# Have you ever hestitated on doing something nice because it may be seen as self-serving? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 28, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-hestitated-on-doing-something-nice-because-it-may-be-seen-as-self-serving/672464 "2013-10-28T17:36:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-hestitated-on-doing-something-nice-because-it-may-be-seen-as-self-serving/672464/1 "2013-10-28T17:36:33Z")
And what did you eventually end up doing? Towards the end of high school, after I had my realization that being known as the “crazy” guy wasn’t really going to help me in any way, I tried to somewhat lessen that reputation. I’ll never forget one time, when trying to sympathize with some issue a classmate was lamenting, I blurted out a rather unctuous “That sucks!” to which she took offense and told me to shut up. But I was trying for real! ☹ That experience sort of soured my desire to be better for a while So that experience taught me that sometimes, while trying to be nice, I come across as totally insincere or creepy, and that has made me hesitate often when I feel like giving a compliment (because I hardly ever do). I only really do this with close friends because they know me and won’t take offense, but its been quite a chore to remind myself to compliment people when they do something extraordinary or even sometimes to give them more than a piddling “thanks”. Anyone else have this problem? ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-hestitated-on-doing-something-nice-because-it-may-be-seen-as-self-serving/672464/2 "2013-10-28T20:05:39Z")
It sounds like you are trying to fake niceness. People don’t want your fake sympathy or fake compliments. Maybe you are a bad actor. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-hestitated-on-doing-something-nice-because-it-may-be-seen-as-self-serving/672464/3 "2013-10-28T20:14:47Z")
What if it was real and I was just bad at it? Would you not try to do it in the future because people erroneously thought you were insincere? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-hestitated-on-doing-something-nice-because-it-may-be-seen-as-self-serving/672464/4 "2013-10-28T20:17:35Z")
“I apologize if I have unknowingly upset you. I meant what I said sincerely and I regret that it was not taken as such.” ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-hestitated-on-doing-something-nice-because-it-may-be-seen-as-self-serving/672464/5 "2013-10-28T20:22:35Z")
I’d work on my timing and delivery. If people are not used to you giving compliments, they may fear you are being sarcastic. Try to give the compliment in context or ask others for their advice, which is a compliment in itself. Like if you notice that someone always makes an effort to dress nicely, you could ask them to help you decide what to wear to an interview because they have good taste. If you aren’t used to saying these things, you may sound too much like you are making a joke at their expense, so be careful of that.