# Have you ever been sexually assaulted? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2017, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017 "2017-10-16T03:46:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/125 "2019-10-31T14:14:51Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t it be? Well damn. Guess I’ve been sexually assaulted many times then. Once when I was married, my wife came home drunk from being out with her friends. I was asleep and she woke me up because she was horny. I didn’t really want to, because I was tired, and a little pissed off because she was out later than she said and no calls or anything. I kept telling her “No” but she kept insisting until I finally gave in just to shut her up. Was that sexual assault? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/126 "2019-10-31T14:26:23Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Well damn. Guess I’ve been sexually assaulted many times then. > > Once when I was married, my wife came home drunk from being out with her friends. I was asleep and she woke me up because she was horny. I didn’t really want to, because I was tired, and a little pissed off because she was out later than she said and no calls or anything. I kept telling her “No” but she kept insisting until I finally gave in just to shut her up. > > Was that sexual assault? Depends on a lot of things, but mostly on your own feelings and interpretations. Do you think it was sexual assault? Did you feel violated, and/or that your body and boundaries were disrespected? If not, then I would defer to your judgment, since it was your own experience and no one can better interpret your experiences than you. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/127 "2019-10-31T14:28:12Z")
> [@Doyle](#): > > Serious question: If a woman purposely rubbed her breast against you, would you consider that a sexual assault? A co-worker in the office? Yes, definitely. A wife/girlfriend/date who does this while making out? No. It depends on the circumstances. In most cases other than the 2nd and similar, I would probably characterize it as sexual assault, but there might be exceptions. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/128 "2019-10-31T14:30:59Z")
> [@Newtosite](#): > > A notorious serial rapist broke into my office and raped me at gunpoint. He got 406 years in prison but the law has changed, and now he could be eligible for parole. ☹ How could you not know [that he was denied that parole back in early August, and doesn’t get another hearing for seven years?](https://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2019/08/07/ski-mask-rapist-george-anthony-sanchez-parole-hearing/) ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/130 "2019-10-31T14:37:22Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > A wife/girlfriend/date who does this while making out? No. Wouldn’t you need to ask the guy if he felt violated, and/or that his body and boundaries were disrespected, before you could make that judgement? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/131 "2019-10-31T14:37:27Z")
reported ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/132 "2019-10-31T14:37:36Z")
reported ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/133 "2019-10-31T14:56:04Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > > [@manson1972](#): > > > > Was that sexual assault? > > Depends on a lot of things, but mostly on your own feelings and interpretations. Do you think it was sexual assault? Did you feel violated, and/or that your body and boundaries were disrespected? If not, then I would defer to your judgment, since it was your own experience and no one can better interpret your experiences than you. Yes, this. Not that sexual assault is “whatever you conceive to be sexual assault”, mind you. I am not a victim of sexual assault if I walk down main street and decide that I feel sexually assaulted because there are people and they’re breathing my air. But I’m not necessarily a victim of sexual assault if someone is doing things that appear to cross my personal boundaries and those things are sexually provocative or signal sexual aggression or whatever. But if they _do_ fit that description to a reasonable degree _and_ I experience it as unwanted, invasive, unwelcome violation, then it’s sexual assault. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/134 "2019-10-31T15:01:20Z")
At a New Years Eve party, a close friend, our neighbor, came up, grabbed me and kissed me for about 5 seconds. My wife and I are very close friends with her and her husband. She was a bit drunk. I guess by strict definition it would be sexual assault, but I don’t think her intentions were wanting to lead somewhere else. It made me a bit uncomfortable. I told my wife about it in the car ride home, she laughed! ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/136 "2019-10-31T18:13:48Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Probably not but you know me personally. That isn’t the type of thing I think about even ten minutes later but people differ. > > My oldest daughter is a young woman now and tries to explain why she is fearful about just about everything, especially being raped and I listen to her concerns. She is the female version of me in all ways except she is terrified of being assaulted. She is very pretty and it certainly could happen but I can’t understand the preoccupation with that type of mindset. It is a weird kind of paranoia that anyone, male or female, just has to deal with and learn to prevent it. Maybe that is the real meaning of “white male privilege”. I would just lay somebody out if they tried anything weird and have them put in prison for as long as possible but she isn’t strong enough to do that. > > I don’t want to blame any potential victims but I don’t understand why so many of them don’t resist or fight back. Forcible rape is very rare in my area. Most cases of sexual assault are casual. The victims generally won’t try to continue if the target tries to resist. That is the reason I was never truly abused. I resisted in the nicest way possible and they backed off. It was more of a psychological game that I knew how to win. Other people may have different experiences. > > Despite my user name, I am very sexually conservative. I don’t understand what people are doing behind closed doors. I go out with lots of people but it takes me at least two dates to get to a first kiss and I don’t do hookups. You have to protect yourself. I know people get intimidated by wealthy and powerful people but it is ridiculous to literally get fucked just because you meet one. It is a pretty easy problem to prevent on an individual level. For your daughter’s sake, **please** get yourself educated . You’re making a lot of unfounded assumptions that you’re treating as fact. Example: You’re assuming rape is rare in your area when it may well be that REPORTING rape is rare. Here’s [info](https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/the-science-of-why-women-dont-always-fight-back/news-story/0f6bcee7b365fbf44e36719f884df40b) I hope will help you [Bolding mine.]: > [@](#): > > In a groundbreaking Swedish study, it’s been proven that there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ response to being violently and sexually violated; in fact, it’s more likely for victims to experience involuntary paralysis during an attack. The study of 300 female rape victims found that two-thirds ‘froze’, and almost half experienced extreme paralysis during their respective attacks. > > This type of paralysis is known as ‘tonic immobility’ and has already been well studied in animals and is thought to be an evolutionary adaptive defensive response to predatory attacks in which it’s not possible to escape. > [@](#): > > Karen Willis, executive officer at Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia, says the ‘fight, fright or freeze’ response is common not just for rape victims, but people who have experienced other traumatic events, such as car crashes. > > “For a woman who is being overpowered by a man, fighting against often isn’t possible. The mind is overwhelmed with fear — they could die or be seriously injured. The brain just shuts down.” > > The impact this can have on victims — on being blamed by police or lawyers, plus society at large for not ‘fighting back’ — can be devastating, Ms Willis explains. > > “Less than 20 per cent of victims report their rape and one of the biggest reason is fear of not being believed and being questioned about what they could have done to prevent it from happening. > > “ **By shutting down, rape victims aren’t ‘letting’ anything happen. What they’re doing is reducing the pain and trying to survive**.” Something else to consider is that when you’re faced with possible death, people will do whatever they need to do to increase their odds of survival, including trying to placate their attackers. Your daughter is afraid for very valid reasons. Try going from the assumption that if she has such pervasive fears, there must be good reason. Believe me, most women have the same fears. P.S. Fighting back doesn’t always work. I did, and it didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/137 "2019-10-31T19:16:46Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My oldest daughter is a young woman now and tries to explain why she is fearful about just about everything, especially being raped and I listen to her concerns. She is the female version of me in all ways except she is terrified of being assaulted. She is very pretty and it certainly could happen but I can’t understand the preoccupation with that type of mindset. If only she was ugly, then she wouldn’t have to worry! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Doyle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doyle/32/439_2.png) [@Doyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doyle)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/138 "2019-10-31T19:45:19Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > A co-worker in the office? Yes, definitely. > > A wife/girlfriend/date who does this while making out? No. > > It depends on the circumstances. In most cases other than the 2nd and similar, I would probably characterize it as sexual assault, but there might be exceptions. It’s happened on several occasions, but the the one time I’m recalling was at a party. She was basically letting me know she was interested if I was. I had no problem with her forwardness. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/139 "2019-10-31T19:49:39Z")
Most recently, I was exiting a store and a young guy asked me if I had a light. Took a second to understand what he was asking for. I said “No, I don’t smoke” I was walking away and he said, “Yeah lady, you’re smokin’ hot”. I just kept walking. I considered that a type of harassment. Another time, I was given a plaque and a check for painting the school mascot on the gym floor. The whole time working on it I was crawling around on my knees. I was catcalled and rude remarks hollered out by young teen boys. I told an administrator. He referred me to the boys P.E. coach who stared at my boobs the whole time we were talking. He actually told me I shouldn’t dress so suggestivly where young men were. I wore sweat pants and tee-shirts. Knee pads on my knees and ugly crocs that I only wear for painting. Not ‘sexy’ clothing, at all. After the reveal and the plaque giving thing I was walking out when the P.E. coach was behind me, he whistled and said rather loudly, “See, it didn’t kill you!” I spun around and was ‘frozen’ as Nellie described, for a few seconds. I realized I was all alone on that side of the school with him. My car was really close, I ‘accidentally’ hit the alarm on my fob and got to the car and left. I felt threatened, while not actually assaulted. I certainly see how it could’ve been much worse. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/140 "2019-10-31T19:51:12Z")
When I was in 1st grade a girl in my class had a habit of trying to put her finger in other people’s butts through their clothes. When she did it to me I told the teacher and I don’t know what happened to her but it didn’t ever happen to me again, and my family moved after that year and I went to 2nd grade at a different school. In hindsight as an adult remembering, it’s pretty obvious that someone was probably abusing that girl, and I’m hoping someone back then realized this, but I’ll never know. ---
**Author:** ![Doyle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doyle/32/439_2.png) [@Doyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doyle)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/141 "2019-10-31T19:59:05Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Most recently, I was exiting a store and a young guy asked me if I had a light. Took a second to understand what he was asking for. I said “No, I don’t smoke” > I was walking away and he said, “Yeah lady, you’re smokin’ hot”. I just kept walking. I considered that a type of harassment. > > Another time, I was given a plaque and a check for painting the school mascot on the gym floor. The whole time working on it I was crawling around on my knees. I was catcalled and rude remarks hollered out by young teen boys. I told an administrator. He referred me to the boys P.E. coach who stared at my boobs the whole time we were talking. He actually told me I shouldn’t dress so suggestivly where young men were. I wore sweat pants and tee-shirts. Knee pads on my knees and ugly crocs that I only wear for painting. Not ‘sexy’ clothing, at all. > After the reveal and the plaque giving thing I was walking out when the P.E. coach was behind me, he whistled and said rather loudly, “See, it didn’t kill you!” > I spun around and was ‘frozen’ as Nellie described, for a few seconds. I realized I was all alone on that side of the school with him. My car was really close, I ‘accidentally’ hit the alarm on my fob and got to the car and left. I felt threatened, while not actually assaulted. > I certainly see how it could’ve been much worse. Did you go to the principal? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/142 "2019-10-31T20:27:07Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Wouldn’t you need to ask the guy if he felt violated, and/or that his body and boundaries were disrespected, before you could make that judgement? I thought it was a general question, and thus I was answering from my own POV. Do you disagree? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/143 "2019-10-31T20:28:50Z")
> [@Doyle](#): > > It’s happened on several occasions, but the the one time I’m recalling was at a party. She was basically letting me know she was interested if I was. I had no problem with her forwardness. That’s fine for you, but others might feel violated, and that’s fine for them as well (the feeling, I mean, not the violation). ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/144 "2019-10-31T21:23:44Z")
There was some really weird stuff that went down at Boy Scout camp but I don’t know whether to call it assault or not. I did witness an assault. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2019, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/145 "2019-10-31T21:27:50Z")
Hit on twice by Mrs. Robinson, if you catch my drift. But of course, no where near an assault. Just uncomfortable briefly. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2019, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017/146 "2019-11-01T00:21:00Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I thought it was a general question, and thus I was answering from my own POV. Do you disagree? I’m not sure what I would be agreeing or disagreeing with here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-been-sexually-assaulted/799017.md?page=8)