# Have you ever found out that your coworkers were talking about you behind your back? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 5, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541 "2011-03-05T00:43:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/21 "2011-03-05T19:32:45Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > I’d be a lot more concerned about your so-called friend who “tried to stick up” for you. She’s a shit-stirrer. Stay far, far away. Well, soon she will be going to another job, far, far away, so I won’t have problems with that. 🙂 I never thought she was trying to stir shit, but it could be. I wouldn’t put it past her. Or, she could have thought that my feelings wouldn’t be hurt by hearing about such banalities (I come across as rather unflappable about most things…a trait she has told me she admires about me), so she may have just thought she was relaying something I’d find funny. And I did laugh, so it’s not like her assumption was incorrect. There are worse things that they could have been said, if what she reported was accurate. I mean, they could have been saying something really mean, like “No wonder she’s all alone. Have you looked at that face of hers!” Instead, it sounded like they were saying that I deserved to have a man because I am nice and pretty and all that. So really, what they said wasn’t bad at all. It’s just one of those things that I guess I never really thought people would be thinking about. “How to get **monstro** a man.” (And why would they assume that I would want a man? Why not a woman? I know statistically a woman is more likely to be heterosexual, but I’m fairly androgynous. If I came out as a lesbian, they’d be feeling pretty stupid, I’m guessing. In these modern days, you’d think people would approach such a conversation with few assumptions. Or maybe they did and I just don’t know since I wasn’t there.) ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/22 "2011-03-05T20:12:43Z")
I’m absolutely certain my coworkers talk about me behind my back. But it’s not really all that “behind my back” since people will learn something, have conversations, then someone else will approach me with questions. “Sooo, Julie, I hear…” I’m used to being that person. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![A.Gwilliam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@A.Gwilliam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.Gwilliam)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/23 "2011-03-05T22:50:43Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > First of all, this is the internet. That’s what we do. Am I supposed to wait for the videotaped conversation or a transcription? I gave my opinion, which is, coincidentally, the name of this forum. > > Secondly, I offered up three options as to the friend’s motivations. Hardly a confident assertion. I suppose I should have added a fourth option, namely that her friend is clueless. You said: “She’s a shit-stirrer”. That’s certainly a confident assertion! As for the rest, well… whatever. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/24 "2011-03-05T23:14:02Z")
I agree with **Erodosain**. Beware of this coworker. Even if you give her the benefit of the doubt with respect to her intentions, it’s still an insensitive move to run and tell someone what nosy things other people have been whispering behind their back, especially when it’s something that has no relevance to work. What is **monstro** supposed to do with this newfound awareness? I think this coworker was being inconsiderate and I would have been annoyed with her. To address the OP, I have no idea what people are saying about me behind my back and it’s nothing I really spend a lot time worrying about. It’s something I’m perfectly content being oblivious about. If these were friends, it would be different. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/25 "2011-03-06T02:57:44Z")
I’m always surprised when they’re not. ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/26 "2011-03-06T03:10:16Z")
I go on the working assumption that everyone else in my grad program is talking shit about me behind my back. I have no real reason to believe so; it’s just a healthy case of paranoia! But once or twice I heard that nasty things were said behind my back. I was madder than hell…even though I had said WAY worse things in the past about the person talking shit about me…:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/27 "2011-03-06T03:15:33Z")
The workplace is no different than high school. More like middle school, IMO. Gossip and cliques and backstabbing are as common there as in the cafeteria. Look at the idiot men harrassing women (not so much any more out in the open, but listen to their filthy mouths when they think no one is listening) - girls got cooties! Say nothing about yourself or chronicle your every activity day and night, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t - because work is just like high school. ---
**Author:** ![aesop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f8ce5/32.png) [@aesop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aesop)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/28 "2011-03-06T08:33:18Z")
Is it possible to have a thread about whether we ever found out about coworkers talking behind our backs without in turn making comments about our coworkers behind their backs? Dr. Moebius, you’re needed in Irony, stat! ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/29 "2011-03-06T08:50:19Z")
Kinda. A former boss of mine once claimed that another member of staff had complained to her that I’d been putting the company down a lot and ‘the workplace wasn’t as good as it used to be.’ Nobody else had been there for more than a month at the time, so it wasn’t possible for anyone to have said that. That boss gave me a formal final warning - against employment law, since no other warnings had been issued - and banned me from saying anything bad about the company to anyone else. This company was doing pretty badly, so that was difficult - everyone was always complaining. I was actually one of the most positive people there at that point, because I’d been there longer and had seen the company in better times. Straight after that meeting, I went into the staff room and the newest member of staff said ‘has this room always been this disorganised?’ Whether I’d said yes or no would have been a criticism! And claiming it wasn’t disorganised would have been a lie that would have made me look insane. I couldn’t win! It’s doubtful that this ‘scifisam is being too critical of our wonderful company’ comversation ever took place, but I know that said manager was talking about me with my colleagues, spreading barefaced lies, so the answer to the OP is yes. I left soon after. Said manager fucked over everyone else who worked there too. Some of them, like I originally did, considered her a friend, but found out better. All she cared about was promotion, but she ended up driving that branch of the company into the ground within six months and losing her job altogether. :smack: > [@aesop](#): > > Is it possible to have a thread about whether we ever found out about coworkers talking behind our backs without in turn making comments about our coworkers behind their backs? > > Dr. Moebius, you’re needed in Irony, stat! Heh. But only if there our co-workers are on here. ---
**Author:** ![A.Gwilliam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@A.Gwilliam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.Gwilliam)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/30 "2011-03-06T11:21:38Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Straight after that meeting, I went into the staff room and the newest member of staff said ‘has this room always been this disorganised?’ Whether I’d said yes or no would have been a criticism! And claiming it wasn’t disorganised would have been a lie that would have made me look insane. I couldn’t win! Ooh, an example of the “wife-beating question” sighted in the wild! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/31 "2011-03-06T19:25:08Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > The workplace is no different than high school. More like middle school, IMO. Gossip and cliques and backstabbing are as common there as in the cafeteria. Look at the idiot men harrassing women (not so much any more out in the open, but listen to their filthy mouths when they think no one is listening) - girls got cooties! Say nothing about yourself or chronicle your every activity day and night, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t - because work is just like high school. I agree with this to a point; as a temp, I’ve worked in a lot of different companies, and I have actually run across one or two where I didn’t get the impression that they were full of aged high-schoolers. By and large, though, there sure are a whole lot of people who stopped maturing at about 15. ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/32 "2011-03-06T19:38:13Z")
I’m a project manager - I quite often have to get people doing rubbish tasks at short notice, mostly at the behest of senior managers (so no choice). I’ve no problem with people whinging about me as long as the work gets done - all part of the fun of being a manager! It’s generally not personal but is focused on work issues though, which is less of a problem. I know people do complain about me dropping jobs on them - I do the same only higher up the chain. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/33 "2011-03-06T20:48:20Z")
Yes. I actually overheard someone talking about me once. I had the audacity to wear a white sweater one day, and that offended her somehow. :rolleyes: Some other people I work with are reportedly “afraid to approach” me. They find my communication style “intimidating.” What the fuck ever. Trust me, folks, with regard to the people I’m talking about, it really means it makes them feel uncomfortable when asked a question to which they have no answer. I’m sure there are legitimate complaints made about me behind my back, but on the bright side, I’m certain there are good thing said too. I work with a lot of people, and, like **Haze** says, everybody talks about everybody. I will sometimes meet people whose names I’ve come across but don’t know, and the same is true of me for them, and they say, “So _you’re_ MOL. I hear you’re an absolute bad ass at what you do.” Indeed I am. If people have an opinion about you, whether it’s good or bad, they will tell other people. I’m fine with that. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/34 "2011-03-07T21:29:57Z")
I heard one coworker complaining to another that I was snippy with her and couldn’t resist barking that I wouldn’t be so bitchy if she wasn’t so fucking loud. Which she was, all the time, which was why I could hear her talking about me two offices away. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/35 "2011-03-07T22:05:25Z")
Oh, absolutely. I hear about it regularly. Apparently I have decided to restructure the department. I’m not management, but hey - if they somehow think I have the power to do that, I’ve got a better reputation than I thought. I’m also wrong about several things, despite the fact that the numbers they’ve provided to me in their report don’t support the anecdotes they’ve relayed to me as the actual “data.” For example, “Oh, I know! Can you believe **overly** won’t address pricing with upper management (even though I’ve already done so twice, unsuccessfully)? Everyone we talk to wants the price changed!” But when I look at the figures, the price is actually lowest on the list of reasons people don’t purchase our product. And if I’m going to look like a total asshat, I’d rather it be for a legitimate reason, not because I’ve suddenly turned into their flunkie and/or parrot. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/36 "2011-03-07T22:37:47Z")
I agree people always talk behind people’s back, especially at work. Why did this other co-worker tell you? Perhaps she wanted to stir? ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2011, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/37 "2011-03-08T03:03:31Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Yes. I don’t think it was a day long conversation, but yeah. I’m sure most people have had that. **The only time it gets bothersome is when people who are nice to your face insult you when you aren’t there. That part sucks.** Yeah, it does. I knew a person at work that I thought was a good friend until I got wind of his trash talking. Since I work with him, there’s no point in confronting him about it. I just stop accepting the invites for lunch, coffe breaks and hang-outs after work and has now been demoted to acquaintance. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/38 "2011-03-08T03:07:48Z")
I think that pretty much everybody talks about everybody to some degree, and not always maliciously. One thing I always assume is that anyone who badmouths everybody else in front of you (there’s always one of those) is also badmouthing you to everybody else. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/39 "2011-03-08T13:11:46Z")
I got wind once of a coworker strongly implying that I’d been stealing from the store. This same coworker smiled in my face while trying to plant the dagger between my shoulder blades. That was fun. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541/40 "2011-03-08T17:32:41Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes. I actually overheard someone talking about me once. I had the audacity to wear a white sweater one day, and that offended her somehow. :rolleyes: I’ve heard of “white wedding dress” objections, but white sweater? Was this a “never after Labor Day” thing? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-found-out-that-your-coworkers-were-talking-about-you-behind-your-back/573541.md?page=3)