# Have You Ever Been Mistaken for "The Help"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2014, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509 "2014-12-17T18:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/81 "2014-12-18T20:26:16Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > I’m not a snappy dresser either- but basic business casual makes me look like a retail manager. Same here. Between my haircut, khakis and polos, I often look like Assistant Manager of Retail America. Been asked for help a bunch of times. But then, I don’t think being assumed that you’re running the shop is quite the same experience as someone expecting you to park their car, open their door or carry their bags. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/82 "2014-12-18T20:41:02Z")
With my Chinese friends in Singapore, we collect her elderly mother and, as it’s the designated day, head out for cleaning and tending to the graves of the ancestors. It’s blistering hot and sunny, so we have an umbrella to keep the sun off her Mom. At one of the graveyards, having completed the cleaning, Mom now heads off to tip the groundskeeper, for good measure. I am dutifully following keeping her shaded with the brelly. They speak together a few minutes, in Malay, then we rejoin the others. The Mom starts giggling and then tells us all how the groundskeeper was grilling her with questions about the ethnicity of her maid! Being brown as a bean, from weeks at the beach, with dark eyes and hair - the groundskeeper guessed first Sri Lanka, then Bangladesh! Of course the woman was taken aback to hear “Canada”! (Followed by the revelation I was, in fact, not the maid.) Same trip, at the grocery store with my friend, she picked up a wire basket when we entered, and we’re wandering around yakking it up. At some point I took the basket so she could get something off a shelf. She, very insistently, wanted it back. I kept saying, “No, no! I wanna carry it!” She still insisted and took it from me. Telling me if I carried it, and she put things in, everyone would think I was her maid! After that, whenever we’d go to the grocery I would get a basket and walk around just behind her, my eyes cast down, whispering, "Yes, ma’am, yes, ma’am! "😃 ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/83 "2014-12-18T20:56:15Z")
I gotta agree with Mrs. Obama on this one. How dare this low life piece of scum, this sewer rat, act above their station and dare to approach let alone speak to Queen Obama. This person needs to be thrown in the tower and locked away for the rest of their days and heads need to role in the Secret Service for allowing this waste of flesh to get within ten feet of Her Majesty. The Queen already blessed them by allowing them within eyesight of Her and they thank Her with this show of contempt and disrespect. WTF is wrong with people? What happened to manners? What happened to courtesy? What happened to etiquette? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/84 "2014-12-18T22:04:15Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I gotta agree with Mrs. Obama on this one. What do you agree with her on? > [@](#): > > How dare this low life piece of scum, this sewer rat, act above their station and dare to approach let alone speak to Queen Obama. This person needs to be thrown in the tower and locked away for the rest of their days and heads need to role in the Secret Service for allowing this waste of flesh to get within ten feet of Her Majesty. > > The Queen already blessed them by allowing them within eyesight of Her and they thank Her with this show of contempt and disrespect. WTF is wrong with people? What happened to manners? What happened to courtesy? What happened to etiquette? This is all well and good, but what did Michelle Obama say that you agree with? ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/85 "2014-12-18T23:01:01Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I gotta agree with Mrs. Obama on this one. How dare this low life piece of scum, this sewer rat, act above their station and dare to approach let alone speak to Queen Obama. This person needs to be thrown in the tower and locked away for the rest of their days and heads need to role in the Secret Service for allowing this waste of flesh to get within ten feet of Her Majesty. > > The Queen already blessed them by allowing them within eyesight of Her and they thank Her with this show of contempt and disrespect. WTF is wrong with people? What happened to manners? What happened to courtesy? What happened to etiquette? Classic white privilege, thinking that just the mere fact of some minority mentioning racism means that the person is looking down on someone else, or assumed to be some haughty bitch. One can be mad at institutionalized racism while absolving someone caught up in it of personal responsibility. Likely, what Obama wanted to have happen in sharing that story is for people to realize that there is still a lot of racism, some of it subconscious, that people need to watch out for it in their lives even if they think they don’t suffer from it. Notice that at no point she said anything about punishing the perpetrator, that’s all shit you made up, likely for the reason of continuing to behavior boorishly without thought to others ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/86 "2014-12-19T01:06:25Z")
I guess the middle eastern guy that thought I worked at K-Mart was racist. But not as racist as that white cop that once pulled me over for no reason. Why did those guys hate white people? (yes, both of those things really happened.) ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/87 "2014-12-19T01:22:18Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > I went to Cedar Point in Ohio once about ten years ago, and I was mistaken for a park employee multiple times during my stay because, by pure coincidence, my windbreaker was the exact same shade of blue that the employees were all wearing. This is usually the case when I’ve been mistaken for an employee. An orange shirt in Home Depot, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/88 "2014-12-19T03:06:10Z")
If this is an honest question, yes. I have been taken for the help on more than one occasion, but I have also been the help. So maybe I’m not classy enough to be in this discussion. However. My cousin is a concert pianist. In one of his greatest triumphs, he played at Carnegie Hall. He was all dressed up in tails and a frilly shirt. Afterward my aunt & uncle took him and his wife out to some famous New York restaurant, where he was taken for a waiter on his way to the restroom, on his way back from the restroom, and on the way out (where a woman took him to task for his footwear, which was tennis shoes, which were the only things he changed after the concert). The only person who didn’t think this was hilarious was his wife, who had no sense of humor whatsoever. I once had the experience of being in Chicago and seeing the mayor of Denver, who I knew as I’d worked on his campaign. I was about to say, “Hey, Mayor Webb!” and then I stopped myself realizing I was just being racist. See a tall black man and thinking he’s the mayor of Denver because the mayor of Denver is a tall black man. Although he sure looked like Wellington. But then, I didn’t really know him all that well, and what would he be doing in Chicago? So it would be racist of me to think that was him. (Although, when you are in a strange city and you see a familiar face, it’s comforting.) Well, guess what, that really was him. He was in Chicago for some conference of mayors or something. I have to say, if I was in Target, and saw somebody who looked like Michelle Obama, I would feel the same way. “Oh, it’s the First Lady. No, wait, can’t be. I’m being racist thinking just any old tall black woman is the First Lady. But why would she be in Target? And where’s the Secret Service?” (For that matter, why would I be in Target? I hate that place.) ---
**Author:** ![Hedda\_Rosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hedda_rosa/32/1204_2.png) [@Hedda\_Rosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hedda_Rosa)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/89 "2014-12-19T03:43:49Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I am non-white and non-black. When my blonde-haired blue-eyed pale-skinned daughter was a baby, I was very often mistaken for her nanny, I guess because I looked young and had dark hair. I’m not sure it was racism exactly, beyond them thinking we looked dissimilar and thus couldn’t be related. I could have written this post, word for word. The assumption that I was the nanny would come not only from parents, but also from other (presumed) nannys, especially for some reason at the park. Of course while that shows my own bias, those kids weren’t shouting “mommy, push!” at the top of their lungs… ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/90 "2014-12-19T03:49:35Z")
> [@](#): > > However. My cousin is a concert pianist. In one of his greatest triumphs, he played at Carnegie Hall. He was all dressed up in tails and a frilly shirt. Afterward my aunt & uncle took him and his wife out to some famous New York restaurant, where he was taken for a waiter on his way to the restroom, on his way back from the restroom, and on the way out (where a woman took him to task for his footwear, which was tennis shoes, which were the only things he changed after the concert). The only person who didn’t think this was hilarious was his wife, who had no sense of humor whatsoever. It’s hilarious once (well, depending on circumstances). When it happens repeatedly, I imagine it loses its humor. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/91 "2014-12-19T04:28:56Z")
I am tall (and fat) and tend to wear dark, semi-formal clothing. I get mistaken all the time in pubs and clubs as a bouncer. Not exactly help. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/92 "2014-12-19T04:40:47Z")
Wife and I were at the door ready to leave a very nice restaurant. I was dressed in a suit. 2 old birds walked in, handed me their coats and a fiver and said “thank you, dear.” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/93 "2014-12-19T05:44:41Z")
> [@Tzigone](#): > > It’s hilarious once (well, depending on circumstances). When it happens repeatedly, I imagine it loses its humor. Well that one night it did happen repeatedly, and it sounds like it got funnier every time. Of course, he doesn’t usually go around in that getup. My aunt seemed to think it was a nice way to keep him from getting a swelled head. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/94 "2014-12-19T10:10:17Z")
> [@Orwell](#): > > Consider this quote by Michelle: ““I tell this story – I mean, even as the first lady – during that wonderfully publicized trip I took to Target, not highly disguised, the only person who came up to me in the store was a woman who asked me to help her take something off a shelf. Because she didn’t see me as the first lady, she saw me as someone who could help her. Those kinds of things happen in life. So it isn’t anything new,” Michelle Obama, who is 5’11”, said." So let’s get this straight: she isn’t talking about being black, she’s talking about being tall. And she is saying that she’s not totally out of touch: people treat her as a person, not as “First Lady”. And of course I’ve been mistaken for the “help”. It happens to everybody. But it seems, given the racially segregated nature of American society, that it happens more often and differently to people who are black. Which brings me back to Michelle. She’s a person, she’s treated like a person, that means she’s treated like a black person. I don’t see any reason to call her insulting names over that. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/95 "2014-12-19T11:09:52Z")
Michelle’s example is terrible because it obviously is about her height, not her race. Tall people get asked that all the time - did it seriously only happen to her once? I’d be surprised if it hadn’t happened many times to her before she became too rich to go to supermarkets on her own. Hell, I’m 5’4" and even I’ve been asked for the same assistance by little old ladies before. Also, I’ve asked random people in supermarkets if they know where a certain item is if I can’t find any staff and asking someone is better than just wandering around yet again. I’ve been asked at my local supermarket and for various reasons I sincerely doubt it’s because anyone thinks I work there. Obama’s example is pretty good though. And very believable. They should have stuck with that. Although the Obamas didn’t write or title the article themselves, obviously they’re talking about race. Otherwise, what else would be the point of it? > [@DrDeth](#): > > Right. > > Mrs Obama is 5’11, that’s very tall for a woman. I am often asked and often volunteer to get something off the top shelf. By no means are they assuming you’re an employee- just that you are tall and look helpful. And she might have looked vaguely familiar. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/96 "2014-12-19T12:39:43Z")
> [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > I am _often_ asked, when in the supermarket, to get things off high shelves for people. I’m pretty tall. Likewise. Do be warned that it can be a set-up for a pickpocket. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/97 "2014-12-19T12:57:02Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > And of course I’ve been mistaken for the “help”. It happens to everybody. But it seems, given the racially segregated nature of American society, that it happens more often and differently to people who are black. No it doesn’t. No one has offered even the tiniest shed of evidence that it happens more or less often to people of any color. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/98 "2014-12-19T13:40:58Z")
[QUOTE=Melbourne] given the racially segregated nature of American society [/QUOTE] You should come back for a visit. Things have changed a lot since the early '60s. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/99 "2014-12-19T13:56:52Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > I once had the experience of being in Chicago and seeing the mayor of Denver, who I knew as I’d worked on his campaign. I was about to say, “Hey, Mayor Webb!” and then I stopped myself realizing I was just being racist. See a tall black man and thinking he’s the mayor of Denver because the mayor of Denver is a tall black man. Although he sure looked like Wellington. But then, I didn’t really know him all that well, and what would he be doing in Chicago? So it would be racist of me to think that was him. You weren’t just being a racist. You were also being a heightist. And a looksist. A lot of ists and all at the same time. Very very bad. ---
**Author:** ![yoyodyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a9a28c/32.png) [@yoyodyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yoyodyne)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509/100 "2014-12-19T14:15:56Z")
[It happened to Valerie Jarrett too](http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2011/02/valerie-jarrett-mistakes-vice-chief-of-staff-of-army-for-waiter/). Oh, wait… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-mistaken-for-the-help/707509.md?page=6)