# Have you ever wished you didn't love a given person? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 29, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489 "2010-07-29T18:42:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/1 "2010-07-29T18:42:46Z")
If yes, tell us about it. If you want, that is. I can easily imagine balking at the idea. If no, is the idea of being in that particular mental state conceivable for you? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/2 "2010-07-29T18:45:26Z")
Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/3 "2010-07-29T18:51:10Z")
Yes. Eventually, I stopped. It took a long time, though. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/4 "2010-07-29T18:59:04Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > Yes. > > Eventually, I stopped. It took a long time, though. Ditto. Meaning, I stopped loving them. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/5 "2010-07-29T19:11:25Z")
Sure, and I don’t mind talking about it because this was a few years ago. She was a friend who lived far away and had no romantic interest in me. She was going through a rough patch and it was very painful to know I couldn’t do anything for her or be there for her. The main reason I didn’t want to love her was because it felt wrong to me that she was one of the most important people in my life, if not the most important, and while she has always considered me a friend she didn’t have this strong an attachment to me. For me to crave her attention constantly was utterly selfish and did her no good. I should clarify, part of the reason for this was because she was also experiencing feelings very similar to mine, but for someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/6 "2010-07-29T19:41:42Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > Sure, and I don’t mind talking about it because this was a few years ago. She was a friend who lived far away and had no romantic interest in me. So, did you stay friends, or did you have to cut off contact completely in order to get over her? ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/7 "2010-07-29T19:51:46Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > > [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > > > Sure, and I don’t mind talking about it because this was a few years ago. She was a friend who lived far away and had no romantic interest in me. > > So, did you stay friends, or did you have to cut off contact completely in order to get over her? We stayed friends but part of what helped me get over her was to spend more time around other friends. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Accident](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mr.Accident](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Accident)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/8 "2010-07-29T20:31:21Z")
Yes. My best friend from high school. It was love at first sight. I spent all of my sophomore year following her around like a puppy. Though according to her I also asked her out every day. I don’t recall this part, but then any memory prior to 2002 is fuzzy. Throughout the years, we’ve lost touch with each other, due to various reasons. One or the other not having phone service, or net service, or living in different towns. Even through all that though, we’re still best friends. She knows how I feel about her, even after 14 years. The worst part about it all is, she loves me too. She’s terrified to take our relationship farther than just being best friends. Every relationship she’s been in has ended badly, with the guy involved no longer being in her life. She doesn’t want something like that to happen between us, so she won’t let things go any farther. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/9 "2010-07-29T21:09:56Z")
Good question. I’ve certainly wished I wasn’t lusting after someone, or obsessing over them. As for love, though, I tend to view that as more positive, even if unrequited. The only time I think I could wish it away might be if the person I loved was in some way self-destructing and there was nothing I could do to help. Every time I’ve been in a situation like that, though, the fact that someone cases has been of some help. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/10 "2010-07-30T01:14:30Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > As for love, though, I tend to view that as more positive, even if unrequited. Hmm. Me too, generally speaking, but even if you really enjoy loving somebody who doesn’t love you back it still sucks sometimes and it would be so much easier if you didn’t love them at all. So my answer is sometimes I wish I could decide to not love certain people. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/11 "2010-07-30T02:01:20Z")
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t met the person I’m with. We love each other but sometimes it’s really hard to deal with the situation we’re in. I know he feels this way too. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/12 "2010-07-30T06:19:51Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > Yes. > > Eventually, I stopped. It took a long time, though. Same. I still do share in taking care of her, mostly because it ain’t The Bros fault that she’s our mother, also because dropping her off completely is illegal in Spain. And it really took a long time; actually, I think it took me longer to stop trying to get her affection and approval than to stop loving her. It’s hard to love someone who always makes you feel like shit. **Rushgeekgirl** , the problem there isn’t with the person, though, it’s with the immigration and poverty problems. So I can certainly see thinking “just I had to go and fall in love with him”, but it’s got the upside that the person you do love is a good man. ---
**Author:** ![Rala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@Rala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rala)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/13 "2010-07-30T11:19:10Z")
Sort of. I wished that I could stop being in love with him. I wanted to keep loving him, but in an uncomplicated, semi-sisterly sort of way so I could stop all the angst and jealousy and pointless longing. Three years later, it came true. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/14 "2010-07-30T12:39:17Z")
Yes, a few times. There’s this girl that I chat with online that lives 180 miles away. We talk every day. I know we have feelings for each other, but one of us would have to upend our lives and move to even give it a go. Then there was the affair six years ago, but that’s all over and done. Why is it we always want the most what we can’t have? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/15 "2010-07-30T14:08:20Z")
Well, there are often times when I fleetingly wish I didn’t love my wife; usually when I want to do something and she doesn’t. I assume that she feels the same way at times. It’s probably typical of all marriages. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/16 "2010-07-30T14:18:19Z")
At the time I knew them, yes, but in retrospect, no. It’s trite but it’s true that you learn from all of it. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/17 "2010-07-30T17:30:47Z")
Yep, and frankly and didn’t need the lesson of which **Sampiro** speaks! ---
**Author:** ![curiousGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5a626/32.png) [@curiousGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curiousGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/18 "2010-07-30T19:30:29Z")
Absolutely yes ☹ Especially because the girl who I was in love with (and who loved me) ended up marrying someone else, even worse, someone who happens to live in the same neightbourhood as me, and it tears my heart out everytime I know they’re within seeing distance - for many **years** now… And I still can’t get over her, things only keep getting worse. ---
**Author:** ![rayman5321](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@rayman5321](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayman5321)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/19 "2010-07-30T20:41:43Z")
No ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489/20 "2010-07-30T20:59:42Z")
I wouldn’t say I regret that I love my Mom, but sometimes I wish I didn’t once love her to the point that I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for hers. I eventually got beyond that, but loving my mother in any capacity is painful and probably always will be. My life would have been a lot less easier if I didn’t care about her. But, I do, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that nothing could make me stop. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-ever-wished-you-didnt-love-a-given-person/548489.md?page=2)