# Have you ever regretted being an attractive woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2014, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855 "2014-10-09T12:27:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2014, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/81 "2014-10-13T08:44:20Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > This times 1000. I think any claims of women regretting their attractiveness are pretty disingenuous, simply by virtue of how simple it is to fix that problem. When I make an effort to look nice, I get checked out waaaay more than if I wear something modest and don’t mess around with my hair and makeup. Hell, I could go the extra mile and where something ill-fitting and leave my hair completely uncombed! I could grow a unibrow! > > If a woman has made any sort of effort to look attractive, you can bet she doesn’t regret being attractive. Most women work. Most work places require, from men and woman, some form of attire and some sort of preparation. Putting on that effort, while the idea is not to look attractive, may result in an attractive woman, simply because that is what would be expected for her work. Saying “just don’t do x” may not be possible for someone who is expected (or has internalized it being expected) to do X in order to get ready for work. Also, while less attractive women may encounter less cat calls and street harassments if they dress down and plain, with really pretty women, attractiveness shines through the baggy clothes, plain looks, etc. I’ve seen, where I live, women in almost full burkas, with beautiful faces. I’m sure that while they experience less harassment than me, they may still experience it. Do I regret any good looks I have? I just wish there could be a switch, so that it gets turned off when I walk thru streets and go to work, and only turns on at night when I go out. ---
**Author:** ![MrsTime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@MrsTime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrsTime)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2014, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/82 "2014-10-13T15:44:14Z")
I wish that at any point in my life I had thought I was attractive. looking back at pictures of me when I was an older teenager and even as an adult I was actually pretty good looking, had a figure that was above average until I had children and then I was very very thin. I always thought I was a real bow wow. Now that I am old I still look in the mirror and see very ugly and I don’t think if i had another 20 or 30 years I would look back and see anything attractive. > [@](#): > > I couldn’t walk into a bar without guys hitting on me, or walk down the street without getting cat calls. Same here, I thought the guys were just whistling at my back. It just didn’t make sense to me, I figured they just didn’t see my face. I thought my figure was inadequate and dressed to try to hide it. I never wore anything that was form fitting. Now I still wear loose clothing, but now it is to hide fat. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2014, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/83 "2014-10-13T18:16:52Z")
I think beauty for women is like fame for celebrities; it clearly has major advantages but it would be nice to be able to switch off the unwanted attention that comes with it as well, am I right? ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/84 "2014-10-13T18:43:51Z")
It’s kind of unfair to ask women how they feel about being attractive and then be pissy to them for feeling attractive. And you have to keep in mind, too, that looking at one picture in an online gallery may not give you a good idea of how attractive people are in person, especially if it’s a picture of someone’s face in a world where bodies are just as important. I have a very good friend who is beyond attractive. How can I say this without sounding creepy…imagine one of those creepy $5K sex dolls in real life, but NOT creepy, if that makes sense. (I showed someone her picture and that was his first reaction: holy cow, she looks like a realdoll!) She’s not just pretty; her looks are sensual. Although she has a great personality, is an excellent worker, and is very intelligent, insecure women tend to dislike her, and men just get goofy around her. Not always, but often enough that it is obvious to me in the workplace. She’s attractive in a way that many attractive women are not, and she definitely gets the sometimes-unwanted attention mentioned here. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2014, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/85 "2014-10-13T23:55:28Z")
Something else too is that sometimes pictures don’t capture the essence of a person. Just going solely off a still shot, you have no way of knowing that they are hugely outgoing, charismatic, sweet, charming or friendly and helpful to a fault. That could also be the other reasons that they’re perceived as attractive beyond what you can glimpse in one photo. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/86 "2014-10-14T04:42:40Z")
Myself, I blame Keats. “_‘Beauty is truth, truth beauty’, - that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know._” I know that this, hmmm … sentiment seems almost too weak a word, goes back 2500 years at least and without a doubt into the mists of prehistory. I blame him though, because he expressed it so memorably. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/87 "2014-10-14T07:59:53Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Not at all. It gives me a certain confidence in every single moment of my life. It’s part of me. I understand what you are stating here, but for me, as I get older, I’m more and more aware of physical changes. Like many people, I have some insecurities. What I really want is to stay fit, healthy and strong for as long as possible and that includes a sharp mind. I could’ve answered the OP’s question, but I wasn’t sure what to write. Everything I thought about seemed awkward. I posted some pics of me in the gallery today. For a 50 year old woman, I’m not doing too bad. In the end, however, confidence has to come from other areas, and one has to be OK with looking old, not just older, but old. On my last birthday my then 13 year old daughter said to me, “Oh wow mom, you are probably more than halfway to dead!” LOL. Yep. Yes I am. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/88 "2014-10-14T18:22:12Z")
Probably nothing good can come of posting in this thread, but I’m bored, so…I’m reasonably cute ([Cite.\*](https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t31.0-8/279037_212909512085670_2606939_o.jpg)), and it’s been nothing but a blessing, IMO. I have a lot of features many men find attractive (slender-curvy figure, long hair, etc) so I never had problems getting dates before I married. People generally respond positively to me and are really friendly and helpful. I’ve always had a lot of self confidence and I think a lot of that comes from being happy with my looks. I’m not sure how much my life would be different if I was homely, but I know, realistically, it would have been more challenging. Maybe that would have been a good thing, even. Still, I wouldn’t change it. Perhaps I hit the sweet spot between pretty enough and not so pretty that women hate me, because I’ve not had issues with women being bitchy to me. Or if they have been I’ve been oblivious to it. Even when I get some unwanted male attention, it’s easy to brush off, and I doubt I get more than average, anyway. So, no, I haven’t regretted it, and I know I’m damn lucky to have the advantages I do due to basically a lucky roll of the genetic dice. \*YMMV, eye of the beholder, all that. I know I’m not to everyone’s taste. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/89 "2014-10-14T18:31:38Z")
Oh, god, I regret posting that already. Bleh. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/90 "2014-10-14T18:41:45Z")
Without sounding cynical, I think the vast majority of attractive people who complain about the drawbacks of attractiveness, if they were to choose ugliness for a year, would soon decide that the benefits of beauty outweighed the drawbacks after all. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/91 "2014-10-14T19:06:43Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > Oh, god, I regret posting that already. Bleh. Getting weird PMs already? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/92 "2014-10-14T20:05:37Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Now, perhaps it’s arrogant to assume that the girlfriends/wives had this extreme reaction because I happen(ed) to be more attractive than they are/were. But the only other explanation is that they believe men cannot to be platonic friends with ANYONE wielding a vagina, be they a Cyclops or a Granny or a supermodel, for fear that their SOs simply cannot control their penises around vaginas. And that would make them even more batshit insane than they already are. FTR- And I say this about Many posters, both male and female here- I don’t care what you look like, but I do like what you write. Thank you! That said, is this another way of saying that the bond between them and their spouse was weak (or had grown weak over time) and that you were more than sufficient catalyst to cause a reaction? (…why blame the catalyst? Blame the bond.) _if thats too sultry, I can try to tone it down some_ ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/93 "2014-10-14T20:10:12Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Without sounding cynical, I think the vast majority of attractive people who complain about the drawbacks of attractiveness, if they were to choose ugliness for a year, would soon decide that the benefits of beauty outweighed the drawbacks after all. Having been in both camps (within reasonable degrees), I’d say the only place attractiveness certainly has an advantage that I like is in the dating arena. That’s it, that’s the only benefit I’ve seen (and reaped). I have not been recipient of other supposed benefits of attractiveness that would be excluded to ugly people. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/94 "2014-10-14T22:26:06Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > Perhaps I hit the sweet spot between pretty enough and not so pretty that women hate me, because I’ve not had issues with women being bitchy to me. Or if they have been I’ve been oblivious to it. Even when I get some unwanted male attention, it’s easy to brush off, and I doubt I get more than average, anyway. > > So, no, I haven’t regretted it, and I know I’m damn lucky to have the advantages I do due to basically a lucky roll of the genetic dice. Yeah, this pretty much for me too. By the way, Renee, I saw your pics in the gallery when I was lurking around the other day. You are super cute, if you don’t mind me saying. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/95 "2014-10-15T23:04:41Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > Oh, god, I regret posting that already. Bleh. Please don’t. Questions like this need some personal input. You are indeed attractive (I say this clinically though I am a straight guy) and I think it’s important to have a data point to show being attractive doesn’t equal all the other girls hate you or think you’re trying to screw their boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/96 "2014-10-16T05:16:34Z")
I went to lunch yesterday at a new Indian restaurant, very unusual for this small Taiwanese city. Shortly after my friend and I sat down, a really attractive woman in her early 20s came in and sat down as well, followed by another foreigner in his 30s. The guy started up a conversation with the woman (yes, I know I was eavesdropping but seeing other foreigners are rare, and two is much more so). Within two minutes the woman was able to very naturally drop the words “my boyfriend” into the conversation. I suspect she gets that a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/97 "2014-10-16T14:13:38Z")
Thanks, **Scootergirl and CarnalK.** ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/98 "2014-10-16T17:26:26Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Please don’t. Questions like this need some personal input. You are indeed attractive (I say this clinically though I am a straight guy) and I think it’s important to have a data point to show being attractive doesn’t equal all the other girls hate you or think you’re trying to screw their boyfriend. +1 ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/99 "2014-10-17T00:04:51Z")
Yep ^. And it’s also about how you carry yourself and your attitude about your attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855/100 "2014-10-17T01:13:50Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > Very true-- and whatever men usually size themselves up as is about 1 point lower than what average women would call them, and 2 points lower than women 8 and up would call them. So a man who sizes himself up as an 8, and tries to hit on a 9 should know that she thinks he’s a 6. If he hits on a 7 instead, she’ll think he’s a 7 too (8-1), and that’ll work out better. [![](https://i.vimeocdn.com/video/437118518-17c1b87fa53dd370213905630cd5f6c0fb4cb1b64295b5c5a93bab8b12f0eb31-d?f=webp "SNL-No-Math") ](https://vimeo.com/65921206) I’m not a woman, but I’ve been told I used to be attractive in my teens and 20s. I miss women enjoying it when I hit on them and talked to them, they don’t like it as much when I do it now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-regretted-being-an-attractive-woman/700855.md?page=6)