# Happy Valentine's Dope ! ! ! ! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451 "2006-02-14T15:33:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/1 "2006-02-14T15:33:03Z")
Thank you, Dopers, for not having me banned in order to spare you my incessant ramblings and ungraceful scenes over the last year or so. This is an incredible place. I hereby plant a big ol’ smooch on the teeth of … nope, not gonna name names, you know who you are. * * * A lightswitch clicks on in a large ballroom in a swank hotel in Vail, Colorado. The room is flooded in the soft glow of hundreds of chandelier candle lights. Clad in tux & tails with a _Boston_ t-shirt and red carnation corsage, \*\*Inigo Montoya \*\* enters the room rolling two kegs of Single Track ale in front of him. He is followed by half a dozen Chippendales, each carrying 2 kegs of various brands of local brews. A huge mountain of ice in one corner of the ballroom awaits the beer, and in moments 14 shiny steel circles adorn the face of a near-perfect chipped ice replica of the Rocky Mountain Front Range. A series of troughs drain the melting ice into a common channel of rushing ice-cold water. There are little red & pink toy sailboats floating in the river. Within minutes The Swedish bikini team has set up the bar in the oposite corner, and Emeril arrives and starts giving commands to his crew to set up a makeshift kitchen. He begins shopping and boiling and “BAM”-ing with such fury that one imagines God in his own kitchen eons ago preparing the primordial Earth. The band arrives. It’s _Cake_, of course. The chippendales have finished flexing and setting up the kegs and have now taken up positions at the entrance to greet the guests…somewhere in the room, a goat bleats. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/2 "2006-02-14T15:48:55Z")
Ooh, am I the first guest? Well, Happy Valentine’s Day to all! Oh, no thank you, **Inigo** , it’s much too early for me to have a brewskGLUG GLUG GLUG! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/3 "2006-02-14T15:50:36Z")
Thanks for the party **Inigo**. Could we please not have a repeat of that unfortunate Hallowe’en Party fiasco involving two of the Chippendales, the goat, a vat of mango chutney and that Fandango dancer. If not, can we please get it on video this time? 😃 **HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY DOPERS!!!** ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/4 "2006-02-14T15:59:18Z")
**.OOO\_.OOO \_\_OOOO\_\_OOOO \_.OOOOO\_OOOOO \_\_OOOOOOOOO \_\_.OOOOOOOO \_\_\_OOOOOOO \_\_\_.OOOOOO \_\_\_\_OOOOO \_\_\_\_.OOOO \_\_\_\_\_OOO \_\_\_\_\_.OO \_\_\_\_\_\_O** HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY All Jim ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/5 "2006-02-14T16:13:21Z")
Can I just put on my best tux, sit in a corner and get stinking bawling drunk? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/6 "2006-02-14T16:22:35Z")
Say, these [google-ads](http://www.octabong.com/?gclid=CJm5kq25mIMCFRmdGgod0T_MKA) aren’t all bad! **Quicksilver**! Bring in the Octabong!!! ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/7 "2006-02-14T16:31:03Z")
**HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!** Help yourselves to the mimosas and pink cupcakes. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/8 "2006-02-14T16:31:57Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Say, these [google-ads](http://www.octabong.com/?gclid=CJm5kq25mIMCFRmdGgod0T_MKA) aren’t all bad! **Quicksilver**! Bring in the Octabong!!! Except why would I need more than one tap on a keg? It’s much easier to lie down under one tap and turn it on. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/9 "2006-02-14T16:39:31Z")
Octabong…mimosas…kegs. I’ll take that as a yes. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/10 "2006-02-14T18:15:19Z")
Bring on the pink cupcakes, I’ve got a Valentine’s Day depression. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/11 "2006-02-14T18:27:46Z")
I’m glad you haven’t been banned, **Inigo Montoya** - you make me laugh. Happy Valentine’s to you, too - and to everyone. And Happy Anniversary to me & Mr. Wanna. Did someone say mimosas and pink cupcakes? Woo-hoo! ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/12 "2006-02-14T18:41:16Z")
Kalima! [KALIMAAAA!](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v654/MachTurtle/valentine-card15.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/13 "2006-02-14T18:50:14Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > Kalima! [KALIMAAAA!](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v654/MachTurtle/valentine-card15.jpg) I was all prepared to be anti-Valentine and sit in the corner and drink moodily, but _day-umm_, was that funny. Thank you! 😃 I’ll still drink in the corner, though … ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/14 "2006-02-14T19:26:57Z")
I’m peeking in to see if **faithfool** has made it here yet. Happy Valentine’s Day! What’s the goat for? ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/15 "2006-02-14T19:36:00Z")
_sits in a corner_ _gets increasingly drunk_ _sniffles all alone in singleness_ What, you think I’m bitter or something? Noooo… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/16 "2006-02-14T19:53:48Z")
> [@The Mad Hermit](#): > > I’m peeking in to see if **faithfool** has made it here yet. > > Happy Valentine’s Day! > What’s the goat for? You don’t want to know. Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/17 "2006-02-14T19:54:40Z")
Whee! Free beer! The rest of you can mope and moan. I have a wife who loves me, and whom I adore, cats who tolerate my existance, and a sunny day outside. Happy Valentine’s Day!!! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/18 "2006-02-14T20:26:51Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > _sits in a corner_ > _gets increasingly drunk_ > _sniffles all alone in singleness_ > > What, you think I’m bitter or something? Noooo… _ **Doug** sidles up in best tux, slightly disheveled, with red carnation in lapel and nth martini in hand_ _begins singing obscure Irving Berlin tune_ _You’re lonely and I’m lonely, So why can’t we be lonely together?.. Two lonely hearts beating as one Can be miserable and still have a lot of fun._ ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/19 "2006-02-14T20:56:16Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > Kalima! [KALIMAAAA!](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v654/MachTurtle/valentine-card15.jpg) [Right back atcha!](http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/02-10-06-starwars/harrybozack.jpg) This one made my day, really. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2006, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451/20 "2006-02-14T21:03:43Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > _ **Doug** sidles up in best tux, slightly disheveled, with red carnation in lapel and nth martini in hand_ > _begins singing obscure Irving Berlin tune_ > _You’re lonely and I’m lonely, > So why can’t we be lonely together?.. > Two lonely hearts beating as one > Can be miserable and still have a lot of fun._ Man. There’s always a skeevy drunk guy, isn’t there? Eh, I’ll take whatever I can get, at this point. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-valentines-dope/344451.md?page=2)