# Happy Zombie Jesus Day! Questions about Our Zombie Lord **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 23, 2008, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465 "2008-03-23T21:32:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/41 "2008-03-24T02:17:49Z")
All I remember from the Easter story was that Jesus died, he rose from the dead three days later, saw his shadow-which meant that we would be getting 2000 more years of war. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/42 "2008-03-24T02:58:16Z")
Does the self-sacrifice angle give him special zombie powers, rather than someone who died of natural causes? How does he say grace and keep his prey captive to eat it (I know I’d run away!) When we take communion, does it make us just a little bit zombie? So many questions, and the bible isn’t helping at all! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/43 "2008-03-24T03:02:46Z")
Q. What the hell kind of zombie insists that we eat _his_ flesh and drink _his_ blood? A. Bizarro Zombie Jesus! ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/44 "2008-03-24T03:37:54Z")
As a Christian, I forgive all you “jerks.” And, as a Christian, Zombie Jesus will forgive me for laughing my ass off at this thread! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/45 "2008-03-24T04:10:26Z")
I’m a Christian, and I love this. 😃 Does this put Mel Gibson in the same category as George A. Romero? Also, has anyone linked to the Jesus the Vampire Slayer comic yet? No? [Excellent](http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/1956711.html#cutid1). ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/46 "2008-03-24T04:35:44Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia] What about the ear of that guard that Peter cut off when they came to arrest Jesus? (Peter was the coolest of the Apostles) [/QUOTE] But Jesus was [way cool!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUrqaJZH-04&feature=related) Walked on the water, swam on the land. But really, the transubstantiation kinda makes him azombie, not \*a \*zombie. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/47 "2008-03-24T05:36:08Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder] As I think you realize, nobody’s objecting to anyone making a joke _per se_. Making a joke doesn’t preclude being a jerk, though. I suspect that if someone were to start a thread that ridiculed _American Atheists_ and blatantly misrepresented their views or literature, people wouldn’t let him off the hook so easily – even if he were to say “Hey, folks! It was just a joke! Don’t take this so seriously.” [/QUOTE] Actually, that’s not true. The Southpark episode where the future atheist society said “we have learned that it’s not enough to simply be atheist. You also have to be a complete dick to everyone who disagrees with you” was funny. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/48 "2008-03-24T05:42:15Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Scrappy Hero Pup] Count me in the “jerk” column. It’s Easter. It’s the holiest day in the Christian year. [/QUOTE] Admittedly I grew up athiest but… Invisible bunny rabbits, dyed eggs, pink marshmallow bunnies that you bite the head off of…? I suspect that Easter has been defiled much further and greater by Hallmark than **Mr. Excellent** , and that moreover it’s most likely more about bunnies than Jesus so far as most Christians are concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/49 "2008-03-24T05:55:27Z")
Invisible _zombie_ bunnies. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/50 "2008-03-24T06:16:52Z")
[QUOTE=Revenant Threshold] But it’s not serious ridiculing. I mean, I get how it could be; “What, so Jesus is like, some kind of zombie then? _cue mean laughter_”, but this didn’t appear mean-spirited. As a sort of counterpoint, plenty of times atheists themselves have brought up jokingly the idea that we’re all heathenous scum on these boards. Likewise jokes about the complimentary toasters we gay/bi types get for “turning” straights, and our indepth recruitment drives of various nations’ young, are pretty common. Certainly those things, if meant as serious critiques or coming from a mean-spirited place, would be unpleasant and offensive. But I don’t think \*\*Mr. Excellent \*\* actually thinks Christians believe in a Zombie Lord, nor do I think he’s deliberately trying to be a jerk and provoke. 'tis but a joke. [/QUOTE] Hmm. So who gets a toaster oven for turning him into a zombie? Or maybe that would worth something better, maybe a wine refrigerator or something. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/51 "2008-03-24T06:33:14Z")
If Jesus was a vampire, I’d stake my life on him. * * * As for zombie Jesus, we all know that zombies are instantly killed by spells in the Life family. Seeing that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, wouldn’t he have instantly un-died again? ---
**Author:** ![FarmerChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@FarmerChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FarmerChick)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/52 "2008-03-24T12:59:37Z")
[QUOTE=peekercpa] All I know is that I am thankful for this day. For those of you that choose not to believe I will continue to pray for you. Why does it make you feel good while pooing on someone elses parade? Jealousy, me thinks. [/QUOTE] So, does stupid hurt? :smack: [QUOTE=Czarcasm] All I remember from the Easter story was that Jesus died, he rose from the dead three days later, saw his shadow-which meant that we would be getting 2000 more years of war. [/QUOTE] Haha! I again have coffee on my screen… [QUOTE=CoG888] As a Christian, I forgive all you “jerks.” And, as a Christian, Zombie Jesus will forgive me for laughing my ass off at this thread! [/QUOTE] Nice, a Christian I maybe could like! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/53 "2008-03-24T13:37:16Z")
[QUOTE=Czarcasm] All I remember from the Easter story was that Jesus died, he rose from the dead three days later, saw his shadow-which meant that we would be getting 2000 more years of war. [/QUOTE] We’re on the home stretch now! I’ve been diligently studying Scripture to answer the crucial questions posed in this thread, and one thing has been sadly ignored: Zombie Jesus could _shapeshift_ (Mark 16:12)! We do not know the extent of the shapeshifting (he could still be recognized while in “another form”) but still, this points to an entirely different, possibly hitherto unknown, type of zombie. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/54 "2008-03-24T17:25:39Z")
[QUOTE= Rysto] Well, I’m sorry that you’re so uptight about your religion that you feel it should be above being the target of a joke. Run along now and let those of us with a sense of humour have our fun. [/QUOTE] Who said I was being uptight about it? Besides, given your hockey loyalties, you’re the last person to call anybody out for following a joke way too intensely. 😃 And of course God has a sense of humor. Only He would let MY team be as successful as it is. ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/55 "2008-03-24T17:29:03Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Scrappy Hero Pup] Besides, given your hockey loyalties, you’re the last person to call anybody out for following a joke way too intensely. 😃 [/QUOTE] Uh, hello? Leaf fans? I’m hardly the _last_ person. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/56 "2008-03-24T17:33:55Z")
[QUOTE=Rysto] Uh, hello? Leaf fans? I’m hardly the _last_ person. [/QUOTE] Shut up or I will beat you to death with this convenient hockey stick. 😉 It’s not like any of the Leafs will be using it for the playoffs… ---
**Author:** ![pantheon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@pantheon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantheon)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/57 "2008-03-24T18:47:49Z")
[http://www.explosm.net/comics/1214/](http://www.explosm.net/comics/1214/) ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/58 "2008-03-24T18:57:27Z")
[QUOTE=Der Trihs] Actually, that’s easy enough to explain. It’s well known that vampires smoke, or even burst into flames upon contact with holy items - **and Jesus is holy ! !** By his very nature, he spontaneously combusts. I expect that even now, he is hiding somewhere in the depths of the Mediterranean, unable to surface for fear of igniting into flames. Either that, or the Vatican is keeping him in the basement in a big glass tank. [/QUOTE] As a matter of fact he would have burst into flames just as soon as he stumbled outta that cave cuz we all know vampires burst into flame on contact with sunlight. What big glass tank anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/59 "2008-03-24T19:05:57Z")
I’m Roman Catholic, and serious about it. No particular offense taken from the thread. We live in the real world; Christ Himself knew that it would be a tough sell for anyone who didn’t have a chance to have Thomas’ … er… hands-on experience. And in the real world, legends about the person that dies and then rises again in bodily form include some kind of undead – zombies, vampires, etc. So it’s an obvious joke. Not particluarly creative, mind you, but obvious. So… meh. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465/60 "2008-03-24T19:09:48Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] He’s a very rare breed of zombie, for one thing – He wants YOU to eat HIM! [/QUOTE] Do you really think you should be posting in this trhread given your username/ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/happy-zombie-jesus-day-questions-about-our-zombie-lord/442465.md?page=4)