# Have you ever asked out your co-worker? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 9, 2021, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359 "2021-09-09T08:08:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![phs3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phs3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phs3)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2021, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/41 "2021-09-09T20:47:18Z")
Yes, in 1986. We were engaged six weeks later and are still together. We also leased a car together before we were even engaged. Kids, do as we say,.not as we do! ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2021, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/42 "2021-09-09T21:14:54Z")
I never have. My stance was that I would never date someone I worked with regularly and that I would only date people at work if my employer was large and they were in a different department. I’m in HR now so I won’t date anyone at the company. Over the years I’ve had people attempt to set me up with fellow employees on two different occasions. ---
**Author:** ![Summerday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@Summerday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Summerday)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2021, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/43 "2021-09-09T21:32:31Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > That’s about the time I had my relationship with the work colleague. She was 15 years younger than me btw, but she was from a different department so there was no “abuse of power” or whatever. Then what happened? You two are married? ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2021, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/44 "2021-09-09T21:44:28Z")
> [@Summerday](#): > > Then what happened? You two are married? No, as I mentioned, our relationship lasted about 2 years. The age difference likely was part of the incompatibility problems that led to the break up. Also, FYI, we didn’t know about the age difference before we started dating. I look (or looked) younger than my age, and she is Asian – I find it very difficult to guess Asian women’s ages. ---
**Author:** ![Summerday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@Summerday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Summerday)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2021, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/45 "2021-09-09T22:02:54Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > **No, as I mentioned, our relationship lasted about 2 years.** The age difference likely was part of the incompatibility problems that led to the break up. I see. I didn’t realize that you were talking about the same co-worker from your previous post. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2021, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/46 "2021-09-09T22:09:14Z")
No worries, and no snark was intended. ---
**Author:** ![dope1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@dope1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dope1)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/47 "2021-09-10T00:19:46Z")
I’m pretty sure that he asked you. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/48 "2021-09-10T00:22:25Z")
Some huge percentage of people meet their SO through work. So the wisdom about not screwing the crew seems to be honoured more in the breach than the observance ---
**Author:** ![ASGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@ASGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/49 "2021-09-10T00:45:54Z")
While I was working I dated a number of my coworkers. In most cases the number of dates was less than four and ended amicably with the classic “this isn’t going to work,” sort of ending. I remain in communication with many of these women. There was one woman and we dated for about eight months. We became intimate and shortly after went our separate ways because I was an insensitive jerk. I look back at this particular woman and regret my stupidness. But, as solost said: “that’s life, in all its wonderful messiness” ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/50 "2021-09-10T01:19:59Z")
I don’t think I have but the majority of my relationships have been from women approaching me at work. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/51 "2021-09-10T02:10:46Z")
My first job was at a grocery store. I struck up a conversation with another coworker. She attended my high school but we didn’t know each other at school. I waited a few weeks and asked her out. Ouch. Got a definite no. She was engaged to a 20 year old guy. She said he’d stomp my butt if she told him. It was awkward working together afterward. Learned my lesson. Conversation at work is a way to pass the time. You spend a lot of hours together sharing workspace. That doesn’t mean there’s a personal connection. This person may have no interest in seeing their coworker outside of work. I used to remind myself of that anytime I caught myself getting too interested. _You don’t really know that person_ Sure glad my time dating ended decades ago. It’s way too complicated now. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/52 "2021-09-10T14:46:04Z")
I did meet my Wife through work, but we worked in different departments. So while our jobs sometimes intermeshed a little, all it may be is a question or two. Worked in the same building for only a short time, and actually met outside of the office. It works out real well because we understand what each other does. Yeah, we talk about work a little at home, but at least we know what each other is talking about. Twenty Four years married now. In any case, while I do develop things that her department uses, I never really considered my Wife a co-worker. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/53 "2021-09-10T16:28:37Z")
Not exactly a co-worker, but she was a classmate in our State Department indoctrination class. We eventually ended up getting married. Otherwise, while occasionally tempted, never a co-worker. It’s just a generally bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/54 "2021-09-10T18:06:40Z")
Worked in an auto parts warehouse, asked a new woman in the office for a date, she accepted, we went on the date and have been together ever since. 52 years, 51 of them married. Childfree by choice and we’re still each others’ best friend. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/55 "2021-09-10T19:01:48Z")
Not work but a Sunday School class when I was 17. Really fun while we were dating then awkward as hell after we broke up. ---
**Author:** ![mtnmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@mtnmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtnmatt)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/56 "2021-09-10T19:20:51Z")
One day, a new intern started at the TV station I was working at as a producer. This was the early 90s, and most of the previous interns were too young to consider dating (ie, I couldn’t take them to a bar), but this girl had returned to school so was closer to my age (26 at the time). It was clear from the outset there were sparks but I was conscious of what we now call power dynamics so I waited until she was wrapping up her term (fortunately it was short) before asking her out. She declined, stating she had a long-term boyfriend, and so I apologized and backed off. A week later, she told me that her “status had changed,” but I assumed she’d want some time to herself after a breakup of a several-year relationship. Nope. Prodded by my co-producers (all women older than me) we got together a week or so later for a date. 30 years and three kids later, she still tells me she knew something was different about me when she shook my hand that first morning, and I still tease her about “my status has changed.” ---
**Author:** ![Somethingwitty1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/somethingwitty1/32/8899_2.png) [@Somethingwitty1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Somethingwitty1)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/57 "2021-09-10T19:33:27Z")
I have usually followed the “don’t dip your quill in the company ink” advice. I had a work buddy of the opposite sex. We went on a business trip together. Yadda yadda yadda, we’ve been married 12 years. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/58 "2021-09-10T19:39:14Z")
Several. One I had a short term stormy relationship with. One I dated only once. We were co-workers in the sense that we worked for the same company, but we did not interact in the course of our jobs. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2021, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/59 "2021-09-10T19:44:16Z")
> [@mtnmatt](#): > > One day, a new intern started at the TV station I was working at as a producer. This was the early 90s, and most of the previous interns were too young to consider dating (ie, I couldn’t take them to a bar), but this girl had returned to school so was closer to my age (26 at the time). > > It was clear from the outset there were sparks but I was conscious of what we now call power dynamics so I waited until she was wrapping up her term (fortunately it was short) before asking her out. She declined, stating she had a long-term boyfriend, and so I apologized and backed off. > > A week later, she told me that her “status had changed,” but I assumed she’d want some time to herself after a breakup of a several-year relationship. > > Nope. Prodded by my co-producers (all women older than me) we got together a week or so later for a date. > > 30 years and three kids later, she still tells me she knew something was different about me when she shook my hand that first morning, and I still tease her about “my status has changed.” I love this story. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2021, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359/60 "2021-09-11T01:00:31Z")
Yes that is a very nice story. The work place is where many people meet. We spend many hours together. I mentioned upthread that I’ve dated several from work. But when (or if) it turns sour, it can be very awkward. And if the former date turns ugly and violent, awkward doesn’t begin to describe it. She turned out to be mentally unbalanced, and I didn’t learn this until I was trying to leave the relationship. As things got ugly (only between us, not public yet), another guy at work was somebody she had dated before she dated me. I didn’t know this guy all that well, we hung out in different groups.But as things were turning ugly and I was discovering how unbalanced this girl was, I walked up to him one day at work and asked him, Hey, you used to date so-and-so. Why did you two split up? And he said to me that he left her because she was wack-o. This was long ago, around 1982, but I vividly remember his answer and that’s pretty much a direct quote. I pretty much said, I see, okay. And said thanks, and that was about it. I tried to leave as gently as I could, I was very patient, but one day at work (night time, we worked the closing shift), we had been talking civilly but then all of a sudden she picked up a heavy item and threw it at me. I ducked, really I hit the floor because I could see the large item flying at me, and it passed over me… and right into an inside plate glass window in the company office. Glass everywhere. Well, it was very public now. That girl was truly wack-o. Seemingly normal on the outside, but wack-o on the inside if the wrong buttons were pushed. Yeah, it was pretty ugly. You can always account for your own behavior and know that you can control yourself and be civil even though things have turned very sour. But you don’t always know how the other person might be. Fortunately, although I’ve dated several girls from work, all ended nicely, except for this one time. Wack-o, I tell ya. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-asked-out-your-co-worker/950359.md?page=4)