# Have you ever outed yourself without meaning to? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 24, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211 "2010-10-24T19:09:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/1 "2010-10-24T19:09:15Z")
Have you ever unintentionally outed yourself? To whom? Did they notice, or at least let on that they noticed? What were the consequences? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/2 "2010-10-24T21:49:56Z")
Nope. I’m pretty open about being bent, and even enjoy watching people’s reactions when I casually mention it for the first time around them. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/3 "2010-10-24T22:41:34Z")
I accidentally and incorrectly “outed” myself once at a small study session. I referred to a close “girl friend” from university when we were talking about common first-date behaviour (she and I used to double date, but I didn’t mention that), and only realised a few minutes later that everyone in the room probably assumed I was queer. No harm done, but I was a bit cross with myself for indirectly losing my chance with the cute male discussion leader. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/4 "2010-10-24T23:48:21Z")
No, it’s never unintentional. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/5 "2010-10-24T23:51:10Z")
I’m not sure I have anything to out about myself. I’ve confessed a few things here that have been met with gasps of indifference. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/6 "2010-10-25T02:22:02Z")
I had sex for the first time when I was a college freshman. Then, my bf and I went to our respective families for winter break . . . during which he wrote me a very explicit love letter. My mother found it and read it. She told my aunt about it, who blabbed to everyone else. This was in 1963, years before there was such a thing as “out.” So I was the only person I’d ever heard of who was openly gay (we didn’t even use the word “gay” then). I didn’t actually accept it yet, but I was nevertheless out. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/7 "2010-10-25T03:42:12Z")
I’m straight, but I once unintentionally outed myself as a former illicit drug user. I was being interviewed for a job and was asked “Have you used drugs,” to which I answered, “I’d prefer not to say.” I was then asked if I had ever had any homosexual relationships, and I flatly said no. Which I realized almost immediately made my previous answer essentially equivalent to “yes.” [I was offered a job anyway, but I didn’t take it.] ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/8 "2010-10-25T06:28:17Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > I’m straight, but I once unintentionally outed myself as a former illicit drug user. I was being interviewed for a job and was asked “Have you used drugs,” to which I answered, “I’d prefer not to say.” I was then asked if I had ever had any homosexual relationships, and I flatly said no. Which I realized almost immediately made my previous answer essentially equivalent to “yes.” > > [I was offered a job anyway, but I didn’t take it.] Where the heck were you interviewing that the second question was even legal? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/9 "2010-10-25T09:26:46Z")
Yeah, and I’ve told the story before. I play World of Warcraft. A couple years back, I was working on a project in Scotland, as part of an all-Spaniards team. Over Christmas, I changed my laptop’s background picture to a screenshot from the game. I’d used edited screenshots before, but always edited in such a way anybody not familiar with it wouldn’t even think it was a pic from a game (plus, most non-gamers tend to think all gamers are guys, which I’m most assuredly not). I get back to work in January, switch it on and “ohmyG, I forgot to change the pic! Oh shit. Well, it’s not like most people here will have the slightest what that building is, changing it now would be more of a red flag than just leaving it. I’ll change it tonight.” For the rest of the day, the pic wasn’t onscreen even once; just going through emails took the whole morning. At 6:15, I close everything and get ready to boot down. And a deep voice timidly asks “uh, excuse me… I’m sorry to bother you but… does that happen to be a picture of Dragonblight Temple?” The new guy. The data specialist. Hah! “😃 Why, yes, it is!” “:o Well, then, I guess I’ve already told you everything there is to tell.” “Not quite. Side and server? And stop blushing, the reason I have it there is the exact same reason you were able to recognize it. The boss thought a picture of a tree from Crystalsong Forest was ‘abstract art’.” We were from opposite sides and my main character specializes in traps: the troll warrior (a rare prey indeed, there are few of those) claims my dwarven huntress trapped him with a pic. We carpooled for all the time we worked together and have remained friends; he took over my lease when I left, we’ve met again both in Scotland and in Spain. ---
**Author:** ![J.D.G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@J.D.G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J.D.G)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/10 "2010-10-25T10:16:54Z")
Throw in a romantic ending and that’s almost a “chick flick”. I love it all the same. I’m slightly more comfortable about being an out-of-the-closet gamer. Makes me think about using some of my Diablo wallpapers to meet people. Or maybe Starcraft… … :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/11 "2010-10-25T10:58:16Z")
Nah, he’s very much taken. I would not be interested in having the undead priestess coming to skin me… ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/12 "2010-10-25T11:13:29Z")
Well, it’s not quite the same, but my girlfriend has recently had a career change (downsize :)) and is now a fishmonger. This is a traditionally very working class male - and homophobic - profession in London, so she decided early on to stay in the closet, particularly as she’s the ‘boss’ and thought it would be hard enough getting a gang of blokes to respect a woman, let alone a lesbian. Now, she splits her time between two stores in very smart shopping areas of London, where every gay man in existence likes to hang out, and yeah, she knows a few of them. Seems like the only friend-visitors she ever gets are screaming queens or girls with short hair (including me). She’s had gay men screaming across the shop ‘hey, I just saw your mrs’ (that’s me), or ‘Are you and ‘SanVito’s girl’s name’ coming to drag queen bingo tonight?’ etc etc. These fishmongers must be the thickest in London. They still haven’t twigged and continue to chat about her imaginary boyfriend (she reinvented me as a guy call ‘Adam’). They must think she’s the biggest fag hag in town. ---
**Author:** ![J.D.G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@J.D.G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J.D.G)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/13 "2010-10-25T11:50:29Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Nah, he’s very much taken. I would not be interested in having the undead priestess coming to skin me… Darn. What a shame. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/14 "2010-10-25T13:18:27Z")
I gaming-outed myself at work, sort-of. I was trying to explain [Simplex methods](http://www.grabitech.se/algorithm.htm) of experimental design. I was still flying under the radar while correcting everyone calling the 3-D design space a “pyramid” (it’s a tetrahedron). But to help out one of the guys having difficulty picturing what was going on, I brought in visual aids. Tetrahedral dice (d4’s). Fortunately, I’m a chemical engineer, so bringing in evidence that I was King of the Nerds didn’t take anyone aback. In fact, everyone else was fairly surprised that the guy whom I gave the d4’s to _didn’t_ know what they were. (“… Why do people keep asking me if I play D&D?”) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/15 "2010-10-25T13:28:49Z")
A tetrahedron is a pyramid: a regular triangular pyramid with cubical symmetry, but a pyramid. “Pyramids” don’t have to have a square base, or even a quadrangular one. And now I’ve outed myself as a know-it-all who was awake during 9th-grade geometry… ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/16 "2010-10-26T03:24:14Z")
Now that I’m over 40 and not married, I don’t have to “out” myself because everyone assumes I’m gay. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/17 "2010-10-26T10:40:25Z")
I used the term girlfriend instead of housemate when talking to a group of co-workers last week. I hope they did not notice or better yet don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/18 "2010-10-26T11:54:53Z")
The use of the word “girlfriend” by women in Michigan doesn’t necessarily imply a romantic relationship. A woman named Tracy may very well casually mention “my girlfriend Kate,” “my girlfriend Brenda,” etc. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/19 "2010-10-26T13:45:03Z")
My sister looks well, everyone assumes she’s gay right off the bat. But at a Christmas party at my sister’s I was present for a funny conversation between her long-time girlfriend and my sister’s co-worker. (They were using my sister’s place for a workplace party). The co-worker had never met my sister’s partner before. They were talking about home renovations and the woman just did not clue in to the context of their relationship no matter how many times she was told, “My girlfriend, SisCellphone… My _partner_, SisPhone…” and all possible variations short of “My lesbian lover PhoneFace over there! That dyke you work with.” By the end of the conversation the woman still said: “So, your fella is handy around the house then?” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211/20 "2010-10-26T13:55:55Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Where the heck were you interviewing that the second question was even legal? The U.S. National Security Agency, about 1984. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-outed-yourself-without-meaning-to/558211.md?page=2)