dear! Oh Dear! All this decorating has caused me to be unable to do proper coding! I simply **must** lie down! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/63 "2004-02-19T19:59:11Z")
Well, the governor of Arkansas did live in a “triplewide” while the mansion was being remodeled, so how bad can it be? OMG! I just associated myself with the governor of Arkansas! Must remove taint of commoness. Must go to Nordstrom’s. Must buy upscale, overpriced room accents and designer cookware. Must get small, rare dog with her own trainer and dietician and carried her constantly in my oversized handbag, feeding her tidbits from my plate (which I don’t eat myself) and cooing at her whenever anyone tries to engage me in conversation. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/64 "2004-02-19T20:09:14Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally Posted by Kallessa:_ > OMG! I just associated myself with the governor of Arkansas! Must remove taint of commoness. Must go to Nordstrom’s. Must buy upscale, overpriced room accents and designer cookware. Must get small, rare dog with her own trainer and dietician and carried her constantly in my oversized handbag, feeding her tidbits from my plate (which I don’t eat myself) and cooing at her whenever anyone tries to engage me in conversation. Yes, my dear. Much better to be thought of as a crazy old lady who talks to her handbag than as the Governor of Arkansas. BTW, the Arkansas Governor’s Mansion was **upgraded** to a triplewide. Did you hear that the Arkansas state capitol building was destroyed by fire? It burned all the way to the axle! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/65 "2004-02-19T20:58:26Z")
Better a crazy old lady than a crazy old queen, **swampy** dahling! 😃 And I am **not** old! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/66 "2004-02-19T21:34:45Z")
[quote] _Originally Posted by Kallessa:_ Better a crazy old lady than a crazy old queen, swampy dahling! Now! Now! Let’s not disparage dear Elizabeth. She only looks crazy because she’s made to wear those hideous hats and carry ugly handbags. (They don’t look quite large enough to hold a Corgi IMO.) > [@](#): > > And I am not old! There, there Dear. Let me slip this shawl around your shoulders and fetch your afternoon Geritol. It’ll be alright. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/67 "2004-02-19T22:04:02Z")
Watch it **Swampy**. 'Cause, dude, she’ll slug ya. And really **Kalley**. Before I called it a job, I had those lights wrapped around a roll of newspaper and put away in the plastic tote just for Christmas lights in the crawlspace. No tangles for this puppy next year. All the Christmas totes are together and all the Ester totes are together and all the Hallowe’en totes are together and there’s an aisle between them so they can be accessed individually. And you need a French Bulldog. A _French_ Bulldog. You know it’s classy if it’s French. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/68 "2004-02-19T23:46:10Z")
**Rue** you have **Ester** decorations really? How **faaaaaaaaabulous!** I didn’t even know there was a holiday in which we celebrate fragrant chemical compounds. I should have known, though. After all I am one of **those** people. Can a _French_ Bulldog be carried in a handbag? I believe **Kallessa** is looking for one of those little bitty dogs that look like the cat coughed up a hair ball. You know the kind. Also known as barking dust bunnies. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/69 "2004-02-19T23:57:43Z")
At least I’m not so old or crazy that I can’t **code** properly! May all the burly men be fully dressed and bring you nothing but stale cookies and warm Budwiser! I was thinking more of a Brussels Griffon or a Japanese Chin, actually. Neither of which looks like somethign the cat spit up. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/70 "2004-02-20T12:31:57Z")
Have you thought about an Italian Greyhound? They aren’t as classy as the French Bulldog being Italian and all. But they are pretty close. The Ester decorations are for when Aunt Ester comes over. It’s always such a gret time we like to dress up in special outfits and decorate the house nice. We get to wear our wooden shoes and there’s always cake. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/71 "2004-02-20T12:49:27Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally Posted by Kallessa:_ > May all the burly men be fully dressed and bring you nothing but stale cookies and warm Budwiser! Well, half the fun of a present is in the unwrapping. 😃 BTW, why is your handbag growling at me? **Rue** does Aunt Ester wear really red lipstick and kiss everybody on the cheek, so you spend the rest of the day with a big red mark on your cheek cause that stuff won’t wash off no matter what? Does she have a big handbag full of hard candy? Are the Ester decorations stuff Aunt Ester gave you that you only put out when she’s coming? Aren’t you afraid she’ll drop in for a surprise visit and wonder why that ceramic replica of Graceland she gave you 23 years ago is not sitting on the coffee table like it usually is? Don’t offend Aunt Ester! She won’t give you anymore peppermint. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/72 "2004-02-20T18:43:28Z")
I bet Aunt Ester is the type that pinches your cheeks and tells you that you are the spitting image of a dead relative that you never met and about which no one will ever speak. There’s a rumor she has lots of money, but she still wears dresses she bought in the sixties (and they were out of fashion then) and often has mismatched shoes. She always slips a piece of cake into her purse (which doesn’t growl), but everyone pretends not to notice. The decorations are knicks knacks that may be from her travels to other countries, or that she picked up at the Salvation Army Thrift store. Italian greyhounds are too big to fit into a purse. And Brussels is the new France anyway. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/73 "2004-02-20T19:50:27Z")
I don’t have an Aunt Ester, but one of my favorite Halloween personas was when I dressed as a wrestler, complete with black cape and leather whip, and called myself “P. M. Esther” - I thought it was a very clever name. I need to find the photos of me in that get-up and post them. I was a sight - the leotard was a low-cut thong style worn over skin-tight workout pants. Truly, um, frightening… ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481/74 "2004-02-21T02:13:04Z")
**Rue,** you obviously are not aware of the Christmas light “tangler” gremlins. You can wrap your lights all “purty” and neat, and put them away in your dark little crawl space. But now the little gremlins will sneak out and giggle madly as they go to work undoing all YOUR hard work. Next December, when you are happily congratulating yourself on thinking ahead you will very rudely surprised! You’ll unpack your purdy widdle lights and they will be a tangled mass! Mark my words, this will happen to you! How do I know? Because it happens to me every flippin’ year! **Swampy,** you crack me up! I want an over the top decorator too! I just bought a new house last spring and it SOOOOO needs some help. However, just from reading your posts I’ll never be able to afford you. I would LURVE for you to have a hissy fit on my front porch! Then the “convenant Nazi” down the street would have another thing to complain about! I also think my tastes would be too “double-wide” for you. I don’t LIKE brass! I like brushed nickel and pewter! Also, I don’t want “over the top”, I prefer a nice eclectic, quiet, but comfortable, elegant look! Can you do that? I also like warm, “elegant” colors, but ABSOLUTELY NO PINK OR MAUVE! **Ellen,** Congrats to you! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-day-your-kid-is-sick/229481.md?page=3)