# Have You Ever Been Mistaken for "The Help"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2014, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509 "2014-12-17T18:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/21 "2014-12-17T20:48:47Z")
It has happened to me many times in the past. Usually in retail stores. Less so as I’ve gotten older. I’ve never been mistaken for a valet but I’ve rarely been in places where there are valets. I think it often has to do with how you are dressed and if you look like you are shopping at the particular moment they are looking for help. I’m getting old and cranky so I probably don’t look very helpful anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/22 "2014-12-17T20:58:28Z")
It happened to me in restaurants, but because both times my clothing resembled the staff’s uniforms. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/23 "2014-12-17T21:11:27Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/obamas-reflect-personal-incidents-racial-discrimination/story?id=27636612](http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/obamas-reflect-personal-incidents-racial-discrimination/story?id=27636612) > > Apparently the Obamas have, and they believe it’s because of their race. I’m not sure. I’ve never been mistaken for a valet specifically (& that specifically is probably more common of blacks), but many times over the years people have assumed (or seemed to have assumed) I worked in various establishments in which I was shopping. > > And if you interpret any request for help (e.g. asking someone to get something down from a shelf, as in the case of Michelle Obama) as an assumption of employment at the store, then it would be a lot more. > > Anyone else have experience with this type of thing? Me too- in retail stores, people often assume I’m a manager, and ask me for help. ---
**Author:** ![Orwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/dfb087/32.png) [@Orwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orwell)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/24 "2014-12-17T21:12:04Z")
I think it says a lot more about the president and first lady being egotistical, pretentious and vain than it does about racism. Being mistaken for a valet, waiter or store clerk is neither unusual nor insulting, and it is neither racist nor unusual. Consider this quote by Michelle: ““I tell this story – I mean, even as the first lady – during that wonderfully publicized trip I took to Target, not highly disguised, the only person who came up to me in the store was a woman who asked me to help her take something off a shelf. Because she didn’t see me as the first lady, she saw me as someone who could help her. Those kinds of things happen in life. So it isn’t anything new,” Michelle Obama, who is 5’11”, said." So, she assumes everyone in the store knew about her trip and knows exactly what she looks like. And she takes umbrage at being asked to get something down from a shelf. How dare the little people not know who she is and how important she is!!! “Even as the first lady!” I’m 6’2" and can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked to get something down from a high shelf in a store. Again, should I be insulted? If these quotes had been from President and Mrs. Bush, or perhaps even Bill and Hillary Clinton, the reaction would have been to ridicule them for being arrogant and conceited. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/25 "2014-12-17T21:14:12Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Me too- in retail stores, people often assume I’m a manager, and ask me for help. I don’t dress well enough for that ever to happen to me! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/26 "2014-12-17T21:17:47Z")
> [@Orwell](#): > > Yes, I would say you are miserable if you take offense at being mistaken for a lowly valet or store clerk. Whether you blame it on racism or not, you are still miserable. So that point is established. But my other point is that it happens to white people, too. So where is the racism, other than in the minds of the miserable president and his wife? Your political views are irrelevant to the thread. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/27 "2014-12-17T21:25:42Z")
I’m not getting the outrage here, I guess. Not a doubt in my mind that the POTUS and Mrs POTUS have, simply because they’re black, been mistaken for “the help” a time or three. But my first thought on the Michelle Obama scenario was, “well she’s quite tall, so that makes sense.” I’ve been mistaken for an employee of an establishment, and also asked to get things off a shelf, or (not too long ago) asked to read the ingredients on a label in the grocery store for someone. These have been unremarkable incidents. I don’t regard “the help” as inferior so outrage wouldn’t occur to me. I’m white. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/28 "2014-12-17T21:36:08Z")
Well, I have taken a few college classes where I was mistaken for the instructor. (I was a little (lot) older than the normal college student) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/29 "2014-12-17T21:36:34Z")
It used to happen to me all the time - I apparently have “retail slave” face. The one that took the cake was when a lady assumed I was working in a retail store, when I was shopping there with my jacket and purse on. Seriously? > [@Loach](#): > > \ I’m getting old and cranky so I probably don’t look very helpful anymore. I think looking cranky makes you look MORE like a retail slave. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/30 "2014-12-17T21:58:50Z")
> [@Orwell](#): > > I think it says a lot more about the president and first lady being egotistical, pretentious and vain than it does about racism. Being mistaken for a valet, waiter or store clerk is neither unusual nor insulting, and it is neither racist nor unusual. It’s not unusual – and the Obamas don’t say it is. Where do they say it’s insulting, and where to they say it’s racist? > [@](#): > > Consider this quote by Michelle: ““I tell this story – I mean, even as the first lady – during that wonderfully publicized trip I took to Target, not highly disguised, the only person who came up to me in the store was a woman who asked me to help her take something off a shelf. Because she didn’t see me as the first lady, she saw me as someone who could help her. Those kinds of things happen in life. So it isn’t anything new,” Michelle Obama, who is 5’11”, said." > > So, she assumes everyone in the store knew about her trip and knows exactly what she looks like. And she takes umbrage at being asked to get something down from a shelf. How dare the little people not know who she is and how important she is!!! “Even as the first lady!” I’m 6’2" and can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked to get something down from a high shelf in a store. Again, should I be insulted? Where does she say she takes umbrage or is insulted? Why are you putting words into their mouths? Telling a story about your experience doesn’t mean you’re saying “this was a terrible horrible racist experience and I’m so insulted!” – it’s just relating a story. > [@](#): > > If these quotes had been from President and Mrs. Bush, or perhaps even Bill and Hillary Clinton, the reaction would have been to ridicule them for being arrogant and conceited. What is arrogant or conceited? They’re relating events they’ve experienced. How is telling a story about something that happened to you arrogant or conceited? ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/31 "2014-12-17T22:00:33Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > Direct from the article: > I suppose he didn’t specify if it happened during his presidency so…my mistake for assuming. Perhaps it happened before he became President. If the black male his age was wearing a suit, the President is hallucinating. And, if he’s not hallucinating, he’s lying/making it up. it seems like quite construct there…we have to have so many elements lined up, that it makes what he says pointless. Per the OP, when I hang arond a hospital, they usually ask if I am a doctor. I growl at them, and they are then quite convinced that I am a doctor. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/32 "2014-12-17T22:00:32Z")
When I was a prof I was mistaken at times for a staff member. Since this was Computer Science, they’d usually assume I was tech support. When I said I was a prof I’d get a look up and down. Sigh. Look, folks, college profs wear gowns and mortarboards on rare occasions (in fact I _never_ did). And we don’t wear tweed jackets with leather patches either. I wore a tie a handful of times and a sports coat never. College profs are ex-graduate students. I knew people whose standard attire was sweat pants and t-shirts. Shoes optional. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/33 "2014-12-17T23:27:56Z")
I am _often_ asked, when in the supermarket, to get things off high shelves for people. I’m pretty tall. Once in a blue moon, depending on how I’m dressed, someone in a store will ask if I work there. I put that down to dress – if I’m wearing khakis and a blue button-down, I look like every retail/IT drone in the country. I’m an IT drone, not a retail drone. I have witnessed a black partner in a major (top 10 nationwide) law firm be mistaken for a security guard in the lobby of my office building. He just kind of laughed it off. There’s no way this was for any reason other than that he was black. While the guards in this lobby do wear suits and ties, only an idiot (or a racist) could fail to notice the difference between the law partner’s expensive tailored suit and the cheap polyester suits worn by the lobby guards. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/34 "2014-12-17T23:33:53Z")
I am often mistaken for a clerk, when browsing in high-end boutiques geared toward rich women… think Brighton stores, and Pandora stores. I guess I have a classy-but-not-pampered sort of face, or something. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/35 "2014-12-17T23:34:32Z")
[“I feel it was an honest mistake.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPnJ2tR2h_M) ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2014, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/36 "2014-12-17T23:49:15Z")
Careful F-P, your white privilege is showing ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/37 "2014-12-18T00:07:23Z")
I made kind of the opposite mistake, in a rich area years ago I was going to a certain grocery just because they had stuff not available at the time elsewhere, and there were an awful lot of old black women shopping with mixed race or white kids. I assumed they were grandmothers and grandkids, my wife was with me once and she laughed and said those are maids! I was thrown off by why a maid would take a kid shopping. She was right, apparently here in Trinidad maid means semi live in maid/nanny/cook/personal shopper etc, her grandmother was one and kids she raised from infancy were grandparents when she died and she still worked for the family! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/38 "2014-12-18T00:41:22Z")
I’ve been mistaken for an employee at multiple different stores. And I’ve been mistaken for the gardener when working in my yard.\* \*Never had a good comeback line like the homeowner who was asked by a passerby how much he got paid for gardening work, and supposedly replied “Not much, but the lady of the house lets me sleep with her.” \*\*many, many times I’ve been turned down when trying to get into fancy Parisian department stores after hours. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/39 "2014-12-18T00:42:54Z")
I’ve been asked many times throughout my life. I wasn’t aware it was an insult. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/40 "2014-12-18T00:56:46Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > I’ve been asked many times throughout my life. I wasn’t aware it was an insult. Asked is different than assumed. I imagine it’d be a bit different if someone just handed you keys and said “easy on the paint job”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509.md?page=3)