# Have you ever thrown away a personal letter without reading it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2014, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361 "2014-11-02T14:58:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/21 "2014-11-03T11:32:00Z")
> [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](#): > > Last night the Mrs had the kids in the bathtub and there was a knock at the door. I am registered as a independent and have been getting a lot of last minute campaigners knocking on my door and figured it was another. It wasn’t. I slammed the door, locked the bolt, and shut off the porch light. During the ensuing door pounding and bell ringing and window banging the Mrs ran out and asked who was at the door. “No one. _Less than_ no one.” She immediately understood. You can’t let us in the dark. Yes, curiosity. Not knowing what was written would drive me mad. On the other hand, I don’t hate anybody and I think never hated someone likely to write to me. I guess that maybe a sufficiently awful experience could bring me to that, since it happens to others. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/22 "2014-11-03T11:59:10Z")
I don’t think so, but but it’s probably been ten years since I’ve received one. I’ve deleted thousands of them. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/23 "2014-11-03T15:02:46Z")
My life has never had that kind of drama. So I’ve never had any inclination to ignore or destroy incoming messages. Not to say I could never get to that place, just that I haven’t been there so far. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/24 "2014-11-03T18:43:41Z")
Yes; from my mother. Once my Dad passed away my tolerance for her abuse and games ended. Along with any interest in her usual excuses and bribes. Her last words to me (that I heard) were “I never want to speak to you again ever” screamed loud and harsh enough to frighten my wife. I decided to honor that request. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/25 "2014-11-03T19:09:34Z")
I’ve never done this myself, but then my life is relatively drama-free. I’ve gotten letters that it was wiser not to answer, but none where I was able to expect that before opening them. > [@kayaker](#): > > A few days later an envelope came in the mail for me marked “Personal” with his name and return address. I tossed the envelope unopened. Seemed a good way to say, “Fuck you”. More important, a good way to save yourself some extra aggravation. We all can guess what was in there - a tirade about your having spilled the beans to his wife about his previous tirade, and blaming you for both the previous tirade and for having spilled the beans about it. All you would have gotten from reading the letter would have been a fresh round of anger. Best to trash it without reading. ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/26 "2014-11-03T20:58:01Z")
Not that I can recall. But I once got a note passed to me in class that got intercepted by the teacher before I could open it. I have often wondered what was in that note. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/27 "2014-11-03T21:33:47Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > You can’t let us in the dark. > > Yes, curiosity. Not knowing what was written would drive me mad. On the other hand, I don’t hate anybody and I think never hated someone likely to write to me. I guess that maybe a sufficiently awful experience could bring me to that, since it happens to others. For me, it’s not even a matter of hate or dislike. It’s a matter of safety. The relatives of mine that I will not respond to all play games. Reading one of their letters is like being a rat saying “Well, I’ll just investigate this piece of cheese to see whether there’s a trap attached.” Someday, you run the risk of being just tempted enough and not careful enough and then SNAP! These people have learned how to make the right noises, but they’re dangerous people. How about this one for an example: I’m 18 and moving out of the house. My father offers to pay the security deposit. “Is this a gift?” I ask. I’m not going to take it if it’s a loan. Even at 18, I already know that game. I’ll pay for it myself if it’s not a gift. “Oh, no” he assures me. “You don’t have to pay me back. I just want to help you get started on your own.” Fast forward two years. My girlfriend and I move out of the place. Our landlord refuses to write two checks for the security deposit, so they write one check to her name. She receives a letter from my father’s _attorney_, asserting that she has stolen _his_ security deposit and that he will be charging 1% interest _daily_ until he receives payment in person by cashier’s check. There’s an in-person screaming and yelling incident as he threatens her until he finally gives up and accepts that we’re not going to play his game. See, that’s why you don’t listen to these people. You want to believe that they’re human and that they’re trying to reform. You desperately want to give them a second chance and believe it will all work out. But it’s all a trap. They’ll take whatever you give up and make you regret it. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/28 "2014-11-03T22:18:31Z")
So far, I have never destroyed a letter without reading it. But I can think of several letters I SHOULD have destroyed without even opening them. In particular, one from my mother-in-law, which came shortly after my ex filed divorce papers. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/29 "2014-11-03T23:36:31Z")
I can’t recall tossing a personal letter that came in an envelope with a stamp and everything. I have trashed emails, unread, from a former coworker who refused to stop sending me messages urging me to convert to Christianity (the emails I read before I gave up, anyway - I assume the unread ones were the same). ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/30 "2014-11-03T23:54:42Z")
I have not done that, but I could see doing it under certain circumstances. I have deleted voice mail unlistened to, though. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/31 "2014-11-04T01:28:08Z")
I may have. I might have regretted it after, but it was Done. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/32 "2014-11-04T01:31:35Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever received a personal letter in the mail from anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/33 "2014-11-04T03:10:14Z")
I sure have. The insane nurse I used to date started letter bombing me in Hawaii once I neared graduation at the university. She knew I was planning to return to Thailand with my fellow student/future wife and not to the mainland where, in her diseased mind, we were sure to hook up again and live happily ever after, or at least until her next bipolar down. After the first couple of letters, I just started sending them back to her unopened with “Return to Sender” written on the front. I even had to fill in her return address, because she “cleverly” left it off, I suppose thinking I wouldn’t recognize her handwriting and so open them! I must have sent back at least six, maybe 10, before she stopped sending them after they started showing back up in her mailbox. If I hadn’t done that, she’d probably still be sending them today! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/34 "2014-11-04T17:09:12Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > I don’t think I’ve ever received a personal letter in the mail from anyone. You could always PM us your address. And either read or throw away depending on how you want to answer the poll. Even in these days of e-mail and everyone having at least 1 phone (if not more), I probably get around 10 cards or letters a month and write that or a few more. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/35 "2014-11-04T18:57:50Z")
Sure. I was at a very low, lonely place in my life and I got involved with a woman who I knew to be crazy going in, but at the time I did not care. About 18 months of chaos (permeated with a few rare instances of happiness) later I finally told her to shove off, and a few months later I got a letter that I simply threw away. No matter what it was, whether it was something I was expecting (an angry, babbling rant), something I had wanted to hear at some point (an explanation and/or apology), or something completely off the wall (“I’m really your father!”), I no longer gave a shit. I don’t regret it for a second; everything that came out of that woman would have just been another attempt to keep me on the hook. . ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/36 "2014-11-04T23:03:32Z")
Yep. A person I had known a bit that had mental problems and I knew I was never going to see again handed me a letter. Threw it away as soon as they were out of sight. Avoiding reading letters from such people is desirable. And in this case easily doable. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361/37 "2014-11-04T23:55:51Z")
An inmate of some asylum in Ireland convienced himself that one of my sisters appeared in a Playboy centerfold. His correspondence got to the point where she’d not open anything he sent, to be turned in to the authorities as evidence. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-thrown-away-a-personal-letter-without-reading-it/703361.md?page=1)