# Have you ever regretted being an attractive woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2014, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855 "2014-10-09T12:27:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/61 "2014-10-11T19:55:25Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > Very true-- and whatever men usually size themselves up as is about 1 point lower than what average women would call them, and 2 points lower than women 8 and up would call them. So a man who sizes himself up as an 8, and tries to hit on a 9 should know that she thinks he’s a 6. If he hits on a 7 instead, she’ll think he’s a 7 too (8-1), and that’ll work out better. You’ve obviously thought way too much about this. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/62 "2014-10-11T19:59:56Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > **Ambi** , you know we’re friends, but I gotta ask; what’s up with the “lol”? Do you not believe her? Think she’s laying on the stealth brag a bit thick? Or what? Because from what I’ve known of my extremely attractive friends, nothing she said rings false. So, I’m curious. What gives? I think she’s full of herself and she’s not “extremely attractive”. Go to the picture gallery if you doubt. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/63 "2014-10-11T20:53:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think she’s full of herself and she’s not “extremely attractive”. Go to the picture gallery if you doubt. Do you mean this one? The one where you’re not pictured? LOL [http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery\_home.html](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery_home.html) ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/64 "2014-10-11T21:08:45Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think she’s full of herself and she’s not “extremely attractive”. Go to the picture gallery if you doubt. She didn’t say she was extremely attractive. Go back and read what she actually said. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/65 "2014-10-11T21:20:52Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think she’s full of herself and she’s not “extremely attractive”. Go to the picture gallery if you doubt. > [@PunditLisa](#): > > Do you mean this one? The one where you’re not pictured? LOL > > [http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery\_home.html](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery_home.html) How would his pic not being in the gallery be relevant in any way to your response? Last night when I read your post, my first reaction was exactly the same. You can be confident about yourself in various ways, including looks, but humbleness goes a long way. And you have none. My second reaction was curiousity, of course. I thought - Wow! This woman must be a knock out! I’ll go check out the gallery. Plato’s quote - “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,” is what came to mind. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/66 "2014-10-11T21:27:38Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > She didn’t say she was extremely attractive. Go back and read what she actually said. That is right, she did not. It was much more arrogant than that. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/67 "2014-10-11T21:48:51Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > That is right, she did not. It was much more arrogant than that. I guess I’m too dense to read between the lines. I have no idea if her perception is keen enough to really know that women are worried about her stealing their men. But I do know women do get jealous, and that women can hate on other women who they perceive to be “competition”. I agree that it is ballsy for someone to portray themselves as the focus of this hate. But it’s not implausible that it could happen to a Doper. She’s not Miss America. But if the photo gallery is any indication, she’s above the Doper average in terms of attractiveness . I know that’s not saying much, but still. It’s not like she’s a cyclops or something. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/68 "2014-10-11T21:57:21Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Do you mean this one? The one where you’re not pictured? LOL > > [http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery\_home.html](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/gallery_home.html) Um, yes, that one. ? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/69 "2014-10-11T22:48:27Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > Last night when I read your post, my first reaction was exactly the same. You can be confident about yourself in various ways, including looks, but humbleness goes a long way. And you have none. My second reaction was curiousity, of course. I thought - Wow! This woman must be a knock out! I’ll go check out the gallery. Plato’s quote - “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,” is what came to mind. I wasn’t even trying for humility because it’s inherently arrogant to even respond to a thread titled, “Have you ever regretted being an attractive woman?” Other people responded that there were no issues being attractive. And I found that to be disingenuous. Because, there ARE times when “good looks” can cause issues, whether you’re on the “not a cyclops” end (thanks, Monstro) of being attractive, or a “knockout.” Even if you don’t believe that I’m actually attractive, everything I’ve said is true. I’ve been hounded by strangers in bars, I’ve been accused of getting hired for a position I was extremely qualified because I was better looking than the other candidates, and I’ve had two men tell me that they didn’t ask me out because they thought that I was out of their league. (FTR, I wasn’t.) And if I’ve experienced what I have despite my _inferior_ looks, imagine what a true knockout might experience. So there ARE downsides to being attractive, which is the entire point of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/70 "2014-10-11T23:00:23Z")
Wow. I had no idea **Monstro** would be so right in her summation. But that said, as most respondents to this thread made clear, folks surely do realize that people are talking about their _heydays_, right? Hell, I was mostly joking with my posts in this thread, being very underwhelmed with my appearance overall, yet even I’ve experienced an inkling of what she’s relating, as well as most women I know. Sure, I doubt it’s what the typical super model must endure, but those types aren’t members here. We’ve got to work with what we gots, yanno? And I can’t believe that explaining something so universal would be seen as arrogant. Really? And if anyone rushes to the gallery to check out _my_ pic, I’m the one on the right. Arguably, Alice makes a more attractive female than I do and I’m okay with that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/71 "2014-10-11T23:10:33Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/72 "2014-10-11T23:14:56Z")
What PunditLisa describes, to me, sounds like your run-of-the-mill college experience. Yeah, guys tend to hit on women in bars. Not exactly surprising there. And you got cat-calls on the street?! From drunk college guys, no less?! Geezh. It just seemed to me that her attitude did not match her story. She told it as if she was hot shit. But that is my take. My opinion. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/73 "2014-10-11T23:32:36Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > And finally, it’s difficult being friends with men, because their girlfriends/wives assume he wants to sleep with me. Give me a break. > [@faithfool](#): > > But that said, as most respondents to this thread made clear, folks surely do realize that people are talking about their _heydays_, right? She is not referring to any “heyday” here. She is speaking in current tenses. I can only speak for my girlfriend but I can guarantee you she would have no issue with me being her friend (and I just know me and her would be best buds ;)). ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2014, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/74 "2014-10-12T00:09:01Z")
Well then, I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree on how it came across to each of us personally. As to the time frame of when this has happened? I suppose **Lisa** would have to weigh in on that. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2014, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/75 "2014-10-12T14:51:50Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Well then, I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree on how it came across to each of us personally. As to the time frame of when this has happened? I suppose **Lisa** would have to weigh in on that. The first 3 were in my 20s and early 30s, as indicated by the past tense, when I was at the peak of my physical fitness and attractiveness. The last one happened a few times in my life, the most recent being a few months ago (hence the present tense). The most egregious loss was in my 20s, right before I was married. My fiancée and I had a tight knit group of friends, men and women alike, who hung out all the time. We went to concerts together, watched football games, hung out in bars, and vacationed together. My fiancée happened to be gone for 6 months while he was in NYC training, but I continued to socialize with our friends. Around this time one of the guys got a new girlfriend. The night he brought her around to meet us all, she instantly KNEW (not imagined) that something was going on between her boyfriend and me. In the middle of the bar, she walked up to me, said, “He’s MINE!” I said, “What?” And she burst into tears and ran outside. He followed her, and she proceeded to go apeshit on him. I’m talking crying and punching and slapping him, accusing him of sleeping with me. Crazy. FTR, NOTHING even remotely sexual had ever happened between us. And that night, I’d done nothing more than shake her hand, and have a brief chat with him before it was impossible to talk any more because the band was so loud. Instead of breaking up with this woman, who was clearly emotionally imbalanced, he caved. He stopped hanging around us. One day in the break room, I angrily called him a hen-pecked pussy, or something to that effect, and that was the end of our friendship. The most recent time was just a few months ago. A male friend and former neighbor of over 15 years called and told me that he wasn’t allowed to text me directly any more, because his wife had discovered our texts. I had, indeed, texted him, asking him for contact names at his work, because my daughter graduated from college in December, and was sending out resumes. He responded with a name, followed a half hour later with a second name that he thought she should use instead, then ended with “Good luck. Hope to see you soon!” Apparently, his wife found that last sentence to be too familiar. Acc to her, an innocent man would have written, “Hope to see you TWO soon.” or “Hope to see you GUYS soon.” As written, it indicated that he hoped to see me, singular, soon. (I swear, you can’t make this shit up.) I was told through a mutual girlfriend (the wife has never said a word to me personally), that if I had a question for her husband, the appropriate thing would have been to filter it through her. Uh huh. Now, perhaps it’s arrogant to assume that the girlfriends/wives had this extreme reaction because I happen(ed) to be more attractive than they are/were. But the only other explanation is that they believe men cannot to be platonic friends with ANYONE wielding a vagina, be they a Cyclops or a Granny or a supermodel, for fear that their SOs simply cannot control their penises around vaginas. And that would make them even more batshit insane than they already are. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/76 "2014-10-12T15:07:13Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > You’ve obviously thought way too much about this. Actually, I just made it up. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2014, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/77 "2014-10-12T17:28:54Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Now, perhaps it’s arrogant to assume that the girlfriends/wives had this extreme reaction because I happen(ed) to be more attractive than they are/were. But the only other explanation is that they believe men cannot to be platonic friends with ANYONE wielding a vagina, be they a Cyclops or a Granny or a supermodel, for fear that their SOs simply cannot control their penises around vaginas. And that would make them even more batshit insane than they already are. Maybe they just thought you were a slut? ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2014, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/78 "2014-10-12T21:39:44Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I just surveyed my girlfriend on this. She was the classic platinum blond with the very large boobs and all the right curves when we met. She says the unwanted attention was aggravating but not bad enough to make her stop dolling it up because the wanted attention made it worthwhile. Easier to get interviews, find jobs and close sales deals if you can back up the looks with some brains. This times 1000. I think any claims of women regretting their attractiveness are pretty disingenuous, simply by virtue of how simple it is to fix that problem. When I make an effort to look nice, I get checked out waaaay more than if I wear something modest and don’t mess around with my hair and makeup. Hell, I could go the extra mile and where something ill-fitting and leave my hair completely uncombed! I could grow a unibrow! If a woman has made any sort of effort to look attractive, you can bet she doesn’t regret being attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2014, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/79 "2014-10-13T00:17:56Z")
I have not regretted being attractive, but I don’t think I’m “that kind” of attractive. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2014, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/80 "2014-10-13T00:54:03Z")
Not at all. It gives me a certain confidence in every single moment of my life. It’s part of me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855.md?page=5)