# Have you ever used your sock to masturbate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 4, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846 "2011-07-04T21:38:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/61 "2011-12-14T18:27:31Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > May I suggest you refer to it as your spankey hankey? Thanks, but no thanks. Until today, I don’t think I have ever had the need to refer to it at all. ---
**Author:** ![studmuffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@studmuffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/studmuffin)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/62 "2011-12-14T19:36:06Z")
Ah, the humble sock, not a mastubatory system I used, the unpleasant chafing seemed out of proportion to the pleasure gained. I preferred the Lemon Curd method, smear the curd on the tumescent member and get the family dog to lick it off, risky but rewarding. How can you tell if a Canadian girl is on her period ? She’s only wearing one sock. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/63 "2011-12-14T19:43:44Z")
The problem with cumming in a sock is that you only do it in one, so when you put them on, they won’t feel “even.” I suppose you could get a friend to help with the other one… ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/64 "2011-12-15T12:56:09Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#): > > Let me tell you, rubbing that stuff on my peepee sure tingled! :eek:😃 > > It got rid of the fungus, though. Hers too, I’m sure. “New, from Johnson & Johnson: _Sport Vagisil…!_” \*applicator not included No, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine_and_Smiles)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/65 "2011-12-15T17:16:16Z")
Yeah, but I only don the sock at the very end to play a bit of catcher, as it were. Much less mess than the tissue-paper runway method because the blast radius is contained. It is not considered proper to wear jerk-socks on the feet after they’ve been tampered with. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/66 "2011-12-16T00:04:02Z")
Gotta admit, I’ve considered using socks just because I feel bad about all the tissues I go through. Save the trees and all that, y’know? ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2011, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/67 "2011-12-16T08:43:53Z")
An expert on the topic of socks, masturbation and alternate methods: (from **Weeds** , contains explicit language) [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWzOQTFwRBE) ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Downtown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mr\_Downtown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Downtown)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/68 "2011-12-16T16:32:05Z")
> [@Gozu\_Tashoya](#): > > Gotta admit, I’ve considered using socks just because I feel bad about all the tissues I go through. Save the trees and all that, y’know? Perhaps there’s a method involving Four Seashells. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/69 "2011-12-16T17:08:58Z")
Never heard of it until I saw this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2011, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/70 "2011-12-16T23:58:39Z")
> [@studmuffin](#): > > . . . the unpleasant chafing seemed out of proportion to the pleasure gained. A lot of people here have said that. Maybe I’ve got an iron pecker, because I don’t sense the chafing at all. Sure, it isn’t as smooth as a lady’s lovelies, but it doesn’t “chafe.” Socks seem soft and comfy. > [@Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](#): > > . . . It is not considered proper to wear jerk-socks on the feet after they’ve been tampered with. One learns to segregate one’s lingerie… But I’m still intrigued by the notion, upthread, that I’m soaking all of my clothes in a miasma of sperm cells. How powerful a microscope would I need to see traces of this? How would I even prepare the slide? Or are there chemicals that react strongly to sperm cells, and nothing else, that I could use to detect traces in my clothing? It’s a classic that a UV lamp will show where urine has splashed in the bathroom, a technique used to shame men who don’t aim properly. Is there something like that for sperm? Mein Gott, what a discussion! ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/71 "2011-12-17T00:19:43Z")
Once upon a time (_SHUP, Younguns!🙂_), when I was 13 (in the US at that time), I was invited to an overnight campout. We had a big tent (there were 10 of us) and we were deep in the woods which were then right across Stockmar Road in Villa Rica, Georgia. A goddam subdivision is there now. Anyway, after all the ghost stories, the “parking tales”, and such, our host invited the rest of us to “take 'em out, boys, and let’s start to be men!” I didn’t know what _in the fuck_ they were talking about until the guy said, “Think about what you saw in the Sears and Roebuck catalog, and get that thing hard, boys!” So I did that, but although I knew I was supposed to have my penis (okay, _dick_) in my hand, I didn’t know what was supposed to happen, so I just started slapping my belly, thinking that would fool them into thinking I was doing whatever it was I was _supposed_ to be doing. Now I know it’s a “Circle Jerk”, right, guys? 🙂 It didn’t work. So kind friend that he was (may he rest in peace) he showed me what was _supposed_ to happen, and I got my “masturbation education” from him that day, and no we didn’t make love to each other, okay? But I digress, don’t I? Back when I _could_ get it up, I always used toilet paper as my “Catcher’s Mitt”. _Pleeeeeez_ don’t tell anyone about this, okay??? 😉 Thanks Quasi ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/72 "2013-03-29T19:33:25Z")
bump ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/73 "2013-03-29T19:45:46Z")
Sox sex sux:D ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/74 "2013-03-29T20:51:29Z")
what a meaningful resurrection!!! ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2013, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/75 "2013-03-30T05:47:24Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > “Hey, your dick smells like feet.” You got semen in my toejam !! Hey, you got toejam in my semen!! Two great tastes that…uh…well, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/76 "2013-03-30T20:14:42Z")
I hate reading my old posts. It makes me go, “what were you _thinking_, dumb ass???” Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/77 "2013-03-30T20:48:30Z")
That describes 10% of my posts. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/78 "2013-03-31T02:14:37Z")
I once tried using toothpaste as a lubricant… My thought was that the “tingle” might be erotic. Bad idea… The “tingle” turned into a very uncomfortable burning sensation. Ah, to be young again! ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2013, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/79 "2013-03-31T14:53:00Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846/80 "2013-03-31T16:49:28Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > I had a roommate who once explained his system to me: > > He owned 7 pairs of socks. > He would wear a fresh pair every day and be left with a dirty pair by the end of the day. > He would masturbate twice a day, once in the evening with one sock and once the next morning with the other socks. > Every weekend, he would do the laundry and throw in his 7 pairs of dirty, semen encrusted socks. > > After he told me that, I proceeded to give him shit the rest of the time we lived together than every single piece of clothing he owned had a fine miasma of semen on it. I had a friend that used to call bathing “filth averaging”, in that it broke up concentrations of dirt and deposited it evenly over your body (he ignored the portion that went down the drain, I guess). I’m reminded of that because what you said brought to mind the phrase “semen averaging”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-used-your-sock-to-masturbate/587846.md?page=5)