Have you cheated Death?

Rare in southern NH, but not so much as you get above Berlin NH in the 13 mile woods. Heading up to north of Errol, it’s rare that I DON’T see a moose in the roadway.

My closest was on my first trip to a hunting camp north of Errol. I didn’t see it until it was about 30ft in front of my car, headed into my lane from the left one. As I passed it, I did get a great look into it’s nostrils from a distance of about 3feet. If I had been 20 seconds later, it would have been dead center in my lane.

Moose are dark, the 13mile woods are darker. Moose at night there are invisible!!!

I took several high end defensive driving classes for fun when I was young. It turned out they saved my life.

A friend and I were driving down I-69 outside of Fort Wayne, Indiana. There was a tow truck up ahead of us with a Monte Carlo on its bed. I was driving my friend’s BMW. Luckily, this was in the days before traction control.

Something didn’t look right on the tow truck. In a fraction of a moment I realized why: That Monte Carlo was going to come off the back of it about six carlengths in front of me.

I started a bootleg turn, cut it at about the 90 degree mark, shot across the highway patrol turnaround point and kicked it back onto the freeway going the other direction. I wish I could say I planned it that way, but I didn’t plan anything. It was a small amount of reflex and a metric load of dumb luck.

The sound of that Monte Carlo hitting the asphalt at 70 miles an hour was truly spectacular.

Another time I nearly escaped death was when I was around 15. I was full-contact sparing with my sensei, a 6’3", 270 pound former Marine, and I mis-fired a kick. It was supposed to go to his inner thigh. It ended up pegging him squarely in the nuts so hard it cracked his cup. The fact that he was a truly decent human being is the sole reason I’m alive today. I did, however, have to do pushups until I puked.

1> About five or six. Drown in a FotF’s pool. Had an out-of-body experience where I was trying to get my mom’s attention and she wouldn’t even look at me. Then there was something at the bottom of the pool and everyone panicked. Next thing I know I’m being resusitated.

2> About 19. We had a 2 year old horse who didn’t like me much. Winter time. As I bent down to get through the barbed wire fence surrounding the haystack, she ran over, spun around and mule kicked at my head. One hoof tuffed the hair on the back of my head, the other scrapped along my forehead. I’m not sure which one of us was more shocked.

3> About 20. Went to vote in town. Dark, windy night. As I drive out of the lot and get up to speed, I remember the railroad crossing, but can’t see the sign. The wind changes for a second and the sign appears almost right next to me. I lock up the brakes and go from 20-30mph to stopped in about six feet. Still don’t know how that one happened, it was almost supernatural. Before I even have time to contemplate this, a train flashes across the front of my car, perhaps a foot from my front bumper. I put it in reverse and backed up a little bit. :eek:

1 & 2 ) Within 25 feet of lightning strikes on two separate occasions. Thunder is LOUD!!!
3) 7-8 years old: One night I was hanging out with the other kids on my block when my mom let me know my friend from school had called about a sleepover. About an hour after I left, one kid whose parents weren’t home went inside and came back with his dad’s .45 pistol. They all oohed and aahed and played with it for awhile, until it went off and put a large hole through the owner’s son’s chest. I’ve often thought that had I been there, it would have been me, seeing as I was a few years younger than the rest of them, and the tendency for junior high brats to pick on elementary school kids.
4) Cheated Death when he came for my 6 year old down in Puerto Vallarta. We were playing at the shore when he got knocked down by a wave, then sucked out in the undertow. I located him and pulled him out the water after the longest 10 seconds of my life. Nice try, Death, but stay the hell away from my kids. You should be happy my dad let you off easy. (Diagnosed with terminal cancer - given 3 months to live, became so depressed he was gone in 3 weeks)

  1. I took a sharp curve (or tried to) on a two-lane road at about 55 mph. I skidded off the road into a cornfield. It wouldn’t have been that exciting, but there was a drainage ditch parallel to the road, and when I came up out of it I went airborne and then rolled three times. Car landed on its wheels. It seemed like it took forever from the time I knew I was going to wreck until the ride came to a complete stop. I had time to think, first, “This is really going to hurt” and then “Crap, I’m going to die and I never made it to Japan” (long story). I walked away from it with no harm except for bruises where the seatbelt tensioned onto me and a scalp full of little bits of broken windshield.

  2. One of my first days on a construction job, I almost fell off the roof of the goddamned building about 100 feet onto a concrete plaza. There’s really nothing more to it than that. I guess I was too used to there always being a railing near a dangerous drop. I actually did the pinwheeling arms thing for a second.

I was driving south on I-94 just after sunset. Speed limit was 70mph. There was no traffic around me and I was in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly I was blind. Completely. I have no idea how I stopped the car on the shoulder. I sat there shaking and crying until the tears cleared the glass out of my eyes enough for me to see that the windshield of my car was shattered. I got out of the car and looked around but I didn’t see anything that could have broken my windshield. I also didn’t have a cell phone at the time. About a quarter mile up the free way was an exit with a gas station. Driving with my head out the window, I managed to get there. With the better lights of the station, I realize I must have hit a deer since there was blood and fur on the hood, but I never saw the deer before or after. Later cleaning out the car, a piece of antler was in the back seat. I wave at the the gas station every time I drive by now.

Many times. In fact I still have most of her credit cards.

Market and Memorial. That intersection sucks. I haven’t lived there since 1988, and I still remember almost getting creamed there once.

Mine:

<1> Appendix burst while I was flying from SJC to PDX. I was lucky to get to a hospital in time.

<2> Drive-by shooting in a bad area of Dallas at a downtown warehouse party in college. Bullets splashed the wall behind me. I was too drunk to even get down - just looked around puzzled.

<3> Grabbed by my contractor as I was reaching out to touch the interesting weird-looking copper ball thingy in the fuse box in my new house. He promptly fired his co-worker for leaving the cover off.

Let’s see here.

I cheated death in the womb. Apparently I tried to strangle myself with my own umbilical cord and the doctors had to stand my mom upside down to get me to untangled.

One time while I was driving home (from getting my car fixed, ironically) a guy sped past me going at least 15 mph over the speed limit. About three car lengths in front of me he drifted off the side of the road and onto the median. Then he overcorrecte and spun out right in front of me, doing a 360 first into my lane then spinning back around and sliding into the median. It was like watching a NASCAR wreck in slow motion right in front of me. If it had happened five seconds sooner he would have plowed into the driver’s side of my car and I probably would have been mangled pretty badly.

Another time, I was riding in the backseat of my friend’s car on the highway and I turned to look at the truck next to me and noticed that the big tractor trailer’s wheel was getting closer and closer to my window. I yelled at my friend as the truck sideswiped us and my friend reacted quick enough that the truck didn’t just completely run us over, just left a large mark on the side of his car.

Just recently I was stopped at a red light and I was the first in the line to go. The light turned green, but I paused for a few seconds instead of immediately going. It was my lucky day because an idiot came speeding through a very red light and probably would have, again, nailed me right in the driver’s side of my car.

Not my near death experience, but my mom and dad were almost run over by a big Mack truck. They were going down a two-lane road at night and suddenly this big truck comes barreling at them in their lane. The car in front of them swerves into the woods on the right side of the road and my dad blindly followed the car into the woods to avoid the truck.

I was playing Twister with Death once, and when he wasn’t looking I moved a foot from blue to green because I was getting really sore muscles. Death’s own lack of muscles justified it in my mind.

Back in 1995, I came as close to dying of asthma as you can without actually making the commitment. I was uninsured, so I pushed my luck, then finally called the paramedics some time after the last minute. I made sure my cat was safely locked inside the apartment as they carted me out, then stopped breathing entirely and didn’t wake up for five days. The tube for the ventilator damaged my voice so I still talk a little funny and my voice sometimes cuts out completely. But I came out of it pretty much undamaged, all things considered.

And I’d had a not a Cheated Death, but Cheated Something Really Bad experience a couple of years before. A largish guy came to my front door and asked me if I could give him something to eat. My door was right on the sidewalk – there was no front walk at all – and there were zillions of street people in the neighborhood, so this wasn’t anything I found odd or out of the way at all. I would ordinarily have gotten him a coke and/or given him a couple of bucks, but for some reason I can’t recall, I didn’t want to that time. So I didn’t unlock the screen, just said not today and shut the door.

A couple of weeks later the paper warned that a man had been knocking on the doors of ground-floor apartments, then forcing himself in, beating people up and robbing them. There was no picture, since they hadn’t caught him (I don’t know if they ever did), but the description fit.

I stopped playing blackjack after three hands and left $60 up. Morty was Pissed…
“I told you. The name is… Muerte…!!!”

I just told part of this story in another thread.

In 2005 my stomach ripped open due to a botched hiatal hernia repair and other issues.

I was on the operating table 10 1/2 hours. The doc told my mother that he felt he had “outside help” the night he saved me.

I teased him about it. I said that that was too much pressure. If God interrupted his busy schedule to save me, then he was going to expect me to be nice and stuff. I can’t handle it.

The doc got a far-away look on his face. He said: You were on the table 10 1/2 hours and every time I thought you were done, you just kept on living…

:eek: *Every *time? That had the disconcerting feel of more than once. Suddenly I wasn’t as entertained as I had been.

Yeah, I guess I cheated death.

Many near-misses involving cars, as with everybody else.

Walked away from a double malfunction as a student skydiver. High speed pilot chute in tow on the main followed by a lineover and partial inversion on the old round reserve. Decided at that instant that when I bought my own gear I’d for damn sure have a ram-air reserve (this was in the early 1990s when that wasn’t absolutely standard).

I learned how to check both ways before crossing AFTER getting picked off by a passing car. My brother said he was just sure I was dead…there was a lot of blood. But, I made it and was thoroughly spoiled in the hospital.

To all who replied: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Jeez, that’s the last time I’ll open one of these theads.

I’ve told this in another thread, but it’s worth telling again.

I was about 15 or 16, one nice summer night me and three of my friends were walking home from a party we stayed at later than we were supposed to. Three of us lived within about 4 houses of each other, the fourth was on the next block. We started getting back towards our houses around 2:30 AM. Our friend T, who was the “kid living with the step-father and crazy mother” and who had essentially no rules to live by, told us that we should all just stay at his house, and risk it in the morning, because our dads were going to stomp us when we got home. D, who lived next door to T looked at me, said he’d take his chances. I did too. R, who lived on the next block said T obviously didn’t know HIS dad, because his dad only got madder every moment.

So, we all said “g’night T”, and all walked home. I walked in, as quietly as I could, and just as I got to my room, heard my dad say “good morning”.

Ah fuck.

At 5 AM, I hear my dad’s footsteps coming down the hall. Into my room, and drops the car wash bucket on my bedroom floor. Tosses the mitt on my face. Reminds me we have four cars, and it’s only going to get hotter the longer I wait. Ok, fine, this isn’t so bad. I stop in the kitchen, grab some Frosted Flakes or something like that, and my mom walks into the room.

She hands me a pile of letters to drop in the mailbox, reminds me there is a huge pile of pop bottles to take back to the grocery store for the refund (remember that? then you’re old!!), and that my room looks like that place in Nevada they assplode nuk-u-lar bombs.

Geez, they’re all on me. My sister is loving this, like she never stayed out late.

First things first, the mailbox is around the corner, just across the street from Tand D’s houses. As I turn the corner, I am hit by the sight of ambulances, police cars, state police cars, and a van from the coroner’s office. I get to the mailbox and see D’s sister sitting on the curb just staring and crying silently.

“Uh, Pam…what’s going on?”

“They’re dead”

“Pam, WHAT’S happening?”

She gets up, hugs me and starts crying on my shoulder, which under other conditions I would have been surprised and overjoyed and seriously aroused, but today just makes me worry more.

Turns out, here’s what happened. T gets home, and sees stepdad sitting at the kitchen table with a friend in from town. They’re tossing back shots of Jack, and as it came out later, T joined them for a bit, when he went to his room, and step-pappy went downstairs to his room.

About 4:30, friend for a reason no one ever got out of him, goes into the garage, finds a Very Heavy Hammer, almost a sledge I think. Walks into the bedroom where T’s 12 year old sister and her friend who’s sleeping overnight are. First two dead.

Then into T’s room, who of course, having arrived a bit drunk, then having had some more was probably pretty out. Moments later, he is also dead.

Then downstairs where this time, there are two in the room. Decides his friend has to go first. We figure later, that Step-husband is chosen to be first because (A) Wife will be easier to handle if she waked up, or (2) He had ‘other’ plans for her, because while way way insane, she was probably quite the 70’s MILF, provided you didn’t know she was crazy.

Anyway, one more down. Except he woke up the wife, who while crazy, and naked managed to dive out her basement, ground level window and run across the street, screaming like…well, like a crazy, naked, scared woman. The neighbor is woken up to the sight of, well you can imagine to the sight of what.

Instant chill goes through me. Because, yes folks, had I wavered just a bit, I’d have been right there on the floor in the sleeping bag next to T’s bed where I’d crashed probably a half dozen times before.

The only good thing that ever came of the thing was that D’s Pam. who had always treated me like her brother’s icky friend started talking to me like a friend. And while I seldom kiss & tell, I do have to point out that by Thanksgiving we were swapping bodily fluids like bodily fluid swappers. Which later led to one of those “stop doing that with my kid sister…no I won’t…yes you will…no I won’t” fights that neither of us took seriously, but it is worth pointing out that it happened on the front lawn of The Killing House, where T’s mother STILL LIVED!~!~!, and where she came running out telling us to stop, there’s been enough violence!

I told my dad about that night a few months later. We decided it would be good for mom to not have to worry about it. So I waited until I was about 30 to tell her. She was not pleased, said she never liked that T, he always was trouble.

PS: After I came home from the mailbox an hour or so later and told my folks, my dad walked to the corner, saw what was going on, talked to a couple neighbors, came back and helped me wash the cars, then we all went out for pizza that night. I always wondered if he knew who I was out with that night, and how close I came. I had a few different groups of friends, and it wouldn’t have been a good assumption I’d be with that particular group, but still…

I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever seen that movie referenced.

This is why I have no guilt about preaching to others about wearing seatbelts:

When I was 11 years old I was riding shotgun in my father’s car when we were broadsided at about 50mph. I only remember little fragments of most of that afternoon, and things re-congeal sometime around when we were leaving the hospital.

My dad’s car was absolutely totaled. Much later I saw some pictures of it and the front passenger door was bent in the middle, about 45 degrees, and was more inside the passenger compartment than out. All the glass on that side of the car had shattered. We’d had a bike rack with two bikes on the trunk, and my father’s bike was found on the ground nearby, with a very bent frame*.

The driver of the other car - a 1980’s era Towncar - was elderly, but more importantly, she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, and despite being whisked away by helicopter, she later died from the injuries she sustained.

My father and I were both wearing our seatbelts. He had no significant injuries to speak of. I had a minor concussion and some scrapes and bruises, but nothing that required more than Tylenol and ice to treat. One of the things I think I do remember from the immediate aftermath was one of the EMTs assuring me that if I hadn’t been wearing my seatbelt, neither my father or I would have gotten out of the car under our own power. I’m sure I remember a nurse in the ER telling me that the bruising from the seatbelt might be painful, but I probably would have broken my neck or skull or both had I not been wearing it.

And that’s why I will not ride in a car with someone who is not wearing their seatbelt, and if you argue with me, I will get very angry at you.

*My bike was, inexplicably, was pretty much fine. It needed a new front wheel and brakes, but I’m still riding that frame around today.

I prefer to look at it as Life has tried to cheat me quite a few times but I caught it trying to sneak a look at my cards on each attempt.

I just did a quick count up and quite scared myself but I think that I’m winning the thread so far.

Mostly people but parachuting,near drowning events and one close call between me and gravity.
I really,really must cut down on my drinking.