# Have you ever refused to shake someone's hand? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 12, 2013, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519 "2013-04-12T16:50:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/41 "2013-04-14T21:22:46Z")
Only when my hands are dirty. Then I will wipe my hand on my jeans, look at it and hold it out so the person with hand out can see why I don’t want to shake. I’m a biker, and we are a little strange, so that means that instead of shaking hands, we will hug. If my hands are oily, my clothes probably are as well. No matter, I’ll give him or her a hand free hug while not worrying about getting oil on his clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/42 "2013-04-14T22:17:34Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > That reminds me of the famous (in certain circles) rejection by Robert Heinlein of Alexei Panshin. In about 1974, Panshin showed up at a book signing or speech by Heinlein in NYC, and attempted to introduce himself. In the precise form by which Heinlein defined being a gentleman as having the right to also be a cast-iron SOB, Heinlein simply snapped, “Good day, sir,” and walked away. Do we know why Heinlein dissed Panshin? ETA Google yielded a dope thread with more than I need to know. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/43 "2013-04-14T22:29:23Z")
I’ve refused handshakes before, but it’s been something like 20 years. It was in church when they did that stupid “stand up and greet everyone around you” thing and I just was at a time in my life where I just didn’t like that sort of thing. Probably a big part of why I stopped regularly attending church. That said, I still absolutely hate shaking hands and really wish we could replace it with fist bumps or something. It’s unsanitary and intrusively personal, yet if you don’t do it you’re a jerk or a weirdo. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/44 "2013-04-14T22:32:12Z")
Yes: meet Rep [Don Young](http://donyoung.house.gov/) (R-AK). Fuck him. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/45 "2013-04-15T02:13:58Z")
> [@Martin\_Hyde](#): > > I have a similar opinion on any Head of State, I’ve only shaken hands with two Presidents at rope lines and both were Presidents I liked (Reagan/Bush I) but if somehow I was in a scenario where President Obama extended his hand I’d shake it. I don’t really think it’s appropriate to show disrespect to a Head of State. I’m fine with protesting and all the other acts of civil society, but I think personal disrespect (this includes shouting rude things, etc) crosses a line for me. I think for example burning in effigy is an age old political expression and am fine with that, but if the President is physically present I think it’s low class to yell insults/obscenities at him or etc. > > I’d feel the same way about the Queen of the UK or etc…less certain on Prime Ministers and such, they’re more like civil servants in chief than holders of a respected office. Very civil, I am pretty much the same. But then again, my Mum didn’t raise a little savage 😛 I have enough joint pain that I really dislike being touched by people anyway, and having to juggle crutches makes a decent excuse for not shaking, and wearing wheelchair gloves seems to turn most people off of shaking [maybe wheelchairs are contagious?:p] ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/46 "2013-04-15T02:44:48Z")
I don’t recall ever refusing to shake someone’s hand in a working or social situation. I like that _namaste_ idea. Even if I am not fond of someone at least the spirit in me can acknowledge the spirit in you. Unsavory though it may be. Heh. The most challenging handshake for me was with with a client with phocomelia, meaning that he had no arms and his hands grew directly out of his shoulders. He was an angry young man with a defiant stare and at the end of an interview we stood and he turned his body sideways and offered his mishapen hand to indicate he expected me to take it. It took me by surprise because it was unusual for our clientele to be handshakers by nature. And I was unsure exactly how the “shaking” part would work or how delicate his hand might be. If I could have read his mind my guess is he would have been thinking, “Alright. If you’re going to be working with me you’re going to have to prove to me that you don’t find me untouchable.” I gently held his hand for a moment. That broke the ice some for both of us. I was new and it was an awkward situation. After that I touched a number of people during my working life that I never thought I would have found myself in the same room with. Sometimes the situation just called for it. Now, during flu season I’d just rather not shake anybody’s hands and am a frequent handwasher. Fortunately most everyone I hang out with these days is a hugger! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/47 "2013-04-15T11:45:27Z")
Years ago I was working at a reception for cartoonist Gary Larson. The organizers had put up signs, presumably at his request, saying, “Please do not approach Mister Larson or attempt to shake his hand.” He made it into a mutual thing. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/48 "2013-04-15T14:10:31Z")
Now and then. I have the bad luck to cross paths with some basic scum of the universe now and then and I just won’t shake their hands. Or even acknowledge them if I can avoid it. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/49 "2013-04-15T15:08:21Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Yes: meet Rep [Don Young](http://donyoung.house.gov/) (R-AK). Fuck him. Eeeeewwwww…no. Just no. Even if he were my type (i.e. possessing a vagina). > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Years ago I was working at a reception for cartoonist Gary Larson. The organizers had put up signs, presumably at his request, saying, “Please do not approach Mister Larson or attempt to shake his hand.” > > He made it into a mutual thing. Yeah, but that was just a matter of basic safety. You could easily lose a limb if you disturb a cartoonist unnecessarily. They tend to be vicious and easily startled. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/50 "2013-04-15T16:17:02Z")
The only time I declined a handshake was when I was rushing to the bathroom with a tampon hidden in my right hand (no pockets) and I ran into a new guy at the office who introduced himself and extended his hand…I was all, “Umm…I’ll be right back…” 😛 One time I was with my teenaged niece and nephew at the mall and saw an acquaintance. I introduced my nephew and the friend extended his hand - my nephew had a bad cold so he said “I have a bad cold - but I will give you props” and offered a fist-bump. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/51 "2013-04-15T19:56:06Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Years ago I was working at a reception for cartoonist Gary Larson. The organizers had put up signs, presumably at his request, saying, “Please do not approach Mister Larson or attempt to shake his hand.” > > He made it into a mutual thing. You can’t just post that and not expect to be questioned! What was he like? Was he weird (other than the handshake thing). Was he nice to his fans generally? ---
**Author:** ![Aman27deep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aman27deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aman27deep)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/52 "2013-04-15T21:15:11Z")
Yes. The other Guy had dirty hands. Not my fault. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/53 "2013-04-15T21:28:35Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > That reminds me of the famous (in certain circles) rejection by Robert Heinlein of Alexei Panshin. In about 1974, Panshin showed up at a book signing or speech by Heinlein in NYC, and attempted to introduce himself. In the precise form by which Heinlein defined being a gentleman as having the right to also be a cast-iron SOB, Heinlein simply snapped, “Good day, sir,” and walked away. Had I been Panshin, I would have ignored Heinlein totally. Sad that he was trying to do the civilized thing to an egotistical blowhard. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/54 "2013-04-15T21:42:20Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > You could easily lose a limb if you disturb a cartoonist unnecessarily. They tend to be vicious and easily startled. And they have a way to get back at you. 😉 > [@Chimera](#): > > Boss who completely screwed me over, lied to his bosses about it and fired me, then offered to shake my hand in parting. Oh no. Not happening. Same thing here, except that he didn’t offer his hand and I had to tell him I wasn’t going to, either. Only time ever, though. ---
**Author:** ![GameHat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@GameHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GameHat)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/55 "2013-04-16T02:37:25Z")
Heh, I actually do it all the time (but not because of the other person, because of me.) Typically it’s when a manager-type is touring people through our labs. When I’m working in the lab, I typically wear nitrile gloves. This gives me mild hyperhidrosis - as in, my hands get sweaty as hell, to the point where when I take the gloves off there’s a gross amount of sweat inside (enough to pool and make a real _splash_ if I were to let them drain on the lab floor.) So if it’s a lab situation and I’ve been wearing gloves for more than 15 minutes, I’ll make an excuse (“Oh, I’d love to shake your hand but I’m all contaminated from the lab right now.”) /can’t shake hands with gloves on, that’s rude, plus the gloves probably do have chemical residue //can’t just pull them off, hands are soaked with sweat ///A polite apology and friendly nod seems to get the job done. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/56 "2013-04-21T16:06:00Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > My ungloved hand does not touch the hand of a man unrelated to me unless I am performing a medical procedure (it’s happened a few times when I was changing someone’s bandages). Any man who has a problem with that immediately goes on my asshole list as deserving scorn and extra scrutiny anytime we’re in an isolated area. I will shake hands with another woman and probably have shaken hands with a few transsexuals and drag queens who were very convincing. Oddly enough the only one I know about was a drag queen who came up and apologized to me after a show when he realized I had inadvertantly broken a cultural taboo. So let’s set aside crossdressers, if we define them hamfistedly in the common parlance of a guy who male-identifies but dresses as a different gender…would you **willingly** shake hands with a **known** transsexual woman? How about an intersex transsexual woman? Just curious, for two obvious reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/57 "2013-04-21T16:19:27Z")
I’ve never in my life refused to shake someone’s hand except for two situations: 1. They were/are personally offensive to me, in that they have insulted or been rude to me. 2. They are so well-known and liked by me that I went inside the extended hand and hugged them. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2013, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/58 "2013-04-21T22:03:14Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > So let’s set aside crossdressers, if we define them hamfistedly in the common parlance of a guy who male-identifies but dresses as a different gender…would you **willingly** shake hands with a **known** transsexual woman? > > How about an intersex transsexual woman? > > Just curious, for two obvious reasons. I would go by gender they lived as. Within my own culture true transsexuals as opposed to say female impersonators are viewed as people who by a birth defect were born as the wrong gender and it would be cruel to taunt them over this. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2013, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/59 "2013-04-21T22:27:09Z")
I had a obsessive co-worker who would want to shake my hand every time I saw him. Sometimes I would go days w/o seeing him, sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. I finally told him that I didn’t want to shake his hand every time I saw him. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519/60 "2013-04-21T22:43:14Z")
If I see somebody in the bathroom, or just leaving the bathroom, or doing either of those myself, I prefer not to shake hands, or fist-bump instead. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-refused-to-shake-someones-hand/655519.md?page=4)