# Has there ever been a more laughable film than John Wayne's "Green Berets"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 5, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410 "2003-07-05T18:09:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/1 "2003-07-05T18:09:05Z")
I’ve had several chances to watch parts of this film now, and I’ve seen enough. This movie isn’t just ridiculous, it’s pathetic. To whit: 1 - Wayne is about 15 years too old and 50 pounds too heavy to hold _any_ combat posting in the military, much less one in the Special Forces. 2 - The movie’s politics are simply laughable. Big, easy cheap shots are taken at a reporter named Beckworth, and no effort is spared to make him look like a bleeding heart, ignorant fool. A South Vietnamese commander tells him that his unit is infiltrated with VC, and this is supposed to be some kind of profound revelation to the “ignorant” journalist – in 1968! 3 - Wayne holds his M-16 as if it were a broom or a rake. He never uses a sling, never seems to care which way the barrel is pointing, and half the time is carrying the thing _upside down._ 4 - At one point Sgt. Muldoon spots a member of the Vietcong who has infiltrated the South Vietnmaes unit pacing off the dimensions in the camp. Of course, it shouldn’t be hard, since the VC was taking nice, big, even steps, then stopping and looking around craftily. All this _in broad daylight!_ 5 - The “jungle” that surround the camp? Pine trees. I have to admit, I’ve never like John Wayne’s one-note acting or rah-rah flag-waving bullshit, but this movie just about made me want to puke. Did _anyone_ ever take it seriously? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/2 "2003-07-05T18:12:21Z")
Mod, to avoid confusion, can you change the title line to read "Has there ever been a **more** laughable film than John Wayne’s “The Green Berets”? ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/3 "2003-07-05T18:39:10Z")
My dad made me see it with him (shown in the basement of City Hall by local Rotary Club), in the midst of Vietnam War. How I survived to become a Knee-Jerk Liberal, I’ll never know… Hey, wait. Maybe John Wayne made my knee jerk! ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/4 "2003-07-05T18:44:59Z")
Not _more_ laughable… but just as laughable: **John Wayne** as Genghis Khan in [The Conqueror](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0049092). A side note… The Conqueror was filmed near a nuclear test site, and a large proportion of the cast (including the Duke) ended up dying from cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/5 "2003-07-05T18:52:51Z")
Ah, yes, the pine forests of Southeast Asia (IIRC, it was actually shot in North Carolina). My dad was a Green Beret, and enjoys watching the movie and pointing out all the things they’re doing wrong. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wumpus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8c91f0/32.png) [@Wumpus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wumpus)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/6 "2003-07-05T18:56:15Z")
I dunno, I just Commando again, with Ah-nuld. It makes The Green Berets look like sophisticated, nuanced drama. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/7 "2003-07-05T18:58:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gunslinger \* > \*\*Ah, yes, the pine forests of Southeast Asia (IIRC, it was actually shot in North Carolina). My dad was a Green Beret, and enjoys watching the movie and pointing out all the things they’re doing wrong. 😃 \*\* Ft. Benning, Georgia, according to the IMDB Did your dad ever comment on Wayne’s rifle-carrying technique? I’m not sure why, but this one little thing annoys me almost as much as everything else put together. Maybe because Wayne’s character is supposed to be some knd of big-shot commander, but he can’t even carry his weapon properly. ---
**Author:** ![LabRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/898d66/32.png) [@LabRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LabRat)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/8 "2003-07-05T19:35:09Z")
If I remember correctly, Wayne wanted to make a movie to counter the anti-Vietnam war feeling at the time. It was supposed to be pro-military propoganda. And yes, it’s very silly. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/9 "2003-07-05T19:42:15Z")
Well, in the latest Lord of The Rings movie a group of undiscliplined, poorly armored cavalry come charging out of control down a steep hill, after riding several days in a forced march, maintaining no battle line whatsoever and sans lances to slam pell-mell into a massive, well rested, and tightly packed formation of discliplined pikemen and, get this, the calvary wins. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/10 "2003-07-05T19:57:38Z")
While it may rate highly for some, the movie that was so laughable that I left after less than five minutes was **Emerald Forest** where the Powers Boothe character, _Tommy’s_ father, after the kid had been in the woods a while and had somehow managed to become like a god or something for these natives, when finding out the new god’s name was _To May_ (didn’t wait around to see how they actually spelled it), Boothe’s character has this sudden sensation that this god-boy might be his own son. Fortunately we were able to get into another theater in the same multiplex before the credits were over and got to see **Silverado** instead. In spite of favorable comments by others since that laughable experience I have had no desire to be in the same room with EF since then. But I could name 20 movies at least as laughable as Green Berets, with maybe five of them being John Wayne movies. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/11 "2003-07-05T20:05:38Z")
Maybe they were playing _Civilization III_. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/12 "2003-07-05T20:13:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by js\_africanus \* > \*\*Well, in the latest Lord of The Rings movie a group of undiscliplined, poorly armored cavalry come charging out of control down a steep hill, after riding several days in a forced march, maintaining no battle line whatsoever and sans lances to slam pell-mell into a massive, well rested, and tightly packed formation of discliplined pikemen and, get this, the calvary wins. \*\* But they had Gandalf The Grey and he gives +3 to Wildass Cavalry Charges. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/13 "2003-07-05T20:21:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vl\_mungo \* > A side note… The Conqueror was filmed near a nuclear test site, and a large proportion of the cast (including the Duke) ended up dying from cancer. Cecil column: [Did John Wayne die of cancer caused by a radioactive movie set?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_016.html) ---
**Author:** ![Julius\_Henry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8797f3/32.png) [@Julius\_Henry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Julius_Henry)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/14 "2003-07-05T20:53:26Z")
You need to see the movie again. Not all of it, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, but you have to see the ending. One of the most famous flubs in cinematic history. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/15 "2003-07-05T22:43:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Julius Henry \* > \*\*You need to see the movie again. Not all of it, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, but you have to see the ending. One of the most famous flubs in cinematic history. \*\* Oh, come on. Tell us what it is! Please? ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/16 "2003-07-05T23:09:21Z")
Wayne watches the sun set over the Pacific. The sun sets in the west. Viet Nam is landlocked on the west. To state the obvious, Plan 9 from Outer Space. Holy meatballs. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/17 "2003-07-05T23:28:18Z")
**Lizard** , dude - try **Reefer Madness** , which was not tongue in cheek but rather presented as a Very Serious Movie on Why We Should Avoid Pot. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/18 "2003-07-05T23:47:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by js\_africanus \* > \*\*Well, in the latest Lord of The Rings movie a group of undiscliplined, poorly armored cavalry come charging out of control down a steep hill, after riding several days in a forced march, maintaining no battle line whatsoever and sans lances to slam pell-mell into a massive, well rested, and tightly packed formation of discliplined pikemen and, get this, the calvary wins. \*\* Of course you’re ignoring the timing arranged by Gandalf for the sun to come up right behind the charge and blind the light-sensitive Uruk-Hai and make them lower their pikes. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/19 "2003-07-06T01:02:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by js\_africanus \* > \*\*Well, in the latest Lord of The Rings movie a group of undiscliplined, poorly armored cavalry come charging out of control down a steep hill, after riding several days in a forced march, maintaining no battle line whatsoever and sans lances to slam pell-mell into a massive, well rested, and tightly packed formation of discliplined pikemen and, get this, the calvary wins. \*\* Like **RikWriter** said, I can then conclude that: _ **Gandalf won because he was prepared!!** _ [d&r] ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2003, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410/20 "2003-07-06T02:10:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by js\_africanus \* > and, get this, the **calvary** wins. Well, Calvary always triumphs over evil, because jesus Christ is Lord of us all. . . .😛 Lord of the The Rings shows up in the strangest places. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised by now. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/has-there-ever-been-a-more-laughable-film-than-john-waynes-green-berets/186410.md?page=2)