# have you ever met someone that made you regret being in a relationship? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 11, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146 "2008-01-11T16:54:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2008, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/41 "2008-01-13T23:21:01Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] Maybe I’m being overly literal, but to me, it’s creepy to say to your SO, even theoretically, “I would totally cheat on you with X if I had the chance, OK?” No, it’s not OK. It’s sort of a gross thing to say. There’s no celebrity I’d cheat or would even contemplate cheating with, and I would certainly not say something like that to my husband. It’s not that he’s better looking than George Clooney, nor that, if Mr. Clooney was sweatin’ me that wouldn’t be a weird (and astronomically unlikely) and trying situation… it’s that regardless of whoever else crosses our path, no matter how tempting, it’s not an option. Yeah, I’m probably being overly literal. I just don’t like to say such things even in jest because I wouldn’t want him to feel that twinge as I said it. [/QUOTE] I’m with you. I mean, I get that it’s a joke . . . but it’s only sort of a joke. What makes the celebrity “ok” to cheat with? The fact that he/she is unattainable? Maybe it’s me, but the vibe I get from people who say this is not, “haha honey, I’d never cheat on you,” but is instead, “haha, it’s ok for me to admit that I’d totally have sex with [celebrity] because I probably will never have the chance to act on it, so it’s ok.” And that, to me, says, “I am only as faithful as I choose to be at any given time, and if at some point my desire becomes strong enough, I would cheat on you.” ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/42 "2008-01-14T00:14:59Z")
I’m not sure if its a joke, or if its a form of sexual storytelling/shared fantasy/role playing. I’ve always gotten the feeling from friends who have such a list that its a shared fantasy thing - plus a clue into what they like, and sometimes a means of foreplay (go see Brad Pitt in a movie, get lucky). Not something that happens in my relationship though. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/43 "2008-01-14T01:11:04Z")
For us it’s a joke. I don’t even know who his “pick” is any longer because it’s been years since it came up. As for mine, we even went to an event where the guy was, and I talked with him, but since this is the real world nothing happened because I’m devoted to my husband and wouldn’t consider it. When he complains about his aches from work he’ll sometimes joke that I should trade him in for a newer model, but that doesn’t mean he’s secretly thinking he’d like me to leave him. Besides, he also jokes about me being totally screwed because I’m stuck with him since I said “I do” so if not, he’s of two minds about all of this. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/44 "2008-01-14T01:33:37Z")
Have I met someone who made me realise all of a sudden that my seemingly perfect relationship wasn’t as perfect as it seemed? Never. There have definitely been a couple of times in my life where I met someone who made me realise that my seemingly tolerable relationship was well past its best-before date, though. Both times that was the kick in the pants I needed to call it quits - not because it would give me a shot at New Guy, but just because I couldn’t live in denial with Old Guy anymore (in fact, I never did follow through with one New Guy, as he was a friend of Old Guy and that’s not kosher in my books). ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/45 "2008-01-14T01:49:38Z")
[QUOTE=Eonwe] And that, to me, says, “I am only as faithful as I choose to be at any given time, and if at some point my desire becomes strong enough, I would cheat on you.” [/QUOTE] It says to me, “I’m only as faithful as my opportunities. I’m not hot enough to score George Clooney, but if I was, I certainly would be.” You know, it happens. How many newly minted celebrities’ relationships from before they were famous endured after they had the opportunity to sleep with other celebrities, models, and rock stars? Inside each joke is a kernel of truth, so it’s not a joke I’d make or like to hear made to me. YMMV, but I think expanded opportunities for a lot of people spell regret at being in a relationship, so it’s not as much of a joke as people like to make it out to be. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/46 "2008-01-14T03:01:09Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] It says to me, “I’m only as faithful as my opportunities. I’m not hot enough to score George Clooney, but if I was, I certainly would be.” You know, it happens. How many newly minted celebrities’ relationships from before they were famous endured after they had the opportunity to sleep with other celebrities, models, and rock stars? Inside each joke is a kernel of truth, so it’s not a joke I’d make or like to hear made to me. YMMV, but I think expanded opportunities for a lot of people spell regret at being in a relationship, so it’s not as much of a joke as people like to make it out to be. [/QUOTE] I think for many people it is a joke, or, as **Dangerosa** said, a shared fantasy thing. We don’t have a list, but I’ve told my husband “so and so is hot” or “let’s see such and such film, even if it sucks, it’s got so-and-so for eye candy”. I share everything else with him, it’d feel creepy if I held back about which celebrities I found . . .virile. And it’d bug me if he did the same. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/47 "2008-01-14T04:05:24Z")
[QUOTE=Manda JO] I think for many people it is a joke, or, as **Dangerosa** said, a shared fantasy thing. We don’t have a list, but I’ve told my husband “so and so is hot” or “let’s see such and such film, even if it sucks, it’s got so-and-so for eye candy”. I share everything else with him, it’d feel creepy if I held back about which celebrities I found . . .virile. And it’d bug me if he did the same. [/QUOTE] Saying someone is hot is not the same as saying, “If he wanted to fuck me, I’d cheat on you.” Of course you tell each other when some actor/actress is hot. That’s an aesthetic observation and doesn’t have the same import to me as stating that you’d be unfaithful with the person if you had the chance. Also, how is it a shared fantasy? I’m not trying to be dense, but if I were going to cheat, I would definitely not be sharing it with my husband or vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/48 "2008-01-14T04:42:22Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] Saying someone is hot is not the same as saying, “If he wanted to fuck me, I’d cheat on you.” Of course you tell each other when some actor/actress is hot. That’s an aesthetic observation and doesn’t have the same import to me as stating that you’d be unfaithful with the person if you had the chance. Also, how is it a shared fantasy? I’m not trying to be dense, but if I were going to cheat, I would definitely not be sharing it with my husband or vice versa. [/QUOTE] Because you aren’t going to cheat. Its a fantasy. George Clooney isn’t looking twice at you (I’m assuming). But if I put Matt Damon on my list, my chances with him are about as good as my other celebrity crush - Alexander Hamilton (have you seen the $10 bill - that man was HOT - course he probably had lousy teeth). Plus, if its on “your list” and you had an opportunity with Mr. Clooney - it isn’t “cheating” - he’s on your list - that’s why you have a list! And of course you’d share the information with your significant other. And he’d take great pride in having someone on his arm so hot as to attract George. (Remember, this is all fantasy - no, it won’t work like this in real life - as my friend discovered). You don’t share fantasies in your relationship? Or have fantasies shared? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/49 "2008-01-14T12:05:26Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] Saying someone is hot is not the same as saying, “If he wanted to fuck me, I’d cheat on you.” Of course you tell each other when some actor/actress is hot. That’s an aesthetic observation and doesn’t have the same import to me as stating that you’d be unfaithful with the person if you had the chance. Also, how is it a shared fantasy? I’m not trying to be dense, but if I were going to cheat, I would definitely not be sharing it with my husband or vice versa. [/QUOTE] I think “I’d do him” is a hyperbolic way of saying “he’s hot”–my husband will sometimes do a “one day . . . pow . . . to the moon!” when he is mildly displeased about something I’ve done or failed to do–doesn’t mean he secretly wants to hit me. It’s just a joke. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/50 "2008-01-14T12:12:00Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] Saying someone is hot is not the same as saying, “If he wanted to fuck me, I’d cheat on you.” Of course you tell each other when some actor/actress is hot. That’s an aesthetic observation and doesn’t have the same import to me as stating that you’d be unfaithful with the person if you had the chance. Also, how is it a shared fantasy? I’m not trying to be dense, but if I were going to cheat, I would definitely not be sharing it with my husband or vice versa. [/QUOTE] It can be, of course. And “hot” isn’t a purely aesthetic observation, really. “Handsome”, “beautiful”, “good-looking”… these are aesthetic observations. “Hot” means “fuckable”. And… bingo. I assume that if one were actually planning to have sex with George Clooney, one would keep it to one’s self. Why are we applying such literalism to this? It’s not that deep, y’all. _gumsmack_ ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/51 "2008-01-14T12:30:28Z")
[QUOTE=Manda JO] I actually think a key to a happy marriage is knowing that you could be happy with someone else, too–to me, at least, the feeling that I could never be as happy as I am with anyone else would make me paranoid about death or about his affections waning. It would make me clingy and unpleasant, and, ironically enough, unhappy. [/QUOTE] Of all the supposedly romantic things that totally freak me out, “I don’t know how I could live without you” takes the seven-tier cake. I’ve never met someone who made me _regret_ being in a relationship, nor afaik have I been that someone, but I have met guys who I would have dated if I’d been single, as well as talked with old crushes and discovered the crush used to be mutual. “Used to be” being the keywords. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/52 "2008-01-14T13:25:49Z")
[QUOTE=Dangerosa] You don’t share fantasies in your relationship? Or have fantasies shared? [/QUOTE] They tend not to involve people outside our marriage. Our shared fantasies are shared because they are about us. YMMV. I’m applying literalism to it because I feel it’s dispectful to tell my husband I’d sleep with some guy, who is hotter, richer, more famous than him, if I were able to, ha ha, of course I couldn’t anyway so it’s just a joke… Everyone’s got topics about which they can’t manage to joke, so maybe this is ours. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/53 "2008-01-14T13:31:43Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] Of all the supposedly romantic things that totally freak me out, “I don’t know how I could live without you” takes the seven-tier cake. [/QUOTE] _starts list of things never to say if dating **Nava** _ ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/54 "2008-01-14T14:16:30Z")
Maybe **Rubystreak** has been married for a long time and takes everything very seriously. **Zeldar** and I have been married for twenty-two years but if a certain NFL coach won’t stop throwing himself at me, what am I to do? (Huffs and shines manicure…) ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/55 "2008-01-14T14:57:13Z")
[QUOTE=Zoe] Maybe **Rubystreak** has been married for a long time and takes everything very seriously. [/QUOTE] Rubystreak has been married a short time and doesn’t think jokes about adultery are funny. It just strikes me as a creepy thing to say. Again, YMMV, and I don’t want to hijack this thread any further. ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2008, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/56 "2008-01-14T18:32:02Z")
Yes I have and it’s only been one person in about 20 years. I have a hard time dealing with it. I know the person and the feeling is mutual. This week is going to be a good test for me because my spouse is out of town for the entire week. It’ll give me a good chance to see if I miss her or who I’m thinking of at the end of the week. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/57 "2008-01-15T05:29:36Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] …And does such a moment say anything about the existing relationship? [/quote] Depends on the degree of attraction I think and intent as well. Are you trying to form a relationship that’s more than platonic with this new person? > [@](#): > > Does it mean that the relationship is weak and would have fallen apart anyway? Not necessarily. I think intent really plays into this. **olives** ’s case seems to go with this. > [@](#): > > Or is it possibly to have a healthy relationship going on and STILL feel strongly attracted to another person? I think in later stages of a relationship, raw attraction is not the primary fuel, but more so routine and the comfort of having someone that has shared a great deal of experiences and themselves with you. If that comfort is not more valuable than a hot new potentially superior but also potentially disappointing prospect, yes the relationship will wall apart eventually. Everything’s circumstantial. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146/58 "2008-01-16T05:47:11Z")
Since it’s been several years since I met the woman who became my wife, and we’ve been married for over a year, and I still haven’t met someone who would make me willing to cheat on her, I’m guessing that it’s not going to happen. Either that, or it’s going to be a loooooong time before I meet someone interesting enough to matter. We did talk about the List thing when watching the Friends episode. (She loves Friends. Characters are interesting enough for fun, and the dialog is just complex enough for her to learn a new word once in a while while still being accessible enough for her to get most of the jokes.) I asked her who would be on her list. She likes Tommy Lee Jones and Vin Diesel. When she told me about Vin Diesel though, she said that that’s how hot someone would have to be for her to even consider cheating on me. And she wouldn’t leave me even if he proposed right then. So that’s the perspective I’m bringing to the semi-joke, semi-fantasy of celebrity cheat lists. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-met-someone-that-made-you-regret-being-in-a-relationship/433146.md?page=2)