# have you ever been in a "commited" relationship but never felt more alone?? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2000, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220 "2000-03-18T04:16:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/1 "2000-03-18T04:16:00Z")
I am… ahhhh I mean have! but seriously folks… I get no respect. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/2 "2000-03-18T04:19:00Z")
Maybe tis time to seek greener pastures. * * * “Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.” ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/3 "2000-03-18T04:20:00Z")
I’m with ya B\_Line12! These past few weeks my boyfriend just hasn’t had the time for me. He’s in Colorado Springs tonight at a really cool club and I’m home playing on the computer! Seems like he’s always busy these days… time to get out the “toys” or something. 🙂 What’s a good remedy for loneliness?? * * * That John Denver’s full of shit man! ---
**Author:** ![SingleDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SingleDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SingleDad)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/4 "2000-03-18T07:28:00Z")
Probably the lonliest I ever felt was my last month in the commune in my middle twenties. I really cared about the people, but I couldn’t stand the propaganda and the leader’s bullshit. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because “incorrect thoughts” would have gotten me kicked out. It’s hard to voice it, especially in a group setting, but even with just one other person. There really isn’t a middle ground sometimes: You feel that you have to either shut up or leave. I learned my lesson, though. When I split up with my wife, there was no bullshit about it. When the problems first arose, I started talking about them, and damn the consequences. When she proved she wasn’t sincere about keeping the marriage together, she came home from her boyfriend’s to find her stuff packed and in the foyer, with the divorce papers not far behind. To me, being in _no_ relationship is better than being in a _bad_ relationship. > [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Rachelle:** > What’s a good remedy for loneliness?? My ICQ number is in my profile! 😉 * * * “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away”. - Phillip K. Dick ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/5 "2000-03-18T07:31:00Z")
Ah, yes, the wonderful relationship myself and my SO are in. Its absolutely wonderful when she is home, then she goes back to school and I dont see he for months at a time. Deffently a very lonely time. It deffently sucks. But we’ve made it for four years now, and she comes back home for good this Christmas. Hopefull we’ll make it until then. * * * Kinooning it up for 20 years and counting ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/6 "2000-03-18T13:31:00Z")
How much time do you require from your SO? Do you feel alone because your SO has other interests, while your only interest is your SO? One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that someone else cannot make you happy, they can only add to your happiness. You may need to pursue some other interests. If you are lonely when you are with your SO, then it’s definitely time to move on. * * * _I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it._ ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/7 "2000-03-18T14:02:00Z")
When shitboy and I were still together, living in the same house, together all the time ( he didnt work) I felt as alone as a person could. I feel LESS alone now that I am alone. If he were still around, the computer would have been a constant source of fighting…he was the type that needed ‘entertaining’ all the time, being in the same room wasnt enough. I had to be focused on him. Gawd, I dodged the bullet on that one. Life is very short - if you arent happy, change your situation. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/8 "2000-03-18T14:21:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by SingleDad: > \*\* > My ICQ number is in my profile! 😉 > > \*\* If I had any idea what that was &/or how to use it I would! 😕 * * * That John Denver’s full of shit man! ---
**Author:** ![Nanno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nanno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanno)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/9 "2000-03-18T15:49:00Z")
## Lonely? The nights don’t like me I make to much noise. whatever ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/10 "2000-03-18T16:07:00Z")
Aircraft are better than relationships. I’ve never had to bail out of an aircraft! * * * “I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry Are you a turtle? ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2000, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/11 "2000-03-18T16:07:00Z")
Lonely & Alone aren’t the same. Now if you are in a relationship & you feel lonely, that sucks. If you are in a relationship & you are alone, that can be alright. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/12 "2000-03-19T00:04:00Z")
Somebody historical said something pithy about this, and I’m guessing it was Ambrose Bierce, but… Nothing is lonelier than being trapped in another person’s silences. And it is a trap. The “real thing” allows for space and solitude; traps suck the air out of the room and make you feel like an astronaut cut adrift in deep space while you’re right beside the other person. Life’s way too short to waste in an arid vacuum. Cutting loose may be scary, but warmth and breathing free will be an incredible relief in the end. Veb ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/13 "2000-03-19T06:44:00Z")
Tis better to be alone than to wish you were. To answer the OP, no I haven’t. But I sure as hell feel lonely lately. ---
**Author:** ![SingleDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SingleDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SingleDad)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/14 "2000-03-19T07:03:00Z")
{aside} **Rachelle:** It’s the most popular buddy-list/chat program on the internet, and has a lot of other features besides. Go to [ICQ Home Page](http://www.icq.com) for mor information. {/aside} ---
**Author:** ![EnigmaOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EnigmaOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnigmaOne)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/15 "2000-03-19T09:29:00Z")
{{{I feel LESS alone now that I am alone. If he were still around, the computer would have been a constant source of fighting…he was the type that needed ‘entertaining’ all the time, being in the same room wasnt enough. I had to be focused on him.}}}—KelliBelli Kelli… A while back, I kinda-sorta :::scuffing toes of shoes in the dirt::: mini-flamed you on the whole subject of ex-spouses and the attitudes that they leave you with. After reading the above, I realize that we were in the same situation when married, and that **my** attitude was no better after my divorce–probably worse. Please accept my apologies for my response to you, when things were pretty bad in your life. “I’m sorry” doesn’t remove the offense, but I think it needs to be said anyway. * * * – **Kalél** [TheHungerSite.com](http://www.thehungersite.com) “If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.” “Well, there was that thing with the Cheese-Wiz…but I’m feeling **much** better now!” – John Astin, Night Court ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/16 "2000-03-19T15:16:00Z")
To answer the op, \*\* Yes! \*\* ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/17 "2000-03-19T15:35:00Z")
Unfortunately, in all honesty,I must answer in the affirmative. _sigh_☹ * * * Don’t make me come down there. God ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/18 "2000-03-19T15:42:00Z")
Another big fat **YES** here. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/19 "2000-03-19T15:44:00Z")
Yup, a couple of times. But at least they both ended soon after I realized what was going on. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2000, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220/20 "2000-03-19T17:24:00Z")
Other posters have already said there is a difference between being lonely and being alone, and that is true. I have been lonely with someone, and quite happy alone. Being alone can actually be quite nice sometimes. It gives you time to focus on yourself, and fix anything within yourself that might be broken, like running an inner Scandisk. 🙂 It’s necessary at times. Once you get those bad files out, you’ll feel better about yourself, and a person that feels good about him/herself most of the time finds it much easier to deal with loneliness. We all go through periods of loneliness, no matter how good we feel. But if you have a decent self-image, you’ll get through it faster, and probably come out of it a better person. 🙂 * * * This space blank, until Wally thinks up something cool to put here. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-in-a-commited-relationship-but-never-felt-more-alone/16220.md?page=2)