# Have you ever chose masturbation over actual sex? (possible TMI) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 1, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883 "2011-09-01T20:42:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/1 "2011-09-01T20:42:13Z")
This happened several years ago, it just got me to thinking: My at the time wife, caught me masturbating in the shower. Judging by her laughter it must have been the funniest thing she ever did see. She wasn’t mad but she gave me a lot of light hearted shit about it for quite some time. What she didn’t get is that she was right there, in the bathroom with me, putting on her make up, NAKED! My ex-wife is nothing less than beautiful. So it wasn’t a lack of physical attraction. It was just, that, … I don’t know. Feeling lazy? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/2 "2011-09-01T21:18:24Z")
Yes. Sometimes it’s just what I’d prefer. Occasionally if I can’t sleep, instead of rolling over and spooning my wife (our signal when one of us wants some), I prefer to go downstairs, surf for porn and abuse myself. It’s easier. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/3 "2011-09-01T21:46:49Z")
I’ve been in a position where it wasn’t the wisest choice to sleep with a certain person who offered, so instead I went home and took care of myself. ---
**Author:** ![obbn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d6d6ee/32.png) [@obbn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obbn)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/4 "2011-09-02T01:50:27Z")
Yes, not with my current wife, but with my ex. Sex seemed to be more of a chore to her than something she wanted to do and it would cause me to lose my desire to be with her at times. During those times taking care of it myself was preferable to making love to a “dead fish”. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/5 "2011-09-02T02:23:01Z")
My spouse and I, after a long difficult period of heading for divorce are slowly rebuilding (or making new) a relationship. Part of that is learning each other, and being totally honest with each other about what we want or don’t want. There are times when I, knowing she isn’t interested and would possibly resent the effort on my part, have gone downstairs and jerked it. That being said, if she were willing, or (won’t be happening any time soon) initiated, I would never, EVER turn it down… ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/6 "2011-09-02T04:13:59Z")
I don’t get the OP. It’s one thing to feel like you can make a choice, it’s another to realize that one of those choices requires convincing another and isn’t likely to occur (IME). So you really have only one outlet, and it isn’t really a choice. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/7 "2011-09-02T13:53:49Z")
Similar topic: Have you ever chosen to buy fast food over cooking a meal at home? My answer to both questions: Yup. ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/8 "2011-09-02T14:03:59Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > Similar topic: Have you ever chosen to buy fast food over cooking a meal at home? > > My answer to both questions: Yup. Good way to put it. The question is, why I do feel I need to do it in secret? Either rubbing it out or eating fast food? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/9 "2011-09-02T14:04:57Z")
I’m outraged and disgusted by this thread! What is this doing in this division? It ought to be in the Pit! Since when do we say “_have chose_”? Have our standards here at the SDMB fallen so low that someone can sullen a perfectly good thread on masturbation with poor grammar? TMI, indeed! ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/10 "2011-09-02T14:16:33Z")
I kinda prefer it actually. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/11 "2011-09-02T14:20:54Z")
Yeah, I can do it better than you can. The times when I prefer two (or more) party sex is when I’m as interested in the other person’s enjoyment as I am in my own. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/12 "2011-09-02T14:22:52Z")
No, it’s always Plan B, and only implemented if the Mrs. is not up for it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/13 "2011-09-02T14:34:49Z")
Yup. Sometimes I’ve got a hard on but I’m not really in the mood for sex. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/14 "2011-09-02T15:57:05Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > What she didn’t get is that she was right there, in the bathroom with me, putting on her make up, NAKED! > > My ex-wife is nothing less than beautiful. So it wasn’t a lack of physical attraction. It was just, that, … I don’t know. Feeling lazy? you may just have been being considerate rather than lazy. if you started bonking her from behind she wouldn’t have an easy time continuing to put on makeup. ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/15 "2011-09-02T19:36:45Z")
Yup. Masturbation is scratching an itch/releasing a pressure valve/etc. Sex is when I want to actively engage with my husband. It’s less about a physical need and more about wanting to be with him. Sometimes, I just don’t feel like it. _shrug_ ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/16 "2011-09-02T23:27:42Z")
What if you’re watching each other masturbate? ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2011, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/17 "2011-09-02T23:42:47Z")
No, not when sex was actually available. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/18 "2011-09-03T00:15:29Z")
> [@obbn](#): > > Yes, not with my current wife, but with my ex. Sex seemed to be more of a chore to her than something she wanted to do and it would cause me to lose my desire to be with her at times. During those times taking care of it myself was preferable to making love to a “dead fish”. Seconded. My ex-wife would whine and (actually physically) cry and insinuate that I was being mean just for dropping hints that I wanted sex. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/19 "2011-09-03T02:49:36Z")
I’ve never chosen masturbation over actual sex, but I’ve masturbated \*after \*actual sex. It’s not that the sex was unfulfilling, I just needed something more tactile, something with more pressure. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883/20 "2011-09-03T03:06:35Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I’ve never chosen masturbation over actual sex, but I’ve masturbated \*after \*actual sex. It’s not that the sex was unfulfilling, I just needed something more tactile, something with more pressure. Try anal. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-chose-masturbation-over-actual-sex-possible-tmi/594883.md?page=2)