# Have you ever been caught masturbating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2001, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603 "2001-03-12T02:45:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/41 "2014-01-01T00:23:20Z")
> [@Cerealbox](#): > > I was once caught three times in the span of about 10 minutes by the same person. At that point I don’t think you’re getting caught, you’re getting peeped. ---
**Author:** ![Cerealbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Cerealbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerealbox)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/42 "2014-01-01T00:26:31Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > At that point I don’t think you’re getting caught, you’re getting peeped. She expected me to stop, I expected her to go away. We both got the hint at the third time and didn’t speak until the next day. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/43 "2014-01-01T00:29:31Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > I was masturbating in a Home Depot carpark when these two sketchy looking dudes asked me the way to the cleaning products aisle. Thinking quickly I pointed casually with my penis, and they left in a hurry. I still got it. What a coincidence! Home Depot parking lots does it for me too! ---
**Author:** ![Frazzled](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frazzled/32/3368_2.png) [@Frazzled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frazzled)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/44 "2014-01-01T00:41:11Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > What a coincidence! Home Depot parking lots does it for me too! Which Home Depot? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/45 "2014-01-01T00:54:21Z")
> [@Frazzled](#): > > Which Home Depot? > > 😃 Sorry. Top secret. You know, I don’t know what it is, the smell of asphalt mixed with the fragrance of all those plants and flowers out front - it always puts me in the mood. It’s just irresistible 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/46 "2014-01-01T01:21:39Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > 2nd time. about 14 again. I was having a sleepover with about 5 guys and we decided to have a contest to see who could get off the fastest. This is a thing that happens?? ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/47 "2014-01-01T01:40:10Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > This is a thing that happens?? I think the rest of the (omitted) story is that they all agreed, turned out the light and started. When the light came back on, only the OP was actually participating. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/48 "2014-01-01T03:01:29Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > I was masturbating in a Home Depot carpark when these two sketchy looking dudes asked me the way to the cleaning products aisle. Thinking quickly I pointed casually with my penis, and they left in a hurry. I still got it. I am never caught, per se, because when I masturbate it is always at the club. Having just found and returned 87 wedding rings, most notably a 7 carat diamond, people just nod and smile. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/49 "2014-01-01T03:03:46Z")
> [@Eugene\_of\_Sandwich](#): > > No but I was unjustly accused of it once. _Sure_ you were, heh. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/50 "2014-01-01T03:14:10Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > I am never caught, per se, because when I masturbate it is always at the club. Having just found and returned 87 wedding rings, most notably a 7 carat diamond, people just nod and smile. You’re done. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/51 "2014-01-01T03:18:15Z")
My Mom caught me once. I just looked her straight in the eye and finished like a champ! ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/52 "2014-01-01T03:20:21Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > You’re done. I love you knob fucca! ---
**Author:** ![slowlearner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@slowlearner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slowlearner)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/53 "2014-01-01T03:24:09Z")
My sweetie walked in on me a couple years back and it ended up in some enthusiastic coupling on the floor. And I admitted I did it a lot to my neurologist after he diagnosed me with Carpal Tunnel and I just had to know why, if I have 2 hands and only one pecker my dang hands had worn out first? ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/54 "2014-01-01T03:26:45Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > I love you knob fucca! At the club right now, actually, thinking about you. I’m done! ---
**Author:** ![randompattern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/55 "2014-01-01T03:37:55Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > I was once masturbating by the fireplace and caught my shirt on fire (no harm done, though) and my girlfriend happened to walk in and see the whole thing and then the next night at a party she told everyone that I had burned a hole in my shirt. I was _ **so humiliated!** _ I see what you did there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/56 "2014-01-01T04:00:39Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > I am never caught, per se, because when I masturbate it is always at the club. Having just found and returned 87 wedding rings, most notably a 7 carat diamond, people just nod and smile. Is this a reference to…something? ---
**Author:** ![Cerealbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Cerealbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerealbox)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/57 "2014-01-01T04:07:08Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Is this a reference to…something? a google search for “87 wedding rings” shows up nothing. I think it more the work of a malfunctioning brain. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/58 "2014-01-01T04:22:18Z")
Sister walked in (we were teens) to my bathroom and tried to peek around the closed curtain. Didn’t glimpse anything, tho I am sure she could put 2 & 2 together with the best of them. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/59 "2014-01-01T04:35:10Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Is this a reference to…something? Why, yes. So kind of you go notice! > [@Cerealbox](#): > > a google search for “87 wedding rings” shows up nothing. I think it more the work of a malfunctioning brain. Try a SD search of 7 carat diamond ring. Jeez. You guys take all the fun outta everything. ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Martyr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ce7236/32.png) [@Accidental\_Martyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Martyr)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603/60 "2014-01-01T04:37:13Z")
> [@Cerealbox](#): > > a google search for “87 wedding rings” shows up nothing. I think it more the work of a malfunctioning brain. Take a look around the board but make sure you’re wearing your tactical pants when you’re hanging out at the club…or the Home Depot parking lot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-caught-masturbating/57603.md?page=4)