# Have you ever been caught masturbating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2001, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603 "2001-03-12T02:45:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![City\_Gent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a87d85/32.png) [@City\_Gent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/City_Gent)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/1 "2001-03-12T02:45:24Z")
Where? By whom? How embarrassed were you? What happened the next time you saw the person? Since it wouldn’t be fair to post a question like this without offering my own story, I feel it is necessary to point out that I have never masturbated. Thus, if someone were to say that once, long ago, I was caught by my dad reading a copy of “Wifey” by Judy Blume with my shorts around my ankles, well, that would be untrue. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/2 "2001-03-12T03:01:15Z")
Are you looking to start, and wanna weigh the risk v. reward? It’s worth it. Get to work. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/3 "2001-03-12T03:39:14Z")
What? \ Uh, no. ---
**Author:** ![cheezit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@cheezit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cheezit)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/4 "2001-03-12T03:39:29Z")
I heard it said once that 98% of people masturbate and the other 2% are liars. Have no clue if that is correct or not. As for the question at hand (no pun intended), no I haven’t been caught. Came really, really, really, really close to it once though. Now I lock the door. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/5 "2001-03-12T04:19:50Z")
No. Every time someone has seen me masturbating, it’s been on purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/6 "2001-03-12T04:58:08Z")
I was nearly nineteen and had just discovered how to masturbate. I know that sounds odd, but I was a very uptight kid, in a prudish home, and I just never learned about it. Never had the kind of friends who discussed it, very devoted to the Baptist faith, etc. Of course I had read about it; such a bookish lad as I was would be well-educated. But in the books it talked about “stroking the erect penis”. That’s what kind of book I had access to. So I thought that meant like stroking it like you stroke a cat - carefully. The one time I tried it I couldn’t really see the point. Of course eventually I found out. Long story - for another time. 'K, I’m practicing my new skill (and like **Mr Cynical** , I **do** recommend it) in my little single bed at home about midnight, and my Dad who’s probably going to the toilet in the night must have heard me moaning. **He opened my bedroom door, came in and said “are you alright?”!!** [sub] note: see recent thread on stupid questions…[/sub] I forget what I replied. He went away. I moved out soon afterwards, and have been disturbing neighbours with moans for many decades since. We never referred to the moment again. Redboss ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/7 "2001-03-12T05:04:44Z")
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like I’m the only person who knows how to whack off **QUIETLY** … ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/8 "2001-03-12T05:14:41Z")
My brother walked in on me, but luckily I jumped behind my door before he could see anyting. How did he know I was jerking it? The mag landed right at his _feet_! **SPOOFE** , I’m sure you have walked in on by **Monstr104** more than once, and I would bet that it would involve toothpaste. ---
**Author:** ![Anamorphic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anamorphic/32/3057_2.png) [@Anamorphic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anamorphic)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/9 "2001-03-12T05:33:12Z")
Nope. Had the cliche mom-knocking-on-the-bathroom-door saying “Are you alright in there?” once, but that was my closest call. In college, however, I did walk in on my roommate jerking off one night. I had gone off to see a play, but the play was sold out by the time I got there, so I was back in the dorm early. I’d put forth that it was just as embarassing for me as it was for him. I turned around, closed the door, and went to the bathroom for, oh, ten or fifteen minutes or so. When I got back, he was gone. The next time I saw him, yeah, it was slightly awkward, but it quickly wore off. No big deal; everyone does it. Some of us are just smart enough not to get caught doing it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SpinneZiege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SpinneZiege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpinneZiege)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/10 "2001-03-12T05:54:33Z")
OK, Guinastasia. You’ve been in suspense for the past week of what Jester has on me. So here it is: my roommate once caught me _almost_ masturbating. Note the almost. It was a stressful day, I decided to rub one off, as they say. I forgot to lock the door _and_ my dumass roommate forgets to knock. Man, did I have to go through a lot of shit to live that one down. (Think no nookie for two years and you’ll know what I’m talking about). So, now Jester has nothing on me. Happy now, Guin? ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/11 "2001-03-12T06:45:10Z")
Umm… (Looks at hands) Uhh… (wipes palms on jeans) I, Ah… (Looks nervously at Mom in next room) Uh, NO COMMENT! ---
**Author:** ![Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazing_Tiki_God)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/12 "2001-03-12T07:06:05Z")
Nope I haven’t been caught yet (I don’t wanna jinx myself). I make sure doors are looked first. ---
**Author:** ![Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazing_Tiki_God)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/13 "2001-03-12T07:07:06Z")
That should be locked rahterthan looked (damned typing with one hand). Wow that was close… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/14 "2001-03-12T07:10:08Z")
Yes. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/15 "2001-03-12T08:07:04Z")
> [@](#): > > SPOOFE, I’m sure you have walked in on by Monstr104 more than once, and I would bet that it would involve toothpaste. I should hunt you down and beat you with a rubber chicken for that comment, Merc. I don’t even want to THINK about my brother whackin’ off. ::shudder:: And I would hope he’d be smart enough to avoid the fucking toothpaste… ---
**Author:** ![Pammipoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/87869e/32.png) [@Pammipoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pammipoo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/16 "2001-03-12T08:16:58Z")
Nope, I’ve never been caught. Quite disturbingly though, I’ve been witness to my mom’s masterbation techniques several times this week, and quite frankly, they scare me. The first time I’d gone to the store, and she thought I was at work for the night. I came home earlier than expected, found her with a lovely lil vibrator by her side. Two nights ago I came home from work, it was around 4 am or so. I open the door, found her on the computer, with NetMeeting or something going. Apparently my mom’s in a master/slave type relationship. She had her pants undone, and I could hear the guy’s voice. He ordered her not to stop, so she just kept on her merry little way, even while I was still in the room. I was very much scared. She later said they were just talking, but honestly? That’s just wrong. Even wronger was the picture I found the next day on the desktop of her topless, with clothespins on her nipples. Yep, I’m going to therapy. And that crazy bitch is payin!!! ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/17 "2001-03-12T09:02:48Z")
Yeah, in my parent’s TV room, by my mother. She said ‘Oh, sorry’ and left, and nothing unusual happened later. The ‘inspiration’, BTW, was ‘Emanuelle in Africa’ I believe. ---
**Author:** ![ageless6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@ageless6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ageless6)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/18 "2001-03-12T09:12:01Z")
At 61, I’m too old to tickle the prong anymore, and any memories of getting caught at it have receded into a pleasant mist. I get tired too easily to do it any more. In fact just the thought of it tires me so much I may have to go lie down and think about it… ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/19 "2001-03-12T20:14:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > \*\*No. Every time someone has seen me masturbating, it’s been on purpose. \*\* Am I the only one, er, “intrigued” by this post? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/20 "2001-03-12T21:50:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spoke- \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > > \*\*No. Every time someone has seen me masturbating, it’s been on purpose. \*\* > > Am I the only one, er, “intrigued” by this post? \*\* Well, I’m not. I know exactly what **Geobabe** means. Been there. Done that. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603.md?page=2)