# Has something like "SDMB Personals" ever been tried? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 31, 2016, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944 "2016-12-31T01:22:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bare](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bare/32/471_2.png) [@bare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bare)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/21 "2017-01-01T07:00:48Z")
That’s the problem with this whole idea. Every time you try to contact another stranger behind someone’s back, they’ll likely find about it. Heh ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/22 "2017-01-01T07:06:51Z")
There is a Marketplace forum. Wouldn’t personal ads go there? ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/23 "2017-01-01T07:10:56Z")
> [@bare](#): > > That’s the problem with this whole idea. Every time you try to contact another stranger behind someone’s back, they’ll likely find about it. Heh You mean… are you saying… you message _other women_ on this forum?? :eek: I’m betrayed!! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bare](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bare/32/471_2.png) [@bare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bare)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/24 "2017-01-01T07:17:09Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > You mean… are you saying… you message _other women_ on this forum?? :eek: I’m betrayed!! 😉 Heck no! I was accusing YOU about trying to get hold of strangers on the sly! ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/25 "2017-01-01T07:21:22Z")
> [@bare](#): > > Heck no! I was accusing YOU about trying to get hold of strangers on the sly! Ok, I guess I should break it to you… I have lots of friends on the interwebs. Some of them are… men. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/26 "2017-01-01T07:30:18Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > There is a Marketplace forum. Wouldn’t personal ads go there? Maybe we should start a Meat Market forum. ---
**Author:** ![bare](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bare/32/471_2.png) [@bare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bare)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/27 "2017-01-01T07:31:16Z")
Heh. I’ve tried to lure worthy gals to the Straight Dope over the years. In every case, they took one look and went, pfft!, never to be seen again. It’s like they think they’ll get addicted or something. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/28 "2017-01-01T07:32:17Z")
Get a room. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/29 "2017-01-01T07:32:49Z")
> [@bare](#): > > Heh. > > I’ve tried to lure worthy gals to the Straight Dope over the years. In every case, they took one look and went, pfft!, never to be seen again. It’s like they think they’ll get addicted or something. Okay, which one are you – Leonard, Howard or Koothrapali? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/30 "2017-01-01T15:18:27Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I’ve met dopers in five states and on two continents. I’ve met quite a few fellow Dopers as well ------ in Ohio, Maryland, Kentucky and several other places. I’ve even met a couple of the Pittsburghers; --------- at Knoebels 226 miles away from Pittsburgh. Actually in Allegheny County, nadda. No interest in any sort of meet-up at all. Like I said, the natives here are an odd breed. :smack: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/31 "2017-01-02T04:04:37Z")
Fierra and I met on the SDMB in 2000 - she lived in the UK, I in Kansas, we’ve and have been very happily married now for 14+ years (we’re hoping to have a vow renewal next year). I know another Doper couple that met here and has been married for 12 years. Sometimes love can be found here. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/32 "2017-01-02T06:23:19Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > Fierra and I met on the SDMB in 2000 - she lived in the UK, I in Kansas, we’ve and have been very happily married now for 14+ years (we’re hoping to have a vow renewal next year). Congratulations, Una and Fierra! > [@](#): > > I know another Doper couple that met here and has been married for 12 years. Sometimes love can be found here. Indeed. I know of a few marriages that have resulted from the SDMB. Me? No marriage, but I have met (via PM) a number of women who post here, and dated a couple of them in person. We may not have carried things further, for various reasons, but they were indeed Dopers–intelligent, curious, and articulate. It is possible to meet others here; all it takes is the courage to draft a PM. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/33 "2017-01-03T02:27:09Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Well you can always go to the Straight Dope Portrait Gallery and see if there is anyone there you are attracted to: > [http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery\_home.html](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery_home.html) > > [although it was apparently last updated in July, 2012] For the record, when I first discovered the site I did make my way to the portrait gallery at one point (after reading some of the stickies). When I saw it hadn’t been updated in so long I figured maybe no point in trying to contact anyone to add to it. As pertains to my question, though, personally speaking I’d be more likely to want to know someone better based on their posts than their picture…probably. I stopped believing it was a good idea to think you know much about a person based on what they look like many, many hard lessons (and years) ago. 😛 Of course some people may not be quite what they seem based on their posting history on a message board, either. Just saying, for me something more than a picture is necessary to pique any serious interest. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/34 "2017-01-03T02:39:52Z")
> [@astro](#): > > IIRC this has been brought up periodically over the years a suggestion, more so in the past when we were scrambling for funds for the board, but I think the consensus was that being a matchmaking dating site was not in the SDMB wheelhouse and might make participation awkward if two members had a fallout. > > Plus, just from an interaction point of view people like to be seen at their best for new people they are meeting for potential relationships. If a poster is active over time a lot of that person’s life, their fears, foibles, mistakes and petty personal issues will be available for review by the other party. Not sure that’s how most people would want to start out. The relative anonymity of the board is one reason people post here. I see what you’re saying. Guess I’d hope that most people wouldn’t be so petty as to bring any negative relationship fallout to the public board. Or even discuss things privately with other members, but I supposed there’d be no way to guarantee that. But to your second concern, I wasn’t necessarily thinking that someone would automatically use their same username for that purpose as for this public-posting on the main SDMB. People could use their own judgment about when or whether to link the two names, depending how the thing were structured. Granted, if I chose a name other than Lee Q. for a personals profile, that would prevent someone from looking me up by username in the personals. But if the profile itself struck their fancy, theoretically they’d contact me anyway without knowing it was Lee Q. I don’t know, honestly I haven’t given a huge amount of thought to the mechanics of it. I guess I was thinking (expecting? at least hoping) most people here have enough integrity that, as I said above, they wouldn’t create chaos or drama should there be fallout from any SDMB-personals contact. Possibly that’s an unreasonable assumption to make, here or anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/35 "2017-01-03T02:48:01Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > Want to ruin a marriage? > > Want to ruin a couple marriages? > > Want to ruin a motel room in Altoona Pennsylvania? > Hey - in 1974 that was a half-way decent line > > 🙂 In 1974, maybe only a half-way decent line was necessary to get the job done…! Don’t ask me - my vice of choice circa 1974 was a rousing game of Red Rover. Despite the name, I assure you it had nothing to do with motels. 😃 For the OFFICIAL record, I have no interest in ruining one marriage or a couple marriages or any other heretofore unspecified number of marriages. Also, my interest in Altoona PA is pretty much nil. Let me guess. In that case, you just close your eyes and think of England? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/36 "2017-01-03T02:54:11Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > I think you’re brave to suggest it, **Lee Q.** , but I like your idea. > > I’m a noob on this forum, too, but I lurked awhile before joining so have been reading the place for a few years. It seems to me the personal relationships that evolve in this forum are hard won and regarded as faintly unseemly. Not that anyone minds that some people may get together, but just don’t make any fuss about it. It’s all quite cerebral or piercingly snide and witteh, but true displays of warmth between members are a rarity. I’m not surprised that the responses to your suggestion so far are not enthusiastic. > > That said, my own experience of online friendships/relationships is that physical distance may or may not matter. Online is just another way of meeting people. My late husband was Australian. We carried on the ultimate long distance relationship for a few years before we were able to get together on the same continent. It was the best relationship I ever had. No regrets for all we went through to be together. Only that our time together was so tragically short. > > I doubt this forum will encourage a special spot for singles to interact, but neither do I think it is creepy or dumb to reach out via PM to others whom you would like to get to know better. > > As for **astro’s** concerns about awkward participation if two members fall out, this happens all over the internet every day and it is no big deal. Mods are well equipped here to deal with inappropriate behavior, whatever the basis may be for that. Many people here are smart and mature enough to work out their differences without making it the board’s business. Thanks for this reply. Our thinking seems pretty similar on this, especially the last part. Concern about drama ensuing should any relationship (or even just casual hookup, whatever) go bad isn’t something that leapt immediately to mind for me and your last paragraph sums up why. Even if people do attempt to start BS, it’s always an individual’s choice whether or not to participate. One-sided dramafests tend to fizzle out unless there are people on the sidelines stoking them. I may have an unrealistic perception of the prevailing tendencies of most Dopers, but I just sort of figured most people here would ignore that sort of nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/37 "2017-01-03T02:59:22Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I like the idea in theory, but in practice I don’t think we have quite the user base to make it work, and this place isn’t as social as it used to be. It has worked out for some people who met here, but that’s without any sort of deliberate thread or forum for personals. And I have made friends here that have carried over into real life. I was thinking that in terms of user base in this context, quality might matter more than quantity. It’s cool that you and others have made friends here that’ve carried over. Having started this thread, I guess I should say that with one exception, I’ve never even attempted to private message another user here. For all I know, that would work splendidly and obviate any need for a dedicated personals section. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/38 "2017-01-03T03:10:57Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Wouldn’t it be nice to be social with someone you could also exchange ideas with? > > I know; I’m a hopeless romantic. Romantic, or just efficient?🙂 In seriousness, you hit upon my exact reasoning in asking the question, and why it occurred to me in the first place. Not to use too broad a brush, as I’m sure it’s not true of every single person here, but part of what seems to make this place what it is has to do with people gravitating here because they’re interested in ideas. The world, other people, the occasional MPSIMS. That’s exactly the type person I most enjoy and want to spend time with, not just friendship but also close/intimate/relationship time. So, yeah, if you ask me, the **only** time it’s really nice being social is _exactly_ when it’s with someone you can also exchange ideas with. Efficient romantics of the world, unite! Or, you know, pair off… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/39 "2017-01-03T03:17:46Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > IMO that’s a feature not a bug. > > If someone is seeking an LTR what matters is the total package. Not the carefully groomed best-behavior money’s no object dating game. To be sure it’d be a total screw-up for a suitor to look at the former while using the scorecard they normally use to evaluate the latter. > IMO the OP’s idea would fail here simply from lack of numbers versus our spread-out geography. But I don’t think the OP or anyone else should feel afraid to make PM inquiries to whoever he/she is interested in. But be willing to be told “Thanks, but no thanks” and drop it at that. Agreed, about feature vs. bug. Already replied to someone else about the lack of numbers thing. As for PM, that’s a fine enough suggestion and of course I already knew that PM is available. Not entirely sure why I still think a personals thing might be cool. Maybe because of the “profile” aspect of personals. As I mentioned in another post, I’ve only PM’d one person here, not in any context pertaining to this thread. Maybe my post was premature, since I haven’t tried that yet, and my query is about trying to “fix” something that isn’t broken. Oh - and for the record, I’m a she. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944/40 "2017-01-03T03:19:56Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Wouldn’t work for me. I live in Bum-fuck Nowhere. I think there is one Doper (a dude) within 30 miles. > > Oh, and I’m married. I see what you mean. Start packing - I hear if you’re married and into this sort of thing, the place to be is Altoona PA. 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-something-like-sdmb-personals-ever-been-tried/775944.md?page=3)