# Have you ever been sexually assaulted? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2017, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017 "2017-10-16T03:46:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/101 "2017-10-22T23:40:17Z")
I was molested by my father and a man who owned a restaurant where some of my friends did work for cash. I was sexually assaulted by a coworker and stabbed him in the hand to get away. My boss told me I couldn’t go assaulting people and I should be flattered. My 12 year old was raped by three pre-teen boys when she was six. My 28 year old was drugged and raped at a party when she was a teen. My best friend was raped repeatedly by her older cousin (she was also raped by the man who owned the pizza restaurant) when she was 12. That same year she was also sexually assaulted by a certain famous singer with the initials TN who is known for liking young girls, who has recently been in the White House with our dear president. I could go on with stories from every female I know. It’s harder for me to find people who weren’t sexually assaulted in some way. Not harassed. Assaulted. Most of them during childhood or adolescence. I don’t know if males are less likely to be sexually assaulted or don’t tell people about it. My ex-husband wasn’t molested but his little brother was and that really affected both of them. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/102 "2017-10-24T00:52:56Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > But they didn’t have actually intercourse, so I guess it was OK!! :(:(:(☹ Funny, I was sure he’d be back by now to hit on one of us in an effort to deflect the conversation from his having assaulted a woman w/o her consent, as frequently happens when one is a man - it is unavoidable. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/103 "2017-10-24T02:03:48Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > I’m curious; when you and your friend plotted to [share his girlfriend](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9645727&postcount=13), whom you also considered a friend, in a room so dark she couldn’t tell who was whom, did you think you were going to commit plain old assault or sexual assault? Thank you! I searched unsuccessfully for this post while the “how do you stay attracted to women of your own age?” thread was going on. That’s rape by fraud or deception, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/104 "2017-10-24T05:09:27Z")
> [@Cub\_Mistress](#): > > Thank you! I searched unsuccessfully for this post while the “how do you stay attracted to women of your own age?” thread was going on. That’s rape by fraud or deception, IMHO. Oh great, here we go again with my most infamous post. Did I mention that I was the underage person in that story, I never expected it to work, I still have no idea what the motivation was and I was terrified at the time? I don’t think something you were talked into as a teenager should tar and feather you for life but the SDMB loves to do exactly that. The most important point is that there was no victim. We are all still friends and I still communicate with the people in question frequently even though they have long since been married to other people. We all know what happened and never mention it. Save your outrage for people that have undergone true trauma, not a teenage joke that went farther than it should have. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/105 "2017-10-24T14:12:52Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Oh great, here we go again with my most infamous post. Did I mention that I was the underage person in that story, I never expected it to work, I still have no idea what the motivation was and I was terrified at the time? I don’t think something you were talked into as a teenager should tar and feather you for life but the SDMB loves to do exactly that. The most important point is that there was no victim. We are all still friends and I still communicate with the people in question frequently even though they have long since been married to other people. We all know what happened and never mention it. > > Save your outrage for people that have undergone true trauma, not a teenage joke that went farther than it should have. You put this stuff on the internet you should expect it to come back to haunt you. You see it as a practical joke. If it happened to me I’d have seen it as a sexual assault. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/106 "2017-10-24T15:21:51Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > You put this stuff on the internet you should expect it to come back to haunt you. You see it as a practical joke. If it happened to me I’d have seen it as a sexual assault. It may be a shock to him to learn the perpetrator doesn’t get to decide if there was a victim. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/107 "2017-10-24T17:31:32Z")
> [@WildBlueYonder](#): > > ah you men being groped and what not…aww :D:D and are you all just jumping on the bandwagon because one man proclaimed their “violated body” > > “running fast out of the thread” :smack::eek: Why the double standard? It’s generally accepted at this point in time that groping “counts” as sexual assault for women. I think men are more likely to think less of it and perhaps re-evaluating past experiences due to current norms/definitions, but is this a subjective thing depending on ones feelings at the time? If anyone said that about women, well… ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/108 "2017-10-24T19:31:50Z")
I think I was drugged once, but friends got me out of the situation before things could happen. I’ve been groped and rubbed on while out at bars (as someone noted earlier, that’s fairly common [unfortunately] in gay bars, so I tend to write it off). That being said, a good friend of mine was in high school. It was done by a Pastor who was closely affiliated with my high school and our sports teams. He led the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, was extremely close with the highly respected head coach of our football team, served as an announcer during our games, would often hang around during practice and in the locker rooms before and after games, gave more than his fair share of our weekly motivational speeches, etc. He always gave me a “creepy” vibe, and while people would discuss it from time to time, the fact that he was trusted by the faculty and coaches, that he was a “man of God,” etc. caused people just to dismiss the feelings as misconstrued. A few years after we graduated, a group of us got together and reminisced, as college students tend to do when getting together over holiday breaks. We start talking about football and various anecdotes. Our friend mentioned how it was always weird that the Pastor would give massages to players during the weekends. The laughter and small talk abruptly stopped and we looked at his, questioningly. As it turns out, after one game, our friend was really sore and beat up, and the Pastor offered for him to come over that weekend and get a massage. Our friend said he really didn’t need one, as we had an amazing PT staff and state of the art medical equipment. The Pastor had said that he’d done it for a great number of players, including our friend’s best friend - the quarterback / son of the head coach. This put our player somewhat at ease, and he agreed to go over there the next day. When my friend got there, the Pastor strongly urged our friend to get naked, because that’s how all the other players did it. (Mind you, in a team of 70+ players, only a handful ever used the locker room showers after the game.) Our friend declined to take off his boxers, and proceeded to get the massage. According to our friend, there were a lot of grazings against his crotch, and a lot of time was spent massaging his glutes. Our friend thought it was a little odd, but since his legs were sore, he figured it was routine. After he tells us the story, his best friend said that he never got a massage, with the rest of us (who the Pastor cited as “clients”) agreeing that none of us were ever even offered a massage, much less received one. After a pregnant pause, we all started laughing (our friend included). Not the most mature or sensitive reaction, but our friend was always very light-hearted and is one of the funniest / most charismatic people I know. I’m not saying he wasn’t traumatized (as he should be), but it was more of a “What the hell?!?!” thing. I remember later revisiting the story with my friends and parents, and while we were all creeped out by it (and also “validated” in a “I knew something was off about that guy” kind of way, to my knowledge he was never confronted about it, nor did anyone check to see if it was an isolated incident. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2019, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/110 "2019-10-30T12:04:05Z")
“Respectfully, for other members.” What does that mean? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/112 "2019-10-31T04:52:08Z")
reported ---
**Author:** ![Disposable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@Disposable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disposable)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/113 "2019-10-31T08:17:46Z")
Fuck yeah!!! You squeal you fucking filthy racist faggot Leaffan You little cunt ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/114 "2019-10-31T09:04:31Z")
Reported. ---
**Author:** ![Newtosite](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/newtosite/32/8623_2.png) [@Newtosite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newtosite)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/115 "2019-10-31T09:20:51Z")
A notorious serial rapist broke into my office and raped me at gunpoint. He got 406 years in prison but the law has changed, and now he could be eligible for parole. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Wallet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e99b99/32.png) [@Wallet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallet)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/117 "2019-10-31T10:44:52Z")
Reported ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/118 "2019-10-31T10:49:16Z")
Double reported. Seems our new ‘friend’ likes to exhume threads just to take a dump in them. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/120 "2019-10-31T12:57:33Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > And vice-versa. > > I don’t like it when people are too uptight in general. I have a new coworker from out of the area that wanted to see something unique to the area this week. I immediately thought of a high-end Rhode Island strip club (some of the best in the country). His dumb ass was 2 hours late and it was a slow time so I just got to talk with lots of strippers. That was like a feminist paradise in a good way. They were all smart, extremely well paid, independent and fun to talk to. We talked about everything from degrees in clinical psychology to travel in the Greek Islands and home ownership. I made it clear that I wasn’t giving them any money until he showed up but we had a great just talking. They are the ones in control in that environment so we just hung out and had fun. BTW, these ladies are all 8’s, 9’s and a couple of 10’s on the looks scale. The one thing they all have in common is their confident ability to deal with and control men. > > It can be done. I wish the whole world worked that way. Dont forget those strong confident women have a bunch of burly bouncers who have their back. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/121 "2019-10-31T13:40:04Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I don’t like it when people are too uptight in general. I have a new coworker from out of the area that wanted to see something unique to the area this week. I immediately thought of a high-end Rhode Island strip club (some of the best in the country). His dumb ass was 2 hours late and it was a slow time so I just got to talk with lots of strippers. That was like a feminist paradise in a good way. They were all smart, extremely well paid, independent and fun to talk to. We talked about everything from degrees in clinical psychology to travel in the Greek Islands and home ownership. I made it clear that I wasn’t giving them any money until he showed up but we had a great just talking. They are the ones in control in that environment so we just hung out and had fun. BTW, these ladies are all 8’s, 9’s and a couple of 10’s on the looks scale. The one thing they all have in common is their confident ability to deal with and control men. > > It can be done. I wish the whole world worked that way. I guarantee you that every woman working in that club has experienced everything from unwanted bottom pinching to a finger shoved inside her against her will. Their confident ability to “control” men doesn’t protect them from people who don’t understand consent. ---
**Author:** ![Doyle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doyle/32/439_2.png) [@Doyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doyle)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/122 "2019-10-31T13:45:47Z")
Serious question: If a woman purposely rubbed her breast against you, would you consider that a sexual assault? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/123 "2019-10-31T13:49:35Z")
Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t it be? ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/124 "2019-10-31T13:56:35Z")
An appropriate day for a zombie, I suppose. I answered yes. Like **Dung Beetle** in 2017 above, it is true for me that all of my female friends and acquaintances have encountered this. I had no conscious anticipation of any such thing happening to me, no prior conversations with other males to whom such a thing had happened. But when it started happening I nevertheless managed to evoke some previously tucked-away social images, enough so to give me a premonition of worse things imminent if I didn’t actively do something to get the hell out of the situation. Enough to break me out of the mindset “Is this really happening? Even if it is, can I just endure it a little longer and then this creepy moment will be over, cuz it would be extremely awkward to bust out / make an issue / run away…” I blamed myself for somehow doing something to evoke the behavior, and blamed myself for a dozen different ways in which I didn’t handle it as I should have. It really got into my head and messed me up for awhile. Only happened to me once. I can’t imagine a life where dealing with this on a more or less perpetual basis is a part of one’s life. Female people must be in a mid-level state of post traumatic stress all the time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017.md?page=7)