# Have You Found Jesus? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 20, 2001, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656 "2001-04-20T10:30:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/1 "2001-04-20T10:30:05Z")
No, this isn’t a witness thread. It’s not a spoiler, either, because I’m not going to divulge anything here. But if you want to know who will win Survivor II, you can listen to eYada’s [interview with Jesus](http://www.survivornews.net/news/200104/18-eyada/), a TV union writer with a grudge, who is apparently leaking 100% accurate information. In the linked interview, and others in his series, he tells all. Accurately, so far. My HO question is this, would you rather know or not know? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/2 "2001-04-20T10:33:16Z")
I would much rather not care. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/3 "2001-04-20T11:03:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*I would much rather not care. \*\* I second that motion. ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/4 "2001-04-20T11:37:06Z")
Have I found Jesus? Heck, I’m still looking for that missing sock! I was once awakened one early Saturday morning after a hard night of “celebrating fermentation”. So it was around 11:30 or so. It’s two women and a child handing me a “Watchtower” and asking me if I’d found Jesus. I responded. “Oh, shit, what’d he get himself into this time?” and shut the door. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/5 "2001-04-20T11:39:28Z")
Although the input so far has been immeasurably valuable, I wonder about the idea in general of knowing or not knowing some particular fate. Which do you prefer? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/6 "2001-04-20T12:25:24Z")
Easter’s been cancelled. They found the body. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/7 "2001-04-20T13:36:45Z")
Okay. I can take a hint. Or three. Or several. Thanks anyway. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/8 "2001-04-20T13:46:33Z")
😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lyllyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/9 "2001-04-20T14:28:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Have You Found Jesus? \*\* I didn’t know He was lost. Do you want me to look in the couch cushions? ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/10 "2001-04-20T14:43:11Z")
_ **splort** _ This is why I drink water at work. It’s so much easier to clean off the monitor. **Lyllyan** , a tip o’ the pint to you. I’m gonna have to remember that one if I ever get asked that question. ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/11 "2001-04-20T15:14:46Z")
Jesus? That jerk stole my hubcaps last week. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/12 "2001-04-20T17:02:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spritle \* > \*\*Have I found Jesus? \*\* As George Carlin once said: “I’ve found him…I have Jesus in the trunk.” ---
**Author:** ![heembo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f6c823/32.png) [@heembo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heembo)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/13 "2001-04-20T17:27:22Z")
…Would the owner of the Son-of-God please come to the customer service desk, the owner of the Son-of-God please come to the customer service desk. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/14 "2001-04-20T18:54:44Z")
Okay. Since there are no adults in here, and the thread has been hijacked to hell and back, I might as well leave the spoiler: Tina wins. Jesus said that Roger would be booted last night, Colby next, then Liz, then Tina wins the jury vote over Keith. Enjoy the show. Me, I like knowing. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/15 "2001-04-21T00:05:14Z")
I found him. He’s been hiding under my bed, and living off the food my cats bring to him. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/16 "2001-04-21T00:57:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > Okay. Since there are no adults in here, and the thread has been hijacked to hell and back, I might as well leave the spoiler: Good thing, too, 'cause your link didn’t work for me. As far as the location of Jesus, I hear prison is a good place to look. Everybody seems to find Jesus in prison. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/17 "2001-04-21T02:23:08Z")
Jane Fonda found Jesus. Ted Turner divorced her. I guess he didn’t like the idea of a ménage a trois. I’m just trying to figure out where Jesus was when Jane Fonda found him. ---
**Author:** ![Turbo\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@Turbo\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turbo_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/18 "2001-04-21T03:29:34Z")
Yes I have found Jesus… actually, he found me when he brought me some tacos the other day. He said his name was “Haysuse”, but I saw the nametag and the resemblance (at least to paintings I saw) were convincing enough. I tipped him 16%. As far as the prediction/enlightenment, nope…don’t care. That ruins one of the few hours I actually watch TV. ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/19 "2001-04-21T04:37:27Z")
> [@](#): > > **Have You Found Jesus?** No, but I saw a guy at IHOP a couple of years ago that looked like Elvis. Does that count for anything? ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656/20 "2001-04-21T04:58:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > \*\*😉 \*\* Hehe…that reminds me of the Conan O’Brian sketch “Big Survivor” with the members of the band Survivor living in a house together; like “Big Brother”. The conversations were pretty much all akin to: Guitarist: Hey, do you remember when we recorded that song “Eye of the Tiger”? Bassist: Yeah…that was great. 😃 As for the OP, I don’t really care about “Survivor”. However, as far as the modification goes…I think I’d rather not know any given fate. Ignorance is bliss, afterall. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-found-jesus/62656.md?page=2)